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"Hardest day to get through, aside from the day I found my brother. 🥺" | |||
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"Hardest day to get through, aside from the day I found my brother. 🥺" Sending you love and hugs xx | |||
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"Hardest day to get through, aside from the day I found my brother. 🥺"  | |||
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"Knowing the pain it can cause those left behind causes me guilt that I still consider it as a solution. " I get that. So much. But it's not a rationally considered solution. It's desperation, anguish, exhaustion. | |||
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"Knowing the pain it can cause those left behind causes me guilt that I still consider it as a solution. I get that. So much. But it's not a rationally considered solution. It's desperation, anguish, exhaustion. " Yes. I sometimes wonder if that's why I'm still around - even if it does almost feel rational at times. | |||
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"Knowing the pain it can cause those left behind causes me guilt that I still consider it as a solution. I get that. So much. But it's not a rationally considered solution. It's desperation, anguish, exhaustion. Yes. I sometimes wonder if that's why I'm still around - even if it does almost feel rational at times." It feels so very rational at the time. Knowing that it's because you're ill can be extremely difficult to keep in mind. | |||
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"Reaching out and talking is the hardest thing to do. From my own experiences it’s also the most rewarding and makes you realise how normal it is. You are never alone " Unless the person you reached to slammed the door shut in your face. Then you are totally alone.  | |||
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"Wether it’s a someone you know or a professional there is always help out there. Despite the outcome, the fact you reached out in the first place is a huge step. Don’t let their reaction define yours. " I'm sorry, but that's just not true. There isn't the staffing or the funding in MH services to appropriately help people when they need it. I.e, BEFORE they get to the point of doing something. I'm very grateful for the care I've received through MH services, but by God I had to fight for it. Last time I needed them, I had to wait 5 months before treatment was available. 5 months of almost constant suicide ideation. Do you know how exhausting that can be? Fortunately, I've been well for a good couple of years now. I hope to never need that sort of help again, but given my history it is possible, and it scares me that I might have to wait that long again. | |||
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"Knowing the pain it can cause those left behind causes me guilt that I still consider it as a solution. I get that. So much. But it's not a rationally considered solution. It's desperation, anguish, exhaustion. Yes. I sometimes wonder if that's why I'm still around - even if it does almost feel rational at times. It feels so very rational at the time. Knowing that it's because you're ill can be extremely difficult to keep in mind." It's too easy to forget, but then sometimes the balance between the things that make it worth carrying on and the lack of those things is impossible to weigh without it resulting in a deficit, especially when that lacking only ever has the prospect of becoming deeper and deeper as time passes, and everything seems to rub one's face in it. The single solutions that would resolve it one way or another seem so simple: to find and join with that soul who matches and nourishes or say to hell with it - but one is impossible and the other is unthinkable. | |||
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"Wether it’s a someone you know or a professional there is always help out there. Despite the outcome, the fact you reached out in the first place is a huge step. Don’t let their reaction define yours. I'm sorry, but that's just not true. There isn't the staffing or the funding in MH services to appropriately help people when they need it. I.e, BEFORE they get to the point of doing something. I'm very grateful for the care I've received through MH services, but by God I had to fight for it. Last time I needed them, I had to wait 5 months before treatment was available. 5 months of almost constant suicide ideation. Do you know how exhausting that can be? Fortunately, I've been well for a good couple of years now. I hope to never need that sort of help again, but given my history it is possible, and it scares me that I might have to wait that long again." | |||
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"Knowing the pain it can cause those left behind causes me guilt that I still consider it as a solution. I get that. So much. But it's not a rationally considered solution. It's desperation, anguish, exhaustion. Yes. I sometimes wonder if that's why I'm still around - even if it does almost feel rational at times. It feels so very rational at the time. Knowing that it's because you're ill can be extremely difficult to keep in mind." Especially when you don't look ill and most people think everything is perfect with you or you are just making excuses | |||
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"Wether it’s a someone you know or a professional there is always help out there. Despite the outcome, the fact you reached out in the first place is a huge step. Don’t let their reaction define yours. I'm sorry, but that's just not true. There isn't the staffing or the funding in MH services to appropriately help people when they need it. I.e, BEFORE they get to the point of doing something. I'm very grateful for the care I've received through MH services, but by God I had to fight for it. Last time I needed them, I had to wait 5 months before treatment was available. 5 months of almost constant suicide ideation. Do you know how exhausting that can be? Fortunately, I've been well for a good couple of years now. I hope to never need that sort of help again, but given my history it is possible, and it scares me that I might have to wait that long again." Wouldn't wishy this on anyone. I live with passive suicidal thoughts daily and at the moment just hope they stay passive. | |||
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Shame there’s not more help for those struggling with MH but always remember you’re worth it, you’re wanted and you’re loved… don’t suffer in silence, there is usually always someone who’ll listen or help, just reach out | |||
