Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to The Lounge |
| Jump to newest |  |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender " I agree but even with the police involved, they can still be on here and meeting people | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"An interesting question and one I'm not sure I've seen a satisfactory answer to. Can you do that without naming and shaming? Presumably in order to warn you have to be specific about the who?" I agree and also how do you protect against it being abused? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender " 
Naming and shaming will never be an option due to it being essentially words on a screen and just the say so of one against another. It's far too open to abuse.
Consent violations certainly need reporting to both the police and the site if as a result of contact via here. It's still one person's word against another though.
Word of mouth has always been used as long as I've been in the scene. But sadly again, even then it can become a case of vendettas and personal agendas, Chinese whispers and gossip based on personal fall outs, which take away feom the genuine and real violations of consent.
I honestly don't know the answer I'm afraid.
It would be great if more people truly understood the meaning of, and importance of explicit consent, as opposed to making their own decision on what it means. 🤷♂️ | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"An interesting question and one I'm not sure I've seen a satisfactory answer to. Can you do that without naming and shaming? Presumably in order to warn you have to be specific about the who? I agree and also how do you protect against it being abused? " There would absolutely be a risk of using any system to punish in the event of sour Grapes. I read an account from a gentlemen using a "traditional" dating app who said he always, without fail moved a lady he was interested in to what's app/telegram and then immediately blocked her on the app so that she couldnt subsequently complain and get him banned should things not go "her way" He claimed this was common practice 😳 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender I agree but even with the police involved, they can still be on here and meeting people " ___ They can still be here, but they can still be on Fa*ebook, on T*Nd*r, in a pub or club, a concert, etc etc. Fab is a social media website that allows people to meet people. No more no less. It's up to users to exercise caution and best judgement and report to police illegal activity, or to Fab if breaches of rules and policies. Fab can't be made responsible for people's behaviour. Beyond that, if people are not prepared to assume and understand that meeting a stranger through Fab or any other social media outlet involves an amount of risk, more or less depending on the circumstances of the meet, then they should not meet people online to say 100% safe. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender I agree but even with the police involved, they can still be on here and meeting people ___ They can still be here, but they can still be on Fa*ebook, on T*Nd*r, in a pub or club, a concert, etc etc. Fab is a social media website that allows people to meet people. No more no less. It's up to users to exercise caution and best judgement and report to police illegal activity, or to Fab if breaches of rules and policies. Fab can't be made responsible for people's behaviour. Beyond that, if people are not prepared to assume and understand that meeting a stranger through Fab or any other social media outlet involves an amount of risk, more or less depending on the circumstances of the meet, then they should not meet people online to say 100% safe." I agree with you in part and there is an element of risk, just like getting in a car or on a plane. There are ways to mitigate safety though, if you got in a car that was known for the brakes failing, you’d want to know. Being in possession of the facts and passing on information about ass*ults, abuse or other transgressions is part of that mitigation. Placing the expectation on others to work it out about others is part of the problem | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender I agree but even with the police involved, they can still be on here and meeting people ___ They can still be here, but they can still be on Fa*ebook, on T*Nd*r, in a pub or club, a concert, etc etc. Fab is a social media website that allows people to meet people. No more no less. It's up to users to exercise caution and best judgement and report to police illegal activity, or to Fab if breaches of rules and policies. Fab can't be made responsible for people's behaviour. Beyond that, if people are not prepared to assume and understand that meeting a stranger through Fab or any other social media outlet involves an amount of risk, more or less depending on the circumstances of the meet, then they should not meet people online to say 100% safe. I agree with you in part and there is an element of risk, just like getting in a car or on a plane. There are ways to mitigate safety though, if you got in a car that was known for the brakes failing, you’d want to know. Being in possession of the facts and passing on information about ass*ults, abuse or other transgressions is part of that mitigation. Placing the expectation on others to work it out about others is part of the problem " So you want a sex offenders list for fab? