FabSwingers.com forum: THE DILLEMA

By *imply Dee OP Woman
2 weeks ago

Wherever

If you were someone who generally enjoys Fab and had some good friends and times through it but had one very particularly bad experience, resulting in not only losing a big chunk of confidence and self esteem, but most importantly, started to question your own ability to judge the situation and yourselves as a person in a whole, as a result, what would you do:

A) shrug off the experience, forget and move on

B) admit the defeat and leave Fab, as you reached the point of no return and meeting new people seems like a struggle from now on so basically what’s the point

C) something else.

(Taking a Fab break won’t help).

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By *ir Toot of the frostMan
2 weeks ago

Burton-on-Trent

"If you were someone who generally enjoys Fab and had some good friends and times through it but had one very particularly bad experience, resulting in not only losing a big chunk of confidence and self esteem, but most importantly, started to question your own ability to judge the situation and yourselves as a person in a whole, as a result, what would you do:

A) shrug off the experience, forget and move on

B) admit the defeat and leave Fab, as you reached the point of no return and meeting new people seems like a struggle from now on so basically what’s the point

C) something else.

(Taking a Fab break won’t help).

I would try to fo A but I know it won't be easy for my brain, I wouldn't leave, so I guess C?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
2 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Oh. I had an event with that kind of effect about a year ago.

I pretty much disassociated for a couple of months and ran on auto pilot. Then I spent a couple of months actively trying to process what happened, how it happened, what I can do to make sure it does not happen to me again. Also therapy.

I'm still wary about trusting new people, and have spent too much of the past few months examining existing relationships with a hair trigger on any red flags.

But. I can still go to clubs and have fun. I can still meet the people I do have faith in. I haven't been one for spur of the moment meets with randoms for about 2 decades so I haven't had to change much about how I do fab.

I'd probably recommend skipping the auto pilot disassociating part. But otherwise just take some time process and work out how you want to move forward 💜

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By *eliWoman
2 weeks ago

C. I'd take some time away from meeting people. Let myself feel the negative emotions I need to feel because it's not fair to be meeting others during that time. Process what's happened without blaming myself, without putting pressure on myself to forget and move on.

And then I'd start doing things away from Fab, those things that brought me joy. Spend time nurturing friendships but most importantly myself. Rediscovering who I am. Relearning my boundaries, what matters to me. Rebuilding confidence.

I've been there. My confidence and self esteem were almost ruined. It started making me cynical and wary and I didn't like that. I don't want to let my past experiences with one person cloud potential happy with new people.

So, I gave myself time. Opened up to people who I trust and love and know love me.

Now I'm far happier than I was before all of that. More confident, slowly and surely. Every day I feel more like the old me(li).

Whatever's happened OP, I hope you find yourself once again when you're ready to. You're too important to lose yourself. Everyone is. x

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By *ruceyyMan
2 weeks ago

London

"C. I'd take some time away from meeting people. Let myself feel the negative emotions I need to feel because it's not fair to be meeting others during that time. Process what's happened without blaming myself, without putting pressure on myself to forget and move on.

So, I gave myself time. Opened up to people who I trust and love and know love me.

Now I'm far happier than I was before all of that. More confident, slowly and surely. Every day I feel more like the old me(li).

Whatever's happened OP, I hope you find yourself once again when you're ready to. You're too important to lose yourself. Everyone is. x"

Meli kills my confidence all the time but I just remember she low key fancies me and stay here

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
2 weeks ago

Southampton

What Prey and Meli said .. sending hugs lovely ❤️

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By *r John WickMan
2 weeks ago

The Continental

I’m a brutally simple person, so I’d just be shrugging it off. I don’t really overanalyse stuff in my life, and tend to take stuff that affects me as black or white.

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By *eliWoman
2 weeks ago

"Meli kills my confidence all the time but I just remember she low key fancies me and stay here "

Ha! I can't say anything to that without killing your confidence...

I do like your horndogging. A lot. Miss those threads of yours (a little bit) when you're gone.

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By *ruceyyMan
2 weeks ago

London

"Meli kills my confidence all the time but I just remember she low key fancies me and stay here

Ha! I can't say anything to that without killing your confidence...

I do like your horndogging. A lot. Miss those threads of yours (a little bit) when you're gone."

