FabSwingers.com forum: Dirty Bastards

Somewhere In The Ether…

Ow do good folks 👍🏻

What is the dirtiest you have ever been and the circumstances of how you came to be so?

For hasty clarification purposes, I’m referring to the state of being rendered physically dirty as opposed to any particularly lewd sexual escapades.

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By *eliWoman
6 weeks ago

Gutted, I really wanted to talk about how much of a nawty, dirty girl I am.

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By *he HandiemanMan
6 weeks ago

north west

"Gutted, I really wanted to talk about how much of a nawty, dirty girl I am.

I think that would be acceptable to;) haha

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By *mmaleiaWoman
6 weeks ago

East Northamptonshire

My welly got stuck in the mud in the middle of my allotment as I was running over it, I went face 1st into the soil, it had been raining for 3 days, I had to get in my car with a full frontal mud splatter & drive home

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By *ell GwynnWoman
6 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

I worked on a pig farm as a teenager. 'Nuff said.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Helping someone shift a lot of coal

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By *uacksplat.Woman
6 weeks ago

Star Trekking Across The Universe

being covered in alllll of the bodily fluids (no, not like that 😂).

at work.

head to toe.

it's a regular occurrence.

Px 🦆

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
6 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"Gutted, I really wanted to talk about how much of a nawty, dirty girl I am.

Well….I can make an exception just for you 😜

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By *elvet RopeMan
6 weeks ago

by the big field

"Gutted, I really wanted to talk about how much of a nawty, dirty girl I am.

My PM is always open for such confessions

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By *929Man
6 weeks ago

newcastle

Hand Digging 6ft deep foundations in the rain was covered head to toe in clarts from climbing in and out the trench

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By *iker JackMan
6 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

Helping strip old thatched roofs as a teenager on school holidays my mum used to turn the garden hose on me before I was allowed inside the house

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By *iker JackMan
6 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

"My welly got stuck in the mud in the middle of my allotment as I was running over it, I went face 1st into the soil, it had been raining for 3 days, I had to get in my car with a full frontal mud splatter & drive home"

Full frontal splatter 🤪😈

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
6 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Festivals before I learned the joy of booking nearby hotels 💜

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
6 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

These are delightfully dirty thus far 😜👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

I once tried (stupidly) to wade through a bog…..which I then fell into.

I can still remember vividly the malodorous stench that covered me all these years later 😳😳

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
6 weeks ago

North West

Probably the day we walked across Morecambe Bay. Barefoot was recommended and it involved walking through a lot of deep, wet sand, plus sheep poo and mud and cow pat at the Arnside end to get back to the road. Our legs and feet were absolutely disgusting. My Grandad met us in his car and he'd brought us fish and chips in paper to eat as we sat on a wall.

That was another lifetime ago

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Horsham

[Removed by poster at 25/09/24 19:07:50]

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
6 weeks ago

Horsham

During a paintball tournament, I thought it was a good idea to nip across a supposed 'swamp', to get into good cover to take out a few of the opposing team players.

I got across ok, just a bit of mud up to my ankles. I took out 2 players and got shot out myself, I turnround to go to the dead zone and ended up to my waste in mud.

I had to throw my gear away, as it stunk a lot.

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By *929Man
6 weeks ago

newcastle

Another one was pulling down an old lath and plaster ceiling in a bungalow, loft was full of soot which typical of houses that age was absolutely covered in it haha

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By *ayRyuMan
6 weeks ago

Harrogate

Middle of summer working on the Welsh coast and a bagging plant machine got jammed. In shorts and boots only digging it out! Nothing but clogged up dust!

Looked like a coal miner of old!

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By *elvet RopeMan
6 weeks ago

by the big field

"Another one was pulling down an old lath and plaster ceiling in a bungalow, loft was full of soot which typical of houses that age was absolutely covered in it haha "

Done that too- wore goggles and a mask...looked like some sort of weird panda when i finished

Not sure if was beaten by the day i had to change the drive chain on an old goods lift, i had grease and grime in areas i didn't even know existed

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By *usyBusyGirlWoman
6 weeks ago

Birmingham

"being covered in alllll of the bodily fluids (no, not like that 😂).

at work.

head to toe.

it's a regular occurrence.

Px 🦆"

Same..joy 🤣

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By *r John WickMan
6 weeks ago

The Continental

I used to work with hydraulics. Cranes, excavators, and similar.

That was a daily dose of being covered in dirty grease, oil, hydraulic fluids, grime.

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By *iker JackMan
6 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

Incinerating clinical waste

Everything from hospitals, hazardous and non hazardous

Maybe not dirty so much but wow what a smell especially when the bags may rip

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By *9alMan
6 weeks ago

Bridgend

I am a dirty old man, I have always worked with waste , cow slurry etc . not keen on showers , I do have a bath occasionally.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
6 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Ever stood behind a horse with chronic diahorreah?

