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Room mate syndrome advice needed

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn

I need advice I feel like my marriage is more like we are room mates she never wants intimacy and when she does she does her best to put me off I’m at the point where I feel I should make her pay half the bills as that’s what room mates do

We used to be on here as a couple before she had a bad experience with birth control after that she just doesn’t want to know I know she knows I’m still on here but I feel guilty so have never arranged a solo meet the one person I have met us both together as well as me and her alone I know if I could get her some hot female action it would turn her on again but she won’t let me

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By *uperS77Man
16 weeks ago

Gloucester

I would be seeking advice from someone professional like a marriage counsellor rather than on the forum here tbh.

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn

That scares the living hell out of me that would mean I would have to tell her how I feel and she would definitely blame me and react very badly so I would like gentle advice here first

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By *icolerobbieCouple
16 weeks ago

walsall

Brace yourself op, these threads rarely go well.

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By *arlequin_tearsMan
16 weeks ago

Sheffield

All relationships go through phases.

My wife and I have had intimacy issues. Whether that's been due to the kids, my antidepressants affecting my libido, being on different sleep patterns.

It sounds like there are issues around communication not just intimacy.

There are lots of reasons your partner may not be interested in sex at the moment.

Might well be worth looking at some couples therapy.

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By (user no longer on site)
16 weeks ago

Hot female action, is that for your benefit or hers?

She knows your on here, ever take a second off from perving to think how that might make her feel?

Maybe be an adult and talk to your partner and then either concentrate on your relationship or end it.

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn

I’m prepared for what’s coming

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By *rightonsteveMan
16 weeks ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"I’m prepared for what’s coming "
that’s what she said.

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By *oxychicWoman
16 weeks ago

Nottinghamshire

I think for u both to move on u need to talk . And when I mean talk bare all how u feel etc .and in return listen to her then see if u can both move forward with what's been said xx

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By *tephanie63Woman
16 weeks ago

BRIDGWATER

You do realise how bad what you are saying is, do you?

Your wife is not interested in playing. You are hoping to get her into it by involving another lady for " hot female action". How disrespectful to both your wife and the female you expect to provide the hot action. Have a bit more decency and respect your wife's choice.

You say she had a bad experience with birth control, that does not sound good, you should have more understanding for her feelings.

Sounds like she would be better off without you to be frank

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"Hot female action, is that for your benefit or hers?

She knows your on here, ever take a second off from perving to think how that might make her feel?

Maybe be an adult and talk to your partner and then either concentrate on your relationship or end it.

"

For her I do like it but it would be for her even if I wasn’t involved it would make her more like her old self

I knew the first reply from a woman would be straight to blame the man of the relationship but I dream of her all the time I want more from her yes I look around this site dreaming of what would be but I don’t have it in me to arrange anything without her

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By *ell GwynnWoman
16 weeks ago

North Yorkshire


"That scares the living hell out of me that would mean I would have to tell her how I feel and she would definitely blame me and react very badly so I would like gentle advice here first "

We don't know her or how she'll react, so we can't really advise.

You either talk to her and try to make changes, or you stay as you are. One option is scary, the other is miserable. It's up to you to figure our which is the most tolerable.

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"You do realise how bad what you are saying is, do you?

Your wife is not interested in playing. You are hoping to get her into it by involving another lady for " hot female action". How disrespectful to both your wife and the female you expect to provide the hot action. Have a bit more decency and respect your wife's choice.

You say she had a bad experience with birth control, that does not sound good, you should have more understanding for her feelings.

Sounds like she would be better off without you to be frank "

Another woman straight to blame the man yes you may think I’m being disrespectful but she wants everything from me but returns nothing this may sound harsh but it was years ago she had her bad experience everything has been fine since and that was what stopped her swinging not with me

I want her to have some female fun because that’s is something she mentioned in the past and I know that would help

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By (user no longer on site)
16 weeks ago


"Hot female action, is that for your benefit or hers?

She knows your on here, ever take a second off from perving to think how that might make her feel?

Maybe be an adult and talk to your partner and then either concentrate on your relationship or end it.

For her I do like it but it would be for her even if I wasn’t involved it would make her more like her old self

I knew the first reply from a woman would be straight to blame the man of the relationship but I dream of her all the time I want more from her yes I look around this site dreaming of what would be but I don’t have it in me to arrange anything without her "

I don't believe I blamed you.

You said she knows your on here, do you know how she feels about that? Does it ever occur to you it might be contributing to your problems? You may dream of all the 3sums & 4sums and all that, but maybe you should just concentrate on her for now.

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By *iker JackMan
16 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"Hot female action, is that for your benefit or hers?

She knows your on here, ever take a second off from perving to think how that might make her feel?

Maybe be an adult and talk to your partner and then either concentrate on your relationship or end it.

For her I do like it but it would be for her even if I wasn’t involved it would make her more like her old self

I knew the first reply from a woman would be straight to blame the man of the relationship but I dream of her all the time I want more from her yes I look around this site dreaming of what would be but I don’t have it in me to arrange anything without her "

I’m sorry I agree

So your thoughts are that if you can get her some hot action that the situation will become magically better.

