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"My sarcasmometer just had a meltdown, Glow." Mine melted in days of joining fab. Figured non point replacing it  | |||
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"My sarcasmometer just had a meltdown, Glow. Mine melted in days of joining fab. Figured non point replacing it "I have no idea why you would think i am being sarcastic 
Haven’t i summed up Fab in a nutsack? | |||
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"Have you tried calling a women ‘slurs’ and posting repeated status updates about having your balls drained? " You are very well verified Tea Monkey so I will take your advice on board. It obviously works well for you!! Thank you | |||
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"My sarcasmometer just had a meltdown, Glow. Mine melted in days of joining fab. Figured non point replacing it
I have no idea why you would think i am being sarcastic
Haven’t i summed up Fab in a nutsack?"I don’t know, have you? Your experience of fab will be different to mine, which will be different to everyone else. | |||
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"Just sit back and relax, they'll come to you "I have tried that and no knickerless women have shown up at my door…yet!! | |||
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"I don't put how many people I've managed to sleep with or how many want to sleep with me on my list of life successes so I cannot comment. What I will say is there is no magic formula to gaining sexual partners. There is no single message, profile or personality trait that's going to make a stud out of anyone. The best advice I can give is be you, don't take anything too personally or seriously, have a sense of humour and if all else fails have a wank." I have a sense of humour or at least that’s what my mum says, as for wanking i think I have the World record for most in one day. It’s down to a bloodied stump!! 😳 | |||
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"I'm hoping that Boobs = success "Shall i grow some? | |||
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"Two top tips: 1. All wimmin love compliments - it’s incontrovertible scientific fact it is; capitalise on this with unsolicited messages such as, ‘Great tits!’ 👍🏻 2. Wimmin all love cake so you should make reference to sweet treats at every given opportunity; ‘I’d love to smear cheesecake over your tits.’ for instance. Guaranteed sex shall follow 👍🏻👍🏻 " So a mix of your advice and Tea Monkeys should have me drowning in pussy? I am busy taking notes and approaching Fab with a new and optimistic attitude. Thank you | |||
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"I send 100’s of exactly the same message to anyone anywhere all saying the same in capitals “GIZZASHAGYASLUT” in the hopes some one will give me a sympathy fuck. " GIZZASHAGYASLUTPULEEEZE If you going sympathy route go all in | |||
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"I send 100’s of exactly the same message to anyone anywhere all saying the same in capitals “GIZZASHAGYASLUT” in the hopes some one will give me a sympathy fuck. GIZZASHAGYASLUTPULEEEZE If you going sympathy route go all in " Oh, you misunderstand - it never works. Well, actually, it did once but hata when I was called “axe wound thrust missile destroyer” so it might have been that whetting her appetite. If ya know wot I mean. | |||
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"I've heard loads of dick pics, without context or warning, works a treat." I sense you might be pulling my pisser. Ladies is this true? Shall i send you all pictures minus my willy warmer? | |||
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"I've heard loads of dick pics, without context or warning, works a treat. I sense you might be pulling my pisser. Ladies is this true? Shall i send you all pictures minus my willy warmer?" You could use your Swiss Army knife if you’re thinking of hacking the little soldier off. | |||
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"Too busy having sex with all the hot ladies here to help you OP. Sorry." Oh you’re one of those i am envious of, can you spare a moment to tell me what sex with a woman feels like? Is it as wonderful as everyone says? | |||
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"I've heard loads of dick pics, without context or warning, works a treat. I sense you might be pulling my pisser. Ladies is this true? Shall i send you all pictures minus my willy warmer? You could use your Swiss Army knife if you’re thinking of hacking the little soldier off." I think i like the little fella where he is…… you have a dark mind Mr 😂 | |||
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"1. Looks. You need looks in a first place to be successful, that includes specific height. Don’t be fooled by those who say otherwise. 2. Unlimited time. That is no family commitments, NO KIDS, preferably a free lance job do you can fit as many hours in the day to meet, including numerous daytime club events. 3. Money (see 2). 4. “No drama” attitude. 5. A little bit of a mystery about you. 6. Be in touch with as much people you can physically handle, plus some more. Make them think they are the only ones you chat to or meet with. That’s the basic. Be that and you’ll see. " Well i am screwed on most of them. I am not tall and make Shrek look like Henry Cavill My time is limited due to kids and work Money, i am so broke at the moment that if it cost £10 to go around the world, i wouldn’t get out of sight I am a bag of drama and thrive in it No mystery about me, just one of those sad desperate people hoping to lose their virginity I don’t talk to anyone, my inbox is empty and i don’t even get blow and go offers So there is little hope for poor old me, my next thread will be how I have had enough and i am leaving as all the women have the power and ignore polite and respectful people like me!! | |||
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"My young huckleberry, there is no right or wrong answer to your quandary. Treat the women as mortals but apotheosize the ladies. They will thank you for it. Do not think of them as a form of conquest, but simply as equals with an even footing. Pay them a compliment but be earnest in your words and avoid all forms of faux flattery. Do not message them with banality or with a simple "Hi", instead write them missives or pen them a sonnet or quote them a soliloquy (they love the one at the end of Blade Runner by Rutger Hauer). Do not rush them. The best ones are a slow burn. The worst ones are just slow. If you display any form of eagerness they will quickly raise their drawbridge and lower their portcullis. The ones worth making love to are the ones who have reached this far in this post and remain steadfastly intrigued; the other lesser ones will at this stage be thinking "TL:DR". Ignore them; their attention span is a wide as a gnat's wing (they make poor lovers). Good luck OP." Now this is how you write advice!!! Very elegant and so seductive i almost feel like messaging you for a meet 😉 | |||
