FabSwingers.com forum: If you're single, what makes you want a relationship?

By *ildo_swagginsthe3rd OP Woman
3 weeks ago

Wales

Is it cuddles on tap (or at least regularly)?

Is it that feeling of intimacy and that someone understands you and is there for you?

Is it someone to share things with and be a witness to your life?

Or something else?

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By *idnightMischiefMan
3 weeks ago

London

I don't really see that many benefits to a relationship, short of someone to do stuff with that I can't do with regular friends.

Physical contact is nice, but I have no desire to have someone in my life to the level of previous relationships and it doesn't bother me if someone understands me or not (most don't).

Like, I don't want to deal with jealousy, being told off for farting or leaving cups on the floor, being expected to meet their family or friends, critisised for how I spend my money, plan holidays to places I have no interest in, or work my weekends around their kids/pets/other commitments.

If it flows naturally, well that's great - but I certainly don't go searching for that.

I also have this pattern of attracting insecure women who want to 'merge' with me - I think it's their response to my avoidant tendencies, and it's very difficult to break away from someone like that.

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By *ensualtongue2023Man
3 weeks ago

furnace

"I don't really see that many benefits to a relationship, short of someone to do stuff with that I can't do with regular friends.

Physical contact is nice, but I have no desire to have someone in my life to the level of previous relationships and it doesn't bother me if someone understands me or not (most don't).

If it flows naturally, well that's great - but I certainly don't go searching for that.

Totally get that most of my attached friends do nothing but moan about other half

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By *nya NeesWoman
3 weeks ago

Brum

Cuddles is good, connection is good and also knowing that somebody sees you for you, like really sees you.

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By *a LunaWoman
3 weeks ago

South Wales

It’s that smidgen of hope that one day you’ll find your ride or die.

And really, if that happens then the rest of it (the reasons for not wanting a relationship) become inconsequential.

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By *uri00620Woman
3 weeks ago

Croydon

The only thing would be finances... splitting bills would be nice.

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By *icolasHidalgoDeCorazonMan
3 weeks ago

St Leonards

"It’s that smidgen of hope that one day you’ll find your ride or die.

And really, if that happens then the rest of it (the reasons for not wanting a relationship) become inconsequential.

But what evidence is there that that "one ride" exists?

Plenty of people (particularly generations of such an age there aren't many of them left) believed it, coupled up for 60 years etc.

But brutally interrogate them - you'll find deceit, lies, infidelities, physical and emotional abuse, sexual abuse, resentment - and staying with each other because the social and/or economic costs were too high to leave.

And "hope"?

Why "hope" for something that has no evidence to back it up as a reality, rather than a dream absorbed into your mind and our general culture through fairytales, pretty dresses, strong men, compliant women...everything that can be thrown at the myth-making from any gendered angle.

Given the chance to have people in our lives who "lift us", and our social and economic wellbeing not suffering, is it not more realistic to have, for example, some people you may only have loved intensely for a few hours, a few days - some a few years. The social and economic wellbeing comment is key to that statement.

The concept of "the one true love" - doesn't stand up to much scrutiny.

I loved someone for 3 months once nearly as much as I loved someone in the entire 19 years we were together - and I really loved them both, but the 3 months was an exceptionally deep and intense love, and once it wasn't any more, I moved on.

But in 3 months it gave me almost as much as the 19 year relationship (which was good, spectacularly good at times).

Why expect "one"?

Why expect it to last?

It's rarely real, but we love to think it is.

Love's real - it can last 20 seconds or 90 years.

It doesn't have to last either - it lasts as long as it lasts, assuming we are economically and socially secure enough to make our own decisions.

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

The only thing I'm missing by being single is having a intimate mate to do "stuff" together.

Pop out for Sunday lunch

Weekend drinks

Cinema

Cosy cuddles on the sofa

Country walks holding hands

Stuff is often better enjoyed together with "your person".

