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 exible, why do I prefer to meet couples?
Simple; Safety. I’d feel a lot safer meeting a couple than I would a single guy. I’m not saying all single guys are bad but there’s an awful lot out there who are. | |||
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"Honestly? Although I’d describe myself as hete exible, why do I prefer to meet couples?
Simple; Safety. I’d feel a lot safer meeting a couple than I would a single guy. I’m not saying all single guys are bad but there’s an awful lot out there who are. "I do find a certain irony when single guys admit it can be unsafe to meet single guys lol | |||
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"Honestly? Although I’d describe myself as hete exible, why do I prefer to meet couples?
Simple; Safety. I’d feel a lot safer meeting a couple than I would a single guy. I’m not saying all single guys are bad but there’s an awful lot out there who are.
I do find a certain irony when single guys admit it can be unsafe to meet single guys lol"I get that, and it does read that. And I’m not going to write a “I’m a nice guy” statement either. It’s the stark reality of this world. | |||
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"We love going to bi events as missus loves watching me getting fucked by groups of men but that can be difficult as we found men go to these events still only to fuck the women which puts my missus of as she's there only to watch. " Relate to this a lot, the straight guys really need to stay away from bi events | |||
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"I suspect for some, being with a guy on his own confirms their bisexuality and it scares them a little? Whereas with a couple he might try to focus on the woman, and interact less with the guy. I’m just spitballing thoughts out there. " Could be some internalised homophobia going on for sure. Only 11% of bisexual men are out after all. | |||
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"I see this a lot and I’m genuinely curious as to why this is? Bi men who only want to play with men in a mixed group setting or as part of an MF couple. I find it really strange, they’d all get way more sex if they were open to meeting single guys or going to male only events. I’ve been to supposedly bi events where the men are all just hanging around waiting for couples and won’t play with each other." Assuming the person is genuine and not using the title as a tactic to increase chances of experiences with women then… maybe they don’t want way more sex and have a preference for playing with men and women at the same time? How is that strange? | |||
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"We love going to bi events as missus loves watching me getting fucked by groups of men but that can be difficult as we found men go to these events still only to fuck the women which puts my missus of as she's there only to watch. Relate to this a lot, the straight guys really need to stay away from bi events " Unfortunately that never happen but we still keep going hoping we can get what were after tho lol lucky she encourages me to do the gay events as well as long as I tell her how much fun I had  | |||
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"Humans have a heuristic tendency toward categorisation and this provides a useful function in terms of navigating the world. However, on an individual level there's often a difference in perception and meaning, which can lead to confusion or misunderstanding. Generally, this can be simply resolved by assuming they are dickheads." It wasn’t a pigeon hole the lad tried shoving his dick in 🤷🏻♂️ | |||
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" Assuming the person is genuine and not using the title as a tactic to increase chances of experiences with women then… " I mean yeah, I think there definitely are the pretenders who think it’s an easier way to get to women. | |||
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"Humans have a heuristic tendency toward categorisation and this provides a useful function in terms of navigating the world. However, on an individual level there's often a difference in perception and meaning, which can lead to confusion or misunderstanding. Generally, this can be simply resolved by assuming they are dickheads. It wasn’t a pigeon hole the lad tried shoving his dick in 🤷🏻♂️" 🤣🤣🤣 brilliant | |||
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"I dunno I think the defensive reactions suggest there’s a lot of fear involved lol" There was a lot of fear involved as that dick bounced off my hole | |||
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"I dunno I think the defensive reactions suggest there’s a lot of fear involved lol" It's not that. You asked a legit Q, no worries... however you followed it on with your opinion and view of it, stating you find it strange. I find it strange that you find it strange tbh. So people who are not 'out' read stuff like this and is it any wonder they hide? When people start spouting their assumptions as to why. I don't understand poop kinks but I'm not about to start questioning everyone as to why on a public forum as it will obviously cause opinionated arguments. Fab forums have become a haven for cruel individuals bullying others for their differences. WTH has happened to equality and just leaving each other be instead of trying to drag people's differences through the dirt. Intentionally or not this is what happens. So here I am giving my opinion to try helping those poor folks that do read this and feel negativity in any way that you are not strange and to keep being you regardless of this blatant accepted way of bullying people. Maybe your initial post was OK kinda but your follow up posts say everything. | |||
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" I dunno I think the defensive reactions suggest there’s a lot of fear involved lol It's not that. You asked a legit Q, no worries... however you followed it on with your opinion and view of it, stating you find it strange. I find it strange that you find it strange tbh. So people who are not 'out' read stuff like this and is it any wonder they hide? When people start spouting their assumptions as to why. I don't understand poop kinks but I'm not about to start questioning everyone as to why on a public forum as it will obviously cause opinionated arguments. Fab forums have become a haven for cruel individuals bullying others for their differences. WTH has happened to equality and just leaving each other be instead of trying to drag people's differences through the dirt. Intentionally or not this is what happens. So here I am giving my opinion to try helping those poor folks that do read this and feel negativity in any way that you are not strange and to keep being you regardless of this blatant accepted way of bullying people. Maybe your initial post was OK kinda but your follow up posts say everything. " This  | |||