See, she fancies me

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By *outhern77Man
2 weeks ago

Quinton

I'm with Prey and Meli..

Take some time for Yourself, process it (if possible), talk to others and see if they've had similar issues and can recommend anything but mainly, re-find Yourself and what you want/need from this.. We're all different and things affect us in other ways..

Remember though, We're all here if You need a chinwag/cuddle/rant (and not all of us are the same)

Sending Hugs as well

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By *olinOfBathMan
2 weeks ago

Corsham

Almost exactly this experience, two weeks ago.

In particular, have lost any confidence in my ability to discern whom I can trust. Being somewhat HFA, my default is to take everyone at face value. Discovering that a handful of supposed friends were quietly shafting me was devastating.

I still have a couple of days to reach a decision.

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By *imply Dee OP Woman
2 weeks ago

Wherever

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your feedback and being honest.

Just to add, I knew already it’s got everything to do with me and absolutely nothing to do with the other person and I’m not trying to play the victim card or blame anyone.

Brucey, you spoke like a real Aries. Never change.

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By *ruceyyMan
2 weeks ago

London

"Thanks guys, I really appreciate your feedback and being honest.

Just to add, I knew already it’s got everything to do with me and absolutely nothing to do with the other person and I’m not trying to play the victim card or blame anyone.

Brucey, you spoke like a real Aries. Never change. "

Do you know I'm an Aries?! Have we covered this? Otherwise, spot on! ❤️ You'll be ok, just give this a little time

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By *viatrixWoman
2 weeks ago

Redhill

I was at a similar crossroads a few weeks ago- Dee… I hovered my finger over the “delete account” for such a long time while I had a Tim Hornton’s Boston Cream donut and a coffee in Manchester!

Fab isn’t anywhere as fun as it used to be for me. At all. I feel like I don’t fit in at all anymore. HOWEVER, it is the good times that keep me here, and thinking of all the amazing people who have sprung up on my life and made if so much richer.

In my case, I will take a long break from group socials. I am not getting much out of them anymore. I may try new ones in different areas of the country, but for now will carry on with tête-à-tête rendez-vous as and when they appear.

You know where to find me if you’d like a chat - or a coffee in London. You are a lovely person! 🥰😘

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By *ir Toot of the frostMan
2 weeks ago

Burton-on-Trent

"I was at a similar crossroads a few weeks ago- Dee… I hovered my finger over the “delete account” for such a long time while I had a Tim Hornton’s Boston Cream donut and a coffee in Manchester!

You know where to find me if you’d like a chat - or a coffee in London. You are a lovely person! 🥰😘"

Okay have to ask, how are the Boston cream doughnuts?

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By *imply Dee OP Woman
2 weeks ago

Wherever

"Thanks guys, I really appreciate your feedback and being honest.

Just to add, I knew already it’s got everything to do with me and absolutely nothing to do with the other person and I’m not trying to play the victim card or blame anyone.

Brucey, you spoke like a real Aries. Never change.

Do you know I'm an Aries?! Have we covered this? Otherwise, spot on! ❤️ You'll be ok, just give this a little time "

It takes one to know one, it’s all I’m saying, and thank you.

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By *ealitybitesMan
2 weeks ago

Belfast

I had a really bad experience on my very first fab meet more than 8 years ago and I left within a few days because it completely threw me.

18 months later I had another difficult experience that wasn't of my making and involved unreasonable expectations.

On that occasion I hid my profile for almost a year and didn't log in.

It didn't affect my confidence though and was more about not wanting to be involved in other people's drama.

When I eventually came back I was actually more determined than before to be myself and not allow anyone else influence my journey.

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By *a LunaWoman
2 weeks ago

South Wales

I’d stay and just keep a low profile with regards to meeting others until my confidence was up again.

If the positive outweighs the negative then stay. Don’t be leaving the site because of the dickhead actions of someone else.

Hope you’re ok.

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By *imply Dee OP Woman
2 weeks ago

Wherever

"I’d stay and just keep a low profile with regards to meeting others until my confidence was up again.

If the positive outweighs the negative then stay. Don’t be leaving the site because of the dickhead actions of someone else.

Hope you’re ok."

The thing is, I was the dickhead.

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By *enelope2UWoman
2 weeks ago

Fife

Happens..just take a break... The amount of times I require a break is mental... Wanting someone who wants to do things together in public AND fuck in public or private..is impossible.