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I realise that this is something of a thorny issue on here, maybe my thread title is a little off aswell. One thing that I keep coming back to is how to better ensure the safety and security of meeting with people from here. Is there a way (without naming and shaming) to prevent predatory people or acts of non consent from occurring by passing on experiences? Currently people simply don’t take accountability for their actions and are allowed to be hidden away by the cloak of discretion. Is there anything that can be done to protect from such things? " If it’s just a bad experience between the two of you, tell that person directly and make sure they understand what they did wrong. As long as it’s not a crime, it should stop at that. If it’s something criminal (eg non-consent, stalking, abuse) then report it to the police. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender I agree but even with the police involved, they can still be on here and meeting people ___ They can still be here, but they can still be on Fa*ebook, on T*Nd*r, in a pub or club, a concert, etc etc. Fab is a social media website that allows people to meet people. No more no less. It's up to users to exercise caution and best judgement and report to police illegal activity, or to Fab if breaches of rules and policies. Fab can't be made responsible for people's behaviour. Beyond that, if people are not prepared to assume and understand that meeting a stranger through Fab or any other social media outlet involves an amount of risk, more or less depending on the circumstances of the meet, then they should not meet people online to say 100% safe. I agree with you in part and there is an element of risk, just like getting in a car or on a plane. There are ways to mitigate safety though, if you got in a car that was known for the brakes failing, you’d want to know. Being in possession of the facts and passing on information about ass*ults, abuse or other transgressions is part of that mitigation. Placing the expectation on others to work it out about others is part of the problem So you want a sex offenders list for fab?" Not necessarily. I’m simply aware that in the kink community things like consent violations or worse are regularly flagged and discussed. In situations where someone lies about being married, about their sexual health… these can and do get people red flagged. Within the swinging community the risks to a person are just as real but nothing is said or done | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I realise that this is something of a thorny issue on here, maybe my thread title is a little off aswell. One thing that I keep coming back to is how to better ensure the safety and security of meeting with people from here. Is there a way (without naming and shaming) to prevent predatory people or acts of non consent from occurring by passing on experiences? Currently people simply don’t take accountability for their actions and are allowed to be hidden away by the cloak of discretion. Is there anything that can be done to protect from such things? If it’s just a bad experience between the two of you, tell that person directly and make sure they understand what they did wrong. As long as it’s not a crime, it should stop at that. If it’s something criminal (eg non-consent, stalking, abuse) then report it to the police. " I don’t think you understand how this type of thing works and it’s not as simple as you’re describing | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"My friends have always given me a heads up to watch about assholes on here. Rumours are rumours and might be just that but then the signs are there when you keep an eye in their direction. So I rely on pals to a point. A hunch is also good, "Likewise, I’d hope anyone I know would steer me in the right direction. That’s not dissimilar to how things work within the kink community to be honest | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Personally for me I’d like to be informed if I’m meeting someone who consent violates and friends notice me connecting with them, but that’s because I’ve probably already had an intuition about them myself and subconsciously decided they are not for me. " I once did this on here. Several years ago, a man I had two meets with, began to stalk me for a number of days after I finished work. This was dealt with, but a short time later, I noticed his name came up in the verifications of a local lady. I felt it was my duty, out of concern, to send her a DM and inform her of his behaviour. What she chose to do with that information, I don't know, but it was the least I could do. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender I agree but even with the police involved, they can still be on here and meeting people ___ They can still be here, but they can still be on Fa*ebook, on T*Nd*r, in a pub or club, a concert, etc etc. Fab is a social media website that allows people to meet people. No more no less. It's up to users to exercise caution and best judgement and report to police illegal activity, or to Fab if breaches of rules and policies. Fab can't be made responsible for people's behaviour. Beyond that, if people are not prepared to assume and understand that meeting a stranger through Fab or any other social media outlet involves an amount of risk, more or less depending on the circumstances of the meet, then they should not meet people online to say 100% safe. I agree with you in part and there is an element of risk, just like getting in a car or on a plane. There are ways to mitigate safety though, if you got in a