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" I dunno I think the defensive reactions suggest there’s a lot of fear involved lol It's not that. You asked a legit Q, no worries... however you followed it on with your opinion and view of it, stating you find it strange. I find it strange that you find it strange tbh. So people who are not 'out' read stuff like this and is it any wonder they hide? When people start spouting their assumptions as to why. I don't understand poop kinks but I'm not about to start questioning everyone as to why on a public forum as it will obviously cause opinionated arguments. Fab forums have become a haven for cruel individuals bullying others for their differences. WTH has happened to equality and just leaving each other be instead of trying to drag people's differences through the dirt. Intentionally or not this is what happens. So here I am giving my opinion to try helping those poor folks that do read this and feel negativity in any way that you are not strange and to keep being you regardless of this blatant accepted way of bullying people. Maybe your initial post was OK kinda but your follow up posts say everything. " Yet still you continue to write a lot that’s just you being defensive instead of explaining your reasons, which might well be perfectly valid, but it makes it seem much more like you have something to hide if you jump straight to being defensive and calling the question “bullying”. | |||
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"Honestly? Although I’d describe myself as hete exible, why do I prefer to meet couples?
Simple; Safety. I’d feel a lot safer meeting a couple than I would a single guy. I’m not saying all single guys are bad but there’s an awful lot out there who are.
I do find a certain irony when single guys admit it can be unsafe to meet single guys lol"Yes and me Yet they don't understand why women can be cautious about single men | |||
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" I dunno I think the defensive reactions suggest there’s a lot of fear involved lol It's not that. You asked a legit Q, no worries... however you followed it on with your opinion and view of it, stating you find it strange. I find it strange that you find it strange tbh. So people who are not 'out' read stuff like this and is it any wonder they hide? When people start spouting their assumptions as to why. I don't understand poop kinks but I'm not about to start questioning everyone as to why on a public forum as it will obviously cause opinionated arguments. Fab forums have become a haven for cruel individuals bullying others for their differences. WTH has happened to equality and just leaving each other be instead of trying to drag people's differences through the dirt. Intentionally or not this is what happens. So here I am giving my opinion to try helping those poor folks that do read this and feel negativity in any way that you are not strange and to keep being you regardless of this blatant accepted way of bullying people. Maybe your initial post was OK kinda but your follow up posts say everything. Yet still you continue to write a lot that’s just you being defensive instead of explaining your reasons, which might well be perfectly valid, but it makes it seem much more like you have something to hide if you jump straight to being defensive and calling the question “bullying”. " Sorry I didn't mean your post was bullying, as stated your post was OK up til the 'strange' remark. I was more highlighting the bullying mindset that others have when making their replies. I gave my own reasons already, which are valid as they are my reasons. Again trying to say I'm being defensive over being orally bi who only plays in an MMF setting is again showing your mindset. I'm as open as an open book can be. How is it I am hiding anything? Where at all does it give the slightest possibility that I'm hiding something? Stop being so narrow minded. Jay | |||
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" Yes and me Yet they don't understand why women can be cautious about single men" 100% it’s a double standard | |||
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"I see this a lot and I’m genuinely curious as to why this is? Bi men who only want to play with men in a mixed group setting or as part of an MF couple. I find it really strange, they’d all get way more sex if they were open to meeting single guys or going to male only events. I’ve been to supposedly bi events where the men are all just hanging around waiting for couples and won’t play with each other." I guess it's similar to why a large number of bi women only meet couples on here and only date men irl I also find this a little strange but it's their bodies they can chose to interact with who they want and don't have to explain themselves to anyone | |||
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" Sorry I didn't mean your post was bullying, as stated your post was OK up til the 'strange' remark. I was more highlighting the bullying mindset that others have when making their replies. I gave my own reasons already, which are valid as they are my reasons. Again trying to say I'm being defensive over being orally bi who only plays in an MMF setting is again showing your mindset. I'm as open as an open book can be. How is it I am hiding anything? Where at all does it give the slightest possibility that I'm hiding something? Stop being so narrow minded. Jay" Nobody was attacking you, the fact that you’ve taken it personally is entirely on you. | |||
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" I guess it's similar to why a large number of bi women only meet couples on here and only date men irl I also find this a little strange but it's their bodies they can chose to interact with who they want and don't have to explain themselves to anyone " So it’s just heteronormativity? 🤷♀️ | |||
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" Sorry I didn't mean your post was bullying, as stated your post was OK up til the 'strange' remark. I was more highlighting the bullying mindset that others have when making their replies. I gave my own reasons already, which are valid as they are my reasons. Again trying to say I'm being defensive over being orally bi who only plays in an MMF setting is again showing your mindset. I'm as open as an open book can be. How is it I am hiding anything? Where at all does it give the slightest possibility that I'm hiding something? Stop being so narrow minded. Jay Nobody was attacking you, the fact that you’ve taken it personally is entirely on you." Never said your were attacking me, nor have I taken it personally until you tried yet again to state its being defensive. Someone stating their opinion regardless if it's opposed to your own doesn't make it defensive.... I simply made my observations. YOU are the one accusing me of being defensive (now personal by your doing) and insinuating that I must be hiding something for not stating my view (which I did above). With that logic, you haven't told me your bank statement details... so you must be hiding something? Is that what I should assume? Ot should I just assume it's non of my family business? Mindsets. All the best | |||
