FabSwingers.com forum: Lovemaking tips for us oldies

By *xhib12 OP Man
8 weeks ago

Blyth

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 999 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember...

6. Use extra poly grip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Paracetamol or whatever you use ready in case you actually complete the act...

8. Make all the noise you want... The neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news .... even if its only 8PM... !!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice.

It's good to laugh so most of all enjoy it while you can.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
8 weeks ago

North West

11. Install a sex swing but claim to visitors that it's a hoist

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By *xhib12 OP Man
8 weeks ago

Blyth

"11. Install a sex swing but claim to visitors that it's a hoist

Great call

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By *evergiveupMan
8 weeks ago

derbyshire

Write down the coordinates of the nearest defibrillator

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By *lessandra_BWoman
8 weeks ago

Here, There & Everywhere

Don't forget to take your blood pressure medication beforehand 😉

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By *agnar73Man
8 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

What Three Words location is easier to shout at the emergency telephonist

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By *ir Toot of the frostMan
8 weeks ago

n/a

Make sure the starlift is working? Who knows could be fun.

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By *lessandra_BWoman
8 weeks ago

Here, There & Everywhere

"What Three Words location is easier to shout at the emergency telephonist "

But make sure not to confuse them with your 'safe' words! Yes, we need more than one, because we're likely to forget the first two! 🤣

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By *agnar73Man
8 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

"What Three Words location is easier to shout at the emergency telephonist

But make sure not to confuse them with your 'safe' words! Yes, we need more than one, because we're likely to forget the first two! 🤣"

Maybe have it written on tape at top of the especially large number pad mobile phone?

If it’s purple monkey dishwasher I’m screwed.

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By *llshaun88Man
8 weeks ago

Newcastle

😂

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By *lessandra_BWoman
8 weeks ago

Here, There & Everywhere

"What Three Words location is easier to shout at the emergency telephonist

But make sure not to confuse them with your 'safe' words! Yes, we need more than one, because we're likely to forget the first two! 🤣

Maybe have it written on tape at top of the especially large number pad mobile phone?

If it’s purple monkey dishwasher I’m screwed."

🤣🤣🤣

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By *lderscot52Man
8 weeks ago

Inverness

As an oldie I don't need any of the suggestions but they are all very funny

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

12. Wait 20 to 40 seconds for your postural hypertension to disappear.

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By *eliWoman
8 weeks ago

13. Fuck someone younger (minimum five years).

Sure, you'll be aching and exhausted after but for a few seconds/minutes you'll feel like your youthful, virile self once more.

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By *dc1Man
8 weeks ago

essex and all over the south

Check with your specialist to see if that possition might just pop your new hip out

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By *afe and shavenCouple
8 weeks ago

Ipswich

"11. Install a sex swing but claim to visitors that it's a hoist

What a good idea!

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

Sit in a wingback chair in case you doze off mid blowjob

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
8 weeks ago

Wherever

These are hilarious 😂

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
8 weeks ago

North West

14. Ensure you've booked a longer care visit so they can get you into your sexy undies beforehand and be on hand for the clean up after.

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By *aybeLadyWoman
8 weeks ago

West Dublin

Make sure the oul hip doesnt get disslocated. Awkwars hospital explanation!

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By *illy IdolMan
8 weeks ago

Midlands

"13. Fuck someone younger (minimum five years).

Sure, you'll be aching and exhausted after but for a few seconds/minutes you'll feel like your youthful, virile self once more."

I always tell my fwb to take it easy. They have nothing to prove to me.

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By *ell GwynnWoman
8 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

"13. Fuck someone younger (minimum five years).

Sure, you'll be aching and exhausted after but for a few seconds/minutes you'll feel like your youthful, virile self once more."

Don't get a lover more than 3 years your junior as their constant reminders to take it easy will eventually lead to murderous rage.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
8 weeks ago

East Sussex

Find someone who will do all the work while you pay there.

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By *illy IdolMan
8 weeks ago

Midlands

"Find someone who will do all the work while you pay there.

You should be reporting anyone who offers payment

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
8 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Find someone who will do all the work while you pay there.

You should be reporting anyone who offers payment "

Damn! Hoist by my own petard and autocorrect.