You had a couples account. You now don’t.

That says that right now she is not interested in meeting others so why would you want to do something she is not currently interested in

Relationships are never easy. Ebbs and flows and this also is sexually

If she has had a bad experience with birth control and is feeling as you say, do you think that she knows you’re looking for elsewhere helps her or the situation

Maybe take some time to talk to someone together. Most importantly listen to what each other are saying

I don’t think trying to make her pay half the bills would help your situation in any way

Just my thoughts

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By *rowley616Man
16 weeks ago

Scarborough

There are multiple reasons both physical and psychological as to why her libido may be waning. Manipulating her into a threesome is definitely not the answer. Talk to your wife. She may be suffering or just not feel in the relationship anymore and relying on you for financial support, reducing you to nothing more than a caretaker. I also wonder if you still love her either. No mention in the op of your feels and you seem only concerned with how much attention your dick is getting.

Obviously it is conjecture based only on what you have wrote but talking to your wife or a therapist is the way forward.

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"Hot female action, is that for your benefit or hers?

She knows your on here, ever take a second off from perving to think how that might make her feel?

Maybe be an adult and talk to your partner and then either concentrate on your relationship or end it.

For her I do like it but it would be for her even if I wasn’t involved it would make her more like her old self

I knew the first reply from a woman would be straight to blame the man of the relationship but I dream of her all the time I want more from her yes I look around this site dreaming of what would be but I don’t have it in me to arrange anything without her

I’m sorry I agree

So your thoughts are that if you can get her some hot action that the situation will become magically better.

You had a couples account. You now don’t.

That says that right now she is not interested in meeting others so why would you want to do something she is not currently interested in

Relationships are never easy. Ebbs and flows and this also is sexually

If she has had a bad experience with birth control and is feeling as you say, do you think that she knows you’re looking for elsewhere helps her or the situation

Maybe take some time to talk to someone together. Most importantly listen to what each other are saying

I don’t think trying to make her pay half the bills would help your situation in any way

Just my thoughts "

As I have said in another reply the female is something she has mentioned and I know it would help

I wouldn’t ask her to pay half the bills that’s ridiculous but it feels like she should be lol I knew I would get hit hard in this but I’m ready to take everything onboard

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"There are multiple reasons both physical and psychological as to why her libido may be waning. Manipulating her into a threesome is definitely not the answer. Talk to your wife. She may be suffering or just not feel in the relationship anymore and relying on you for financial support, reducing you to nothing more than a caretaker. I also wonder if you still love her either. No mention in the op of your feels and you seem only concerned with how much attention your dick is getting.

Obviously it is conjecture based only on what you have wrote but talking to your wife or a therapist is the way forward."

I do love her I know I have to talk to her but that never goes well as you say I feel like a bill payer/caretaker but I can’t tell her that as it would only enrage her into a full blown argument

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By *iker JackMan
16 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"Hot female action, is that for your benefit or hers?

She knows your on here, ever take a second off from perving to think how that might make her feel?

Maybe be an adult and talk to your partner and then either concentrate on your relationship or end it.

For her I do like it but it would be for her even if I wasn’t involved it would make her more like her old self

I knew the first reply from a woman would be straight to blame the man of the relationship but I dream of her all the time I want more from her yes I look around this site dreaming of what would be but I don’t have it in me to arrange anything without her

I’m sorry I agree

So your thoughts are that if you can get her some hot action that the situation will become magically better.

You had a couples account. You now don’t.

That says that right now she is not interested in meeting others so why would you want to do something she is not currently interested in

Relationships are never easy. Ebbs and flows and this also is sexually

If she has had a bad experience with birth control and is feeling as you say, do you think that she knows you’re looking for elsewhere helps her or the situation

Maybe take some time to talk to someone together. Most importantly listen to what each other are saying

I don’t think trying to make her pay half the bills would help your situation in any way

Just my thoughts

As I have said in another reply the female is something she has mentioned and I know it would help

I wouldn’t ask her to pay half the bills that’s ridiculous but it feels like she should be lol I knew I would get hit hard in this but I’m ready to take everything onboard "

When did she mention it last?

If she doesn’t want sex with you at the moment how do you think adding someone else will help?

Is she saying it because she knows you’re on here looking elsewhere?

Is it fair to introduce someone else to bring them in to this potential crap show

Surely you talk of wanting and needing communication with someone else so why not start with your wife

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
16 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"That scares the living hell out of me that would mean I would have to tell her how I feel and she would definitely blame me and react very badly so I would like gentle advice here first"

OP. If you can't talk honestly with her about the issue what resolution can you really hope to achieve?

Communication is incredibly important.

Talk to your wife. About how you're feeling. About how she's feeling. Listen. See if you can find a way through what's holding her back from intimacy together.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
16 weeks ago

Leeds

Yeah me and my ex wife got like this. I fucked mine off.

The mr

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By *outhernexport83Couple
16 weeks ago

Cornwall

Step 1. Talk to her about how you feel.