car that was known for the brakes failing, you’d want to know. Being in possession of the facts and passing on information about ass*ults, abuse or other transgressions is part of that mitigation. Placing the expectation on others to work it out about others is part of the problem So you want a sex offenders list for fab? Not necessarily. I’m simply aware that in the kink community things like consent violations or worse are regularly flagged and discussed. In situations where someone lies about being married, about their sexual health… these can and do get people red flagged. Within the swinging community the risks to a person are just as real but nothing is said or done" This happens within the swinging community will the time. People talk to each other. I've been in numerous chat groups that red flagged guys as to be avoided. I red flagged a woman once myself because people needed to be warned Maybe you are not aware of it but if people are part groups and communities they are going to talk and look out for each other. It might not be in such a formal manner as you describe but it does happen | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Reading about all these private chats and groups is disconcerting. It all sounds very “exclusive” and gossipy. Throw into the mix sexual competitiveness, hierarchy and the emotions that come with that, and it’s going to create the type of community that would lead to witch hunts, gossip, rumour and Chinese whispers in an attempt to sabotage others." There's a bit of that too for sure. There's some awful group's out there. And lots of really good ones full of great people who look out for each other. And also plenty of people who are butt hurt that they aren't invited into either any of them. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"My friends have always given me a heads up to watch about assholes on here. Rumours are rumours and might be just that but then the signs are there when you keep an eye in their direction. So I rely on pals to a point. A hunch is also good,
Likewise, I’d hope anyone I know would steer me in the right direction. That’s not dissimilar to how things work within the kink community to be honest "Exactly. Naming and shaming isn’t wrong…. Posting on fab is against the rules. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender I agree but even with the police involved, they can still be on here and meeting people ___ They can still be here, but they can still be on Fa*ebook, on T*Nd*r, in a pub or club, a concert, etc etc. Fab is a social media website that allows people to meet people. No more no less. It's up to users to exercise caution and best judgement and report to police illegal activity, or to Fab if breaches of rules and policies. Fab can't be made responsible for people's behaviour. Beyond that, if people are not prepared to assume and understand that meeting a stranger through Fab or any other social media outlet involves an amount of risk, more or less depending on the circumstances of the meet, then they should not meet people online to say 100% safe. I agree with you in part and there is an element of risk, just like getting in a car or on a plane. There are ways to mitigate safety though, if you got in a car that was known for the brakes failing, you’d want to know. Being in possession of the facts and passing on information about ass*ults, abuse or other transgressions is part of that mitigation. Placing the expectation on others to work it out about others is part of the problem So you want a sex offenders list for fab? Not necessarily. I’m simply aware that in the kink community things like consent violations or worse are regularly flagged and discussed. In situations where someone lies about being married, about their sexual health… these can and do get people red flagged. Within the swinging community the risks to a person are just as real but nothing is said or done" __ What community? We are swingers but not part of any community, at least do not feel part of any 'kink community' or any community you may feel you are part of. Is there a 'club community' or pub patrons community where people red flag pub goers about their behaviour at pubs? Why should there be a list of red flags here in Fab that would be subject to abuse and inaccuracies? And it would be pointless, since wrongdoers may do it for the first time, so it would give people a false sense of security meeting someone that has no red flags yet. If people choose not to reduce their risks when meeting others then that's their business, not Fab business. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender I agree but even with the police involved, they can still be on here and meeting people ___ They can still be here, but they can still be on Fa*ebook, on T*Nd*r, in a pub or club, a concert, etc etc. Fab is a social media website that allows people to meet people. No more no less. It's up to users to exercise caution and best judgement and report to police illegal activity, or to Fab if breaches of rules and policies. Fab can't be made responsible for people's behaviour. Beyond that, if people are not prepared to assume and understand that meeting a stranger through Fab or any other social media outlet involves an amount of risk, more or less depending on the circumstances of the meet, then they should not meet people online to say 100% safe. I agree with you in part and there is an element of risk, just like getting in a car or on a plane. There are ways to mitigate safety though, if you got in a car that was known for the