FabSwingers.com forum: Feedback/reassurance

By *ong-leggedblond OP Woman
10 weeks ago

Next Door

I was talking to a friend and we were discussing that they like feedback/reassurance or whatever you like to call it, that the other person really had an enjoyable time together. Likes or any dislikes and to discuss possible dates for another meet quickly.

This is outside of the veris that often appear on, as those can be rubbish.

Does anyone else need this and why?

It doesn't bother you?

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By *cottish guy 555Man
10 weeks ago

London

Although not required, it's always nice to hear good things and what people would like for next time.

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By (user no longer on site)
10 weeks ago

Positive feedback tends to be when you know that a follow up liaison is going to occur - that brings a smile to my face.

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By *WB85Man
10 weeks ago

Staffordshire

It just comes naturally to me to do this after a meet.

I don't do lots of meets....but it's always a lovely time when I do.

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By *arlequin_tearsMan
10 weeks ago

Sheffield

Bad communication can seriously mess with your head.

Getting rejected is hard. So if no-one likes your profile, you get no meets etc. it can knock your confidence.

If someone doesn't react in a way you're used to, leaves quickly or ghosts you it can leave people feeling confused or like they're a crap shag.

Things I have learnt:

- Worrying about performance affects both men and women

- Chemistry can be really important and what blows one person's mind leaves someone else cold.

- Just because someone is noisy or is quiet doesn't necessarily tell you if they're having a good time.

A friend gave me some great advice that's stayed with me, 'If someone wants to do it again it's usually a good sign'

I'm not a big fan of One Night Stands. I like the social side of the lifestyle and getting to know someone's body and being relaxed around them is part of the fun.

So I am a big fan of communication. In the bedroom, if it's not working be honest and tell people what you want/need.

Afterwards, being in the kink scene aftercare is important and discussing if a future meet is possible or what you'd like to try is fun.

Plus, even if you say no thanks to another meet at least someone knows where they stand.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
10 weeks ago

East Sussex

I'm not bothered. A message to say they had a great time and of they genuinely want it suggesting meeting again in future is nice though.

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By *issmorganWoman
10 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

I don't need it, but it's always welcomed if someone enjoyed the meet, that they tell you.

I think it can be hard to deal with when you've had a good build up to a meet, you have the meet and then they go silent.

It can knock your confidence, but some on fab are always looking for the next person and the next meet I guess.

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By *had_ThunderCockMan
10 weeks ago

a place somewhat adjacent to you…

Yes, I like radical candour.

It’s the intelligence that things are good or things are not good and need to be altered in someway.

The key i have found is *not to be emotionally immature when receiving it, especially if you ask. You’re not asking to be lied to, so expect to hear the truth and react graciously upon it. Unemotionally.

Likewise, when I’m providing feedback, I make sure it comes from the right intent. Not to hurt, not to shame, not to lie, but to provide intelligence on opportunities for change or reflection.

It’s important to me.

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By *vaRose43Woman
10 weeks ago

Forest of Dean

Yes, open frank honesty please… that includes what you didn’t enjoy as well as what you loved.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
10 weeks ago

East Sussex

I only want feedback or whatever you want to call it from people who know me well. Relative strangers critiquing me from a couple of hours knowledge I'm not so keen on.

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By (user no longer on site)
10 weeks ago

Who doesn’t like a pat on the back to know you did good?!… …. Or a slap on the ass? 😏

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
10 weeks ago

Reading

[Removed by poster at 03/09/24 12:24:26]

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
10 weeks ago

Reading

Im a people pleaseeso it is important to me to know they enjoyed it. I love a man who is verbally responsive.

But I'll also accept them wanting to see me again as validation.

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By *eliWoman
10 weeks ago

I don't want reassurance.

I like "feedback" but not formatted as feedback. When someone can slip in to a conversation that they really enjoyed x, y and z, or tell me they want to experience that again. If there are areas they enjoyed less... I'd hope it would be handled with tact. Emotional intelligence. Received in the same way.

I like when people proactively tell me they want to see me again but not if it involves lots of flip-flopping about that. I tend to be the one who organises things so I suppose I value even more those rare occasions when people do. Not that I dislike organising.

The stronger the connection, the deeper the relationship (as in relationship between any two people), the more I value that direct honesty. Want to have that open level of communication.

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By *mf123Man
10 weeks ago

with one foot out the door

No but i do like to send a customer services out of 10 survey with an optional notes section to be filled out after we boned the prize is normally a lottery draw for round 2 upon completion

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By *ellhungvweMan
10 weeks ago

Cheltenham

I don’t need reassurance but it is always nice to be told she enjoyed herself. What I really like is being asked back for another meet.

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By *naswingdressWoman
10 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

I don't think about it in terms of feedback/ reassurance.

I think about it in terms of thanking someone for their time, which I always do. Going back to when I was a little kid, I'd play at a friend's house and say "thank you for having me" to my friend's parents.

"Thank you for having me" means something a bit different now.

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By *electableicecreamMan
10 weeks ago

The West

I wouldn't think I'm terms of feedback but it's always nice to bask in the afterglow of a nice meet and say nice things. I really enjoy that.