Step 2. Listen to her about how she feels.

Step 3. Put down fab and repeat steps 1 and 2 until it’s either better or broken. Then make a call on how to proceed.

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"That scares the living hell out of me that would mean I would have to tell her how I feel and she would definitely blame me and react very badly so I would like gentle advice here first

OP. If you can't talk honestly with her about the issue what resolution can you really hope to achieve?

Communication is incredibly important.

Talk to your wife. About how you're feeling. About how she's feeling. Listen. See if you can find a way through what's holding her back from intimacy together."

There needs to be a like button just like Facebook I will try and talk to her I may even do it face to face rather than hiding behind WhatsApp

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By *ellhungvweMan
16 weeks ago

Cheltenham


"That scares the living hell out of me that would mean I would have to tell her how I feel and she would definitely blame me and react very badly so I would like gentle advice here first

OP. If you can't talk honestly with her about the issue what resolution can you really hope to achieve?

Communication is incredibly important.

Talk to your wife. About how you're feeling. About how she's feeling. Listen. See if you can find a way through what's holding her back from intimacy together."

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By *rowley616Man
16 weeks ago

Scarborough


"There are multiple reasons both physical and psychological as to why her libido may be waning. Manipulating her into a threesome is definitely not the answer. Talk to your wife. She may be suffering or just not feel in the relationship anymore and relying on you for financial support, reducing you to nothing more than a caretaker. I also wonder if you still love her either. No mention in the op of your feels and you seem only concerned with how much attention your dick is getting.

Obviously it is conjecture based only on what you have wrote but talking to your wife or a therapist is the way forward.

I do love her I know I have to talk to her but that never goes well as you say I feel like a bill payer/caretaker but I can’t tell her that as it would only enrage her into a full blown argument "

Then there is more going on there. Expressing ones feelings in an authentic way should never lead to an argument. If you can't make space for each other to express your emotions then those emotions become toxic. If nobody gives the relationship is in trouble.

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By *iker JackMan
16 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"There are multiple reasons both physical and psychological as to why her libido may be waning. Manipulating her into a threesome is definitely not the answer. Talk to your wife. She may be suffering or just not feel in the relationship anymore and relying on you for financial support, reducing you to nothing more than a caretaker. I also wonder if you still love her either. No mention in the op of your feels and you seem only concerned with how much attention your dick is getting.

Obviously it is conjecture based only on what you have wrote but talking to your wife or a therapist is the way forward.

I do love her I know I have to talk to her but that never goes well as you say I feel like a bill payer/caretaker but I can’t tell her that as it would only enrage her into a full blown argument

Then there is more going on there. Expressing ones feelings in an authentic way should never lead to an argument. If you can't make space for each other to express your emotions then those emotions become toxic. If nobody gives the relationship is in trouble. "

We have your side of the story.

What would her side say?

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"There are multiple reasons both physical and psychological as to why her libido may be waning. Manipulating her into a threesome is definitely not the answer. Talk to your wife. She may be suffering or just not feel in the relationship anymore and relying on you for financial support, reducing you to nothing more than a caretaker. I also wonder if you still love her either. No mention in the op of your feels and you seem only concerned with how much attention your dick is getting.

Obviously it is conjecture based only on what you have wrote but talking to your wife or a therapist is the way forward.

I do love her I know I have to talk to her but that never goes well as you say I feel like a bill payer/caretaker but I can’t tell her that as it would only enrage her into a full blown argument

Then there is more going on there. Expressing ones feelings in an authentic way should never lead to an argument. If you can't make space for each other to express your emotions then those emotions become toxic. If nobody gives the relationship is in trouble. "

I get what your saying and this will definitely not get a good response but the only person I can blame for this is her mother my relationship with my wife has always been one sided right from the start and her mother was the same so it’s learnt behaviour I keep my head down and opinions to myself for this reason I will have to talk to her but it’s not going to be easy

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By *hesubtlegentMan
16 weeks ago

surrey

OP you need to have the conversation with her face to face. I hope you’re joking saying you will talk to her through WhatsApp…

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"There are multiple reasons both physical and psychological as to why her libido may be waning. Manipulating her into a threesome is definitely not the answer. Talk to your wife. She may be suffering or just not feel in the relationship anymore and relying on you for financial support, reducing you to nothing more than a caretaker. I also wonder if you still love her either. No mention in the op of your feels and you seem only concerned with how much attention your dick is getting.

Obviously it is conjecture based only on what you have wrote but talking to your wife or a therapist is the way forward.

I do love her I know I have to talk to her but that never goes well as you say I feel like a bill payer/caretaker but I can’t tell her that as it would only enrage her into a full blown argument

Then there is more going on there. Expressing ones feelings in an authentic way should never lead to an argument. If you can't make space for each other to express your emotions then those emotions become toxic. If nobody gives the relationship is in trouble.

We have your side of the story.

What would her side say?"

