FabSwingers.com forum: Wish i could walk away sometimes !!

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

My 15yr old daughter leaves school this year, and has got herself into college to do hairdressing and i am very proud of this fact !!

You see my daughter has special needs and it has been a tough fight for both me and her over the years that she has been in school, admittedly she has had to take a back seat on the home front on several occasions because she has a disabled sister.

Her last report was that she was doing really well, but they knew that she could try harder, so the school has opted to open in the Holidays so the Senco children have some time to catch up with their peer's regarding their GCSE's.

Now lets go back 1/2 hour.....

I go to wake her up and get a tirade of abuse that she is very tired and not going. I then give her a ultimatum either she goes or she is grounded for the rest of the holidays.

Then it starts !! The covers go flying back and then i get the "I hate you" syndrome and the stomping around the house etc.

All this just to try and help her, sometimes i think why do we bother and just let them get on with it, but we do it because we care and love them and grit our teeth while doing so.

I have been up all night with her sister and to be honest with you all this morning !!

I really do feel like walking away from it all and not coming back!!

Sorry about that one and all, but i do feel better getting that off my chest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I for one can truly empathise, I have a household that sounds extremely similar. Somehow I just know you won't walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But you wont...because you care.

There are morning when i feel exactly the same i have a mixed relationship with my boys....one hates me one loves me i just think i clash personality wise with one because he is so like me.

And when he doesn't get his own way im hated and awful and pathetic...and i just have to chill out and walk away for little while....hope the dust settles soon its the hardest job in the world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sending you massive (((((((((HUGS))))))))) I remember those teenage strops only to well and you have added pressure it's not easy. I hope you do manage to get time out for yourself x

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By *ev and TrevCouple
over a year ago

cardiff

You have my sympathies, I have a 12 year old daughter & these strops & tantrums have been going on here for a few months. I actually sat & cried the other day at the prospect of another 4 years of constant arguing & bickering & that's without the added pressures you have!

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you all!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Firstly congratulations to her for her getting on the course.

My daughter is the same age and has also been accepted at college doing hairdressing. She is not academically a great achiever and does struggle with school work. She was given an opportunity to do hairdressing as an option at the college in year nine,. she's passed with flying colours and that has guaranteed her the college placement in September.

Her school has also offered the extra classes during the holidays, she didn't want to attend,. I told her fine don't go but you can stay home and revise with me for the same amount of hours that the booster classes were, then ide set her a test. She has attended all 3 classes at school.

Teenagers think they know best and can be very challenging. I've found that reasoning and giving options works better for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes fully understand how you feel, I think as all parents will say, we all go through the same when children become Teenangers, hang in there it does get better and through all the ups and downs, understand 1 thing your kids still love you and will one day make you very very proud

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"My 15yr old daughter leaves school this year, and has got herself into college to do hairdressing and i am very proud of this fact !!

Now lets go back 1/2 hour.....

I go to wake her up and get a tirade of abuse that she is very tired and not going. I then give her a ultimatum either she goes or she is grounded for the rest of the holidays.

Then it starts !! The covers go flying back and then i get the "I hate you" syndrome and the stomping around the house etc.

All this just to try and help her, sometimes i think why do we bother and just let them get on with it, but we do it because we care and love them and grit our teeth while doing so.

I have been up all night with her sister and to be honest with you all this morning !!

I really do feel like walking away from it all and not coming back!!

Sorry about that one and all, but i do feel better getting that off my chest

Just know that you are doing your absolute best and that, as a parent, you are doing the best for her. She, of course, may resent it at this moment. I had my fair share of foot stomping 'I hate you' tirades from my daughter at the same age. Stick with it. You are instilling in her the values which she will carry with her through life. My daughter and I are very very close now and she has turned into the decent, hardworking and honourable woman she now is because of me (yes, I am banging my drum, I deserve it!). She has openly recognised how I helped to shape her approach to life in many lengthy chats. She is a strong and determined individual - she has made her mistakes, but has learned from them. She has fallen on her face a number of times, but always dusted herself off and carried on. What more could a parent ask for?

It feels hard now - especially when you are constantly tired and stressed - but you will reap the rewards, as will she, in the future.