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By *ornycougaWoman
3 weeks ago

Wherever I lay my hat

Um, er, um.... Nope. I can think of absolutely no benefits at all

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By *oxy-RedWoman
3 weeks ago

pink panther territory

Someone to talk to at the end of the day

Cuddles when you want/need them

Snow days under the duvet

Oh and sharing a bottle of Baileys

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

Chilling and spooning on the sofa.

Spending quality time with someone special.

Enjoying the intimacy moments.

I suppose all the above could be with someone nawty as well.

Open for messages xx

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By *a LunaWoman
3 weeks ago

South Wales

"It’s that smidgen of hope that one day you’ll find your ride or die.

And really, if that happens then the rest of it (the reasons for not wanting a relationship) become inconsequential.

But what evidence is there that that "one ride" exists?

Plenty of people (particularly generations of such an age there aren't many of them left) believed it, coupled up for 60 years etc.

And "hope"?

The concept of "the one true love" - doesn't stand up to much scrutiny.

But in 3 months it gave me almost as much as the 19 year relationship (which was good, spectacularly good at times).

Why expect "one"?

Why expect it to last?

It's rarely real, but we love to think it is.

Love's real - it can last 20 seconds or 90 years.

It doesn't have to last either - it lasts as long as it lasts, assuming we are economically and socially secure enough to make our own decisions."

Because plenty of people have found that one.

Plenty of people, if you brutally interrogate them, would admit that yes their relationship has had it’s flaws (cheating maybe) but their love for each other ultimately won out on them staying together rather than splitting up.

And why hope? Because hope is a positive. Hoping for love keeps us open to possibilities, encourages optimism and vulnerability. It pushes us to seek deeper relationships and to maybe, just maybe, be open to invest in meaningful connections. I don’t think there is anything wrong in being hopeful that you may find your special person.

I didn’t mention long floaty dresses and overtly romanticised versions of love. Love is different for everyone. But your ride or die is someone who you find that matches that energy. Be it for a short time or a long time.

We are all different, we all look for different things from a relationship and in a relationship. Nothing wrong with that.

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By *icolasHidalgoDeCorazonMan
3 weeks ago

St Leonards

Plenty? Can you quantify that outside of anecdotal evidence, and how people need to construct a myth about their world in order to make sense of it. What people say is real and what is real aren't natural allies.

Was it love that kept them together? Or social and economic circumstances? Saving face? Or a belief system around "one love"? No matter how common that belief system is, it's still a belief system.

Reality can be capable of far more optimism than hope, and it's easier to bring into practice.

I get the feels - I really do.

We're a feeling species.

But we're also a critical species, and we can interrogate our assumptions.

Romantic love isn't any less romantic love whether it's one person, for a long time, or many people for tiny amounts of time or much longer.

Why does anyone NEED others more than the natural life of that love?

To be happy with it lasting 2 days or 20 years is enough, if we are secure enough ourselves - socially, economically, emotionally.

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By *lex0147Man
3 weeks ago

biggleswade

Someone to share how ur day went with, someone to cuddle after a long and stressful day with no clothes on, nothing beat that

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By *929Man
3 weeks ago

bedlington

It’s a lot better than doing everything alone haha

Being serious it’s just a better life when have a good partner, having someone to come home too after being at graft all day is an amazing feeling, also having someone with similar goals to continue building a life with

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By *a LunaWoman
3 weeks ago

South Wales

"Plenty? Can you quantify that outside of anecdotal evidence, and how people need to construct a myth about their world in order to make sense of it. What people say is real and what is real aren't natural allies.

Was it love that kept them together? Or social and economic circumstances? Saving face? Or a belief system around "one love"? No matter how common that belief system is, it's still a belief system.

Reality can be capable of far more optimism than hope, and it's easier to bring into practice.

I get the feels - I really do.

We're a feeling species.

But we're also a critical species, and we can interrogate our assumptions.

Romantic love isn't any less romantic love whether it's one person, for a long time, or many people for tiny amounts of time or much longer.

Why does anyone NEED others more than the natural life of that love?

To be happy with it lasting 2 days or 20 years is enough, if we are secure enough ourselves - socially, economically, emotionally.