Her side would say she’s tired she works too much she doesn’t have the time she says cuddles are enough and she will do something tomorrow but tomorrow never comes

I am trying to figure out more of what her side is but she won’t open up to me or anyone

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"OP you need to have the conversation with her face to face. I hope you’re joking saying you will talk to her through WhatsApp… "

I wish I was joking if I talk to her face to face I’m left berated belittled and basically ready to put my head in a blender

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By *iker JackMan
16 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"There are multiple reasons both physical and psychological as to why her libido may be waning. Manipulating her into a threesome is definitely not the answer. Talk to your wife. She may be suffering or just not feel in the relationship anymore and relying on you for financial support, reducing you to nothing more than a caretaker. I also wonder if you still love her either. No mention in the op of your feels and you seem only concerned with how much attention your dick is getting.

Obviously it is conjecture based only on what you have wrote but talking to your wife or a therapist is the way forward.

I do love her I know I have to talk to her but that never goes well as you say I feel like a bill payer/caretaker but I can’t tell her that as it would only enrage her into a full blown argument

Then there is more going on there. Expressing ones feelings in an authentic way should never lead to an argument. If you can't make space for each other to express your emotions then those emotions become toxic. If nobody gives the relationship is in trouble.

We have your side of the story.

What would her side say?

Her side would say she’s tired she works too much she doesn’t have the time she says cuddles are enough and she will do something tomorrow but tomorrow never comes

I am trying to figure out more of what her side is but she won’t open up to me or anyone

"

Oh and adding this woman you talk of will really help this situation for her

She is telling you how she feels.

That’s a huge thing to do

And your answer is to introduce someone else

I’m going to say this is clearly a you thing

Good luck

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By *AYENCouple
16 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

It sounds like you're putting your needs way above hers - I'm wondering if that is what caused the problem in the first place. Bad experiences and outcomes are often caused by bad choices.

I would suggest you stop being so self centred and address the deeper issues.

I'm the male half by the way.

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By *arblerWoman
16 weeks ago

Southampton

Firstly, sorry to hear of your dilemma.

I think a lack of communication is happening here. You need to realign your vales and think what you both really want. It sounds like you both need to build on what you've got. Use that as the cement. Sex is only a part of a relationship. It seems you get on in many ways.

Find the 'root' of the problem and probably stay off here for a while. My 25 Yr marriage ended recently for many reasons. You could have a good chance of resurrecting yours. Good luck, Hun xx

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"There are multiple reasons both physical and psychological as to why her libido may be waning. Manipulating her into a threesome is definitely not the answer. Talk to your wife. She may be suffering or just not feel in the relationship anymore and relying on you for financial support, reducing you to nothing more than a caretaker. I also wonder if you still love her either. No mention in the op of your feels and you seem only concerned with how much attention your dick is getting.

Obviously it is conjecture based only on what you have wrote but talking to your wife or a therapist is the way forward.

I do love her I know I have to talk to her but that never goes well as you say I feel like a bill payer/caretaker but I can’t tell her that as it would only enrage her into a full blown argument

Then there is more going on there. Expressing ones feelings in an authentic way should never lead to an argument. If you can't make space for each other to express your emotions then those emotions become toxic. If nobody gives the relationship is in trouble.

We have your side of the story.

What would her side say?

Her side would say she’s tired she works too much she doesn’t have the time she says cuddles are enough and she will do something tomorrow but tomorrow never comes

I am trying to figure out more of what her side is but she won’t open up to me or anyone

Oh and adding this woman you talk of will really help this situation for her

She is telling you how she feels.

That’s a huge thing to do

And your answer is to introduce someone else

I’m going to say this is clearly a you thing

Good luck "

At no point has she told me how she feels I don’t know where you got that from

Maybe it is a me thing but I’m unsure what’s wrong with wanting intimacy with my wife

I said about adding another woman because that’s something she has mentioned in the past I said about fab and meeting and she said no to men but wouldn’t be against another woman

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"It sounds like you're putting your needs way above hers - I'm wondering if that is what caused the problem in the first place. Bad experiences and outcomes are often caused by bad choices.

I would suggest you stop being so self centred and address the deeper issues.

I'm the male half by the way. "

But is it being self centred wanting more intimacy in my relationship? Is it self centred wanting it to feel like a marriage not a house share? Is it self centred wanting advice on how to deal with this rather than just giving up?

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan
16 weeks ago

St Leonards


"It sounds like you're putting your needs way above hers - I'm wondering if that is what caused the problem in the first place. Bad experiences and outcomes are often caused by bad choices.

I would suggest you stop being so self centred and address the deeper issues.

I'm the male half by the way.

But is it being self centred wanting more intimacy in my relationship? Is it self centred wanting it to feel like a marriage not a house share? Is it self centred wanting advice on how to deal with this rather than just giving up?"

It's self-centred, from both of you, if you don't address it with each other.

Do the two of you have a lot of "scenes" when you talk about big stuff together?

As in, both of you lose the plot a little?

