FabSwingers.com forum: What stops you from messaging?

By *r Sprout OP Man
14 weeks ago

the middle

What stops you from messaging someone that you’re attracted to, if anything?

Could it be due to fear of rejection or that they’re too far from you?

If i’m attracted to someone, I tend to just go straight in and drop a message.

That’s normally when things go wrong for me

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By *bonybucksMan
14 weeks ago

High Wycombe

Fear of rejection for me

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
14 weeks ago

Essex

Usually the mass blockings or restraining orders…

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By *exyScientistsCouple
14 weeks ago

Castlebar

I would wink maybe first, and then message. And if someone I'm interested in winks at me I'll send a message

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By *inxy777Woman
14 weeks ago

essex

No reply! X

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
14 weeks ago

chichester

Generally they have no interest or not mention TS as a like …

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
14 weeks ago

Southampton

Fear of rejection and making an idiot of myself

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By *r Sprout OP Man
14 weeks ago

the middle

"Usually the mass blockings or restraining orders…"

Nobody would do that to you surely 🙀

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By *riel13Woman
14 weeks ago

Northampton

Nothing mostly but sometimes I just think they wouldn't be interested in me in any capacity

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By *naswingdressWoman
14 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

Nice pictures, but the profile is otherwise grim.

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By *rixie_BlondeWoman
14 weeks ago

London (She/Her)

I think I’m more likely to wink and see if I get a wink back.

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By *eliWoman
14 weeks ago

Because I don't think they'd be interested in me. That's not me being self deprecating, more realistic.

I don't approach it from an "I fancy you" approach, more, I think you're cool, hopefully you'll want to talk to me. Sometimes I just know they wouldn't want to.

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By *ea monkeyMan
14 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)

I do message those that I like. Often they don’t like me back

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

The fact they haven’t shown any interest in me is a red flag to not message them.

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By *ndyp81Man
14 weeks ago

essex

Knowing I’m never going to get a reply

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
14 weeks ago

Southampton

"I do message those that I like. Often they don’t like me back"

Oh this is relatable x

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By *agerMorganMan
14 weeks ago

Canvey Island

Probably because they’re either not looking for single guys OR my confidence says otherwise.

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By *WB85Man
14 weeks ago

Staffordshire

People's restrictions.

I always prefer older...yet ladies slightly older usually have age limits in place that stops me from being able to message.

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By *oiluvfunMan
14 weeks ago

Penrith

“Club meets only”

Preference for black guys

Geography

Otherwise; if I feel we could be a potential match, I will say hello

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By *a LunaWoman
14 weeks ago

South Wales

I’m old fashioned.

I like a fellla to make the first move..

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By *ndyp81Man
14 weeks ago

essex

"“Club meets only”

Preference for black guys

Geography

Otherwise; if I feel we could be a potential match, I will say hello

Forgot them two, good point

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
14 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

If there is no obvious interest in Trans, then I feel as if I'd be wasting their time

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By *WANDTGCouple
14 weeks ago

Borough of Greenwich

Reality !

Even when we've been approached by "Gym bunnies " in there late 30s we question ourselves, what would they want us !?!?

So we normally reply, sorry it's a no. Same reason we wouldn't message them.

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By *uteguyhereMan
14 weeks ago

leeds

Thinking I wont get a reply or thinking why would they choose me over all the other ripped guys!

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By *ndyp81Man
14 weeks ago

essex

"Reality !

Even when we've been approached by "Gym bunnies " in there late 30s we question ourselves, what would they want us !?!?

So we normally reply, sorry it's a no. Same reason we wouldn't message them. "

I would love for a no thanks but very rarely happens

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By *airybobMan
14 weeks ago

Telford

As a lot have said,The fear of rejection also looking at their pictures and those that have verified them,Thinking they are way out my league and wouldn’t be interested or thinking wow I would measure up to the size of him why would they be interested

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By *dam1971Man
14 weeks ago

Bedford

Fear of rejection, or that they’ll think worse of me. I’d prefer to be anonymous than rejected, unfortunately.

Even some of those I occasionally interact with, I don’t tell how much I like them.

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By *r Sprout OP Man
14 weeks ago

the middle

"Fear of rejection, or that they’ll think worse of me. I’d prefer to be anonymous than rejected, unfortunately.

Even some of those I occasionally interact with, I don’t tell how much I like them."