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By *uckoo clockCouple
over a year ago

Merseyside

We remember when our kids were going through the 'tempestuous teens'. What a nightmare even for parents of kids without special needs. So our hearts go out to you, and it's perfectly normal and even healthy i suggest to think I don't need this and why don't I walk away.

When we felt like that we given some good advice. One day you will likely look back on those same kids who will have by then embraced all the values, work ethics etc etc that you have instilled in them but think right now that you are talking to a brick wall. Hold on a little while longer. !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The teenage years to me were the hardest and I fully understand where your coming from. I dreaded the mornings with my son (who also has a disability) and never knew what kind of mood he would be in. I was also doing this on my own and it was extremely stressful. Hang in there your not alone.... hope your day gets better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being a parent is the hardest and yet the most rewarding job in the world. ..you are obviously doing a great job and every parent thinks like you at some point .congratulations on you both xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My son left school in July last year aged 16, he left having not very good exam grades, he also used to see the senco.

Over the past few years his mum & myself visited the school for meetings with his head. He was excluded several times.

He has stolen from me personally, got involved with fights & so on. The amount of times I said "I give up" is incredible. But we can't stop loving out children.

My son then started working for me as a sports coach, he was a good coach but still gave me attitude at times.

Before he left school we started the process of him joining the Army. His choice, he attended army cadets for 4 years & left as a seargeant.

On 10th March he started Army college as a junior soldier. We're due to attend his passing in parade next week, we've spoken to him but not seen him since dropping him off.

Signing the forms that said he may be given an order to kill or may suffer death was the hardest thing I've done.

But after all these hard years, I'm so very proud of my son.

Keep being a mum, you will be rewarded one day.

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By *kmale421Man
over a year ago

wirral

Well first off HotRuby, congrats on your daughter getting onto that course and secondly, however bad things might feel at this moment in time, knowing you, you will dust yourself down, get her off to school and be your usual cheerful self later in the day.

If this is any comfort to you and anyone else going through similar issues, here's a little tale which may help.

My eldest daughter was a bright spark at school and in truth sailed through Infant, Junior and after an initial couple of problems also sailed through to her GCSE's with little or no trouble at all. On entering 6th form in the same school, she suddenly started to encounter difficulties and for the first time in her life, found school work hard and needing lots of attention. She did ok at the first exam stage, but by the summer exams, she'd fallen below where she'd expected to be and had decided to do resits aswell as ongoing work. By year 2 of 6th form, the pressure really started to get to her and for the first time in her life she started missing school, getting to a point after Xmas where the school wanted both of her parents to go in for a "chat" The problem was combined with her being in no mans land of good GCSE's but threatening not to finish her A Levels meaning future employment could be difficult. It came to a head at the May half term, where I paid for her to attend a 1 week revision college somewhere deep down South like Sussex. Her resistance was similar to your daughters, but somehow or other she was persuaded to go. I'm convinced to this day that those 4 days and £600 was the best money I ever spent as she managed to get acceptable grades in her A levels. Today she's been working for 7 years, is a qualified accountant and training to become a Chartered Accountant and leads a relatively happy stable life.

I'm sure your daughter will get over her mini strop and before you know it, you'll be a model at hairdressing college having your hair done this way and that and you'll be ever so proud, just like I am of both my daughters.

Hope this helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I remember that feeling, constant battles with both my children at around that age, it goes quiet in the next stage, then after that they come back full of appreciation for all the hard parenting when the education starts to reward their life and they realise you were right to kick them out of bed.

Hang in there, it will come right in the end. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its only now that our boys are 17 and 13 that i realise the way my parents must of felt when i was our boys ages, every generation do the moody puberty thing on their parents, i console myself by knowing eventually my boys will have a taste when their children do it to them lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you so much everyone !!

Update !!

Yes i did manage to get her out of the house to school with a look on her face that would kill from 500 meters.

But unknown to her at this moment in time she will not be seeing friends this evening and will be having an early night.

Then soon i shall have to have the conversation that she will be having to get up at 6am along with the rest of the working population to catch the bus in time for college !!

That my friends is going to be my one guilty pleasure

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

I go to wake her up and get a tirade of abuse that she is very tired and not going. I then give her a ultimatum either she goes or she is grounded for the rest of the holidays.

A 15yr old being sent to school during the holidays!

Not really surprised she kicked off!

You know its for her benefit, but at that age she doesnt see it that way...

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