Of course I meant 'lay there '

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By *illy IdolMan
8 weeks ago

Midlands

"Find someone who will do all the work while you pay there.

You should be reporting anyone who offers payment

Damn! Hoist by my own petard and autocorrect.

Of course I meant 'lay there '"

Apologies. I just wanted to go Forum Mod on you.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
8 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Find someone who will do all the work while you pay there.

You should be reporting anyone who offers payment

Damn! Hoist by my own petard and autocorrect.

Of course I meant 'lay there '

Apologies. I just wanted to go Forum Mod on you."

How was it? 😂

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By *eliWoman
8 weeks ago

"13. Fuck someone younger (minimum five years).

Sure, you'll be aching and exhausted after but for a few seconds/minutes you'll feel like your youthful, virile self once more.

I always tell my fwb to take it easy. They have nothing to prove to me."

Exactly. You accept them for who they are, wrinkles and aching, creaking joints et al. That's really beautiful Willy. 🧡

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By *eroLondonMan
8 weeks ago

Mayfair

I love making tips for the oldies. It's my zest for life.

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By *odgerMooreMan
8 weeks ago

Nowhere

If you’re going to fuck in time with the church bells make sure your alarm clock isn’t on ‘bell’ function… RIP Dave… no one could have known….

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple
8 weeks ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

"11. Install a sex swing but claim to visitors that it's a hoist

Using the hoist as a sex swing is more likely

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By *antasdeerideMan
8 weeks ago

winfrith

remember to put your teeth in for kissing and nipple biting .

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By *oontuneMan
8 weeks ago

Menston

Ask them to shout dirty to you.

Don't be surprised if the shout back "I've shit myself"

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By *illy IdolMan
8 weeks ago

Midlands

"13. Fuck someone younger (minimum five years).

Sure, you'll be aching and exhausted after but for a few seconds/minutes you'll feel like your youthful, virile self once more.

I always tell my fwb to take it easy. They have nothing to prove to me.

Exactly. You accept them for who they are, wrinkles and aching, creaking joints et al. That's really beautiful Willy. 🧡"

Everyone deserves a chance in life❤️

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
8 weeks ago

North West

"11. Install a sex swing but claim to visitors that it's a hoist

Using the hoist as a sex swing is more likely

I want a hoist that looks like a sex swing.

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By *eliWoman
8 weeks ago

"13. Fuck someone younger (minimum five years).

Sure, you'll be aching and exhausted after but for a few seconds/minutes you'll feel like your youthful, virile self once more.

Don't get a lover more than 3 years your junior as their constant reminders to take it easy will eventually lead to murderous rage."

But their charming wit and mediocre to middling sex will soon have that fiery intent quelled, I'm certain of it. 💕

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By *eroLondonMan
8 weeks ago

Mayfair

"...I always tell my fwb to take it easy. They have nothing to prove to me."

•

And this reinforces the moderately high regard I have you, Willy. I admire the benevolence that you bestow upon your vintage lovers. 💌

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
8 weeks ago

East Sussex

He sure to add 'for your age' to every compliment you pay. There's nothing is old 'uns like more than being damned with faint praise.

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By *illy IdolMan
8 weeks ago

Midlands

"...I always tell my fwb to take it easy. They have nothing to prove to me.

•

And this reinforces the moderately high regard I have you, Willy. I admire the benevolence that you bestow upon your vintage lovers. 💌"

Not all heroes wear fall alarms 🫶

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By *ad NannaWoman
8 weeks ago

East London

"He sure to add 'for your age' to every compliment you pay. There's nothing is old 'uns like more than being damned with faint praise.

I've had that about my skin.

Oh you have soft skin for someone your age. I swear people think you turn into a leathery tortoise once you turn 50. Actually, the first time I heard it I must have been in my 40s.

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By *ad NannaWoman
8 weeks ago

East London

Jokes aside, I have a list of instructions and what my body can't do for when I have sex, because of my arthritis.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
8 weeks ago

East Sussex

"He sure to add 'for your age' to every compliment you pay. There's nothing is old 'uns like more than being damned with faint praise.

I've had that about my skin.

Oh you have soft skin for someone your age. I swear people think you turn into a leathery tortoise once you turn 50. Actually, the first time I heard it I must have been in my 40s."

There are loads of assumptions made about older people aren't there. I was guilty of it myself

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