brakes failing, you’d want to know. Being in possession of the facts and passing on information about ass*ults, abuse or other transgressions is part of that mitigation. Placing the expectation on others to work it out about others is part of the problem So you want a sex offenders list for fab? Not necessarily. I’m simply aware that in the kink community things like consent violations or worse are regularly flagged and discussed. In situations where someone lies about being married, about their sexual health… these can and do get people red flagged. Within the swinging community the risks to a person are just as real but nothing is said or done __ What community? We are swingers but not part of any community, at least do not feel part of any 'kink community' or any community you may feel you are part of. Is there a 'club community' or pub patrons community where people red flag pub goers about their behaviour at pubs? Why should there be a list of red flags here in Fab that would be subject to abuse and inaccuracies? And it would be pointless, since wrongdoers may do it for the first time, so it would give people a false sense of security meeting someone that has no red flags yet. If people choose not to reduce their risks when meeting others then that's their business, not Fab business. Might be just that Ireland is smaller . There is certainly a community here" I think there is community to be had if you seek it - even in the more popular areas like Manchester. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Tea 💜 Within the kink community that engage in social events, it's easy enough to make sure the warnings are out there for the people who are a risk, even if they don't reach everyone in time. It's more normal for organisers and events to he informed of someone being under investigation for domestic abuse, I haven't known that to happen so much in the swing community. But all that does is stop them going to certain events. Newbies are always at risk. They don't know where to look for the warnings. They don't know where to find the people who can help them learn. I wish there was a way to make sure the truly predatory could be openly flagged." This happens in Ireland in the swing community. The scene here is much smaller so those you transgress and are identified get blacklisted from events. Event hosts in Ireland that I know communicate regularly about this sort of thing. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender
Naming and shaming will never be an option due to it being essentially words on a screen and just the say so of one against another. It's far too open to abuse.
Consent violations certainly need reporting to both the police and the site if as a result of contact via here. It's still one person's word against another though.
Word of mouth has always been used as long as I've been in the scene. But sadly again, even then it can become a case of vendettas and personal agendas, Chinese whispers and gossip based on personal fall outs, which take away feom the genuine and real violations of consent.
I honestly don't know the answer I'm afraid.
It would be great if more people truly understood the meaning of, and importance of explicit consent, as opposed to making their own decision on what it means. 🤷♂️"I am with Obi on this. Word of mouth is great but it is also has its dark side. I don’t think there is a clear cut answer. As Sgt Esterhaus used to say: let’s be careful out there. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender I agree but even with the police involved, they can still be on here and meeting people ___ They can still be here, but they can still be on Fa*ebook, on T*Nd*r, in a pub or club, a concert, etc etc. Fab is a social media website that allows people to meet people. No more no less. It's up to users to exercise caution and best judgement and report to police illegal activity, or to Fab if breaches of rules and policies. Fab can't be made responsible for people's behaviour. Beyond that, if people are not prepared to assume and understand that meeting a stranger through Fab or any other social media outlet involves an amount of risk, more or less depending on the circumstances of the meet, then they should not meet people online to say 100% safe. I agree with you in part and there is an element of risk, just like getting in a car or on a plane. There are ways to mitigate safety though, if you got in a car that was known for the brakes failing, you’d want to know. Being in possession of the facts and passing on information about ass*ults, abuse or other transgressions is part of that mitigation. Placing the expectation on others to work it out about others is part of the problem So you want a sex offenders list for fab? Not necessarily. I’m simply aware that in the kink community things like consent violations or worse are regularly flagged and discussed. In situations where someone lies about being married, about their sexual health… these can and do get people red flagged. Within the swinging community the risks to a person are just as real but nothing is said or done __ What community? We are swingers but not part of any community, at least do not feel part of any 'kink community' or any community you may feel you are part of. Is there a 'club community' or pub patrons community where people red flag pub goers about their behaviour at pubs? Why should there be a list of red flags here in Fab that would be subject to abuse and inaccuracies? And it would be pointless, since wrongdoers may do it for the first time, so it would give