I completely get this. I need to be less open with the people I interact with.

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By *orfolk LegendMan
14 weeks ago

kings lynn

I don’t message people as I’m not here for that. But when I used to years ago, no matter how attractive their pictures may be or how much I thought I’d like to fuck that, as soon as I saw rudeness, sarcasm or over confidence in their profile description I’d go off them straight away. I haven’t got time for people thinking they are more than what they actually are.

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

I've never really had an issue with messaging someone first. Instead of worrying whether or not they'll reject my advances, I take the "I'm just going to have a friendly chat with them" approach, and see if it develops from there 😊😍😋

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By *ucka39Man
14 weeks ago

Newcastle

Age filters

otherwise id be straightforward

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By *carlet SeductionWoman
14 weeks ago

Maidstone

That damn weirdo filter. I wish fab would remove it

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By *ir Toot of the frostMan
14 weeks ago

Burton-on-Trent

Myself usally, getting better I think

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

"Usually the mass blockings or restraining orders…"

I believe the restraining order means that you are not allowed to enter the Greater London area.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
14 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

I’m probably more reactive than proactive. I don’t often send the first message.

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
14 weeks ago

Essex

"Usually the mass blockings or restraining orders…

I believe the restraining order means that you are not allowed to enter the Greater London area."

Thanks for that 🤣🤣

I only wanted my shovel back 🤣

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By *lirtyfun123Woman
14 weeks ago

essex

If I like someone I tend to like a few of their pics and see if I get a message from it. I don’t like messaging first in case I get rejected, then I’d feel stupid. Moreso with people on the forums for some reason.

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By *8on33Man
14 weeks ago

winfrith

they've blocked all men ,I mean why would you .

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
14 weeks ago

Leeds

They probably think I’m an obnoxious prick, most people do.

The mr

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By *vaRose43Woman
14 weeks ago

Forest of Dean

Life’s too short

I just send a message, usually to compliment something.

Shoot your shot

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By *agatoXXXMan
14 weeks ago

Gone and completely forgotten.

Because they are out of my league.

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By *hil most chillMan
14 weeks ago

South East & Europe

"Because I don't think they'd be interested in me. That's not me being self deprecating, more realistic.

I don't approach it from an "I fancy you" approach, more, I think you're cool, hopefully you'll want to talk to me. Sometimes I just know they wouldn't want to."

Thus hits the nail on the head for me. If it feels like I'd have to convince them to give me a shot, then it's doomed from the start and I'll just move on

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By *weetCherryWoman
14 weeks ago

London

The sheer fear of rejection, same thing that is stopping me from meeting altogether

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By *agatoXXXMan
14 weeks ago

Gone and completely forgotten.

"Because they are out of my league. "

There's also a distance factor, as there are very few in Scotland who catch my eye, and I see no point in flirting with someone 500 miles away.

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By *exxyyDy11Man
14 weeks ago

North West

Does anyone get this weird feeling in their mind where you think "they won't be interested anyway" and just don't bother messaging. Something I need to get over and stop doing

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

"Because they are out of my league.

There's also a distance factor, as there are very few in Scotland who catch my eye, and I see no point in flirting with someone 500 miles away."

You forgot to mention the language and culture barrier too

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By *eroLondonMan
14 weeks ago

Covent Garden

Aside from reciprocal messages between forum-dwellers on here - mostly women I'll admit - I've only sent a handful of 'first contact' messages in the last 3 years. All of my dalliances have been on the back of women sending the first message.

This year, however, I've sent three introductory messages. They were, let's say, too good to miss.

IF I am reluctant then it's probably down to the geographical disparities more often than not. As I've previous said - the Fab Curse™ prevails.... 🌍

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By *aven.Woman
14 weeks ago

Not the North West...

I may find them attractive but I just know I won't take it any further so I don't want to waste their time.

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By *naswingdressWoman
14 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"they've blocked all men ,I mean why would you ."

Because it makes Fabmin easier

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By *ase4122Man
14 weeks ago

Lancashire

I generally just message, if it's deleted I then block the person so not to accused of being needy etc if I mistakenly message again.

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By *aven.Woman
14 weeks ago

Not the North West...

"they've blocked all men ,I mean why would you ."

I do this often .

When I can't be arsed to talk to anyone.