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" Sorry I didn't mean your post was bullying, as stated your post was OK up til the 'strange' remark. I was more highlighting the bullying mindset that others have when making their replies. I gave my own reasons already, which are valid as they are my reasons. Again trying to say I'm being defensive over being orally bi who only plays in an MMF setting is again showing your mindset. I'm as open as an open book can be. How is it I am hiding anything? Where at all does it give the slightest possibility that I'm hiding something? Stop being so narrow minded. Jay Nobody was attacking you, the fact that you’ve taken it personally is entirely on you. Never said your were attacking me, nor have I taken it personally until you tried yet again to state its being defensive. Someone stating their opinion regardless if it's opposed to your own doesn't make it defensive.... I simply made my observations. YOU are the one accusing me of being defensive (now personal by your doing) and insinuating that I must be hiding something for not stating my view (which I did above). With that logic, you haven't told me your bank statement details... so you must be hiding something? Is that what I should assume? Ot should I just assume it's non of my family business? Mindsets. All the best " Damn* business | |||
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" something to defensive over being orally bi who only plays in an MMF setting is again showing your mindset. I'm as open as an open book can be. How is it I am hiding anything? Where at all does it give the slightest possibility that I'm hiding something? Stop being so narrow minded. Jay" I hear you, and respect the way you handled that challenge. The OP says strange, but then suggests a different behaviour would be appropriate. So it doesn't come across as you trying to understand difference, more explaining why it is wrong. That's how it comes over to me anyway. There's a difference between being defensive and having a conversation with someone who has already made their mind up. | |||
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" I dunno I think the defensive reactions suggest there’s a lot of fear involved lol It's not that. You asked a legit Q, no worries... however you followed it on with your opinion and view of it, stating you find it strange. I find it strange that you find it strange tbh. So people who are not 'out' read stuff like this and is it any wonder they hide? When people start spouting their assumptions as to why. I don't understand poop kinks but I'm not about to start questioning everyone as to why on a public forum as it will obviously cause opinionated arguments. Fab forums have become a haven for cruel individuals bullying others for their differences. WTH has happened to equality and just leaving each other be instead of trying to drag people's differences through the dirt. Intentionally or not this is what happens. So here I am giving my opinion to try helping those poor folks that do read this and feel negativity in any way that you are not strange and to keep being you regardless of this blatant accepted way of bullying people. Maybe your initial post was OK kinda but your follow up posts say everything. Yet still you continue to write a lot that’s just you being defensive instead of explaining your reasons, which might well be perfectly valid, but it makes it seem much more like you have something to hide if you jump straight to being defensive and calling the question “bullying”. " I'd have written exactly the same im afraid. And neither in a 'defensive' way nor due to any 'internalised homophobia'. It's exceptionally rare I get involved in any bi activity these days and when I did it was with couples. Why? Because that's what I enjoyed. Not because it was a route to the woman, nor because I was ever afraid in any way to be in a 1-2-1 situation with another man. Simply because that's what floated (and still does) my boat. I have nothing to hide either. My profile has been listed as bi-curious since day one, way back in 2008. Due to that, and I suspect the fact I have veris from men and a couple of TV's in my summary (from meets with my ex and from group socials) I get daily messages from men, despite it clearly saying that's not what I'm looking for. Maybe if the read the text they'd save themselves some effort. No amount of messages or people asking 'why' will ever change the fact that a 1-2-1 with another guy will never happen, just because that's not how I want to swing. 🤷♂️ | |||
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"D is not attracted to men per se. " This is probably the answer in most cases I think. | |||
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"I don’t find it strange at all. In fact I find it quite common. I know lots of men who enjoy getting involved a little bit in a mmf scenario but would never want to meet a man alone. It really is quite normal op. " It's a spectrum, exactly Nora. I don't like when you make sense. I can't take the piss. | |||
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"I don’t find it strange at all. In fact I find it quite common. I know lots of men who enjoy getting involved a little bit in a mmf scenario but would never want to meet a man alone. It really is quite normal op. " It does seem to be very common on here for sure, I guess it’s just heteronormativity. | |||
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"I don’t find it strange at all. In fact I find it quite common. I know lots of men who enjoy getting involved a little bit in a mmf scenario but would never want to meet a man alone. It really is quite normal op. It's a spectrum, exactly Nora. I don't like when you make sense. I can't take the piss. " 🤣🤣 oi!! I always make sense!  | |||
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"I don’t find it strange at all. In fact I find it quite common. I know lots of men who enjoy getting involved a little bit in a mmf scenario but would never want to meet a man alone. It really is quite normal op. It does seem to be very common on here for sure, I guess it’s just heteronormativity." Yep. (Whatever that means! ) | |||
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"I don’t find it strange at all. In fact I find it quite common. I know lots of men who enjoy getting involved a little bit in a mmf scenario but would never want to meet a man alone. It really is quite normal op. It does seem to be very common on here for sure, I guess it’s just heteronormativity." But how? It's not heteronormal at all. If it was, there'd be no bi activity full stop. 🤔 | |||