people a false sense of security meeting someone that has no red flags yet. If people choose not to reduce their risks when meeting others then that's their business, not Fab business." I’m not going to argue with you and your tone seems rather… abrupt if not aggressive. Enjoy your swinging journey | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Tea 💜 Within the kink community that engage in social events, it's easy enough to make sure the warnings are out there for the people who are a risk, even if they don't reach everyone in time. It's more normal for organisers and events to he informed of someone being under investigation for domestic abuse, I haven't known that to happen so much in the swing community. But all that does is stop them going to certain events. Newbies are always at risk. They don't know where to look for the warnings. They don't know where to find the people who can help them learn. I wish there was a way to make sure the truly predatory could be openly flagged. This happens in Ireland in the swing community. The scene here is much smaller so those you transgress and are identified get blacklisted from events. Event hosts in Ireland that I know communicate regularly about this sort of thing." I'll have to disagree with you to some extent. The man I mentioned in my earlier post had and has a long history of predatory behaviour and was kicked out of numerous groups for his behaviour and yet he still managed to attend various socials some of which were organised by people who were in those groups that expelled him so they couldn't say they didn't know. I've also been at a social where I had to leave early because of the ridiculous behaviour of the male half of a couple who pestered my friend all evening for sex and wanted her to leave with them. I reported him to the event organisers who said they had multiple reports about him and they would pass the word on. Over the next few months that couple posted lots of new verifications from all the social events they were attending and when I commented in another thread about how things like this were allowed to happen in a small community such as the Irish one I was asked privately by another event organiser about our experience. They had barred the same couple from all their events because of previous issues and had warned other organisers but not one of them had taken any action and they continued to attend as many as possible. That's what I meant in my earlier post about some people turning a blind eye when it comes to particular individuals because of their contacts and the circles they swing in. Pun intended. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'll have to disagree with you to some extent. The man I mentioned in my earlier post had and has a long history of predatory behaviour and was kicked out of numerous groups for his behaviour and yet he still managed to attend various socials some of which were organised by people who were in those groups that expelled him so they couldn't say they didn't know. I've also been at a social where I had to leave early because of the ridiculous behaviour of the male half of a couple who pestered my friend all evening for sex and wanted her to leave with them. I reported him to the event organisers who said they had multiple reports about him and they would pass the word on. Over the next few months that couple posted lots of new verifications from all the social events they were attending and when I commented in another thread about how things like this were allowed to happen in a small community such as the Irish one I was asked privately by another event organiser about our experience. They had barred the same couple from all their events because of previous issues and had warned other organisers but not one of them had taken any action and they continued to attend as many as possible. That's what I meant in my earlier post about some people turning a blind eye when it comes to particular individuals because of their contacts and the circles they swing in. Pun intended. " There are always people and places that don't want the fuss of fixing the broken step. They seem to think that people should be warning each other about the broken step. That when someone doesn't know about it and gets hurt it's because someone forgot to warn them. Removing the issue is work and hassle. I dislike the venues that don't fix their broken steps 💜 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'll have to disagree with you to some extent. The man I mentioned in my earlier post had and has a long history of predatory behaviour and was kicked out of numerous groups for his behaviour and yet he still managed to attend various socials some of which were organised by people who were in those groups that expelled him so they couldn't say they didn't know. I've also been at a social where I had to leave early because of the ridiculous behaviour of the male half of a couple who pestered my friend all evening for sex and wanted her to leave with them. I reported him to the event organisers who said they had multiple reports about him and they would pass the word on. Over the next few months that couple posted lots of new verifications from all the social events they were attending and when I commented in another thread about how things like this were allowed to happen in a small community such as the Irish one I was asked privately by another event organiser about our experience. They had barred the same couple from all their events because of previous issues and had warned other organisers but not one of them had taken any action and they continued to attend as many as possible. That's what I meant in my earlier post about some people turning a blind eye when it comes to particular individuals because of their contacts and the circles they swing in. Pun intended. There are always people and places that don't want the fuss of fixing the broken step. They seem to think that people should be warning each other about the broken step. That when someone doesn't know about it and gets hurt it's because someone forgot to warn them. Removing the issue is work and hassle. I dislike the venues that don't fix their broken steps 💜" How do you find out which venues dont fix the broken step? Isn’t it the same problem as identifying the broken step in the first place? