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What is aftercare?

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By *ickleTheWonderSchlong OP   Man
15 weeks ago

Ends

Is it only a D/S thing or is it a part of most relationships?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
15 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

It should be a part of any emotional high that can come with a drop when those endorphins flee.

I mean, my preferred aftercare is having some space and peace and maybe a hot chocolate by myself. But if I'm with someone who needs something a bit more affectionate as part of their aftercare I can manage that so long s I know I'll be able to take care of my own soon enough 💜

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By *iker JackMan
15 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

Aftercare is, in my opinion, something that both the D and the s may need.

For me the D can get left out. Take impact. If you “mark” someone, after the headspace of being in at that moment and then looking at the “marks” you can have a fear and worry that you’ve hurt them

It looks very different for many people but is basically, for me, a place where thoughts are processed post play

That said if you’re talking vanilla the same may just be a cuddle after sex rather than getting up and walking away or rolling over.

It is whatever each other need

The issue is who is when both people need it is who is the primary and how does that make the other feel

In all things in life and in general good open and honest communication is needed

Only my thoughts

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By *r Mind CandyMan
15 weeks ago

Cheshire

The most beautiful and precious part of play is the aftercare.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
15 weeks ago

Leeds

I don't think it's restricted to D/S dynamics, aftercare is an important part of the sex for me & what that looks like will vary with who I'm with.

If the Mr doesn't give me after sex cuddles I ain't impressed 😂

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
15 weeks ago

Just being a good, respectful person and not making anyone feel used in anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
15 weeks ago

It's when they leave and don't bother me again.

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By *ohn.Wick.Man
15 weeks ago

The Continental

It’s when I say bye bye before jumping into the waiting cab, as opposed to diving through its moving window at top speed.

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By *a LunaWoman
15 weeks ago

South Wales

It’s not ghosting them after the sex.

Checking in with them, because you want to.

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By (user no longer on site)
15 weeks ago


"It’s when I say bye bye before jumping into the waiting cab, as opposed to diving through its moving window at top speed. "

This is my kinda aftercare.

It's sex, I've done sex before, I don't need reassurance afterwards.

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By *electableicecreamMan
15 weeks ago

The West

[Removed by poster at 03/10/24 17:29:28]

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By *sWyldWoman
15 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Not just a D/S thing.

Sorry I've not read all the replies so apologies if I'm repeating things already said.

It's different for everyone and what you might feel you need can be different everytime.

It doesn't make you needy or clingy and nor does it need to always be anything more than basic good manors, respect and not ghosting.

For me (and I can only speak for myself) I can't do get dressed and go right away. It leaves me feeling cold and empty. That's not to say I can't enjoy casual encounters or I suddenly want more.

I just like the pillow talk and preferably round 2 or 3.

I like a text later in the day or the next day that reassures me they don't regret seeing me naked.

For the most part that's all I need.

There have been times where I've experienced that post high low and just knowing I can speak to the person helps.

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By *electableicecreamMan
15 weeks ago

The West

I can experience a drop if the intensity and/or duration of an experience is sufficiently... well, intense.

Those endorphins and their subsequent absence can really knock ya for six.

I like my own space for that but I'm not totally against drinking bloody marys in bed with a few episodes of schitt's creek with the right person

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By *rHotNottsMan
15 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

These replies are making me smile.

It involves cuddles, making them home made juices and hair brushing, a nice massage and the odd a bit of lazy oral. If you’re not up for giving that kind of support please don’t agree to meet me

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By *iker JackMan
15 weeks ago

Wolverhampton


"These replies are making me smile.

It involves cuddles, making them home made juices and hair brushing, a nice massage and the odd a bit of lazy oral. If you’re not up for giving that kind of support please don’t agree to meet me "

I read massage as lasagna. I need new glasses 🤓🤣 although lasagna would work

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By *iker JackMan
15 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

[Removed by poster at 03/10/24 17:45:48]

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By *rHotNottsMan
15 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"These replies are making me smile.

It involves cuddles, making them home made juices and hair brushing, a nice massage and the odd a bit of lazy oral. If you’re not up for giving that kind of support please don’t agree to meet me

I read massage as lasagna. I need new glasses 🤓🤣 although lasagna would work "

If you make me Italian food for aftercare I’ll marry you

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By *riar BelisseWoman
15 weeks ago

Delightful Bliss

The label is d/s only. Originating as the dom/domme tending to their subs emotional and physical wounds, that the dom/domme Inflicted on them.

A contract of you may hurt me, but I trust you will care for me after.

As with all labels, people take them to where they wish to use it, in their own aspect of life

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By *ensualMan
15 weeks ago

Sutton


"The label is d/s only. Originating as the dom/domme tending to their subs emotional and physical wounds, that the dom/domme Inflicted on them.

A contract of you may hurt me, but I trust you will care for me after.

As with all labels, people take them to where they wish to use it, in their own aspect of life "
You said what I was going to post but in a more succinct way. It's a bit like collars.

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By *emorefridaCouple
15 weeks ago

La la land

I don't think it's necessarily a D/s thing. Although it's an important part for me. But the most aftercare I've required was after totally vanilla experience. There were reasonings behind it so was prepared. Yes it may have originated in BDSM but if a system works really well why shouldn't you adopt in other situations?

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By *vaRose43Woman
15 weeks ago

Forest of Dean

Newtons 3rd law for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

Not limited to BDSM. Any particularly intense meet can trigger the same emotions and responses. Also with regards to kink it’s not limited to just the one who has submitted.

How it looks will vary person to person. Some people need time alone, others need much more intense energy input from the partner. I try to be led by their needs.

Generally with me it looks like this: Kisses and cuddles, being reassured and told how pleased I am and mutual reassurance back. Food - often overlooked but some light food and rehydration really helps set the brain back on an even keel. Additional things could be bathing, massage, spooning…. Be led by their needs and your own.

Drops can happen anytime in the days following something intense. Making sure I’m checking in and available to talk is important. Doing something together even if you can’t be together. Get the same hot drink, watch the same movie while messaging, all these things are intimate even not together. Ultimately being available to jump on a train for a coffee and a cuddle if they’re really low and need that reassurance.

I realised a while ago that for ND people those drops and highs can be more intense as they’re already dopamine deficient and we process the happy/sad hormones differently. That just means being extra observant and making sure you really are checking in properly and not as an afterthought

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By *ickleTheWonderSchlong OP   Man
15 weeks ago

Ends


"Newtons 3rd law for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

Not limited to BDSM. Any particularly intense meet can trigger the same emotions and responses. Also with regards to kink it’s not limited to just the one who has submitted.

How it looks will vary person to person. Some people need time alone, others need much more intense energy input from the partner. I try to be led by their needs.

Generally with me it looks like this: Kisses and cuddles, being reassured and told how pleased I am and mutual reassurance back. Food - often overlooked but some light food and rehydration really helps set the brain back on an even keel. Additional things could be bathing, massage, spooning…. Be led by their needs and your own.

Drops can happen anytime in the days following something intense. Making sure I’m checking in and available to talk is important. Doing something together even if you can’t be together. Get the same hot drink, watch the same movie while messaging, all these things are intimate even not together. Ultimately being available to jump on a train for a coffee and a cuddle if they’re really low and need that reassurance.

I realised a while ago that for ND people those drops and highs can be more intense as they’re already dopamine deficient and we process the happy/sad hormones differently. That just means being extra observant and making sure you really are checking in properly and not as an afterthought "

You

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