FabSwingers.com forum: Feelings vs Practicalities

By (user no longer on site) OP
11 weeks ago

You spend weeks forming a beautiful online friendship (messages, phone calls, face-time chats). Before you know it, feelings develop between you. You physically meet. It's fantastic...everything you expected and more, so you meet again.

But then, you realise that time, distance and circumstance are going to make it difficult to sustain this amazing, special friendship. What do you do?

Do you call it a day? ...the practicalities are too complex to make it work.

Or, do you prioritise your feelings for each other? ...find a way to continue meeting, despite the obstacles.

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By *odgerMooreMan
11 weeks ago

Carlisle

"You spend weeks forming a beautiful online friendship (messages, phone calls, face-time chats). Before you know it, feelings develop between you. You physically meet. It's fantastic...everything you expected and more, so you meet again.

But then, you realise that time, distance and circumstance are going to make it difficult to sustain this amazing, special friendship. What do you do?

Do you call it a day? ...the practicalities are too complex to make it work.

Or, do you prioritise your feelings for each other? ...find a way to continue meeting, despite the obstacles."

Not even a question is it… if it’s the right person- theres no option of not doing it… xx

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By *ong-leggedblondWoman
11 weeks ago

Next Door

I have called it quits on these sorts of relationships, for a few reasons, in the past.

Have wondered if I ever made the right decision or not.

Going forward, I might not call it quits if the situation happened again. He would have to be a very special person.

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By *imples24Man
11 weeks ago

tamworth

If it’s the right person you will do anything to make it work

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

Form an ENM relationship. Best of both worlds.

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By *naswingdressWoman
11 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

I cut it off at the knees.

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By *ortyairCouple
11 weeks ago

Wallasey

"Form an ENM relationship. Best of both worlds. "
What is an Ethical Non Monogamous relationship?

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

But then, you realise that time, distance and circumstance are going to make it difficult to sustain this amazing, special friendship. What do you do?

Do you call it a day? ...the practicalities are too complex to make it work.

Or, do you prioritise your feelings for each other? ...find a way to continue meeting, despite the obstacles."

option (b) i.e. 'make it work', appreciate this is not an axiom though and I understand and accept the sage, thoughtful comment made by the lady earlier. So there is no right or wrong, (I'm in a similar scenario with someone outside of here and my relationship)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
11 weeks ago

East Sussex

You have to work out if the feelings are so deep precisely because there's the safety net of distance and practicality. Everything looks very different viewed from a distance Vs viewed close up.

Once you've established that the feelings are true then is the time to make a decision

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By *illy IdolMan
11 weeks ago

Midlands

Everyone is different. But for myself, if we're open about what is realistic and that works for both parties, then I'd rather have that than nothing at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

"Form an ENM relationship. Best of both worlds. What is an Ethical Non Monogamous relationship?

Mrs x"

You see other people and are honest about it to all involved. That's my interpretation anyway.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
11 weeks ago

Reading

Even for the right person, it may not be possible due to time and money constraints. So they tend to just peter out of their own accord. The slow fade tends to work well.

But i don't develop strong feeling's so maybe it doesn't really apply to me.

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By *mmaleiaWoman
11 weeks ago

East Northamptonshire

"Form an ENM relationship. Best of both worlds. "
this

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By *verageSausageMan
11 weeks ago

Flintshire

But then, you realise that time, distance and circumstance are going to make it difficult to sustain this amazing, special friendship. What do you do?

Do you call it a day? ...the practicalities are too complex to make it work.

Or, do you prioritise your feelings for each other? ...find a way to continue meeting, despite the obstacles."

Been there, done that, got the T shirt.

Best advice is to be honest, ask the person directly if they feel the same way, and accept their answer (or lack of answer).

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By *imply DeeWoman
11 weeks ago

Wherever

I’m a firm believer if it’s meant to be, it’s going to work out somehow. If not, it’s guaranteed to organically fizzle out. Take it as a memorable experience and start seeing other people.

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By *a LunaWoman
11 weeks ago

South Wales

"I’m a firm believer if it’s meant to be, it’s going to work out somehow. If not, it’s guaranteed to organically fizzle out. Take it as a memorable experience and start seeing other people."

This. If it’s meant to be then it will find a way. If not, then chalk up the happy memories with a bittersweet smile and move on.

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By *ortyairCouple
11 weeks ago

Wallasey

"Form an ENM relationship. Best of both worlds. What is an Ethical Non Monogamous relationship?