You’re right that what we call “love” is often shaped by our need to make sense of the world, and it doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Social, economic, and psychological factors etc all play a part as do our upbringings and all that jazz.

But love, whether fleeting or enduring, is a reflection of our capacity to connect and create meaning in ways that transcend pure practicality. It might be a “belief system,” but that doesn’t make it any less real to those who experience it, does it?

I do agree that romantic love isn’t diminished by its duration or form. Two days of genuine connection can be just as profound and “real” as 20 years. Surely what matters is our openness to experience it fully and authentically, without clinging to expectations. Which is where hope comes in (to my mind).

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a hopeful romantic. Hope, for me, isn’t about ignoring reality or clinging to illusions—it’s about being open to connection and the possibility of something meaningful, whether it lasts a moment or a lifetime.

Being a (hopeful!) romantic, in its own way, is a celebration of the human experience. It’s not necessarily about denying critical thought but about embracing the beauty and depth of feeling that make life richer. I think there’s space for both critical reflection and hopeful longing—they don’t have to cancel each other out do they Nicky?

To me, being hopeful doesn’t mean being naive. It’s about choosing to see love and connection as valuable, even if they’re fleeting or shaped by external factors. And I feel that is worth holding onto.

As to your point about optimism and reality. Maybe love and hope are less about needing something to last forever and more about finding value and joy in what is, however long it lasts. Whether we label it “love” or something else, it’s about what it means to us in that moment.

It’s also true that when we’re secure (and happy) in ourselves, we can appreciate love for what it is—temporary, evolving, or enduring—without needing it to fill a void. Isn’t that the beauty of being human? Balancing our feels with critical self reflection, and finding our own way of embracing both. It’s a very fluid thing.

We obviously have different views, and that’s ok. I don’t want to detract from the OP’s post.

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By *h3rry Bomb80Man
3 weeks ago

the moon

Being a team … !

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By *rX2024123Man
3 weeks ago

Rotherfield

Some people are happy being single, not me. Although I'm happy, I'd prefer to be completely comfortable with someone in my life - holidays, days out etc & who doesn't love a spoon in bed?

Even better if they're up for naughty fun with others but I'm yet to find that rarity. Still searching lol

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By *icolasHidalgoDeCorazonMan
3 weeks ago

St Leonards

Luna - I'll end my sabotage of the OP's post xx

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By *ubadubdubWoman
3 weeks ago

Hereabouts

I ponder this regularly cos I really like my independence. but what I've come up with is that I'd give up singledom for that person who I could catch eyes with across the flame of a campfire and realise we both love it more because the other is there to enjoy it with. And know it deeply.

And then the sparks become physical and we head off into the night together🔥

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By *luebell888Woman
3 weeks ago

Glasgowish

"The only thing would be finances... splitting bills would be nice. "

My views exactly plus a man about the house for all those DIY jobs too would be good.

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By *appyChap91Man
3 weeks ago

Hull

I've been single a long time and I am comfortable with it. When I do spend time with family and friends there is a positive feeling from the connection I have with them and being around them.

Sometimes I think it would good to have that but with 1 person and build a stronger connection. Other times I feel like I get enough as it is and don't want to lose my time for myself

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By *lossomTreeWoman
3 weeks ago

Ipswich

I don't enjoy being alone and I don't want to be alone yet it seems that is my destiny

Regular frequent sex, non sexual intimacy, someone to share problems with and be a mutual support, to talk to about my day, to feel desired and attractive and wanted, to go places together, to spend nights together and fuck on waking, someone you look forward to hearing from and seeing, to stop the weary feeling of being lonely and unworthy and alone to the very deep depths of your soul, someone to touch you in a non sexual way, to feel that blanket of security as part of a couple, to be one of a couple instead of the lonely single in a sea of couples.

I could go on

SO many things big and small that couples take for granted yet us singles feel the absence of very keenly.