When I have unread messages already and rather than moan about how many I just stop anymore coming.

Some days people just annoy me.

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By *agatoXXXMan
14 weeks ago

Gone and completely forgotten.

"Because they are out of my league.

There's also a distance factor, as there are very few in Scotland who catch my eye, and I see no point in flirting with someone 500 miles away.

You forgot to mention the language and culture barrier too

I have no problem understanding your strange southern accents and ways.

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By *ir Toot of the frostMan
14 weeks ago

Burton-on-Trent

"they've blocked all men ,I mean why would you .

I do this often .

When I can't be arsed to talk to anyone.

When I have unread messages already and rather than moan about how many I just stop anymore coming.

Some days people just annoy me."

At this point in time the human race annoys me.

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
14 weeks ago

Southampton

"Does anyone get this weird feeling in their mind where you think "they won't be interested anyway" and just don't bother messaging. Something I need to get over and stop doing "

Absolutely!

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By *mmaleiaWoman
14 weeks ago

East Northamptonshire

Only time I’ve not messaged is when I was new & had no veris, but I’m always happy to message 1st now

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By *exxyyDy11Man
14 weeks ago

North West

"Does anyone get this weird feeling in their mind where you think "they won't be interested anyway" and just don't bother messaging. Something I need to get over and stop doing

Absolutely! "

Crap isn't it x

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By *ir Toot of the frostMan
14 weeks ago

Burton-on-Trent

"Does anyone get this weird feeling in their mind where you think "they won't be interested anyway" and just don't bother messaging. Something I need to get over and stop doing "

Yes, and I hate it, luckily I've calmed down and had more faith in myself but it crops up every now and again.

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By *mmaleiaWoman
14 weeks ago

East Northamptonshire

"they've blocked all men ,I mean why would you ."

To get a break, to have fun on the forums without getting 30 messages of ‘hey’ or ‘can I spank that’

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By *ell GwynnWoman
14 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

Nothing stops me. I have no expectations, and I'm not scared of, or offended by, rejection. I know others can be more reticent, for various reasons, and it would be a shame for something potentially rewarding to be missed out on because both of us were too hesitant to make the first move.

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By *exxyyDy11Man
14 weeks ago

North West

Age filters and distance rule out messaging the most for me.

Also some users state no white men (which is fine by me), so I just keep scrolling

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

Some days people just annoy me."

I find that very hard to believe, after all you are always such a ray of sunshine

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By *inja 636Man
14 weeks ago

Grays

Being a sight supporter

Or age barrier

Shame as there are some seriously fine older ladies that I would love to meet

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

I'll message people I'm attracted too if I'm in a "ready to meet" kind of mood.

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

"they've blocked all men ,I mean why would you .

To get a break, to have fun on the forums without getting 30 messages of ‘hey’ or ‘can I spank that’"

I can honestly say I’ve never had that. …

*Woody Counts his blessings he’s a dude.

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
14 weeks ago

Southampton

"Does anyone get this weird feeling in their mind where you think "they won't be interested anyway" and just don't bother messaging. Something I need to get over and stop doing

Absolutely!

Crap isn't it x"

Definitely xx

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By *ansoffateMan
14 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

It feels like effort rather than fun.

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By *HUSH-Man
14 weeks ago

London

People have to shoot their shot. Everyone gets rejected and it’s because you’re either someone’s type or you’re not. That’s all it is. Sometimes it can give your self esteem a wobble though. I admit that.

I very seldom message someone, generally I don’t message people that have little or no bio because on the few occasions I have the chat has gone absolutely no where after a message or two. So I can’t really be bothered.

Forumites are by far the best people to chat to on this site. Many of you have had me cracking up with laughter and have shown brave vulnerability. Examples of which are throughout this thread.

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

So the theme is…

I like you, I fancy you so I’ll just not ever try and speak to you privately….

Sound legit! 😏

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By *tew008Man
14 weeks ago

edinburgh

the futility of it

I will message if folk ask questions though

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By *exxyyDy11Man
14 weeks ago

North West

"Does anyone get this weird feeling in their mind where you think "they won't be interested anyway" and just don't bother messaging. Something I need to get over and stop doing

Yes, and I hate it, luckily I've calmed down and had more faith in myself but it crops up every now and again."

Annoying mate isn't it. I need to have more faith in myself too

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By *enfleetMaleMan
14 weeks ago

Hadleigh

Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy.