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"How do you find out which venues dont fix the broken step? Isn’t it the same problem as identifying the broken step in the first place?" If you get somewhere new and several people point out a dodgy step and how to avoid getting hurt on it, that's a pretty good indicator 💜 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'll have to disagree with you to some extent. The man I mentioned in my earlier post had and has a long history of predatory behaviour and was kicked out of numerous groups for his behaviour and yet he still managed to attend various socials some of which were organised by people who were in those groups that expelled him so they couldn't say they didn't know. I've also been at a social where I had to leave early because of the ridiculous behaviour of the male half of a couple who pestered my friend all evening for sex and wanted her to leave with them. I reported him to the event organisers who said they had multiple reports about him and they would pass the word on. Over the next few months that couple posted lots of new verifications from all the social events they were attending and when I commented in another thread about how things like this were allowed to happen in a small community such as the Irish one I was asked privately by another event organiser about our experience. They had barred the same couple from all their events because of previous issues and had warned other organisers but not one of them had taken any action and they continued to attend as many as possible. That's what I meant in my earlier post about some people turning a blind eye when it comes to particular individuals because of their contacts and the circles they swing in. Pun intended. There are always people and places that don't want the fuss of fixing the broken step. They seem to think that people should be warning each other about the broken step. That when someone doesn't know about it and gets hurt it's because someone forgot to warn them. Removing the issue is work and hassle. I dislike the venues that don't fix their broken steps 💜" The majority of socials here aren't venues as such and are run by individuals in pubs and hotels and the location of the event is only given to attendees the day before. I've seen certain characters bypass the block on attending by coupling up for a few weeks or months so the organisers are often not aware that these people are at their events and I can only assume the women they partner with are not aware of their previous history. The part I struggle with most are the number of apologists and enablers some of these people seem to have and even more astonishing is that they are mostly women. It just beggars belief. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Idle gossip and tittle tattle are your options I recall you posting about this issue years ago Seems you're no further forward with a solution " Ah yes. It's all on him. Or, just maybe, it's complex. Who knows. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Tea 💜 Within the kink community that engage in social events, it's easy enough to make sure the warnings are out there for the people who are a risk, even if they don't reach everyone in time. It's more normal for organisers and events to he informed of someone being under investigation for domestic abuse, I haven't known that to happen so much in the swing community. But all that does is stop them going to certain events. Newbies are always at risk. They don't know where to look for the warnings. They don't know where to find the people who can help them learn. I wish there was a way to make sure the truly predatory could be openly flagged. This happens in Ireland in the swing community. The scene here is much smaller so those you transgress and are identified get blacklisted from events. Event hosts in Ireland that I know communicate regularly about this sort of thing. I'll have to disagree with you to some extent. The man I mentioned in my earlier post had and has a long history of predatory behaviour and was kicked out of numerous groups for his behaviour and yet he still managed to attend various socials some of which were organised by people who were in those groups that expelled him so they couldn't say they didn't know. I've also been at a social where I had to leave early because of the ridiculous behaviour of the male half of a couple who pestered my friend all evening for sex and wanted her to leave with them. I reported him to the event organisers who said they had multiple reports about him and they would pass the word on. Over the next few months that couple posted lots of new verifications from all the social events they were attending and when I commented in another thread about how things like this were allowed to happen in a small community such as the Irish one I was asked privately by another event organiser about our experience. They had barred the same couple from all their events because of previous issues and had warned other organisers but not one of them had taken any action and they continued to attend as many as possible. That's what I meant in my earlier post about some people turning a blind eye when it comes to particular individuals because of their contacts and the circles they swing in. Pun intended. " Your not wrong RB. There's no real system and what there is far from perfect. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Reading about all these private chats and groups is disconcerting. It all sounds very “exclusive” and gossipy. Throw into the mix sexual competitiveness, hierarchy and the emotions that come with that, and it’s going to create the type of community that would lead to witch hunts, gossip, rumour and Chinese whispers in an attempt to sabotage others." AMEN Witch hunts, gossips and weak individuals who are easily persuaded and others who just can't make their own minds up. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender I agree but even with the police involved, they can still be on here and meeting people ___ They can still be here, but they can still be on Fa*ebook, on T*Nd*r, in a pub or club, a concert, etc etc. Fab is a social media website that allows people to meet people. No more no less. It's up to users to exercise caution and best judgement and report to police illegal activity, or to Fab if breaches of rules and policies. Fab can't be made responsible for people's behaviour. Beyond that, if people are not prepared to assume and understand that meeting a stranger through Fab or any other social media outlet involves an amount of risk, more or less depending on the circumstances of the meet, then they should not meet people online to say 100% safe. I agree with you in part and there is an element of risk, just like getting in a car or on a plane. There are ways to mitigate safety though, if you got in a car that was known for the brakes failing, you’d want to know. Being in possession of the facts and passing on information about ass*ults, abuse or other transgressions is part of that mitigation. Placing the expectation on others to work it out about others is part of the problem So you want a sex offenders list for fab? Not necessarily. I’m simply aware that in the kink community things like consent violations or worse are regularly flagged and discussed. In situations where someone lies about being married, about their sexual health… these can and do get people red flagged. Within the swinging community the risks to a person are just as real but nothing is said or done __ What community? We are swingers but not part of any community, at least do not feel part of any 'kink community' or any community you may feel you are part of. Is there a 'club community' or pub patrons community where people red flag pub goers about their behaviour at pubs? Why should there be a list of red flags here in Fab that would be subject to abuse and inaccuracies? And it would be pointless, since wrongdoers may do it for the first time, so it would give people a false sense of security meeting someone that has no red flags yet. If people choose not to reduce their risks when meeting others then that's their business, not Fab business. I’m not going to argue with you and your tone seems rather… abrupt if not aggressive. Enjoy your swinging journey" Simply as an illustration of how people interpret situations differently , in this case cold text, I found this contribution clear and concise and didn't sense any abruptness or aggressiveness from it. For me this shows - in part - how people can fail to analyse their own thinking and feelings and put their traits onto others. This poster has been publicly labelled abrupt and aggressive. And that is how 'lists' start. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Join one of the many chat groups....People are always naming others on those! " Interesting - I wonder how many people know that it’s illegal to do that? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Join one of the many chat groups....People are always naming others on those! Interesting - I wonder how many people know that it’s illegal to do that?" And they share pics too! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Join one of the many chat groups....People are always naming others on those! Interesting - I wonder how many people know that it’s illegal to do that? And they share pics too!" Wow, that’s shocking and definitely not legal! I hope I’ve never been mentioned in one | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Maybe a video message when joining would bring down the number of predators who join? Like you must do to get certain bank accounts these days Anyone can nab a photo and use it to get photo verified It's a different matter if you had to submit a video of you saying certain lines to get that verification - instead of just a photo as is the case now " If there's one thing I know. It's that most predators can say anything if they think it'll get them under someone's skin 💜 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Join one of the many chat groups....People are always naming others on those! Interesting - I wonder how many people know that it’s illegal to do that?" What’s illegal? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Join one of the many chat groups....People are always naming others on those! Interesting - I wonder how many people know that it’s illegal to do that? What’s illegal? " Oh. I'd assumed that was connected to the sharing pictures comment. It's a valid question. Telling people facts isn't illegal. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Join one of the many chat groups....People are always naming others on those! Interesting - I wonder how many people know that it’s illegal to do that? What’s illegal? Oh. I'd assumed that was connected to the sharing pictures comment. It's a valid question. Telling people facts isn't illegal." Thank you, That’s how I know it. If I know that someone’s not a great person or have been told what they get upto, I’m going to tell it. Have I shared or would I share a photo? Hell no!! That’s bang out of order, …. () | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Reading about all these private chats and groups is disconcerting. It all sounds very “exclusive” and gossipy. Throw into the mix sexual competitiveness, hierarchy and the emotions that come with that, and it’s going to create the type of community that would lead to witch hunts, gossip, rumour and Chinese whispers in an attempt to sabotage others. AMEN Witch hunts, gossips and weak individuals who are easily persuaded and others who just can't make their own minds up. " Agreed. It becomes such a toxic thing. Rather than talking to the person directly, having concrete evidence, it becomes an exercise in daftness. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Reading about all these private chats and groups is disconcerting. It all sounds very “exclusive” and gossipy. Throw into the mix sexual competitiveness, hierarchy and the emotions that come with that, and it’s going to create the type of community that would lead to witch hunts, gossip, rumour and Chinese whispers in an attempt to sabotage others. AMEN Witch hunts, gossips and weak individuals who are easily persuaded and others who just can't make their own minds up. Agreed. It becomes such a toxic thing. Rather than talking to the person directly, having concrete evidence, it becomes an exercise in daftness." I’d still tell someone if they asked. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Reading about all these private chats and groups is disconcerting. It all sounds very “exclusive” and gossipy. Throw into the mix sexual competitiveness, hierarchy and the emotions that come with that, and it’s going to create the type of community that would lead to witch hunts, gossip, rumour and Chinese whispers in an attempt to sabotage others. AMEN Witch hunts, gossips and weak individuals who are easily persuaded and others who just can't make their own minds up. Agreed. It becomes such a toxic thing. Rather than talking to the person directly, having concrete evidence, it becomes an exercise in daftness. I’d still tell someone if they asked. "Huh? You do whatever, Woody, my reply wasn't to you. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Reading about all these private chats and groups is disconcerting. It all sounds very “exclusive” and gossipy. Throw into the mix sexual competitiveness, hierarchy and the emotions that come with that, and it’s going to create the type of community that would lead to witch hunts, gossip, rumour and Chinese whispers in an attempt to sabotage others. AMEN Witch hunts, gossips and weak individuals who are easily persuaded and others who just can't make their own minds up. Agreed. It becomes such a toxic thing. Rather than talking to the person directly, having concrete evidence, it becomes an exercise in daftness." Witch hunt, gossipy....welcome to fab! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Consent violation needs to generally be handled by the police, which can have broader implications for both the criminal and the rest of us. If anyone gets a profile that's less attractive, to the point that it's unusable, they would likely create an alternative one. Reporting of inappropriate user behaviour to Admin is something that we all have a duty to do, as the site relies on users to keep standards as high as possible. But consent violation is something that could have people elsewhere better protected, if we engage the police to pursue the offender I agree but even with the police involved, they can still be on here and meeting people " Yes they can and this put me off meeting for a number of years. Not sure what I can and even can't say. I'm guessing this thread will probs get deleted by admin. But it is scary that people that have went to jail for such things can be on here. It certainly made how I meet people change (it didn't affect me directly) but I was quizzed by the police regarding it all and seen the sentences given.  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Reading about all these private chats and groups is disconcerting. It all sounds very “exclusive” and gossipy. Throw into the mix sexual competitiveness, hierarchy and the emotions that come with that, and it’s going to create the type of community that would lead to witch hunts, gossip, rumour and Chinese whispers in an attempt to sabotage others. AMEN Witch hunts, gossips and weak individuals who are easily persuaded and others who just can't make their own minds up. Agreed. It becomes such a toxic thing. Rather than talking to the person directly, having concrete evidence, it becomes an exercise in daftness. I’d still tell someone if they asked.
Huh? You do whatever, Woody, my reply wasn't to you."
That was snappy. …. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