After a lifetime of carrying my own bags, I was genuinely shocked when a male relative picked me up recently and took my full shopping bag from me at the door, it was a real WTF moment

PS. A relationship by day and swinging partner by night would be awesome

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By *elix SightedMan
3 weeks ago

Cloud 8

Each passing month I become less convinced a relationship is what I want. I certainly don’t need one, I’m comfortable and content in my own quiet company and I have modest expectations from life.

However, what I would like is someone with whom I can:

Go on days/evenings out

Go away for spontaneous weekend breaks

Go away on foreign holidays

Hibernate in the winter

Make and share memories

Attend events without feeling like a spare one

Share a joke when either of us is down

Share a problem when either of us has one

Share their joy when it comes

Learn and grow

Provide support in all aspects of her life

Enjoy the feeling of giving love, presents and gestures

Buy nice clothes and get dressed up

Be intimate together

And so much more. The desire for all the above is currently winning over being alone and lonely.

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By *929Man
3 weeks ago

bedlington

Also for times when you really do need someone else eg taking ill, back in 2023 just afore Christmas I ended up in the freeman hospital for heart checked out and it was very depressing at visiting time knowing nobody is coming, at one point I was half asleep and a nurse the double of my most recent ex came in to tell me something and for a brief second I thought it was her then realised and was like oh now even more miserable haha

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By *ags73Man
3 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

Going myself up clubs isn’t always great but wether I’d want a full blown thing I dunno

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By *urious130Man
3 weeks ago

Bolton

"Um, er, um.... Nope. I can think of absolutely no benefits at all"

Absolutely agree...live your best life and don't let others stop you

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By *rX2024123Man
3 weeks ago

Rotherfield

PS. A relationship by day and swinging partner by night would be awesome

Wouldn't it just?😁

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By *inkyycurvyyWoman
3 weeks ago

Manchester

"Cuddles is good, connection is good and also knowing that somebody sees you for you, like really sees you. "

Pretty much exactly this too.

I miss intimacy and feeling like someone genuinely cares about me as more than a shag/option

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By *lenderfoxMan
3 weeks ago

Leeds

Companionship & intimacy

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By *zeroMan
3 weeks ago

Glasgow

Because I need someone to sing along to Dead Ringer For Love with. Having to both Meatloaf and Chers parts kills my vocal cords.

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By *luelessDaterMan
3 weeks ago

Dundee

"Cuddles is good, connection is good and also knowing that somebody sees you for you, like really sees you. "

Couldn't have put it better if I tried. This is exactly what I'd love a relationship to be like. Whether that happens who knows

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By *aarv80Man
3 weeks ago

Crumlin

Definitely more the intimacy is what I miss about a relationship. The cuddles, the gentle touching.

The falling asleep next to someone and waking up next to them,every day....

Sex is sex, just a bonus for me

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By *lossomTreeWoman
3 weeks ago

Ipswich

"PS. A relationship by day and swinging partner by night would be awesome

Wouldn't it just?😁"

I've met with many couple who've formed long term relationships via Fab. It does happen 🤞🏻

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By *amantha_NiteTV/TS
3 weeks ago

The Lake District

A physical relationship,not just sexual,but someone there when get in from work,to kiss and hung and ask how their day was and not the emptiness of being home alone hence why im spending so much more time being out at weekends,femme,and just being around people now

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By *anonfire96Man
3 weeks ago

Mansfield

At this point in time absolutely nothing would make me want a full time relationship.yes I'm lonely at times, yes I miss company. Skin to skin contact. But I answer to me and no one else. I do what I want when I want.

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By *cotlad178Man
3 weeks ago

falkirk

Having been single most of my life if a relationship was to happen I'd welcome it and I've been actively looking but the dating apps for the past 3 years has just been a mental drain so I stopped before joining here and just thought ill give here a try and try clubs got a few dates saved on another site for socials . For me to meet someone I need to be meeting people so In person I thinks the best way going forward

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By *enelope2UWoman
3 weeks ago

Fife

"I don't really see that many benefits to a relationship, short of someone to do stuff with that I can't do with regular friends.

