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The change in "family life"

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I sometimes wonder whether the disappearance of the larger family with more than 4 children and several generations living under the same roof or close together has in a way increased our need for counselling and various therapies.

Years ago there used to be an auntie, a grandparent or somebody in the extended family with whom you could have a chat when the chips were down - somehow this does not seem to happen so much now.

Who do we talk to - if anybody?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe, but our attitude to certain disorders has changed

too. So has the way they are treated hence the increase in the use of the methods you describe.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Maybe, but our attitude to certain disorders has changed

too. So has the way they are treated hence the increase in the use of the methods you describe."
I think you are right. Mind you, when I posted this I was more thinking of "day toDay" stuff, growing up problems, the sort of stuff you would not need professional help for and you would always have a trusted adult around somewhere.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also families have split up, due to work and such. Years ago families would lives close by to each other, now they live miles apart.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Also families have split up, due to work and such. Years ago families would lives close by to each other, now they live miles apart."
Absolutely! That is what I meant really - we have for different reasons - lost the closer knit family and also extended family life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have to say, we have a huge family....., there's always someone to talk to...., again, having said that, my friend was thrilled that my parents casually adopted her...... her mother is a vile piece of work..... she now chats to my Mum on the odd occasions that she needs to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I talk to my Nan. About everything. And before he died I talked to my grandad. They were always there for support and impartial advice. My Nan is one of 9, 6 living. My grandad was one of 6. I do think big family mentality makes you close!

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Have to say, we have a huge family....., there's always someone to talk to...., again, having said that, my friend was thrilled that my parents casually adopted her...... her mother is a vile piece of work..... she now chats to my Mum on the odd occasions that she needs to."
I was lucky to come from a large family and had a similar experience. And it is funny that my kids' friends have adopted me in a similar way and sometimes talked to me when they felt they could not talk to their own parents.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Have to say, we have a huge family....., there's always someone to talk to...., again, having said that, my friend was thrilled that my parents casually adopted her...... her mother is a vile piece of work..... she now chats to my Mum on the odd occasions that she needs to.I was lucky to come from a large family and had a similar experience. And it is funny that my kids' friends have adopted me in a similar way and sometimes talked to me when they felt they could not talk to their own parents."

That's Mum all over

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Have to say, we have a huge family....., there's always someone to talk to...., again, having said that, my friend was thrilled that my parents casually adopted her...... her mother is a vile piece of work..... she now chats to my Mum on the odd occasions that she needs to.I was lucky to come from a large family and had a similar experience. And it is funny that my kids' friends have adopted me in a similar way and sometimes talked to me when they felt they could not talk to their own parents.

That's Mum all over "
Shhh there are one or two on here who treat me like their mum (And I am flattered

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did people talk 'back then'? In a lot of cases, things were brushed under the carpet and never spoken about.

Perhaps it can be argued that these days we actually talk more.... sometimes too much...?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn't happen much anymore my mother was talking about this a little while ago.

When she was a child her mothers older 2 sisters one a widow and one never married both lived in her family home.

And she said it was like having 3 mothers if she didn't get what she wanted from one she could go to the other and her and her siblings never were short of a cuddle or someone to fetch and carry.

I know she was very close to one of the aunts and would always go to them for advice,maybe your'e right.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It doesn't happen much anymore my mother was talking about this a little while ago.

When she was a child her mothers older 2 sisters one a widow and one never married both lived in her family home.

And she said it was like having 3 mothers if she didn't get what she wanted from one she could go to the other and her and her siblings never were short of a cuddle or someone to fetch and carry.

I know she was very close to one of the aunts and would always go to them for advice,maybe your'e right."

Aphrodite nearly always right. Some very wise words on many topics...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think someone has a point by saying things were brushed under the carpet.

Marriage was very different then and woman had to shut up and put up. So if the man was cheating the wife couldn't sit and dwell on it, infact it might of been looked upon as her fault. Yet if the woman cheated she would of been scourned for it..

So would a large family work in todays society and the way attitudes have changed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

not everyone gets on well enough with their families to be able to talk to them though. sometimes you are better off writing to an agony aunt in a womans magazine or someone who you have more respect for.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My siblings are at least 14 years older than me and I have lots of decent friends that I could chat too. Also with the rise of the Internet you can post your problems anonymously on forums etc. That may not give you the best advice as women tend to blame men for their problems and men tend to blame "snakes with tits" for theirs.

Someone mentioned we talk too much. I also believe we blame too much on certain conditions. I'm pretty chilled out and love life so I find it hard to understand how so many people get stressed and depressed so easily. Life's too short to live your life under a cloud and circumstances are easily changed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dads the eldest of 7, my mum the eldest of 8 (from her mum)

Growing up christmas's and birthdays were great, as family popped in, not because the latest I product was wrapped up.