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" It does seem to be very common on here for sure, I guess it’s just heteronormativity. Yep. (Whatever that means! ) " It means it’s straight culture, which is why I don’t get it | |||
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"I see this a lot and I’m genuinely curious as to why this is? Bi men who only want to play with men in a mixed group setting or as part of an MF couple. I find it really strange, they’d all get way more sex if they were open to meeting single guys or going to male only events. I’ve been to supposedly bi events where the men are all just hanging around waiting for couples and won’t play with each other." Many men don't fancy men they just like the cock so having a woman to look at whilst being pleasured by a guy helps . | |||
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" But how? It's not heteronormal at all. If it was, there'd be no bi activity full stop. 🤔" Nah people can uphold some heteronormative ideals whilst simultaneously breaking some of them (particularly if they are only breaking them in secret or under set parameters) | |||
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"Many men don't fancy men they just like the cock so having a woman to look at whilst being pleasured by a guy helps ." Yeah, that’s not bi, that’s just straight with extras | |||
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" But how? It's not heteronormal at all. If it was, there'd be no bi activity full stop. 🤔 Nah people can uphold some heteronormative ideals whilst simultaneously breaking some of them (particularly if they are only breaking them in secret or under set parameters) " I think you're seriously overthinking what is effectively just a personal preference to people. | |||
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"Many men don't fancy men they just like the cock so having a woman to look at whilst being pleasured by a guy helps . Yeah, that’s not bi, that’s just straight with extras " Well you asked why so I'm offering up a reason why they might regard themselves as bi(labels are paramount) but like to meet within the couples scenario | |||
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" I think you're seriously overthinking what is effectively just a personal preference to people. " Yeah people love to claim “it’s just a preference” whilst upholding societal prejudices lol | |||
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"Many men don't fancy men they just like the cock so having a woman to look at whilst being pleasured by a guy helps . Yeah, that’s not bi, that’s just straight with extras " I can’t work out if you’re just bored, bitter about being rejected or just on the wind up or what. What does it matter if someone calls themselves bi but only play with the same sex in group setting. It doesn’t mean they’re straight. | |||
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" I think you're seriously overthinking what is effectively just a personal preference to people. Yeah people love to claim “it’s just a preference” whilst upholding societal prejudices lol" What are your views on bi men that don't meet single women? | |||
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" I can’t work out if you’re just bored, bitter about being rejected or just on the wind up or what. What does it matter if someone calls themselves bi but only play with the same sex in group setting. It doesn’t mean they’re straight. " If they’re not attracted to same sex at all I don’t really see how it’s bi? It’s just having a cock fetish, which loads of straight guys have. It’s why lots of straight guys are obsessed with trans girls. I haven’t been rejected lol, I’m having to wade through hundreds of messages from guys who aren’t bi enough for us | |||
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" What are your views on bi men that don't meet single women? " I mean there’s definitely some misogyny and biphobia amongst gay men so you do get bi men who effectively live as gay men and hide their bisexuality in the same way. A lot of this stems from the fact that society says you must pick a side. | |||
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" What are your views on bi men that don't meet single women? I mean there’s definitely some misogyny and biphobia amongst gay men so you do get bi men who effectively live as gay men and hide their bisexuality in the same way. A lot of this stems from the fact that society says you must pick a side." Yet those that don't want to pick a side and just choose who they want to have sex with, without being questioned as to why are wrong? You seem to have picked up a societal viewpoint there. Put the shoe on the other foot. Imagine if someone questioned why you didn't want to meet women or M/F couples. I mean.....surely bisexual people play with both men and women? 🤷♂️ | |||
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" Genuinely, why do you care? " Because it’s pretty hard to find genuinely bi people amongst all the spicy straights who come and take over queer events because they think it’s fun, but then get disgusted at the idea of gay sex. The privilege is astounding. | |||
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"I see this a lot and I’m genuinely curious as to why this is? Bi men who only want to play with men in a mixed group setting or as part of an MF couple. I find it really strange, they’d all get way more sex if they were open to meeting single guys or going to male only events. I’ve been to supposedly bi events where the men are all just hanging around waiting for couples and won’t play with each other. Assuming the person is genuine and not using the title as a tactic to increase chances of experiences with women then… maybe they don’t want way more sex and have a preference for playing with men and women at the same time? How is that strange? " He wrote it better than me. But they're Bi, so they want to engage with both sexes, they're not gay and only wanting sex with men... | |||
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But I will meet usually to fuck and ho | |||
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" But they're Bi, so they want to engage with both sexes, they're not gay and only wanting sex with men..." Lol so Bi people are only Bi in mixed threesomes? 😂 | |||
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"Many men don't fancy men they just like the cock so having a woman to look at whilst being pleasured by a guy helps . Yeah, that’s not bi, that’s just straight with extras " Why do you need to label everyone and everything?! You're either compatible or you're not. | |||
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"Honestly? Although I’d describe myself as hete exible, why do I prefer to meet couples?