Physical contact is nice, but I have no desire to have someone in my life to the level of previous relationships and it doesn't bother me if someone understands me or not (most don't).

If it flows naturally, well that's great - but I certainly don't go searching for that.

That's still not a relationship..all that can be had with a friend with benefits and ZERO monogamous relationship involvement

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By *ruceyyMan
3 weeks ago

London

I do miss the comfort and the cuddles

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By *enelope2UWoman
3 weeks ago

Fife

"The only thing I'm missing by being single is having a intimate mate to do "stuff" together.

Pop out for Sunday lunch

Weekend drinks

Cinema

Cosy cuddles on the sofa

Country walks holding hands

Stuff is often better enjoyed together with "your person"."

I guess it's just a UK thing because ALL OF THAT can and should and dies happen with a friend and benefits.. zero relationship..only thing I see here is a relationship title means entrapment for one while they are getting lied on and cheated on

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By *ollyPocket75Woman
3 weeks ago

Aberdeen

"Each passing month I become less convinced a relationship is what I want. I certainly don’t need one, I’m comfortable and content in my own quiet company and I have modest expectations from life.

However, what I would like is someone with whom I can:

Go on days/evenings out

Go away for spontaneous weekend breaks

Go away on foreign holidays

Hibernate in the winter

Make and share memories

Attend events without feeling like a spare one

Share a joke when either of us is down

Share a problem when either of us has one

Share their joy when it comes

Learn and grow

Provide support in all aspects of her life

Enjoy the feeling of giving love, presents and gestures

Buy nice clothes and get dressed up

Be intimate together

And so much more. The desire for all the above is currently winning over being alone and lonely."

100% this

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By *aybeLadyWoman
3 weeks ago

West Dublin

The real main difference is having emotional and genuine support with the crap life throws at you.

I can get cuddles, sex etc from a FWB or similiar. I wouldnt burden this person with my personal stuff.

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By *iss.BellaWoman
3 weeks ago

Chester

Morning sex

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By *nya NeesWoman
3 weeks ago

Brum

"Morning sex"

Overated

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By *lfa RomeoMan
3 weeks ago

southeast , Herts, Beds

For me it being able to share things with. For example, holidays etc

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By *rX2024123Man
3 weeks ago

Rotherfield

"PS. A relationship by day and swinging partner by night would be awesome

Wouldn't it just?😁

I've met with many couple who've formed long term relationships via Fab. It does happen 🤞🏻"

Meeting anyone at all on here is seemingly impossible but I live in hope. I'd certainly love to meet you looking at your photos!😁

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

Although I have no (immediate) interest in a relationship, I'm not entirely against it, should the right person appear.

What makes me want one?

A strong feeling of love and affection, that makes me crave being around that particular person all the time. Sharing more than just friendship, a potential future. A more enhanced and powerful version of FWB, really.

I would still need my own space from time-to-time, as I get ADHD burnout, even being around those I'm in love with. That might be a problem, if the person has trust issues. So I would want someone who completely understands mental health.

Ultimately, they need to compliment my life and not complicate it. The relationship needs to be easy, relaxed, fun and match the energy that I would bring to it.

I can't see myself living with someone anymore. I've had 10 years of living with a mate, who frankly does my head in (although he's a good lad) and I've spent very little time overall actually living alone, in my own space.

So yeah, not against it. But definitely isn't on the cards anytime soon. 😅

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By *orester891Man
3 weeks ago

Single again through loss but not sure I’d get involved again , a female friend who likes a meal or afternoon out, a decent conversation , an evening in, a good fuck , maybe some swinging no jealousy , would be ideal

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By *layfulguy123Man
3 weeks ago

strat

"Is it cuddles on tap (or at least regularly)?

Is it that feeling of intimacy and that someone understands you and is there for you?

Is it someone to share things with and be a witness to your life?

Or something else?"

My love language is touch

Sometimes I wanna cuddle someone at night

Doesn’t always mean sex

If it was a case of sex with any woman I wanted on earth and sleep alone

Or no sex and cuddle up to someone at night I’d choose the cuddle up at night

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