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"SAK your problem is that you are using a girlie shower scrunchie in your profile pic. I suggest substituting for a manly loofa and then I firmly believe your lack of message engagement problems will then be over. " I thought it would reflect that i am in touch with my feminine side ie a sensitive soul!! But maybe i should use a loofa just hope i don’t get told where to stick it 😂 | |||
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"SAK your problem is that you are using a girlie shower scrunchie in your profile pic. I suggest substituting for a manly loofa and then I firmly believe your lack of message engagement problems will then be over. I thought it would reflect that i am in touch with my feminine side ie a sensitive soul!! But maybe i should use a loofa just hope i don’t get told where to stick it 😂" For Fucks Sake! 🤬 Be SUGGESTIVE man! A loofa is the shape of a penis! [What is this, fucking amateur hour? I ought to charge for these gems] | |||
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"Here is the secret to success. Repeatedly mention how genuine you are on your bio. Bonus if your username says genuine in it. Your profile picture should be you having sex with someone who probably didn't consent to you using it. Make sure to have as little or yourself showing. Make sure to completely disregard profiles. Because why read when you can have sex? When messaging only send "hi". They wont respond because they are playing hard to get. Follow up with "??" When you get blocked make a second account and send unsolicited pics of your penis. You should be beating them away with a shitty stick for months." Now this sounds like a fall proof method that should get instant results........ | |||
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"Just sit back and relax, they'll come to you
I have tried that and no knickerless women have shown up at my door…yet!!"How many times? My name is not (K)nickerless  | |||
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"I’d firstly have a tip-top profile, well worded with a variety of interesting photos. I’d follow that up by being sexually confident and secure in myself. (Or at least pretend, cos sometimes I’m a nervous wreck) Then I’d go to a social and start chatting to people and make connections. I’d think carefully about what I wanted and what I could offer and send appropriate messages to likely looking profiles. " That sunburn photo made me wince… You look hot but for all the wrong reasons… The wonderful couple Synergies run fantastic parties in Brighton and do regular hotel takeovers of the amazing Hotel Pelirocco. Obviously you won’t need to stay there so that makes it a cheap incredibly fun night… If you really are a ‘Brighton’ Steve that is… | |||
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"Just offer cake " Can it really be that simple? Hope it doesn’t have to be homemade as I can’t bake worth a damm | |||
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"I won’t class it as success until I’ve done the treble like Pep. If there’s any triplets on here send them my way." A man of simple but greedy tastes, I will see what i can do but i would settle for losing my virginity before i turn 43!! 🙏🙏 | |||
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"OP I just have two words for you: Park & winkie. Get yourself out to the park and get your winkie out at the park. Guaranteed to attract attention." Don't do this! When I was a youngster my mum said if I didn't put my pants on a seagull would swoop down and steal my winkie. I doubt she would lie about such a serious thing! | |||
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"SAK your problem is that you are using a girlie shower scrunchie in your profile pic. I suggest substituting for a manly loofa and then I firmly believe your lack of message engagement problems will then be over. I thought it would reflect that i am in touch with my feminine side ie a sensitive soul!! But maybe i should use a loofa just hope i don’t get told where to stick it 😂 For Fucks Sake! 🤬 Be SUGGESTIVE man! A loofa is the shape of a penis! [What is this, fucking amateur hour? I ought to charge for these gems]" So i make it look like i am screwing the loofa!! Got ya that should have my inbox stuffed I will send a bank transfer over later | |||
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"Here is the secret to success. Repeatedly mention how genuine you are on your bio. Bonus if your username says genuine in it. Your profile picture should be you having sex with someone who probably didn't consent to you using it. Make sure to have as little or yourself showing. Make sure to completely disregard profiles. Because why read when you can have sex? When messaging only send "hi". They wont respond because they are playing hard to get. Follow up with "??" When you get blocked make a second account and send unsolicited pics of your penis. You should be beating them away with a shitty stick for months." Mmmm all good stuff, i have screenshot this for future reference. Unfortunately i would have to google a picture of someone having sex as my virginity is still intact!! Maybe a thread asking for volunteers for said picture might help and at least they would be consenting but would that ruin my prestige? Fab is complicated it’s no wonder i am more confused than Scooby Doo!! | |||
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"Just sit back and relax, they'll come to you
I have tried that and no knickerless women have shown up at my door…yet!!
How many times? My name is not (K)nickerless "What was that you said Knickerless? | |||
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"OP I just have two words for you: Park & winkie. Get yourself out to the park and get your winkie out at the park. Guaranteed to attract attention. Don't do this! When I was a youngster my mum said if I didn't put my pants on a seagull would swoop down and steal my winkie. I doubt she would lie about such a serious thing!" I think i read about a story like that in the Daily Express, your mum wasn’t telling fibs | |||
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