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

"Life’s too short

I just send a message, usually to compliment something.

Shoot your shot"

👍😊

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
14 weeks ago

Southampton

"So the theme is…

I like you, I fancy you so I’ll just not ever try and speak to you privately….

Sound legit! 😏"

Yep lol ... very true in my case

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By *aven.Woman
14 weeks ago

Not the North West...

"So the theme is…

I like you, I fancy you so I’ll just not ever try and speak to you privately….

Sound legit! 😏"

It's a simpler life woody

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By *avexxMan
14 weeks ago

cheshire

im a little to shy,,

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By *tephanieuktvTV/TS
14 weeks ago

bristol

Unless there is at least an indication of similar interests what’s the point? Unsolicited messages for no obvious reason rightly appears to be the biggest annoyance on here

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
14 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"It's a simpler life woody"

^ It is, she’s right. I just flirt with people here in public instead. Even her.

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By *aveonMan
14 weeks ago

Dartford

I don’t message people that don’t match what they are looking for …..

Therefore I have a fear of wasting peoples time 😬

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By *heer Indulgence PartiesWoman
14 weeks ago

Leicestershire

"What stops you from messaging someone that you’re attracted to, if anything?

Could it be due to fear of rejection or that they’re too far from you?

If i’m attracted to someone, I tend to just go straight in and drop a message.

That’s normally when things go wrong for me

I don’t message if I’ve not got time to realistically start or continue a conversation

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By *exxyyDy11Man
14 weeks ago

North West

"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy."

Come on mate. Don't beat yourself down like that. I'm in good shape but I'm not everyone's cup of tea and actually been rejected loads of times. I'm sure you're deffo someone's fantasy.

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By *avexxMan
14 weeks ago

cheshire

"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy."
... its not just about the body op its connection,, you can be ripped but be as dull as dish water

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By *exxyyDy11Man
14 weeks ago

North West

"Self doubt. Why would they want me when there's guys with photos of their ripped bodies. I'm nobody's fantasy.... its not just about the body op its connection,, you can be ripped but be as dull as dish water"

This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
14 weeks ago

Southampton

This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else "

Same here x

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else

Same here x

Same here too x 😊

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By *art123Man
14 weeks ago

Stoke

You know you’re not going to get anywhere with anyone on here but there is that 1% chance you might

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By *aven.Woman
14 weeks ago

Not the North West...

This is very true, and there's a lot about!

But if I'm not physically attracted to you we probably won't have the great conversation. I'm shallow like that.

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By *weetiepie99Woman
14 weeks ago

cardiff

I don't think I've ever sent a first message on here. Replied to lots, but not initiated one for lots of reasons that previous posters have mentioned.

On dating apps, you at least know there is mutual attraction if you match with someone. So I find it a lot easier to strike up a conversation. Here, not so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else

Same here x

Same here too x 😊"

You two need to leave the poor man alone, he's still a child

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else

Same here x

Same here too x 😊

You two need to leave the poor man alone, he's still a child

Stop it you!! Go and walk your dog or something 🤣 I was merely concurring with K's comment, because it was a really valid point 😊

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By *usty kayWoman
14 weeks ago

Burnham

A lot about not thinking they'd be interested, if they were they'd have messaged me first?

But mostly it's because I find so little time to meet I feel like I'm just wasting people's time

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
14 weeks ago

Southampton

This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else

Same here x

Same here too x 😊

You two need to leave the poor man alone, he's still a child

Hey ! What's got your knickers in a twist? 🤣

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By *odgerMooreMan
14 weeks ago

Fulwood

Age limits , preferences and lack of attraction.

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By *hrobbinHood87Man
14 weeks ago

norwich

When I read a profile and it says they’re looking for someone tall dark and handsome, still waiting for somebody to say ‘short ginger pale’ we can all dream though

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

I usually wink first as I assume women and couples get bombarded by messages, if they see the wink and wink back then I’ll message

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

This, I find intellectual conversations more attractive than anything else

Same here x

Same here too x 😊

You two need to leave the poor man alone, he's still a child

Hey ! What's got your knickers in a twist? 🤣"

Exactly 🤣 I think he's now gone to talk to his dog about it 😂

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By *ife NinjaMan
14 weeks ago

Dunfermline

1, I have limited time as a Dad. 2, I'm not good enough (looks, body style etc). 3, I'm not overly kinky. 4, my mojo is currently AWOL.