Mrs x

You see other people and are honest about it to all involved. That's my interpretation anyway."
So how's that different from a FWB or a FB? And I don't know the difference between thise two either. Led a settled life me haha,

Mrs x

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By *heGateKeeperMan
11 weeks ago

Stratford

You put the effort in every day. as much as you can, when you can. We are all busy and it’s hard, but we’ve all done it. You make them feel special, you show they’re on your mind 🥰

And then when you meet you make sure they know how much you’ve missed them and how show them by giving them you’re full undivided attention in and out of the bedroom 🥰

Most importantly you communicate. If you can’t give your 50%, you tell them. You also just let them know what your expectations are and both be respectful and reasonable 👍

Oh and also, be careful who you share your happiness with. Not everyone is happy you’re happy unfortunately

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By *ortyairCouple
11 weeks ago

Wallasey

"You put the effort in every day. as much as you can, when you can. We are all busy and it’s hard, but we’ve all done it. You make them feel special, you show they’re on your mind 🥰

And then when you meet you make sure they know how much you’ve missed them and how show them by giving them you’re full undivided attention in and out of the bedroom 🥰

Most importantly you communicate. If you can’t give your 50%, you tell them. You also just let them know what your expectations are and both be respectful and reasonable 👍

Oh and also, be careful who you share your happiness with. Not everyone is happy you’re happy unfortunately

"
Very profound, love that last sentence, rings very true for me at times, Mrs x

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By *heGateKeeperMan
11 weeks ago

Stratford

"You put the effort in every day. as much as you can, when you can. We are all busy and it’s hard, but we’ve all done it. You make them feel special, you show they’re on your mind 🥰

And then when you meet you make sure they know how much you’ve missed them and how show them by giving them you’re full undivided attention in and out of the bedroom 🥰

Most importantly you communicate. If you can’t give your 50%, you tell them. You also just let them know what your expectations are and both be respectful and reasonable 👍

Oh and also, be careful who you share your happiness with. Not everyone is happy you’re happy unfortunately

Very profound, love that last sentence, rings very true for me at times, Mrs x"

I’m happy you look happy in your profile pic

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
11 weeks ago

Central

I'd not be developing romantic feelings, if I couldn't manage them. If things, including feelings, weren't appropriate, I'd stop, to divert my energy elsewhere.

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By *ong-leggedblondWoman
11 weeks ago

Next Door

"Form an ENM relationship. Best of both worlds. What is an Ethical Non Monogamous relationship?

Mrs x

You see other people and are honest about it to all involved. That's my interpretation anyway.So how's that different from a FWB or a FB? And I don't know the difference between thise two either. Led a settled life me haha,

Mrs x"

To me, a fb is someone I would fuck and then go, nothing more than that. Booty calls,

A fwb, is someone who I like to spent quality time with in and out of the bedroom. Night away,dinners, socialising with them. A good close friend.

A ENM relationship is like a fwb but with more feelings and open to have more than 1 partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

This has happened a few times.

Lots in common, it feels like we both/all wanted the same thing but for whatever reason that flame died down.

I do know that those who can and want to, will normally try as hard as I will to meet up.

Those that just want to, mostly don’t.

And those that never do are just daydreamers.

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By *aven.Woman
11 weeks ago

Not the North West...

You see so many people on here do this. Thn give it a week or 2 and one has left as they've fallen out.

People mistake lust for feelings all the time, also, why does it have to be more? Can't people just get on, have mediocre sex, say hey that was awesome let's do it again in 6-12 months and go on their way?

There seems a desperation almost to make it more and for it to be more. It's lust, it's sexual, you are not the next big romance.

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By *aven.Woman
11 weeks ago

Not the North West...

"This has happened a few times.

Lots in common, it feels like we both/all wanted the same thing but for whatever reason that flame died down.

I do know that those who can and want to, will normally try as hard as I will to meet up.

Those that just want to, mostly don’t.

And those that never do are just daydreamers.

I like being a daydreamer

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By *enegadeMMan
11 weeks ago

Oxfordshire

But then, you realise that time, distance and circumstance are going to make it difficult to sustain this amazing, special friendship. What do you do?

Do you call it a day? ...the practicalities are too complex to make it work.

Or, do you prioritise your feelings for each other? ...find a way to continue meeting, despite the obstacles."

Afternoon OP

Does the answer all depend on what it is you’re looking for? A long term ‘more than sexual’ relationship would require commitment and maybe more time together? But if you just want that feeling of desire and being able to give that then it all depends how often you want it?

If it’s a night or 2 a week then consideration is needed …. But if it’s twice a month then can’t the other ‘online’ stuff fulfil?

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

"This has happened a few times.

Lots in common, it feels like we both/all wanted the same thing but for whatever reason that flame died down.

I do know that those who can and want to, will normally try as hard as I will to meet up.

Those that just want to, mostly don’t.

And those that never do are just daydreamers.

I like being a daydreamer"

But you'll come back each time you leave

'Cause darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

I like being a daydreamer

But you'll come back each time you leave

'Cause darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream"

(that was for all you Swifty fans)

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By *ell GwynnWoman
11 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

I'd always give it a go and see how it pans out.