Simple; Safety. I’d feel a lot safer meeting a couple than I would a single guy. I’m not saying all single guys are bad but there’s an awful lot out there who are. "What a nonsense excuse. Absolute rubbish. You are a single guy! | |||
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"Many men don't fancy men they just like the cock so having a woman to look at whilst being pleasured by a guy helps . Yeah, that’s not bi, that’s just straight with extras " I am actually genuinely curious - I'm only attracted to (some) feminine-presenting people, regardless of their anatomy or even their identity. Would you class me as bi or straight? | |||
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"Many men don't fancy men they just like the cock so having a woman to look at whilst being pleasured by a guy helps . Yeah, that’s not bi, that’s just straight with extras I am actually genuinely curious - I'm only attracted to (some) feminine-presenting people, regardless of their anatomy or even their identity. Would you class me as bi or straight?" Bi. | |||
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" I am actually genuinely curious - I'm only attracted to (some) feminine-presenting people, regardless of their anatomy or even their identity. Would you class me as bi or straight?" I mean it’s not really for me to say, and what I said up thread was probably a bit insensitive and I apologise. I guess my views on it are complicated. Like bisexuality is a spectrum sure and people can have lots of different preferences within that. But there’s also a thing of being functionally and culturally straight or gay and those things are very noticeable to those of us who aren’t able to conform to societal norms. I also think, as a transfeminine person, I get a lot of men chasing me who are ostensibly straight, and certainly treat me like a woman, and I find that a bit dysphoria inducing because I don’t consider myself a woman. | |||
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" Genuinely, why do you care? Because it’s pretty hard to find genuinely bi people amongst all the spicy straights who come and take over queer events because they think it’s fun, but then get disgusted at the idea of gay sex. The privilege is astounding." Isn’t it supposed to be fun? A place to explore your sexuality without judgement? It’s ok to not have full sex with other men and still identify as bisexual. It’s a spectrum. Each individual person has their own idea on what that means to them. You can’t point the finger and tell someone they’re not bi enough. *typo  | |||
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" Isn’t it supposed to be fun? A place to explore your sexuality without judgement? It’s ok to not have full sex with other men and still identify as bisexual. It’s a spectrum. Each individual person has their own idea on what that means to them. You can’t point the finger and tell someone they’re not bi enough. *typo "Queers having safe spaces its important. It’s not a safe space if the hets show up and start imposing their rules. | |||
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" Isn’t it supposed to be fun? A place to explore your sexuality without judgement? It’s ok to not have full sex with other men and still identify as bisexual. It’s a spectrum. Each individual person has their own idea on what that means to them. You can’t point the finger and tell someone they’re not bi enough. *typo
Queers having safe spaces its important. It’s not a safe space if the hets show up and start imposing their rules."I’ve actually had straight people come up to me in GAY venues and openly tell me they don’t like gays. WTF. It’s an actual thing. The entitlement is incredible. | |||
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" Isn’t it supposed to be fun? A place to explore your sexuality without judgement? It’s ok to not have full sex with other men and still identify as bisexual. It’s a spectrum. Each individual person has their own idea on what that means to them. You can’t point the finger and tell someone they’re not bi enough. *typo
Queers having safe spaces its important. It’s not a safe space if the hets show up and start imposing their rules."I completely agree! But in your OP you are talking about men who won’t meet other single men alone. Nothing about heterosexual men. Your idea of bisexuality quite clearly doesn’t align with theirs and that’s ok. What isn’t ok is invalidating someone because of that. | |||
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" I completely agree! But in your OP you are talking about men who won’t meet other single men alone. Nothing about heterosexual men. Your idea of bisexuality quite clearly doesn’t align with theirs and that’s ok. What isn’t ok is invalidating someone because of that. " I specifically mention in my OP about bi events being full of men waiting around for fems and refusing to play with each other? Don’t think it’s invalidating to feel that these men are straight in behaviour if not identity. | |||
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" I completely agree! But in your OP you are talking about men who won’t meet other single men alone. Nothing about heterosexual men. Your idea of bisexuality quite clearly doesn’t align with theirs and that’s ok. What isn’t ok is invalidating someone because of that. I specifically mention in my OP about bi events being full of men waiting around for fems and refusing to play with each other? Don’t think it’s invalidating to feel that these men are straight in behaviour if not identity." You said couples not women. If men are engaging in sexual activities with other men, they aren’t straight. Not bi enough for you, but not straight. | |||
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" If men are engaging in sexual activities with other men, they aren’t straight. Not bi enough for you, but not straight. " But isn’t it problematic to want to have sex with a whole group of people you wouldn’t be prepared to have a relationship with? Seems kinda objectifying. | |||