Just take a break the majority of people on here want a fantasy and forget it's attached to hopefully a human.. we have feelings

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By *outhern77Man
2 weeks ago

Quinton

Brucey, you spoke like a real Aries. Never change.

Do you know I'm an Aries?! Have we covered this?

It takes one to know one, it’s all I’m saying"

We got to stick together

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
2 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

"I’d stay and just keep a low profile with regards to meeting others until my confidence was up again.

If the positive outweighs the negative then stay. Don’t be leaving the site because of the dickhead actions of someone else.

Hope you’re ok.

The thing is, I was the dickhead. "

Acknowledging that is a good first step then.

Take a little time for yourself and work out how to avoid the situation happening again and what you can do to make things more positive.

No one is perfect, everyone fucks up or does something they regret. Don't be too hard on yourself 💜

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By *outhern77Man
2 weeks ago

Quinton

Acknowledging that is a good first step then.

Take a little time for yourself and work out how to avoid the situation happening again and what you can do to make things more positive.

No one is perfect, everyone fucks up or does something they regret. Don't be too hard on yourself 💜"

Again, another spot on comment ..

ESPECIALLY the Last Bit!

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By *ad NannaWoman
2 weeks ago

East London

Everyone is a dickhead at some point in their lives.

I'm being a massive one at the moment.

Don't let those negative thoughts dictate your life.

If you know what you did wrong make sure you don't do it again.

Be happy. Life isn't forever, and today you are alive.

Put everything behind you and think about what you could get out of being on Fab.

Chin up, Dee xxx

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By *ad NannaWoman
2 weeks ago

East London

Hopefully see you at the December Picklenic.

It will be fun and festive.

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By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

I'd take a minute to process as I have to work through things. Probably delete then rejoin in a day or two after I've shrugged it off.

But you're still coming to the all day disco right?

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By *neeyedwillieMan
2 weeks ago

Darlington

Personally I wont let other people spoil things for me.

I juat shrug bad experiances off, learn from them and dont make the same mistakes again.

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By *imply Dee OP Woman
2 weeks ago

Wherever

"I'd take a minute to process as I have to work through things. Probably delete then rejoin in a day or two after I've shrugged it off.

But you're still coming to the all day disco right? "

I couldn’t possibly miss that! I am coming

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By (user no longer on site)
2 weeks ago

"I'd take a minute to process as I have to work through things. Probably delete then rejoin in a day or two after I've shrugged it off.

But you're still coming to the all day disco right?

I couldn’t possibly miss that! I am coming

Cool cool cool!!!!

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By *olinOfBathMan
2 weeks ago

Corsham

The thing is, I was the dickhead.

So? That's allowed - you're human.

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By *BWLOVER1965Man
2 weeks ago

My Own Little World

Forget move on

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By *andymank8Man
2 weeks ago

Reigate

". The thing is, I was the dickhead. "

Ahh, interesting how everyone assumed you were the injured party until your revelation.

I had too and was tending towards answering ‘C’ however this new meme makes that option even more the right one.

Your own profile holds the key ‘confident about myself, my life, my body and my mind’.

Think about both sides and decide where responsibility lies and whether you could have handled things differently.

If you conclude you could, apologise with integrity, add the experience to the rich store you already own and move on. ‘Sorry, I was being a dickhead because…’ is a very powerful sentence and perfect example of ‘less is more’!

Good luck and please don’t leave Fab, your honesty and sentiment is a key reason I’m still addicted to this place.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
2 weeks ago

kent

I’ve been here. Something happened to me that not only destroyed all faith in other people, it destroyed faith in my own ability to read and make judgements about people (this has nothing to go with Fab, by the way). My response was to withdraw from almost everyone (Ailsa excluded). I’d love to tell you that I overcame it, but the truth is, I haven’t. I’m a different person now. I’m very conscious of anyone coming close, I don’t trust people all that much, and I easily and speedily withdraw the moment I think something is beginning to sour. The only thing I can offer is the benefit of time. Don’t rush to change or alter how you’re feeling. Let the emotions sit with you for as long as they need to. I’m not sure this much help. Sorry OP Xx

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
2 weeks ago

Sheffield

Maybe take a breather, but definitely wouldn’t let it put you off. Why let others spoil things if you enjoy it ❤️

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