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"Knowing the pain it can cause those left behind causes me guilt that I still consider it as a solution. I get that. So much. But it's not a rationally considered solution. It's desperation, anguish, exhaustion. Yes. I sometimes wonder if that's why I'm still around - even if it does almost feel rational at times. It feels so very rational at the time. Knowing that it's because you're ill can be extremely difficult to keep in mind. Especially when you don't look ill and most people think everything is perfect with you or you are just making excuses " Ah yes. I'm also one of the "quiet and functional" suicidal types. During DBT there was a definite difference in how we were treated by MH services compared to those who were more vocal. It definitely feels like the level of care you recieve, how seriously you're taken, depends on how much your suffering impacts on others and not on the level of pain you're in. | |||
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"Knowing the pain it can cause those left behind causes me guilt that I still consider it as a solution. I get that. So much. But it's not a rationally considered solution. It's desperation, anguish, exhaustion. Yes. I sometimes wonder if that's why I'm still around - even if it does almost feel rational at times. It feels so very rational at the time. Knowing that it's because you're ill can be extremely difficult to keep in mind. Especially when you don't look ill and most people think everything is perfect with you or you are just making excuses Ah yes. I'm also one of the "quiet and functional" suicidal types. During DBT there was a definite difference in how we were treated by MH services compared to those who were more vocal. It definitely feels like the level of care you recieve, how seriously you're taken, depends on how much your suffering impacts on others and not on the level of pain you're in. " Reminds me very much of autism in that regard. It's the usual body/mind duality - no one would ever do that if you were calmly seeking help for cancer or a broken leg. | |||
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"Hardest day to get through, aside from the day I found my brother. 🥺" Dear Lord, sending love 🧡 | |||
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" Numbers and websites here for help if anyone is contemplating right now… covers a huge international range https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines There are of course other websites, agencies and helplines for the uk than those mentioned here but this is a succinct easy list for fabs international membership" Thanks for this I have shared it elsewhere. | |||
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"Knowing the pain it can cause those left behind causes me guilt that I still consider it as a solution. I get that. So much. But it's not a rationally considered solution. It's desperation, anguish, exhaustion. Yes. I sometimes wonder if that's why I'm still around - even if it does almost feel rational at times. It feels so very rational at the time. Knowing that it's because you're ill can be extremely difficult to keep in mind. Especially when you don't look ill and most people think everything is perfect with you or you are just making excuses Ah yes. I'm also one of the "quiet and functional" suicidal types. During DBT there was a definite difference in how we were treated by MH services compared to those who were more vocal. It definitely feels like the level of care you recieve, how seriously you're taken, depends on how much your suffering impacts on others and not on the level of pain you're in. Reminds me very much of autism in that regard. It's the usual body/mind duality - no one would ever do that if you were calmly seeking help for cancer or a broken leg." For me, it seems very much connected with my autism. My inability to figure out how to approach people is central to the feeling of isolation which, amongst other things, feeds how I feel in general. Amongst those other things is that I'm a synesthesiac - my senses are a bit mixed up, which I feel is also connected to my autism. Feelings of being 'down' express themselves as a physical ache engulfing my hands and spreading up my arms - when I'm really down, it becomes a debilitating pain bursting from my fingers. There are others sides to it too, like tasting some shapes when I see them (eg spheres taste like metal) and orgasms are all kinds of geometric patterns and colours, but the overriding manifestation lately has been the ache. For all the supposed 'benefits' of creativity and the like, I fucking hate being autistic for all the heartbreak it's brought me and for all the prospect of nothing but more ahead. It's difficult to ignore and really stacks the balance of how I feel overall. | |||
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"Knowing the pain it can cause those left behind causes me guilt that I still consider it as a solution. I get that. So much. But it's not a rationally considered solution. It's desperation, anguish, exhaustion. Yes. I sometimes wonder if that's why I'm still around - even if it does almost feel rational at times. It feels so very rational at the time. Knowing that it's because you're ill can be extremely difficult to keep in mind. Especially when you don't look ill and most people think everything is perfect with you or you are just making excuses Ah yes. I'm also one of the "quiet and functional" suicidal types. During DBT there was a definite difference in how we were treated by MH services compared to those who were more vocal. It definitely feels like the level of care you recieve, how seriously you're taken, depends on how much your suffering impacts on others and not on the level of pain you're in. Reminds me very much of autism in that regard. It's the usual body/mind duality - no one would ever do that if you were calmly seeking help for cancer or a broken leg. For me, it seems very much connected with my autism. My inability to figure out how to approach people is central to the feeling of isolation which, amongst other things, feeds how I feel in general. Amongst those other things is that I'm a synesthesiac - my senses are a bit mixed up, which I feel is also connected to my autism. Feelings of being 'down' express themselves as a physical ache engulfing my hands and spreading up my arms - when I'm really down, it becomes a debilitating pain bursting from my fingers. There are others sides to it too, like tasting some shapes when I see them (eg spheres taste like metal) and orgasms are all kinds of geometric patterns and colours, but the overriding manifestation lately has been the ache. For all the supposed 'benefits' of creativity and the like, I fucking hate being autistic for all the heartbreak it's brought me and for all the prospect of nothing but more ahead. It's difficult to ignore and really stacks the balance of how I feel overall." I hear that (fellow autistic here). | |||
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