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" If men are engaging in sexual activities with other men, they aren’t straight. Not bi enough for you, but not straight. But isn’t it problematic to want to have sex with a whole group of people you wouldn’t be prepared to have a relationship with? Seems kinda objectifying." Nope. I’m not prepared to have a relationship with anyone. Especially a woman! But I like sex with women. | |||
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" If men are engaging in sexual activities with other men, they aren’t straight. Not bi enough for you, but not straight. But isn’t it problematic to want to have sex with a whole group of people you wouldn’t be prepared to have a relationship with? Seems kinda objectifying." No I don’t think it is at all. It’s a valid form of bisexuality. | |||
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"I mean it’s not really for me to say, and what I said up thread was probably a bit insensitive and I apologise." ♥️ "I guess my views on it are complicated. Like bisexuality is a spectrum sure and people can have lots of different preferences within that. But there’s also a thing of being functionally and culturally straight or gay and those things are very noticeable to those of us who aren’t able to conform to societal norms. " I am definitely "functionally straight", and I do actually talk about this quite a bit - there's a difference between your preferences and how you present, and I cannot meaningfully present as anything else without making decisions against my strongest preferences to "appear" more queer, which is of course ridiculous. Interestingly, when I was younger I had a big life change that left me looking for a community, and I had been questioning my sexuality for most of my teens as I was definitely attracted to women but I was also attracted to some (in hindsight, definitely very feminine-presenting) men. I had just moved and I started going to a local lgbt pub, just to hang out and see if I fitted in. I quickly came to realise, after a couple of "confrontations", that since I wasn't really queer-presenting (and, I suspect, had knocked back a few regulars) I wasn't welcome there. Which was fine - I get it, that was a space for a minority, and they wanted to keep that space reserved for that minority - but it did teach me that either I had to change a lot about myself, or I would never really be welcome in queer spaces or be able to find a home in queer culture, regardless of whatever my sexual orientation came to be. That's not a sob story - I'm very happy and successful in life - but whenever I feel someone might be "policing sexuality" it does remind me of that - and bi nights at clubs aren't generally queer-reserved spaces, for example (nor is Fabs - though there are some queer-only nights in the midlands, if that's what you're looking for - one is at Xtasia, though I forget the name of it). "I also think, as a transfeminine person, I get a lot of men chasing me who are ostensibly straight, and certainly treat me like a woman, and I find that a bit dysphoria inducing because I don’t consider myself a woman." Yeh, I mean - I present as straight, because trying to explain the nuance of my sexuality is not possible with the drop-down provided, people don't really care for the nuances, and I don't really need others to understand it anyway. I don't have a strong sexual identity, as such - I am attracted to some people, they are mostly women, and have always been feminine-presenting. If it's important for you to meet men who have sex with men alone then, again, that's fine. You might also only want to meet queer people, which - as you're finding out - is actually a subset of bi people. | |||
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" No I don’t think it is at all. It’s a valid form of bisexuality. " Well each to their own but personally even (especially?) in a swinger setting I’m not comfortable being treated as a sex object. | |||
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" I dunno I think the defensive reactions suggest there’s a lot of fear involved lol It's not that. You asked a legit Q, no worries... however you followed it on with your opinion and view of it, stating you find it strange. I find it strange that you find it strange tbh. So people who are not 'out' read stuff like this and is it any wonder they hide? When people start spouting their assumptions as to why. I don't understand poop kinks but I'm not about to start questioning everyone as to why on a public forum as it will obviously cause opinionated arguments. Fab forums have become a haven for cruel individuals bullying others for their differences. WTH has happened to equality and just leaving each other be instead of trying to drag people's differences through the dirt. Intentionally or not this is what happens. So here I am giving my opinion to try helping those poor folks that do read this and feel negativity in any way that you are not strange and to keep being you regardless of this blatant accepted way of bullying people. Maybe your initial post was OK kinda but your follow up posts say everything. Yet still you continue to write a lot that’s just you being defensive instead of explaining your reasons, which might well be perfectly valid, but it makes it seem much more like you have something to hide if you jump straight to being defensive and calling the question “bullying”. " Nobody owes you an explanation...they don't have to explain their reasons... | |||