You may not have (yet) the emotional maturity for this high stakes business called life, in which case you either make a pact to grow together, or you ship out and grow on your own.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
16 weeks ago

Carlisle usually


"OP you need to have the conversation with her face to face. I hope you’re joking saying you will talk to her through WhatsApp…

I wish I was joking if I talk to her face to face I’m left berated belittled and basically ready to put my head in a blender "

...

Maybe that should be a higher priority for discussion above the sex.

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By *ellinever70Woman
16 weeks ago

Ayrshire

Is it intimacy or sex you want? Because I think they're very different things

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"It sounds like you're putting your needs way above hers - I'm wondering if that is what caused the problem in the first place. Bad experiences and outcomes are often caused by bad choices.

I would suggest you stop being so self centred and address the deeper issues.

I'm the male half by the way.

But is it being self centred wanting more intimacy in my relationship? Is it self centred wanting it to feel like a marriage not a house share? Is it self centred wanting advice on how to deal with this rather than just giving up?

It's self-centred, from both of you, if you don't address it with each other.

Do the two of you have a lot of "scenes" when you talk about big stuff together?

As in, both of you lose the plot a little?

You may not have (yet) the emotional maturity for this high stakes business called life, in which case you either make a pact to grow together, or you ship out and grow on your own."

“Scenes” I’m assuming you mean something along the lines of blow up arguments? No we rarely do that but if it gets heated I tend to just put my head down and wait out the storm then get her a glass of wine and leave her to it

As for “maturity” we have been married 25 years this has been an issue for months not years so a small proportion of our relationship I don’t want to lose her and want advice not being belittled like you are doing

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan
16 weeks ago

St Leonards


"OP you need to have the conversation with her face to face. I hope you’re joking saying you will talk to her through WhatsApp…

I wish I was joking if I talk to her face to face I’m left berated belittled and basically ready to put my head in a blender

...

Maybe that should be a higher priority for discussion above the sex."

Agreed. You've got bigger issues going on here than fucking.

And if the two of you can't or won't tackle them together, possibly with a professional, then you need to start growing in your own worlds apart from each other.

Your issues are way deeper than sex.

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By *ripfillMan
16 weeks ago

Paris, New York, Hong Kong and Havant

[Removed by poster at 18/10/24 07:59:23]

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"Is it intimacy or sex you want? Because I think they're very different things "

Intimacy the sex is there just nothing with it everyone has assumed until now it’s just me wanting to get my dick wet thank you for understanding

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By *ripfillMan
16 weeks ago

Paris, New York, Hong Kong and Havant

Please seek professional advise OP

Its what I should have done

It’s not all about sex in the end …

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By *rBruce101Man
16 weeks ago

Leicester

What if she wanted some hot cock action? You taking a rock hard cock for her pleasure. And before you say you're straight but it's something she's talked about. I've said in the past I'd like to try BASE jumping. Never going to do it. But the idea of it sounds great. Does that make me a BASE jumper who it going to throw myself off the nearest cliff because my partner wants it?

As for advise? I've taken some quotes from a bio I saw on here. Great stuff we should all strive to. I do hope that's not something they have just put to get laid, but they don't appear to practice at home.

"I’m all about making sure everyone is comfortable and enjoying themselves.

No expectations."

"Consent, communication, and respect are non-negotiable for me."

"I always prioritize the comfort of everyone involved. No pressure."

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"What if she wanted some hot cock action? You taking a rock hard cock for her pleasure. And before you say you're straight but it's something she's talked about. I've said in the past I'd like to try BASE jumping. Never going to do it. But the idea of it sounds great. Does that make me a BASE jumper who it going to throw myself off the nearest cliff because my partner wants it?

As for advise? I've taken some quotes from a bio I saw on here. Great stuff we should all strive to. I do hope that's not something they have just put to get laid, but they don't appear to practice at home.

"I’m all about making sure everyone is comfortable and enjoying themselves.

No expectations."

"Consent, communication, and respect are non-negotiable for me."

"I always prioritize the comfort of everyone involved. No pressure.""

Odd thing to say would I change my sexuality for her pleasure

She is bi she has been with women and said she wouldn’t be against another woman to join us or her we have had couples and single men join us at the moment she isn’t interested in that I would love to meet another couple together but that’s not on the table right now

This isn’t about the sex it’s about the lack of intimacy we have sexual contact but it’s lifeless and the intimacy is lacking not only in the sex but with everything

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By *hatKlungeEnigmaMan
16 weeks ago

St Leonards


"Please seek professional advise OP

Its what I should have done

It’s not all about sex in the end … "

This. Good luck OP. I think you're going to have some very tough conversations and decisions ahead.

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
16 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders


"I need advice I feel like my marriage is more like we are room mates she never wants intimacy and when she does she does her best to put me off I’m at the point where I feel I should make her pay half the bills as that’s what room mates do

We used to be on here as a couple before she had a bad experience with birth control after that she just doesn’t want to know I know she knows I’m still on here but I feel guilty so have never arranged a solo meet the one person I have met us both together as well as me and her alone I know if I could get her some hot female action it would turn her on again but she won’t let me "

'Make her pay half the bills' so if she was putting out you'd pay all the bills?