You don't want to. Trust me. 😬😬🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

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By *he Silver FuxMan
6 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

An explosive release from a large vacuum sewage system onboard a cruise liner during maintenance. I wasn’t even working on it, I was just passing through the compartment.

I was heaving for weeks…

🤢🤮

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By *he Silver FuxMan
6 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

"I am a dirty old man, I have always worked with waste , cow slurry etc . not keen on showers , I do have a bath occasionally. "

You’re going to do just fine on here….

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By *iker JackMan
6 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

"An explosive release from a large vacuum sewage system onboard a cruise liner during maintenance. I wasn’t even working on it, I was just passing through the compartment.

I was heaving for weeks…

🤢🤮"

Anyone serve at Kandahar Airfield and remember the poo pond!!

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By *he Silver FuxMan
6 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

"An explosive release from a large vacuum sewage system onboard a cruise liner during maintenance. I wasn’t even working on it, I was just passing through the compartment.

I was heaving for weeks…

🤢🤮

Anyone serve at Kandahar Airfield and remember the poo pond!!"

Oh jeez 🤮 burn barrels and ponds… Smell doesn’t qualify as getting dirty though 😂

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

In my late teens / early twenties, I worked as an environmental drilling engineer.

Ever seen those trailer-sized tracked drilling rigs at motorway services, normally boring holes around the petrol station? They're drilling for contamination near the underground fuel tanks.

Normally happens if they notice a certain amount of fuel hasn't been accounted for, as the tank might have a leak.

That's what I used to do. 😄

The time I was the dirtiest (and haven't been since) was drilling while down in Kent.

To ensure the drilling equipment doesn't overheat from friction (due to metal grinding against rock and tough sediment), a constant stream of cold water is pumped down through the middle of the augers (the large corkscrew sections).

Now and again, the water pressure builds up as you drill down and you need to slow the rotation, pull everything back out a little. Few inches or so, to relieve the pressure before continuing.

Drilling as normal, but it suddenly slows to about half speed. Nothing out of the ordinary, as it happens sometimes.

The pressure gauge is twitching like crazy, so as always, we follow procedure. Slow down and lift up.

A gigantic gush of chalky water (also mixed with chunks of chalk) shoots up through the middle of the augers, spraying wildly into the air like a geyser. It coats everything within a large radius, with wet and sticky chalk.

Bearing in mind I'm already plastered from cleaning off the augers most of the day. Wet chalk is a bastard to get off. It's worse than clay lol.

Everyone and everything in the splash zone was pure white. You couldn't see who was who, it was mental. 😂

I was finding chalk in random places for ages, even after showering multiple times lol.

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By *he Silver FuxMan
6 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

"In my late teens / early twenties, I worked as an environmental drilling engineer.

Ever seen those trailer-sized tracked drilling rigs at motorway services, normally boring holes around the petrol station? They're drilling for contamination near the underground fuel tanks.

Normally happens if they notice a certain amount of fuel hasn't been accounted for, as the tank might have a leak.

That's what I used to do. 😄

The time I was the dirtiest (and haven't been since) was drilling while down in Kent.

Now and again, the water pressure builds up as you drill down and you need to slow the rotation, pull everything back out a little. Few inches or so, to relieve the pressure before continuing.

Drilling as normal, but it suddenly slows to about half speed. Nothing out of the ordinary, as it happens sometimes.

The pressure gauge is twitching like crazy, so as always, we follow procedure. Slow down and lift up.

Bearing in mind I'm already plastered from cleaning off the augers most of the day. Wet chalk is a bastard to get off. It's worse than clay lol.

Everyone and everything in the splash zone was pure white. You couldn't see who was who, it was mental. 😂

I was finding chalk in random places for ages, even after showering multiple times lol."

This is epic 😂 Would loved to have seen everyone looking like Warboys from Mad Max

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By *oeBeansMan
6 weeks ago

Derby

Probably playing cricket. Wet outfield and diving meant dirt along the knees and sides of my trousers as well as the front of my top. Oh, and the red patch from using spit and rubbing the ball

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By *lueLotusWoman
6 weeks ago

the wilderness

As kids, my friends and I built a raft which only one child could fit on, and we'd 'launch' each other on a pond in a cow field and then bombard and sink each other with cow poo muck bombs.

Best childhood ever

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By *ittlebirdWoman
6 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

I went caving. Even I didn’t appreciate being that dirty. And that is a first 😘

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
6 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

These are delightfully filthy! 😂😂😂

Thou art a bunch of dirty buggers! (Keep it up) 😜👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

"This is epic 😂 Would loved to have seen everyone looking like Warboys from Mad Max"

It definitely wasn't mediocre lol.