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" If it's important for you to meet men who have sex with men alone then, again, that's fine. You might also only want to meet queer people, which - as you're finding out - is actually a subset of bi people." I’m not finding it out, I recognise that bispec is broad. But yes I only want to engage with queer people, not heteronormative people, and I guess fab is the wrong place for that, but not sure where else there is really. If only the gay saunas would let me in, but they also police based on gender presentation, sigh. | |||
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" Nobody owes you an explanation...they don't have to explain their reasons..." Nobody was obliged to reply to the thread lol | |||
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" Isn’t it supposed to be fun? A place to explore your sexuality without judgement? It’s ok to not have full sex with other men and still identify as bisexual. It’s a spectrum. Each individual person has their own idea on what that means to them. You can’t point the finger and tell someone they’re not bi enough. *typo
Queers having safe spaces its important. It’s not a safe space if the hets show up and start imposing their rules."I agree safe spaces are important. For all. Are you not looking to impose your own rules on bi men by expecting them to act in a manner that suits your definition and style of play, rather than accept and respect them and theirs? | |||
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" "I mean there’s definitely some misogyny and biphobia amongst gay men so you do get bi men who effectively live as gay men and hide their bisexuality in the same way. A lot of this stems from the fact that society says you must pick a side" and here is you being part of that problem... its hilarious! "Queers having safe spaces its important. It’s not a safe space if the hets show up and start imposing their rules."" Gets even better! So according to you I am not bi, however I attend LGBQT+ events. I've never imposed any rules... yet you seem to be making a lot here! I just cannot fathom your line of thinking or any logic applied to your approach and conclusions. We can be who we want to be and do what we want to do. Isn't this something you have been trying to get Society to be? Be more accepting? Yet here you are imposing your views as gospel and not listening to others. You do you of course 😀 Jay | |||
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" Gets even better! So according to you I am not bi, however I attend LGBQT+ events. I've never imposed any rules... yet you seem to be making a lot here! I just cannot fathom your line of thinking or any logic applied to your approach and conclusions. We can be who we want to be and do what we want to do. Isn't this something you have been trying to get Society to be? Be more accepting? Yet here you are imposing your views as gospel and not listening to others. You do you of course 😀 Jay " If you can’t fathom the need for safe spaces then it’s because you’re not discriminated against. But as long as cis men are getting to have the sex that they want without repercussions eh? | |||
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" I agree safe spaces are important. For all. Are you not looking to impose your own rules on bi men by expecting them to act in a manner that suits your definition and style of play, rather than accept and respect them and theirs? " If men are attending bi events and only wanting straight play it kinda makes the event not bi any more, surely? | |||
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" Gets even better! So according to you I am not bi, however I attend LGBQT+ events. I've never imposed any rules... yet you seem to be making a lot here! I just cannot fathom your line of thinking or any logic applied to your approach and conclusions. We can be who we want to be and do what we want to do. Isn't this something you have been trying to get Society to be? Be more accepting? Yet here you are imposing your views as gospel and not listening to others. You do you of course 😀 Jay If you can’t fathom the need for safe spaces then it’s because you’re not discriminated against. But as long as cis men are getting to have the sex that they want without repercussions eh?" Another assumption. I've taken more discrimination by the time I was 15 than most people thought their lives. I mean are you for real? So as a guy who only likes to play orally with my wife we are not allowed to feel safe at an LGBQT+ event?! Are you for real? Seriously? | |||
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"But yes I only want to engage with queer people, not heteronormative people, and I guess fab is the wrong place for that, but not sure where else there is really." No, there are lots of people on fabs who are queer. I recently moved from the West Midlands and I knew a few. Have you added TV/TS to your account? It's incredibly frustrating because it ranges from "trans people" to "gay men not even dressing up" but many trans people sign up as that (or are re-categorised to that, which is shit) so that's also where you're going to see more of the queer people, who will be able to hook you up with the various events and things that are going on (which, for reasons you've already mentioned, aren't advertised quite as openly). "If only the gay saunas would let me in, but they also police based on gender presentation, sigh." The ironing. I'm eating it. Why did I pay for this bus, it was the free bus. Why is Alanis Morrissette playing. | |||
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" I agree safe spaces are important. For all. Are you not looking to impose your own rules on bi men by expecting them to act in a manner that suits your definition and style of play, rather than accept and respect them and theirs? If men are attending bi events and only wanting straight play it kinda makes the event not bi any more, surely? " According to you me sucking a cock is straight.... I'm not bi.. so I shouldn't be at an event for lgbqt+... Wow! You are unreal | |||