And 'hot female action' how do you know this would turn her on? The clue is there 'she won't let me' she doesn't want hot female action.....

Have a conversation and properly listen to her...

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"I need advice I feel like my marriage is more like we are room mates she never wants intimacy and when she does she does her best to put me off I’m at the point where I feel I should make her pay half the bills as that’s what room mates do

We used to be on here as a couple before she had a bad experience with birth control after that she just doesn’t want to know I know she knows I’m still on here but I feel guilty so have never arranged a solo meet the one person I have met us both together as well as me and her alone I know if I could get her some hot female action it would turn her on again but she won’t let me

'Make her pay half the bills' so if she was putting out you'd pay all the bills?

And 'hot female action' how do you know this would turn her on? The clue is there 'she won't let me' she doesn't want hot female action.....

Have a conversation and properly listen to her..."

Obviously you don’t read any replies just jump straight in with the first comment

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
16 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders


"I need advice I feel like my marriage is more like we are room mates she never wants intimacy and when she does she does her best to put me off I’m at the point where I feel I should make her pay half the bills as that’s what room mates do

We used to be on here as a couple before she had a bad experience with birth control after that she just doesn’t want to know I know she knows I’m still on here but I feel guilty so have never arranged a solo meet the one person I have met us both together as well as me and her alone I know if I could get her some hot female action it would turn her on again but she won’t let me

'Make her pay half the bills' so if she was putting out you'd pay all the bills?

And 'hot female action' how do you know this would turn her on? The clue is there 'she won't let me' she doesn't want hot female action.....

Have a conversation and properly listen to her...

Obviously you don’t read any replies just jump straight in with the first comment "

You wanted advise, I gave mine.

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"I need advice I feel like my marriage is more like we are room mates she never wants intimacy and when she does she does her best to put me off I’m at the point where I feel I should make her pay half the bills as that’s what room mates do

We used to be on here as a couple before she had a bad experience with birth control after that she just doesn’t want to know I know she knows I’m still on here but I feel guilty so have never arranged a solo meet the one person I have met us both together as well as me and her alone I know if I could get her some hot female action it would turn her on again but she won’t let me

'Make her pay half the bills' so if she was putting out you'd pay all the bills?

And 'hot female action' how do you know this would turn her on? The clue is there 'she won't let me' she doesn't want hot female action.....

Have a conversation and properly listen to her...

Obviously you don’t read any replies just jump straight in with the first comment

You wanted advise, I gave mine. "

Read the replies and come back with actual advice

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
16 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders


"I need advice I feel like my marriage is more like we are room mates she never wants intimacy and when she does she does her best to put me off I’m at the point where I feel I should make her pay half the bills as that’s what room mates do

We used to be on here as a couple before she had a bad experience with birth control after that she just doesn’t want to know I know she knows I’m still on here but I feel guilty so have never arranged a solo meet the one person I have met us both together as well as me and her alone I know if I could get her some hot female action it would turn her on again but she won’t let me

'Make her pay half the bills' so if she was putting out you'd pay all the bills?

And 'hot female action' how do you know this would turn her on? The clue is there 'she won't let me' she doesn't want hot female action.....

Have a conversation and properly listen to her...

Obviously you don’t read any replies just jump straight in with the first comment

You wanted advise, I gave mine.

Read the replies and come back with actual advice "

I did give advice of 'Have a conversation with her and properly listen to her'

Or is that not what you want to hear?

Oh well. If you don't like the responses you get don't put it out there

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By *he Silver FuxMan
16 weeks ago

Uttoxeter


"I need advice I feel like my marriage is more like we are room mates she never wants intimacy and when she does she does her best to put me off I’m at the point where I feel I should make her pay half the bills as that’s what room mates do

We used to be on here as a couple before she had a bad experience with birth control after that she just doesn’t want to know I know she knows I’m still on here but I feel guilty so have never arranged a solo meet the one person I have met us both together as well as me and her alone I know if I could get her some hot female action it would turn her on again but she won’t let me "

If you want to save your marriage, forget about swinging and go to counselling together.

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By *ohn.Wick.Man
16 weeks ago

The Continental

Two options.

You either sit down as adults and talk EVERYTHING through, properly.

End the relationship for both your sakes.

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"I need advice I feel like my marriage is more like we are room mates she never wants intimacy and when she does she does her best to put me off I’m at the point where I feel I should make her pay half the bills as that’s what room mates do

We used to be on here as a couple before she had a bad experience with birth control after that she just doesn’t want to know I know she knows I’m still on here but I feel guilty so have never arranged a solo meet the one person I have met us both together as well as me and her alone I know if I could get her some hot female action it would turn her on again but she won’t let me

'Make her pay half the bills' so if she was putting out you'd pay all the bills?

And 'hot female action' how do you know this would turn her on? The clue is there 'she won't let me' she doesn't want hot female action.....

Have a conversation and properly listen to her...

Obviously you don’t read any replies just jump straight in with the first comment

You wanted advise, I gave mine.