I've remembered that for over 20 years. It's the one moment in my relatively short drilling career that was hilarious, as bloody filthy as it was at the time.

Shame we never took any photos. Would have loved to see the state of everyone again. 😄

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By *elvet RopeMan
6 weeks ago

by the big field

I did work with someone who took the head off a sprinkler outlet with a pallet stack- fair to say it aint clean water in there

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By *eilde HoarWoman
6 weeks ago

In a wax coated bubble

Arsehole cow. Muddy field. Broken lead rope. That's all I have to say on the matter

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
6 weeks ago

Staffordshire

I did spill tippex on my fresh trimmed and filed thumb nail recently, I know, filth.

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By *inkygentkentMan
6 weeks ago

Maidstone

Gokarting on a muddy circuit when I was 16. Clothes were completely ruined, to the point my jeans were able to stand up on their own

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By *oandstephCouple
6 weeks ago

Bradford

Recently connecting into a mains sewer in the main road for 10 new houses and the drain bag burst with the pressure behind it 😂😂head to toe in piss shit and bog roll

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
6 weeks ago

Newcastle

I was walking the dog and went a bit off track… I stepped off a bank/hill near a river, on to what I thought was solid ground but it turned out to be a swamp… so I ended up in the mud past my knees and when I tried to pull my leg out, I lost my trainer... So I had to put my arm in the mud (past my elbow) to try and retrieve it. I can tell you, I was in quite a state by the time I’d got back up the bank. It was not a fun walk home 🤦🏼‍♀️

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By *iguy8919Man
6 weeks ago

Thetford

When I was an army cadet we were out on a very wet weekend camp while out doing recon we came under an ambush that the instructors set up I jump down into prone position ready to open fire I go straight into the wettest muddiest puddle you could ever imagine. Needless to say it made for a miserable night

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By *n at the DeeP endCouple
6 weeks ago

Manchester

Playing rounders on a field one weekend when I was probably around 10 years old. A kid hit the ball high and far. I ran like the wind and leapt into the air, arm outstretched and made a mightily impressive one handed catch which I am still proud of today.

I crashed to the ground still moving at some speed, landing in a large pile of sloppy dog shit. It was on my hand, up my forearm and on the left side of my face and neck.

I was wretching during the walk home in the baking heat. My mum wouldn't let me in the house to clean up. I had to get rid of the majority of the dog shit under the outside tap.

I will never forget that catch. Or the smell. Or my mum treating me like a leper. To be fair, i'd have done the same.

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By *olfandtazCouple
6 weeks ago

Bristol

Going back when I was serving we did a game against the sergeants which involved climbing up a hill in the middle of the night.

I crawled my way up through all sorts of mud and cow shit, by the time I got to the top of the hill I was literally covered in everything imaginable

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
6 weeks ago

Den of Iniquity

Monsters Of Rock Festival early 90s when Metallica and Slayer came on ..

Pissing rain no wellies and bags of piss being thrown everywhere kinda spoiled the weekend 🤷‍♂️😂

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By *Silver-Man
6 weeks ago

Mold

Mud wrestling with two females, was very dirty...slippery also

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By *rsMxCouple
6 weeks ago

Glasgow

Hill walking.....in the rain....and mud

Went to go into the bushes for a naturistic piddle...lost my footing, fell face first into the mud

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By *929Man
6 weeks ago

newcastle

This one wasn’t me but when we were around 13 we were getting pissed down the corn field which was adjacent to previously opencast land and I’m not sure if anyone ever seen those really soft mud puddles we called them slek not sure what the correct term is but one of my mates (sadly deceased now rip) fell in one and one have of his body was entirely coated in it head to tow he had an almost perfect line up the centre of his body where one half was clean and other coated haha

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
6 weeks ago

Home

Worked in freeing a sewer in a farm supplier what was full of sewage from animals because I was the only one who would fit in it I was working for the summer holiday

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By *otuseater11Man
6 weeks ago

IRVINE

After years of working on a tip think I could win the dirty bastard of the year award or even being a strong contender lol

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By *bxanfCouple
6 weeks ago

Shadow Moses, Stourbridge

Download festival. It was absolutely bogged out because of the rain.

I was making mud angels 😂

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By (user no longer on site)
6 weeks ago

Some might like this but dirtiest I have been is when I cleaned out a chocolate enrober covered head to toe in chocolate

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By *urls and DressesWoman
6 weeks ago

Somewhere near here

I went for a walk and had a vicar of dibley moment in some flooded forest. I misjudged the depth of the puddle. That was within my first mile, I walked a total of 13 miles and looked like I was dragged from a swap.

One of my best and worse walks

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