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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod

2 days ago

East Sussex

tend to think that because something doesn't happen to or apply to you that it doesn't happen or apply to other people either?

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By *ickyKlungespeareMan
2 days ago

St Leonards

I'd imagine that if a properly controlled test were executed, most of us would be surprised how much the results stated "yes".

It's a yes from me.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod

2 days ago

East Sussex


"I'd imagine that if a properly controlled test were executed, most of us would be surprised how much the results stated "yes".

It's a yes from me."

I'm surprised you say yes. 😳

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By *ittleLiasonsWoman
2 days ago

Birmingham

I don't think it doesn't happen or apply to others but I probably lack awareness of it unless it's brought to my attention. I think most people lack understanding of things that don't apply to them.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
2 days ago

in Lancashire


"tend to think that because something doesn't happen to or apply to you that it doesn't happen or apply to other people either?"

Given the amount of everyday things that happen and the numbers involved of whom they are and will involve it's pretty much nigh on impossible or unhealthy to think about such things..

Until they do then that of course changes ones thought processes..

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By *ickyKlungespeareMan
2 days ago

St Leonards


"I'd imagine that if a properly controlled test were executed, most of us would be surprised how much the results stated "yes".

It's a yes from me.

I'm surprised you say yes. 😳"

Ahhh...but that's because I know I do it.

I'm fairly certain most people say they don't do it, when in fact they do do it.

And they do it a lot more than I do.

Hence, the value of the test.

What folk say they do, and what folk actually do, do be do be do different things xx

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By *emorefridaCouple
2 days ago

La la land

I think many people think everyone is starting from the same point. When in reality we do not be that, down to economics, genetics, acquired illness the list is endless. Many of these factors are also not visible therefore people forget about them and presume a lot. Until of course something happens to them to knock them off course

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By *ell GwynnWoman
2 days ago

North Yorkshire

Probably far more than I realise! I do have to catch myself sometimes and remember that everyone's experiences, and interpretation of those experiences, are different.

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By *anterandbrainsMan
2 days ago

Sheffield

Reading a book at the moment called improv your life . What's obvious to some isn't the case for everyone

Interesting question as the variables are near endless

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
2 days ago

North West


"tend to think that because something doesn't happen to or apply to you that it doesn't happen or apply to other people either?"

I try not to. Having acquired all the issues I have, I think it's made me much more aware of things impacting other people and how much impact things might have.

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By *eliWoman
2 days ago

.


"tend to think that because something doesn't happen to or apply to you that it doesn't happen or apply to other people either?"

Sometimes yes. I'm aware of the fact that I can be quite... well I don't know. A bit self focused.

Most of the time I'm quite good at remembering that my experiences aren't the same as another's. Even down to how we think/view something. It's why I disagree with the finality tone of some posts. I think being neurospicy, being a bit different... in an odd way it makes me more aware? Hard to explain.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod

2 days ago

East Sussex

I guess I'm asking if people have empathy and if they consider that they do what limits does that empathy have?

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By *EAT..85Woman
2 days ago

Nottingham

I think most of us are incredibly ignorant of things that happen out in the world and to others.

We have our own little bubbles and don't want to be aware of other people's/countries problems.

A prime example is refugees. So many people are riled up (and misunderstanding) over refugees, but will be the first to want refuge if we come under fire ourselves. I couldn't possibly imagine living in a war torn country, losing loved ones, moving country because I have to and being expected to assimilate into a new culture as though nothing has happened.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod

2 days ago

East Sussex


"I'd imagine that if a properly controlled test were executed, most of us would be surprised how much the results stated "yes".

It's a yes from me.

I'm surprised you say yes. 😳

Ahhh...but that's because I know I do it.

I'm fairly certain most people say they don't do it, when in fact they do do it.

And they do it a lot more than I do.

Hence, the value of the test.

What folk say they do, and what folk actually do, do be do be do different things xx "

I agree

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By *EAT..85Woman
2 days ago

Nottingham


"I guess I'm asking if people have empathy and if they consider that they do what limits does that empathy have?"

I think people will have more empathy for things that they can understand or have experienced themselves. Anything out of those two categories and its going to be more challenging.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod

2 days ago

East Sussex


"tend to think that because something doesn't happen to or apply to you that it doesn't happen or apply to other people either?

I try not to. Having acquired all the issues I have, I think it's made me much more aware of things impacting other people and how much impact things might have. "

I think our life experiences can make us more empathetic in many ways

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod

2 days ago

East Sussex


"I guess I'm asking if people have empathy and if they consider that they do what limits does that empathy have?

I think people will have more empathy for things that they can understand or have experienced themselves. Anything out of those two categories and its going to be more challenging. "

To me part of empathy is being able to understand or imagine people's feelings if you haven't experienced them yourself. I don't think many of us can do that in every situation

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By *he ReturneeMan
2 days ago

Barnet


"I guess I'm asking if people have empathy and if they consider that they do what limits does that empathy have?"

