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pushy parents

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Are you one? Were your parents just a little too enthusiastic and encouraging?

Recently started taking my daughter to a dance class (she loves dressing up as a ballet dancer and is always dancing & singing). When i was waiting for her 30 minute lesson to end there was a mother constantly going in and out of the lesson to correct her daughters posture and just generally interfering with the class. This woman had two children and was comparing the two and even made a comment about the eldest being a failure

If i ever felt my 3yr old was no longer enjoying herself i would stop immediately. For me the class is about her meeting new friends, and her enjoying herself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nope my mum was a pushy mum and i hated it.

I always encourage my kids in things they want to do but tell them all the time to do what they want and if they do their best its good enough for me.

My boys are very different and have all their life been compared to one another and the amount of times at parents evening i have had to point out that they are different is unreal...its something that really annoys me so what if one is more academic then the other and the other is better at sports who cares they are their own person.

I think parents who compare their kids will knock their confidence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All parents are pushy, yet everyone always says they will be different. The next generation of parents will probably pushy. Its because they want kids to be the best they can I suppose. You cant to do without pushing them. But it can go too far yes. My mum is pushiest person I know. But actually, now I am thankful she was because without it, I wouldnt be where I am. Thats what I think anyway

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes my old man was pushy, put me into karate at 5 years old to teach me to fight, still there to this day 18 years later, but I know if he wasn't the way he was when I was younger I would have left long ago, love it now and have done for many year's but as a kid watchin all my friends during summer holidays playin football everyday or after school when I was stuck in the house training for competitions all the time, really got to me and I always felt pressured into staying. Saying that I know if it wasn't for the past 18 years training I wouldn't be the man I am today, self motivated, respectful, disciplined and a range of other things I know wouldnt have been apart of me today.

Is love in the future to teach any kids I have the martial art but one promise I have made myself, I won't train my kid unless they specifically ask for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My sperm donor was an abusive husband and father til we got rid. But due to that my mum wasnt really in a fit state to guide me and I was to far off the right path I ended up joining the Manc gang culture as it gave me a sense of family & belonging.

In other words I pissed my education up the wall and had to learn the hard way to turn things around.

I wouldn't say I'm a pushy dad as my sons mum is a bit of a Hitler so I tend to be a bit more easy going but know when to put my foot down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find that stay at home mums with kids in private education tend to be particularly pushy. Guess they want a return on their investment...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when my eldest was 5/6 years old there was a woman at sports day with a stop watch timing her 6/7 year old on his performance...that boy is now 23 and part of the Olympic team...rightly or wrongly she pushed him from a very early age to achieve what she wanted him to achieve ...i prefer encouragement to actual pushiness

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"when my eldest was 5/6 years old there was a woman at sports day with a stop watch timing her 6/7 year old on his performance...that boy is now 23 and part of the Olympic team...rightly or wrongly she pushed him from a very early age to achieve what she wanted him to achieve ...i prefer encouragement to actual pushiness "

That's it though "What she wanted him to achieve" it's not to say its what he wanted!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish my parents were as pushy with me as they were with my sister, thay were never over pushy with her, but she had a lot more encouragement and support than i ever did.

My exwife is very pushy with my daughter, she used to have her doing some class or another every evening of the week, doing dancing, tae kwon do, tang soo do,etc. and my daughter just wasnt happy until i stepped in and had words with my ex, theres pushy and encouraging and some have to learn the difference

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

I actively encouraged my sons to work hard at school from an early age, not sure if that makes me pushy, but now in their early/mid twenties they are both buying their own homes, travel extensively, and hold down good jobs.

It's a fine divide between being pushy and encouraging I think.

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By *edangel_2013Woman
over a year ago

southend

My parents were the complete opposite. I was forever getting told "don't be silly you can't do that".

My Grandad taught me to read before I went to proper school. My parents used to tell me off for reading when I didn't have to.

When I went to university they told me that they weren't paying for it, because there was no point, as I'd drop out. I worked 3 jobs at one point to see myself through uni. Left with no debt and a 2:1.

Now when someone tells me I can't, I think fuck you, and do it anyway. So in a way, albeit a bad one, my parents were pushy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there is a difference of being overbearing vs being encouraging or making your kids stick with it when you might see the bigger picture overall. I always told my kids if you start something, you're gonna finish it b/c you made a commitment to something be it a team or project or whatever and they're counting on you. That's way different than running in and criticizing every little imperfection that they're doing. Each kid is different and have different strengths and you just gotta accept it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My parents were the complete opposite. I was forever getting told "don't be silly you can't do that".

My Grandad taught me to read before I went to proper school. My parents used to tell me off for reading when I didn't have to.

When I went to university they told me that they weren't paying for it, because there was no point, as I'd drop out. I worked 3 jobs at one point to see myself through uni. Left with no debt and a 2:1.

Now when someone tells me I can't, I think fuck you, and do it anyway. So in a way, albeit a bad one, my parents were pushy! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"when my eldest was 5/6 years old there was a woman at sports day with a stop watch timing her 6/7 year old on his performance...that boy is now 23 and part of the Olympic team...rightly or wrongly she pushed him from a very early age to achieve what she wanted him to achieve ...i prefer encouragement to actual pushiness

That's it though "What she wanted him to achieve" it's not to say its what he wanted!! "

exactly..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My parents were the complete opposite. I was forever getting told "don't be silly you can't do that".

My Grandad taught me to read before I went to proper school. My parents used to tell me off for reading when I didn't have to.

When I went to university they told me that they weren't paying for it, because there was no point, as I'd drop out. I worked 3 jobs at one point to see myself through uni. Left with no debt and a 2:1.

Now when someone tells me I can't, I think fuck you, and do it anyway. So in a way, albeit a bad one, my parents were pushy! "
thats how my parents were, i had decided to go to uni when i left school and was told by them that there was no point because they didnt think i was smart enought to go to uni and they were not going to waste thier money supporting me and had to get a job to support myself, where my sister absolutely wasted 2 years of her life in sixth form and was still supported to do resits so she could go to uni to waste another 3 years of her life and still come out with nothing. the best thing is i can hold my head up now and say ive got where i am without their help

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

as an observer of the situation (and thats not to say another persons view could be different) the mother i made reference too, her tone was pretty aggressive and physically changed her daughters body position. I just felt that if she was encouraging she could have taken time to explain and show her how to manipulate her body shape rather than march up to her and within a few seconds do it for her.

maybe i'm too relaxed. naturally id love my daughter to be the best she can be at anything and everything she wants to do, but id certainly not frett or stress out if she didnt point her toe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Encouragement is fine.

I don't agree with pushy parents, having my dad push me with my sports as I was younger, 5 hrs training a day, competitions every weekend, never aeeing friends or having a proper child hood. I resent my dad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I actively encouraged my sons to work hard at school from an early age, not sure if that makes me pushy, but now in their early/mid twenties they are both buying their own homes, travel extensively, and hold down good jobs.

It's a fine divide between being pushy and encouraging I think."

Not pushy just wanting the best for them i always ask mine to do their best in school and if i don't think its their best then i will come down on them but they have good grades so it must work.

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