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By *ookie46Woman
11 weeks ago

Deepest darkest Peru

"You put the effort in every day. as much as you can, when you can. We are all busy and it’s hard, but we’ve all done it. You make them feel special, you show they’re on your mind 🥰

And then when you meet you make sure they know how much you’ve missed them and how show them by giving them you’re full undivided attention in and out of the bedroom 🥰

Most importantly you communicate. If you can’t give your 50%, you tell them. You also just let them know what your expectations are and both be respectful and reasonable 👍

Oh and also, be careful who you share your happiness with. Not everyone is happy you’re happy unfortunately

❤️

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By *heGateKeeperMan
11 weeks ago

Stratford

"You put the effort in every day. as much as you can, when you can. We are all busy and it’s hard, but we’ve all done it. You make them feel special, you show they’re on your mind 🥰

And then when you meet you make sure they know how much you’ve missed them and how show them by giving them you’re full undivided attention in and out of the bedroom 🥰

Most importantly you communicate. If you can’t give your 50%, you tell them. You also just let them know what your expectations are and both be respectful and reasonable 👍

Oh and also, be careful who you share your happiness with. Not everyone is happy you’re happy unfortunately

❤️"

Cookie you soft twat

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By *ad NannaWoman
11 weeks ago

East London

I'm staying friends with someone who is a long way from me.

We may meet again before he possibly moves even further away.

Who knows what the future holds and I like him enough to want to stay in touch.

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By *ellinever70Woman
11 weeks ago

Ayrshire

You spend weeks forming a beautiful online friendship....

I just avoid this first step.

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
11 weeks ago

your head

Find a way to make it work. That might mean we don't see eachother often but we can still message and call, meet up when we can. Some of my favorite people live miles away from me, they don't stop being special because of the distance, we just figure it out together.

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By *ortyairCouple
11 weeks ago

Wallasey

"You put the effort in every day. as much as you can, when you can. We are all busy and it’s hard, but we’ve all done it. You make them feel special, you show they’re on your mind 🥰

And then when you meet you make sure they know how much you’ve missed them and how show them by giving them you’re full undivided attention in and out of the bedroom 🥰

Most importantly you communicate. If you can’t give your 50%, you tell them. You also just let them know what your expectations are and both be respectful and reasonable 👍

Oh and also, be careful who you share your happiness with. Not everyone is happy you’re happy unfortunately

Very profound, love that last sentence, rings very true for me at times, Mrs x

I’m happy you look happy in your profile pic

"
I was literally tickled pink in that pic,

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

"This has happened a few times.

Lots in common, it feels like we both/all wanted the same thing but for whatever reason that flame died down.

I do know that those who can and want to, will normally try as hard as I will to meet up.

Those that just want to, mostly don’t.

And those that never do are just daydreamers.

I like being a daydreamer"

I like daydreaming about you…😏

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By *eliWoman
11 weeks ago

Hey Elle

I think that WhatsHerFace is right, sometimes lust, heck even limerence on here can be confused for real feelings. But, if it's not? They matter to you?

You make it work. So the distance might not be great. That's fine. You meet halfway, you take it in turns travelling. You invest in them. I'd rather see someone every few weeks that I am growing/ have feelings for than someone weekly who just scratches an itch.

Circumstances happen. They're inevitable. If someone matters to me, I'm going to try and show them that I value them. It doesn't mean you have to be in each other's pockets, it doesn't mean that you need to talk daily. You find what works for you. You can prioritise someone in a myriad of ways.

It's nice to daydream about what could be but it's even nicer to enjoy something whilst it's there. Nothing lasts forever but when it matters? I enjoy it for what it is. Make the most of it. See what happens.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
11 weeks ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I'd move it to an online relationship. I've let myself get carried away in lust once before and I don't have surplus time and cash for a long distance relationship unfortunately.

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By *esparate danMan
11 weeks ago

glasgow

I think in this case you compare the effort that was put in to getting sex with the effort put in after and decide from there

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By *ittlebirdWoman
11 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

If you both want it to continue then make it happen.

Practicalities can be changed.

Obstacles can be overcome.

It may not be easy but then what in life is? If it’s worth it it’s worth it ♥️

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By *oo..Woman
11 weeks ago

Boo's World

"If you both want it to continue then make it happen.

Practicalities can be changed.

Obstacles can be overcome.

It may not be easy but then what in life is? If it’s worth it it’s worth it ♥️"

I agree with what LB has said personally.

If someone truly means/meant something to you,start fighting for them. 🥰

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
11 weeks ago

Herts

You’ll forgive yourself if you try and it doesn’t work. You won’t forgive yourself for not trying.