Read the replies and come back with actual advice

I did give advice of 'Have a conversation with her and properly listen to her'

Or is that not what you want to hear?

Oh well. If you don't like the responses you get don't put it out there

"

You berated me about “hot female action” if you delved deeper you would see that’s something she has mentioned she wouldn’t be against but you just jumped in and attacked me straight away

And the pay half the bills was not a serious thing it was meant to emphasise the room mate part

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By *electableicecreamMan
16 weeks ago

The West

It's really hard to be in a relationship where, for whatever reason, intimacy is being withheld.

Frank and honest conversation is really the only way to discover the underlying issue that has led to the situation you are both in.

In the meantime, would it be possible for you to demonstrate your care for her in other, less confrontational ways? Treat her to a spa or give her a massage. Bring her to dinner and be a good listener. Go for a walk somewhere nice and hold hands. There's endless possibilities.

If she's unable to express herself it might help if you can create an environment where she feels she can open to you.

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
16 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders


"I need advice I feel like my marriage is more like we are room mates she never wants intimacy and when she does she does her best to put me off I’m at the point where I feel I should make her pay half the bills as that’s what room mates do

We used to be on here as a couple before she had a bad experience with birth control after that she just doesn’t want to know I know she knows I’m still on here but I feel guilty so have never arranged a solo meet the one person I have met us both together as well as me and her alone I know if I could get her some hot female action it would turn her on again but she won’t let me

'Make her pay half the bills' so if she was putting out you'd pay all the bills?

And 'hot female action' how do you know this would turn her on? The clue is there 'she won't let me' she doesn't want hot female action.....

Have a conversation and properly listen to her...

Obviously you don’t read any replies just jump straight in with the first comment

You wanted advise, I gave mine.

Read the replies and come back with actual advice

I did give advice of 'Have a conversation with her and properly listen to her'

Or is that not what you want to hear?

Oh well. If you don't like the responses you get don't put it out there

You berated me about “hot female action” if you delved deeper you would see that’s something she has mentioned she wouldn’t be against but you just jumped in and attacked me straight away

And the pay half the bills was not a serious thing it was meant to emphasise the room mate part"

I didn't berate you. Or attack you.....But anyhow Good luck.

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By *ermite12ukMan
16 weeks ago

Solihull and Brentwood


"OP you need to have the conversation with her face to face. I hope you’re joking saying you will talk to her through WhatsApp…

I wish I was joking if I talk to her face to face I’m left berated belittled and basically ready to put my head in a blender "

I was going to say, have a weeks holiday together, either abroad or the UK. Where's there's entertainment. A spa/massage, where she can be pampered etc.

Then I read your reply above. How old is she? Thinking her hormones and stress levels, are all over the place.

(My landlady who is in her late fifties, is very similar sometimes. But I enjoy pushing her buttons and respect I may wind up, 6 ft under. through no fault of my own obvs.)

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By *rBruce101Man
16 weeks ago

Leicester

You didn't say she was bi and had been with other women. You said

"something she mentioned in the past"

I'm not asking you to change your sexuality. I'm asking if you would take cock for your partner?

If you say it's not about sex but intimacy, sticking someone that she doesn't want into a sexual situation properly isn't the best way forward.

Have you read the quotes I posted?

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"You didn't say she was bi and had been with other women. You said

"something she mentioned in the past"

I'm not asking you to change your sexuality. I'm asking if you would take cock for your partner?

If you say it's not about sex but intimacy, sticking someone that she doesn't want into a sexual situation properly isn't the best way forward.

Have you read the quotes I posted?

"

Sorry we have been on fab as a couple since 2016 met couples, single females, and single males

She had had me out for meets alone and she has been out for meets alone she only met alone with woman want interested in men or couples alone that’s where the female part came from

It was actually her who started us swinging or rather her female friend who came in my house one night after a few drinks and told me she was going to fuck my wife I was like wow should I say no or see where this goes I’ve never seen my wife that turned on and the feelings she had after that were so intense it made us such a perfect couple with or without anyone else with us

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By *ellinever70Woman
16 weeks ago

Ayrshire


"Is it intimacy or sex you want? Because I think they're very different things

Intimacy the sex is there just nothing with it everyone has assumed until now it’s just me wanting to get my dick wet thank you for understanding "

By intimacy, I meant time together enjoying life, talking, sharing (non sexual) experiences, laughing.

Stuff that people who like each other still do

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By *lue NotebooksCouple
16 weeks ago

Merseyside

You won’t get anywhere unless you have an honest conversation with her. You say you’re worried it will turn into an argument-if yous can’t talk openly and honestly together then unfortunately how can it work?

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By *ornycougaWoman
16 weeks ago

Wherever I lay my hat


"You didn't say she was bi and had been with other women. You said

"something she mentioned in the past"

I'm not asking you to change your sexuality. I'm asking if you would take cock for your partner?

If you say it's not about sex but intimacy, sticking someone that she doesn't want into a sexual situation properly isn't the best way forward.

Have you read the quotes I posted?

