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By *rotic_massue OP   Man
12 weeks ago

london

My marriage feel more flat sharing, my wife is more emotional in tune with her concubine (ex-boyfriend), but she also feels strongly towards me as we have known eachother for 18 years and been married for 8 and half.

I know this is not a couple therapy group, but I am quite concerned

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
12 weeks ago

Southampton

Then you need to sit down and have a conversation with her about how you feel

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By *runette n JayCouple
12 weeks ago

bilston


"Then you need to sit down and have a conversation with her about how you feel "

On the money

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By *nya NeesWoman
12 weeks ago

Brum

Thirded

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By *lofeldMan
12 weeks ago

Redhill


"My marriage feel more flat sharing, my wife is more emotional in tune with her concubine (ex-boyfriend), but she also feels strongly towards me as we have known eachother for 18 years and been married for 8 and half.

I know this is not a couple therapy group, but I am quite concerned "

As others say, conversation is key. And the fact you are on here, unless with permission, indicates perhaps all is not conventionally 'right'

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By *ags73Man
12 weeks ago

glasgow-ish


"Then you need to sit down and have a conversation with her about how you feel "

Yep. Not easy to start the conversation but try and plan what you’re saying

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

Talk to her. Communication is key. Maybe see a couples therapist.

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By *tealthbomber2024Man
12 weeks ago

southend-on-sea

Good luck :P

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By *addy_CoolMan
12 weeks ago

Ilford

You maybe right but have that conversation to confirm if that's possible...

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By *lueLotusWoman
12 weeks ago

the wilderness

It's scary to think you might be told something you don't want to hear, right? But best to ask her, and be honest about how you feel in return. All of it. Let her know you are worried and feeling anxious. You deserve to know where you stand so you can move forward and not be stuck.

Good luck xx love

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By *ira2024Woman
12 weeks ago

SW


"Then you need to sit down and have a conversation with her about how you feel

On the money"

+1

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago


"Talk to her. Communication is key. Maybe see a couples therapist."

I was going to suggest this.

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By *ABflirtyWoman
11 weeks ago

Norwich

Lifes to short ..... man up and face things and move on. xx In this life you have to be true to yourself if not put up with cr-p . x Good luck OP. XX

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

I doubt she is more emotional in tune with her ex as that relationship didn't last for a reason. She is most likely selectively remembering the good parts which people do when their current relationship isn't going great. The best advice I can give is talk to each other, no amount of advice from strangers will give you the clarity you need, you need to get that from her. Be honest about what you both need and compromise in the middle, if a relationship is worth saving this won't be an issue. Good luck!

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By *ornycougaWoman
11 weeks ago

Wherever I lay my hat

It's easy to stay with someone out of habit or because of the impact of dividing one household in to two. Are you both getting what each of you need from your marriage or have you grown apart? An honest conversation is absolutely required. Do what is best for YOU as it sounds like you may have compromised on your happiness to make her happy

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
11 weeks ago

East Sussex

I'm not familiar with the meaning of concubine in this context. Can anyone enlighten me?

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By *exanthemMan
11 weeks ago

North

[Removed by poster at 17/11/24 14:48:57]

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By *ellinever70Woman
11 weeks ago

Ayrshire


"My marriage feel more flat sharing, my wife is more emotional in tune with her concubine (ex-boyfriend), but she also feels strongly towards me as we have known eachother for 18 years and been married for 8 and half.

I know this is not a couple therapy group, but I am quite concerned "

Is this to do with the fact that you can't always get sex from her when you want it?

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By *exanthemMan
11 weeks ago

North

You cannot resolve everything in marriage by conversation when other person is totally locked themselves up in their echo chamber. I learnt it after going through several prejudices when I opened up who I was, and yet, I was pushed into guilty corner..kneel down and pray to god and asked for his forgiveness for being sex positive person, self guilt and fear of getting out cast pushed me into dark side of my life….had to go through several therapy sessions to come out of the black hole of self guilt I was getting drowned in… that I was not doing something that I wasn’t supposed to do- after all I am a human and would do thing that human need. Historically marriages are done to consolidate the wealth or keep the strategic relationship with your ally…love, sex and marriage all are separate things

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By *rotic_massue OP   Man
11 weeks ago

london

It is not so much about sex.

It the lack of care. Whatever I do is wrong or not enough.

I fell like a guest in my own house, if that make more sense

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By *rotic_massue OP   Man
11 weeks ago

london

Concubine is a term use for the mistresses if the king, which he slept with besides the queen.

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By *parkle1974Woman
11 weeks ago

Leeds

She has maybe found out you are on here

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
11 weeks ago

East Sussex


"Concubine is a term use for the mistresses if the king, which he slept with besides the queen. "

Yes i understand that. Your wife has a lover then, yes?

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By *rotic_massue OP   Man
11 weeks ago

london

. She asked to open the relationship, so she has someone and I can meet freely...

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By *rotic_massue OP   Man
11 weeks ago

london

Basically yes

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
11 weeks ago

East Sussex


"Basically yes"

Ok.

I think if you're feeling sidelined it would be helpful to understand why. Are the basic boundaries you agreed being over stepped or is it that she is having more success sexually than you? Do you feel emotionally neglected, sexually or both? If you had a lover would you feel differently? Do you think she knows how you feel?

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