We spent many an evening playing cards and what not round the table. When my grandparents upgraded their kitchen table I offered to buy the old one, my grandma gave it to me free. She said it needed sanding down and repainting. I refuse to, the bottom bar of that table is worn from all of us putting our feet on it (and risking the slap from grandad) but there was always someone to talk to, to give advice and it was never lonely I think having many siblings taught you to get along and compromise more.

Now my kids are happy to sit by themselves on their dsi'd, blackberries, compaqs, and even when I tell them we are going for a family day out, they want to bring said electrical's.

'Boredom' is not a bad thing

Yes I am getting old

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By *Ryan-Man
over a year ago

In Your Bush

You just type it up in the lounge forum.

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)


"

Someone mentioned we talk too much. I also believe we blame too much on certain conditions. I'm pretty chilled out and love life so I find it hard to understand how so many people get stressed and depressed so easily. Life's too short to live your life under a cloud and circumstances are easily changed."

depression isn't just being a bit sad - its a chemical imbalance. People don't ask to become depressed, and many circumstances that lead to depression are not easily changed.

Back on topic... Yes we maybe have lost something in not being close to family... but sometimes you end up with family who are damaging and not good for you... in which case, if you wouldn't pick them as a friend, you shouldn't feel compelled to keep them in your life just because you are related.

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By *inky BunnyMan
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I sometimes wonder whether the disappearance of the larger family with more than 4 children and several generations living under the same roof or close together has in a way increased our need for counselling and various therapies.

Who do we talk to - if anybody? "

Dem Herrn Gott offensichtlich

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"not everyone gets on well enough with their families to be able to talk to them though. sometimes you are better off writing to an agony aunt in a womans magazine or someone who you have more respect for."
I can completey see where you are coming from, MrsOverall - and that needs to be emphasised that sometimes "external" help/ advice is better for a host of reasons including that people you consult may well be biased.

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"My dads the eldest of 7, my mum the eldest of 8 (from her mum)

Growing up christmas's and birthdays were great, as family popped in, not because the latest I product was wrapped up.

We spent many an evening playing cards and what not round the table. When my grandparents upgraded their kitchen table I offered to buy the old one, my grandma gave it to me free. She said it needed sanding down and repainting. I refuse to, the bottom bar of that table is worn from all of us putting our feet on it (and risking the slap from grandad) but there was always someone to talk to, to give advice and it was never lonely I think having many siblings taught you to get along and compromise more.

Now my kids are happy to sit by themselves on their dsi'd, blackberries, compaqs, and even when I tell them we are going for a family day out, they want to bring said electrical's.

'Boredom' is not a bad thing

Yes I am getting old "

To me this sounds quite idyllic

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"I sometimes wonder whether the disappearance of the larger family with more than 4 children and several generations living under the same roof or close together has in a way increased our need for counselling and various therapies.

Who do we talk to - if anybody?

Dem Herrn Gott offensichtlich "

And sometimes it helps... at least some people

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By *phrodite OP   Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"

Aphrodite nearly always right. Some very wise words on many topics..."
I wish.... but thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My dads the eldest of 7, my mum the eldest of 8 (from her mum)

Growing up christmas's and birthdays were great, as family popped in, not because the latest I product was wrapped up.

We spent many an evening playing cards and what not round the table. When my grandparents upgraded their kitchen table I offered to buy the old one, my grandma gave it to me free. She said it needed sanding down and repainting. I refuse to, the bottom bar of that table is worn from all of us putting our feet on it (and risking the slap from grandad) but there was always someone to talk to, to give advice and it was never lonely I think having many siblings taught you to get along and compromise more.

Now my kids are happy to sit by themselves on their dsi'd, blackberries, compaqs, and even when I tell them we are going for a family day out, they want to bring said electrical's.

'Boredom' is not a bad thing

Yes I am getting old "

I love your comment about the table. Worn down from feet and you want to keep it that way.

I also love your comment about boredom not being a bad thing. So very true- kids today seem to need constant stimulation. In the olden days (when I was young!) we spent many a happy afternoon under a tree with maybe some sticks and boxes and making a den. It was more fun that it sounds...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have 4 kids and had them when I was very young 18 . Now 3 left own houses and gone from making meals most nights 10 and more there other halfs and friends now to 3 ........ until thay come around for meal and stop over it was like a death ... felt like when I lost my dad end of oct ... when 3 left over 4 months now only getting my head around it all ......... this big house feel weird ...and I can go out do moor have to not spend loads on food , lol only good side ....... now wish I had 6/ 8 kids , lol

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