Sorry we have been on fab as a couple since 2016 met couples, single females, and single males

She had had me out for meets alone and she has been out for meets alone she only met alone with woman want interested in men or couples alone that’s where the female part came from

It was actually her who started us swinging or rather her female friend who came in my house one night after a few drinks and told me she was going to fuck my wife I was like wow should I say no or see where this goes I’ve never seen my wife that turned on and the feelings she had after that were so intense it made us such a perfect couple with or without anyone else with us "

Maybe she has realised she is no longer into guys? As others have said, you need an open, honest conversation with both of you willing to listen and to understand the others perspective. If you can't do that, you are doomed (not being snidey, I'm speaking from experience).

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By *rBruce101Man
16 weeks ago

Leicester

But it's clearly something she doesn't want at the moment, like how I'm guessing you wouldn't want to take a dick. I'm guessing because you didn't answer when I asked.

You have asked for advice based on the information you gave us. You aren't liking the answers so changing or adding more information. This could go on until you hope to get the answer you want to hear. But somehow I don't think you are going to get

"What a bitch. What right has she got to be tired from working too hard. (your words) She has lezed up before so I don't see the problem now. Definitely the mother in law is the problem. Those 70's comedians knew what's what. Fuck em man."

I can't help noticing the people you are replying aggressively to are the woman here.

If we took all context out of what you have said and transposed it to a video from a young male who has just shot up his school, no one would be surprised.

Actually I've just had a thought. Maybe she is so tired and not in need of intimacy from you because she is out getting hot female action.

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By *iss KinkWoman
16 weeks ago

North West

It may be the menopause. If that’s the case she needs supporting not trying to get her to do things she doesn’t want!

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By (user no longer on site)
16 weeks ago

Gonna have to build the relationship back with just the two of yous, nothing fancy just a afternoon meal, shopping trips for nothing in particular that sort of thing.

Good luck fella 👍

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By *iscrete77 OP   Man
16 weeks ago

King’s Lynn


"But it's clearly something she doesn't want at the moment, like how I'm guessing you wouldn't want to take a dick. I'm guessing because you didn't answer when I asked.

You have asked for advice based on the information you gave us. You aren't liking the answers so changing or adding more information. This could go on until you hope to get the answer you want to hear. But somehow I don't think you are going to get

"What a bitch. What right has she got to be tired from working too hard. (your words) She has lezed up before so I don't see the problem now. Definitely the mother in law is the problem. Those 70's comedians knew what's what. Fuck em man."

I can't help noticing the people you are replying aggressively to are the woman here.

If we took all context out of what you have said and transposed it to a video from a young male who has just shot up his school, no one would be surprised.

Actually I've just had a thought. Maybe she is so tired and not in need of intimacy from you because she is out getting hot female action."

What planet are you on? I’m not aggressive to anyone but it’s the women who jump straight in and blame or attack me before reading anything

You have some weird ideas of what’s right or wrong why the fuck would me taking a dick have anything to do with this and how the fuck would that equate to shooting up an American school

Not once have I said I’m going to throw anyone into the bedroom it was something I said as a possible scenario that could not would help

I’m all for you having your opinion and say but fuck you’re weird

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
16 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders


"But it's clearly something she doesn't want at the moment, like how I'm guessing you wouldn't want to take a dick. I'm guessing because you didn't answer when I asked.

You have asked for advice based on the information you gave us. You aren't liking the answers so changing or adding more information. This could go on until you hope to get the answer you want to hear. But somehow I don't think you are going to get

"What a bitch. What right has she got to be tired from working too hard. (your words) She has lezed up before so I don't see the problem now. Definitely the mother in law is the problem. Those 70's comedians knew what's what. Fuck em man."

I can't help noticing the people you are replying aggressively to are the woman here.

If we took all context out of what you have said and transposed it to a video from a young male who has just shot up his school, no one would be surprised.

Actually I've just had a thought. Maybe she is so tired and not in need of intimacy from you because she is out getting hot female action."

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By *rBruce101Man
16 weeks ago

Leicester

"I’m not aggressive to anyone but it’s the WOMEN who jump straight in and blame or attack me before reading anything" But not the men. When I would say it's. Fairly even split.

Taking a cock. It's to do with what you would want to do and your partner's expectations. No matter what she has done in the past, if she doesn't want it now, end of conversation. In the same way you don't want dick.

School shooting. You sound like an incle blaming everyone else but not looking at yourself.

Your wife has all the symptoms of suffering from depression. She needs help to move to living with depression. Only then can she hopefully move on from there. The best thing I did was taking the first step and talking to someone. I hated it. But as it was a professional there were no arguments. No comebacks. No repercussions. It was a turning point to work from there.

The same goes for marriage counselling. You or she can go by yourself. Let her them know what you are doing. You can then get it all out without any judgement, like you knew you were going to get here.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
16 weeks ago

Reading

Im not surprised there is no intimacy where there is no communication. This is the first thing you need to fix. A therapist can help to teach you the skills you are both clearly lacking.

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