Not so good on the empathy, always amazed at how emotional people on Googlebox are (for instance in watching SU2C). However, I am big on on the justice side of things, so if on the news there is another Israeli bombing of civilians, then I can get upset.

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By *ickyKlungespeareMan
2 days ago

St Leonards


"I'd imagine that if a properly controlled test were executed, most of us would be surprised how much the results stated "yes".

It's a yes from me.

I'm surprised you say yes. 😳

Ahhh...but that's because I know I do it.

I'm fairly certain most people say they don't do it, when in fact they do do it.

And they do it a lot more than I do.

Hence, the value of the test.

What folk say they do, and what folk actually do, do be do be do different things xx

I agree"

It was the "do be do be do" wasn't it?

I can get away with any old crap as long as I put that little seducer in xx

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By *eliWoman
2 days ago

.


"I guess I'm asking if people have empathy and if they consider that they do what limits does that empathy have?"

Empathy in my mind is a bit different to your OP.

You can be aware that people have different experiences without being empathetic. That's like the next step along, if that makes sense? People can know that things are different for others. Empathy involves actively trying to understand/understanding.

I really, really don't think the majority are as empathetic as they might like to think. Do you remember when it was a bit of a buzzword on here? I do.

And no, I'm not particularly empathetic.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
2 days ago

Leeds

No, so many things happen to so many people I don't think anyone could say it hasn't happened just because it hasn't happened to them.

Mrs

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
2 days ago

Reading

Sometimes it hasn't occurred to me. But if it has I look at the odds and take it from there.

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By *ad NannaWoman
2 days ago

East London

No. I'm a very aware person.

I don't think, because a person has overcome a particular difficult thing in their lives that anybody can.

I'm not in the "Well, I did it so you can" camp.

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By *ad NannaWoman
2 days ago

East London

Apart from ghost encounters.

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By *ansoffateMan
2 days ago

Sagittarius A

😂 great post.

No, but I am sure I did when I was 3.

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By *ffy.Woman
2 days ago

Fife

Having lived the life I have it’s made me much more aware of the situations others find themselves in and how they got there.

I would be lying however if I said I didn’t think that way sometimes, but I do try to stop and think it through properly. I can’t always empathise but I am aware.

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By *ickyKlungespeareMan
2 days ago

St Leonards

But if it happens that the thing that's happening happened to happen to someone who it had happened to before, and you and they happened to have discussed it a lot over many years after it happened the first time, so you really understood what happened and could empathise with what happened, surely when the same or similar thing happens to them again (or even someone else) there would be a much better than average chance you would happen to understand what's about to happen to them when it actually happens?

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
2 days ago

in Lancashire


"I guess I'm asking if people have empathy and if they consider that they do what limits does that empathy have?"

Yes..

But I think no matter how empathic a person might think they are there's limits ..

Maybe it's a case of setting limitations to what one can actually make a difference to if one actually does take one's empathy to a practical level..

It's a good topic, interesting..

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
2 days ago

Central

I think it's an easy trap to fall into, a bit like assuming that your tastes are similar to others' too. I notice it occasionally and usually challenge it, as I'm not incredibly alike to the majority of people.

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By *lue Eyed JokerMan
2 days ago

Always on the move

The "doesn't happen to me so mustn't happen at all" is pretty much how the Daily Mail reports isn't it?

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By *rHotNottsMan
2 days ago

Dubai & Nottingham

No because I think everyone else is a weirdo and I’m normal

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod

2 days ago

Cheeseville, Somerset


"I guess I'm asking if people have empathy and if they consider that they do what limits does that empathy have?"

I think empathy towards others is very situationally dependent.

I can empathise with most people about most things.

It doesn't stop me feeling that some deserve to be where they are, or are in some ways responsible for situations they find themselves in.

I also sometimes feel some people get empathy and sympathy confused.

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod

2 days ago

East Sussex


"I'd imagine that if a properly controlled test were executed, most of us would be surprised how much the results stated "yes".

It's a yes from me.

I'm surprised you say yes. 😳

Ahhh...but that's because I know I do it.

I'm fairly certain most people say they don't do it, when in fact they do do it.

And they do it a lot more than I do.

Hence, the value of the test.

What folk say they do, and what folk actually do, do be do be do different things xx

I agree

It was the "do be do be do" wasn't it?

I can get away with any old crap as long as I put that little seducer in xx"

Nope. There was one too many do in there

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod

2 days ago

East Sussex


"I guess I'm asking if people have empathy and if they consider that they do what limits does that empathy have?

Empathy in my mind is a bit different to your OP.