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" If it's important for you to meet men who have sex with men alone then, again, that's fine. You might also only want to meet queer people, which - as you're finding out - is actually a subset of bi people. I’m not finding it out, I recognise that bispec is broad. But yes I only want to engage with queer people, not heteronormative people, and I guess fab is the wrong place for that, but not sure where else there is really. If only the gay saunas would let me in, but they also police based on gender presentation, sigh. " There's a huge queer scene in Birmingham. My partner is NB and active in it. Honestly, the volume of people you're looking to meet is going to be significantly smaller on a swingers site open to all, as opposed to more queen orientated sites. That's always going to be true, much the same as it is for anyone seeking a specific subset or group. But being angry that people on the same site as you don't choose to have the same preferences won't help. You can't choose how others want to be, interact, play or engage with others. You have to accept their preferences the same way as (I hope) others would accept and respect yours. Good luck. | |||
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" No, there are lots of people on fabs who are queer. I recently moved from the West Midlands and I knew a few. Have you added TV/TS to your account? It's incredibly frustrating because it ranges from "trans people" to "gay men not even dressing up" but many trans people sign up as that (or are re-categorised to that, which is shit) so that's also where you're going to see more of the queer people, who will be able to hook you up with the various events and things that are going on (which, for reasons you've already mentioned, aren't advertised quite as openly). If only the gay saunas would let me in, but they also police based on gender presentation, sigh. The ironing. I'm eating it. Why did I pay for this bus, it was the free bus. Why is Alanis Morrissette playing." I would list myself as a TS but I’m not happy to be lumped in with the TVs and also you can’t list yourself as a trans couple. Lots of people have raised how inadequate this is over the years. Not sure what the other point you’re making is. I didn’t create the straight gay cultural divide that doesn’t recognise the existence of bisexual or non-binary people. | |||
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" According to you me sucking a cock is straight.... I'm not bi.. so I shouldn't be at an event for lgbqt+... Wow! You are unreal " Eh? I have said nothing about you personally. My post was about single men who claim to be Bi but only approach women or couples. Is that you? The meltdown is completely unnecessary. Who says men aren’t emotional eh? | |||
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"I would list myself as a TS but I’m not happy to be lumped in with the TVs and also you can’t list yourself as a trans couple. Lots of people have raised how inadequate this is over the years." You can add TV/TS to your looking for, it might help balance out the signal/noise in your feed and your inbox. "Not sure what the other point you’re making is. I didn’t create the straight gay cultural divide that doesn’t recognise the existence of bisexual or non-binary people." ⛈️👰 💸🚌 🧙♂️🚫 🫥🤔⛸️ | |||
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"I would list myself as a TS but I’m not happy to be lumped in with the TVs and also you can’t list yourself as a trans couple. Lots of people have raised how inadequate this is over the years. You can add TV/TS to your looking for, it might help balance out the signal/noise in your feed and your inbox. Not sure what the other point you’re making is. I didn’t create the straight gay cultural divide that doesn’t recognise the existence of bisexual or non-binary people. ⛈️👰 💸🚌 🧙♂️🚫 🫥🤔⛸️" What? | |||
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"I see this a lot and I’m genuinely curious as to why this is? Bi men who only want to play with men in a mixed group setting or as part of an MF couple. I find it really strange, they’d all get way more sex if they were open to meeting single guys or going to male only events. I’ve been to supposedly bi events where the men are all just hanging around waiting for couples and won’t play with each other." Bi single Brummie guy here, totally up for meets with single guys (have had a lot over the years) and guy-only meets (wish there were more of these; hit me up if you know of any). Enjoy couples too but definitely up for any kind of fun.  | |||
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" I agree safe spaces are important. For all. Are you not looking to impose your own rules on bi men by expecting them to act in a manner that suits your definition and style of play, rather than accept and respect them and theirs? If men are attending bi events and only wanting straight play it kinda makes the event not bi any more, surely? " How do you know they are only wanting straight play? What if there just isn’t anyone of the same sex that interests them on that occasion? Are you saying only bi experiences should be allowed? I have been to bi events as a straight guy because my partner was bi. We went with a focus on her experiences specifically but I wouldn’t have turned down any mutual attractions or resisted straight play with her. Also on reflection without asking every guy in their individually selected would have had no idea of their sexual orientation unless I saw them engaging in it…. So do you ask all the guys there? Or do you assume they a straight because you have not seen them with another man? | |||
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" ... My post was about single men who claim to be Bi but only approach women or couples... The meltdown is completely unnecessary...blah, blah, blah" It's such a turn-off when the self-anointed bi-police turn up. | |||
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