If there were things I didn't enjoy so much I prefer to say them in person and in the moment framed in a positive way. I like to be touched like this etc. This didn't come naturally to me but the longer I'm on fab and meeting great people the more I learn the benefits of great communication.

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By *parkle1974Woman
10 weeks ago

Leeds

Definitely don't need it. As others have said though, if they send a message along the lines of "I want to see you again, it was good etc" then it always makes me smile x

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By *irthandgirthMan
10 weeks ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

A prescriptive feedback isn't really required.

It is always nice to hear someone talk about how they enjoyed the time/company. Better if they suggest meeting again.

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By *eroLondonMan
10 weeks ago

Mayfair

I don't expect feedback or reassurance, or whatever the term is. There is no 'term' for me, other than an embedded response as part of any regular messaging or telephone conversation following a meet or a social.

The conversation would naturally flow with each of us mentioning how lovely it was to see each other, how much we enjoyed ourselves and look forward to seeing each other very soon. Conversations like this are left open-ended in a positive way, without any pressure to expedite a follow up meet.

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By *B69Woman
10 weeks ago

Wiltshire

"I don't expect feedback or reassurance, or whatever the term is. There is no 'term' for me, other than an embedded response as part of any regular messaging or telephone conversation following a meet or a social.

This^

Thanks Nero

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By *aizyWoman
10 weeks ago

west midlands

As usual Nero has put it way better than I ever could.

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By *electableicecreamMan
10 weeks ago

The West

Couldn't have said it better.

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By *wiss Army KnifeMan
10 weeks ago

Second star to the right…

Of course i think it is normal to hear the other person or people had a good time.

If they genuinely want to meet again it’s a nice boost to the self esteem.

Is it is needed? Well i rather have a positive feedback than none at all or worse negative

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By *ell GwynnWoman
10 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

It's not a requirement, as such, but I'm all for open communication. I'm very comfortable giving encouragement, or saying if a particular thing isn't getting me going.

I also love learning someone, and if I've met them a few times and it looks like it's turning into something regular I welcome being given a bit of a pointer in the right direction every now and then. I find it tends to happen naturally rather than as part of a formulaic discussion about likes and dislikes. I also really enjoy hearing what a person loves about what we/I do. It's not essential, but it definitely adds to my enjoyment. Praise kink, maybe? I dunno.

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By *lue Eyed JokerMan
10 weeks ago

Always on the move

Positive or even constructive feedback is always welcomed. It's better to know than carry on doing something "wrong" or "incorrectly"

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By *imples24Man
10 weeks ago

tamworth

Always nice to hear and always room for improvement. Suppose if they come back for more your question has been answered.

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By *ackformore100Man
10 weeks ago

Tin town

"I was talking to a friend and we were discussing that they like feedback/reassurance or whatever you like to call it, that the other person really had an enjoyable time together. Likes or any dislikes and to discuss possible dates for another meet quickly.

This is outside of the veris that often appear on, as those can be rubbish.

Does anyone else need this and why?

It doesn't bother you?

Isn't that just a normal thing to do? like having a normal conversation over a cuppa while the mattress dries out.?

I mean fair enough if you've just had a quick blowjob in the woods in the dark it's slightly different. But for most meetings don't people just talk to eachother after.?

Or is it feedback that you want to make public so everyone can see it and choose whether to have an assignation with you because you've got 5* trip advisor ratings.

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By *aven.Woman
10 weeks ago

Not the North West...

I don't want to know what they liked and didn't, I don't need to know if they liked me or not.

It's done. It's over. Let me just cry in the shower in shame and forget it ever happened ok?

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By *aven.Woman
10 weeks ago

Not the North West...

On a slightly serious note I cannot do needy people, and if you need to ask me what I liked then i probably didn't like any of it.

I'm not here to stroke your ego.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
10 weeks ago

Staffordshire

I like the feedback from people that meet the real me at group socials and still think I’m a cunt.

It’s very reassuring.

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By (user no longer on site)
10 weeks ago

I've never felt the need to ask for feedback from my partner and neither have they. It's just a natural progression after having sex, laying together, chatting, saying "that was great, I particularly liked such and such..." Sometimes it leads to more sex there and then. Other times it's just a nice way to leave things, smiles on our faces, looking forward to the next time 😊

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By *rHotNottsMan
10 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It doesn’t come natural to me but I will consciously do it because it’s polite and I realise not everyone is intuitive

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
10 weeks ago

Leeds

I like a little feedback meeting people you hardly know and not knowing their body, you want to make sure they have an amazing time and a little feedback can help.

Reassuring though no.

Mrs

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By *dinburghWomanWoman
10 weeks ago

Edinburgh

The sound of snoring is a sign of a disastrous meet and yes I’ve had those

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By *dinburghWomanWoman
10 weeks ago

Edinburgh

"The sound of snoring is a sign of a disastrous meet and yes I’ve had those "

I was giving a bj, thought he was enjoying it with his eyes closed until I heard the unmistakable sounds

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By *hrista BellendWoman
10 weeks ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Generally that's pillow talk time. reaffirmation after orgasm, with light kissing and being tactile and the declaration of wow that was amazing etc etc.