You can be aware that people have different experiences without being empathetic. That's like the next step along, if that makes sense? People can know that things are different for others. Empathy involves actively trying to understand/understanding.

I really, really don't think the majority are as empathetic as they might like to think. Do you remember when it was a bit of a buzzword on here? I do.

And no, I'm not particularly empathetic. "

I do remember that. It's been replaced by 'narcissist' and nobody wants to claim that.

I don't think anybody is as empathetic as they claim. I'm definitely not because my eyes have rolled so many times in my life that they now resemble a slot machine reel.

As always it's interesting to read other people's thoughts

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By *ickyKlungespeareMan
2 days ago

St Leonards


"I'd imagine that if a properly controlled test were executed, most of us would be surprised how much the results stated "yes".

It's a yes from me.

I'm surprised you say yes. 😳

Ahhh...but that's because I know I do it.

I'm fairly certain most people say they don't do it, when in fact they do do it.

And they do it a lot more than I do.

Hence, the value of the test.

What folk say they do, and what folk actually do, do be do be do different things xx

I agree

It was the "do be do be do" wasn't it?

I can get away with any old crap as long as I put that little seducer in xx

Nope. There was one too many do in there "

Sheesh...tough crowd xx

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By *he Silver FuxMan
2 days ago

Uttoxeter

Covid was a classic example of this - not having had anyone close or known to them having died or suffered serious symptoms, these people were much less likely to believe it was anything but a bad cold…

Children living in impoverished conditions in the U.K.? Never experienced or seen those kids, can’t relate, don’t believe,

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By *icecouple561 OP   Couple
Forum Mod

2 days ago

East Sussex


"Covid was a classic example of this - not having had anyone close or known to them having died or suffered serious symptoms, these people were much less likely to believe it was anything but a bad cold…

Children living in impoverished conditions in the U.K.? Never experienced or seen those kids, can’t relate, don’t believe,"

That kind of thing was what prompted me to ask the question.

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By *ansoffateMan
2 days ago

Sagittarius A

In seriousness, I feel the theme of this thread is closely related to the concept of the social phenomena known as correspondence bias.

Our tendency to favour dispositional factors over situational.

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By *NormalMan01Man
2 days ago

Harrogate


"tend to think that because something doesn't happen to or apply to you that it doesn't happen or apply to other people either?"

Seems to be the gist of people’s thinking.

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By *ickyKlungespeareMan
2 days ago

St Leonards


"I guess I'm asking if people have empathy and if they consider that they do what limits does that empathy have?"

Serious from me now, and taking from comments above.

A list of people, and where does empathy stop within that list?

Poor children, abused children, SEND children, difficult children, violent children, homeless adults, adult liars, alcoholics, drug addicts, criminals, violent criminals, domestic abusers male, domestic abusers female, the IDF, Palestinians, Russian soldiers, Ukrainian soldiers, r*pists, p*edophiles, murd*rers.

Every one of those is either a kid, or was a kid once. Other than the possibilities of genetic predisposition, every one of them COULD thrive in different social environments.

And let's assume that someone does have a genetic predisposition towards, just one example, a taste for murder (it's a premise, not a claim of reality) - if someone is MADE to murder, then my hatred/fear should be aimed at genetics, but we all aim it at the person. The person shouldn't be in the public domain (they're obviously a threat), but I don't need to hate them - I just need them kept somewhere where they can't harm (which costs a lot of money, although we can easily afford it if we reimagine society).

As a further example, it's a bit silly "hating" a virus that kills humans - because that's how its coding works on humans. It's not silly to manage the thing (in fact, it's vital).

So, with the above list, it's interesting to see where others would find their "empathy" stops, and how they would then rationalise that (because every act of "othering" is backed up with a rationalisation, however flimsy. That's how we justify our actions to ourselves).

But, genetic predisposition aside, every one of the above COULD have grown into an adult who can thrive INSTEAD OF what they became.

So empathy has a place within a bigger field of social, political, cultural, and financial realities and prejudices too.

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By *porty_and_NaughtyCouple
2 days ago

Swansea


"I guess I'm asking if people have empathy and if they consider that they do what limits does that empathy have?"

I believe that a lot of people who claim to have empathy actually have narcissistic tendencies. What a lot of people mean is they get a vicarious thrill from imagining they are experiencing the suffering of others.

Empathy is more than imagining yourself experiencing something that someone else is. The hardest part comes before that, it's imagining you are that person, with their lived experience, their weaknesses and strengths, their fears, their beliefs.

When you superimpose someone else's experiences on your life all you learn is how you would respond in similar circumstances - hence the accusation of narcissism. Empathy isn't about you, it's about them.

To answer the original question, I believe we all instinctively have a tendency to think that way. Some people however are aware of the bias and make an effort to avoid it. Others simply don't notice it and a surprising number refuse to accept it exists.

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