Probably.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
11 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Find a way to make it work. That might mean we don't see eachother often but we can still message and call, meet up when we can. Some of my favorite people live miles away from me, they don't stop being special because of the distance, we just figure it out together. "

This.

I'm 110 odd miles from my partner. We see eachother at most a couple of times a month. The longest we've ever spent together was in July when we went on holiday.

It works because we both like our own space and freedom. And as it's ENM there's opportunities to see other friends closer to home too.

Not all romantic relationships require close proximity or cohabiting.

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By *rBobbMan
11 weeks ago

Birmingham

There is always a way to make it happen. It may not be easy at times for both sides but if you both want it then it really can happen

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By *ceKweenWoman
11 weeks ago

Bolton

Communication is one of my favourite words.. even my kids are starting to use it in their relationships

You just never know who fits but when it happens.. relish it

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By *eliWoman
11 weeks ago

"Not all romantic relationships require close proximity or cohabiting. "

Agreed. In a thread the other day it was talking about "life" commitments (laundry, shared finances etc) as a way of differentiating between fwbs and partners. I don't see them as a necessity.

I make things work on mine and their terms, rather than learned societal expectations.

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By (user no longer on site)
11 weeks ago

"You’ll forgive yourself if you try and it doesn’t work. You won’t forgive yourself for not trying.

Probably. "

Oh Glow. My sentiments completely. You gotta give it a go!

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By *parkle1974Woman
11 weeks ago

Leeds

I don't get feelings so don't have that issue x

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By *ellinever70Woman
11 weeks ago

Ayrshire

"Not all romantic relationships require close proximity or cohabiting.

Agreed. In a thread the other day it was talking about "life" commitments (laundry, shared finances etc) as a way of differentiating between fwbs and partners. I don't see them as a necessity.

I make things work on mine and their terms, rather than learned societal expectations."

Do you think you'd be engaged to someone you saw infrequently and lived so far from that each time you saw each other took careful planning around the other demands of life?

Practical considerations sometimes trump romantic notions

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
11 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Not all romantic relationships require close proximity or cohabiting.

Agreed. In a thread the other day it was talking about "life" commitments (laundry, shared finances etc) as a way of differentiating between fwbs and partners. I don't see them as a necessity.

I make things work on mine and their terms, rather than learned societal expectations.

Do you think you'd be engaged to someone you saw infrequently and lived so far from that each time you saw each other took careful planning around the other demands of life?

Practical considerations sometimes trump romantic notions "

Nope.

But then I'm not looking to get engaged, married or live with anyone else again. So those practical considerations are irrelevant.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
11 weeks ago

little house on the praire

My late partner lived over 80 miles from me but we saw each other every week plus when he stayed and holidays.

I don't think I could have a serious relationship with someone I saw infrequently. As far as casual relationships go it would be fine but not as a main relationship.

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By *reggSausageMan
11 weeks ago

derby

For the right person you would climb a thousand mountains, Taylor swift writes albums about these moments and she has sold a ridiculous amount, to deny your feelings and squash them with practicalities is madness , you have a heart, let it roam, better to risk than wander lonely, or you could be a old knacker like me who believes in none of the above and lives under a bridge chuntering to himself, the worlds not right you know

Ps the world is right when you listen to your heart but don’t tell no one

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By (user no longer on site) OP
11 weeks ago

Thank you all, for your posts. They were very insightful and helpful. I appreciate them all

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By *rHotNottsMan
11 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think when that happens it’s just your intuition telling you they aren’t really your type.

Distance relationships are hard unless they’re really the one I wouldn’t attempt it

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By *wiss Army KnifeMan
11 weeks ago

Second star to the right…

But then, you realise that time, distance and circumstance are going to make it difficult to sustain this amazing, special friendship. What do you do?

Do you call it a day? ...the practicalities are too complex to make it work.

Or, do you prioritise your feelings for each other? ...find a way to continue meeting, despite the obstacles."

I don’t think anyone can answer this for you as everyone will have their point of view.

What does your gut tell you?

Sometimes it’s better to try and fail than not to try at all.

Personally is it was me, I would give it a go and see where it leads, better than looking back and wondering, “what if”

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By *hrista BellendWoman
11 weeks ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"Not all romantic relationships require close proximity or cohabiting.

Agreed. In a thread the other day it was talking about "life" commitments (laundry, shared finances etc) as a way of differentiating between fwbs and partners. I don't see them as a necessity.

I make things work on mine and their terms, rather than learned societal expectations.

Do you think you'd be engaged to someone you saw infrequently and lived so far from that each time you saw each other took careful planning around the other demands of life?

Practical considerations sometimes trump romantic notions "

I think with kids being the biggest practical consideration. Imagine uprooting the family to chase the one dream...

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