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By *ealitybitesMan
10 weeks ago

Belfast

Reassurance means a lot to an overthinker.

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By *andynecklaceWoman
10 weeks ago

West Brom

Don't really care for it you can usually tell when someone enjoys their time with you by their body language anyway

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By *anceAloneWoman
10 weeks ago

Adjacent to him

It's always important to me that the person I'm with gives feedback on what works, or doesn't work, for them

I'm not a mindreader.

Any compliments and reassurance is also gratefully received, it's nice to be appreciated and I certainly have my insecurities 😎

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By *ellinever70Woman
10 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I don't want my sex skills appraised

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By *ittleBoPeepingWoman
10 weeks ago

Galway, Clare

I don't 'need' it, but I like it and it gives me a confidence boost.

And I love if a person casually says the words "next time" without any prompting or any questions being asked. It makes me all smiley inside.

I'm shy, so even though we may just spent an evening or a night naked together, I don't have the guts to ask will we see each other again.

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By (user no longer on site)
10 weeks ago

For me its all part of the post sex rush and wanting to gush about what a great time i had

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By *heGateKeeperMan
10 weeks ago

Stratford

It’s part of the foreplay ahead of the next time 😈

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By *oubleswing2019Man
10 weeks ago

Colchester

[Removed by poster at 04/09/24 00:24:20]

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By *oubleswing2019Man
10 weeks ago

Colchester

Because of what I do, there is always a "debrief". It's part of "Aftercare" that follows after an event (I don't debrief at the end of a event, I'm too busy doing Aftercare).

But 24-48 hrs afterwards, there'll be a discussion on elements of the scene, what worked, what didn't work, how they felt, how I felt, and if they'd like to lean in to or out of certain things if another meet was to happen.

As far as I am concerned, it's a journey involving the emotional, physical and mental needs of all participants. So damn right it gets discussed at an appropriate time.

And I'd know if that discussion was desired because when discussing the scene plan weeks or even months in advance, this question would have come up beforehand. Expectations are understood and managed appropriately.

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By *naswingdressWoman
10 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"It’s part of the foreplay ahead of the next time 😈"

That too!

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By *agatoXXXMan
10 weeks ago

Mordor

You can leave me a review on Trustpilot.

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By *eliWoman
10 weeks ago

"Because of what I do, there is always a "debrief". It's part of "Aftercare" that follows after an event (I don't debrief at the end of a event, I'm too busy doing Aftercare).

As far as I am concerned, it's a journey involving the emotional, physical and mental needs of all participants. So damn right it gets discussed at an appropriate time.

That's a really good point - the type of sexual activity that should have aftercare and a debrief. Expectation management, having clear communication.

Far too often people post on the forums about how important it is when they indulge in erm... kinkier activities, how they do it etc when the reality is it's not something they do or want to do. This thread really reminded me about that discrepancy.

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By (user no longer on site)
10 weeks ago

Huh, I don't on't understand... Who would do kinky sex if they weren't into it?? It wouldn't work??

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By (user no longer on site)
10 weeks ago

Ohhhhh you mean people do kinky sex, but don't do aftercare?

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
10 weeks ago

A den in the Glen

I think this hits the nail on the head for me. 'Natural flow'

I would've just used longer, more sophisticated words in which to explain myself and other meaningful phrases included like 'rat up a drainpipe'

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By *8on33Man
10 weeks ago

winfrith

you surely know ,I certainly do ,so further discussion isn't needed but another meet would be on the cards but I would arrange that with her there and then .

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By *atandjayCouple
10 weeks ago

Brighton

We know if we enjoyed a meeting but really want to make sure the people we met also had a good experience

It’s a nice feeling to know we were giving pleasure as well as receiving

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By *eardedguy800Man
10 weeks ago

Kidderminster

This is outside of the veris that often appear on, as those can be rubbish.

Always nice to get reassurance. Some of us are a bit sensitive 😉

Does anyone else need this and why?

It doesn't bother you?

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By *ongAndThick123Man
10 weeks ago

Leeds

I’m not a fan of people who need reassurance (even though we all do, to some degree).

I was seeing someone recently who was very open about her need for feedback and reassurance. She was really sweet so I was totally ok with it to begin with.

Then within a a few weeks it became really tiresome. i was always having say that I enjoyed spending time with her. Having to reassure her that she was funny, smart, intelligent, fit.

Having to explain that if I’m busy that it’s because I’m genuinely busy, not because there’s a problem. Having to constantly say that she’s attractive, or say that I enjoyed our sex life.

So, I had to cut that fling short. It ruins the mystery when you have to “review” everything constantly

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By *aTina HeadTurnerWoman
10 weeks ago

Travelling

Them coming swiftly for seconds and thirds, as well as prioritising seeing me over other people, tells me everything I need to know.

If they went silent however once we’ve fucked, I’d rather be told the truth. Not everyone is sexually compatible and that’s ok.

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