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By *oo..Woman
14 weeks ago

Boo's World

I never have done

Only first messages I've ever sent are for forum threads usually.🤣

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By *enfleetMaleMan
14 weeks ago

Hadleigh

Most of my luck comes from going to clubs and talking to people. I have the ability to talk about any topic. It's just weird having to send a first message that would engage with someone straight away.

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

"So the theme is…

I like you, I fancy you so I’ll just not ever try and speak to you privately….

Sound legit! 😏

It's a simpler life woody"

Simple is best.

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By *ealitybitesMan
14 weeks ago

Belfast

I haven't sent an opening message in 4½ years but that has nothing to do with fear and everything to do with having much more important priorities.

When I was messaging the only thing that stopped me from contacting anyone was that I wasn't attracted to their profile.

If something caught my eye on a profile I would send a message because rejection was never an option as they weren't the type of messages that could result in rejection.

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By *ake and BeckyCouple
14 weeks ago

Gravesend

I generally talk a load of bollocks when sending a first message and don't want to subject people to it.

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By *r John WickMan
14 weeks ago

The Continental

The only thing stopping me messaging someone is if I read something in the profile that suggests we’ll be incompatible, or if the have preferences that exclude me.

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By *ozzybear1981Man
14 weeks ago

preston

I have done, yet sometimes I have held back in the past too.

For me now it’s just shoot your shot and what will be will be

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By *hortarseWoman
14 weeks ago

Norfolk

Because I don't see myself as hot. There are so many sexy women on. So I don't waste my time.

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

"What stops you from messaging someone that you’re attracted to, if anything?

Could it be due to fear of rejection or that they’re too far from you?

If i’m attracted to someone, I tend to just go straight in and drop a message.

That’s normally when things go wrong for me

Nothing. I'm a pest with a penchant for mischief. 😇😇😇

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By *r lotharioMan
14 weeks ago

newcastle-under-lyme

usually my age

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By *ugehandsMan
14 weeks ago

Fife/ Newcastle

Being a single man I can only imagine the amount of messages women and couples get every day and read their responses to the content of many of the messages.

So being the decent guy I am I tend to let people message me if they are interested, hence why I don't get any messages.. Haha

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By *arry McKockiner69Man
14 weeks ago

Exeter

Being shit at messaging

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By *odgerMooreMan
14 weeks ago

Fulwood

"Because I don't see myself as hot. There are so many sexy women on. So I don't waste my time."

Ironically- humility is hot x

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By *affron40Woman
14 weeks ago

manchester

If I’m looking for new friends then nothing. I’ll randomly message anyone I think I’d get on with.

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By *ase4122Man
14 weeks ago

Lancashire

"If I’m looking for new friends then nothing. I’ll randomly message anyone I think I’d get on with. "

Lives in hope of a random message one day

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By *vaRose43Woman
14 weeks ago

Forest of Dean

"Thinking I wont get a reply or thinking why would they choose me over all the other ripped guys!"

Because there’s a lot more to a person than abs

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By *agic.MMan
14 weeks ago

Orpington

Simply put it...I don't want to compete with the amount of messages a woman receives from other men. When I joined fab the first time, I used to message, but rarely got a reply back, except months later with a "I'm so sorry I missed your message "

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By *oldyoudown41Man
14 weeks ago

caledonian

"What stops you from messaging someone that you’re attracted to, if anything?

Could it be due to fear of rejection or that they’re too far from you?

If i’m attracted to someone, I tend to just go straight in and drop a message.

That’s normally when things go wrong for me

It’s not fear of rejection, it’s more of getting lost in the abyss of men messaging women and wasting their time… and the fear of rejection of course is always in the back of my mind..

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
14 weeks ago

little house on the praire

When I was meeting nothing stopped me, but u did only message people i really thought i was compatible with so it wasn't that many

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By *izzy.miss.lizzyCouple
14 weeks ago

Pembrokeshire

We tend to fab nice pics, maybe send a wink and see what reaction we get

Not usually bold enough to just send a pm although we do thank those who fab our pics.

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By *HUSH-Man
14 weeks ago

London

"Thinking I wont get a reply or thinking why would they choose me over all the other ripped guys!

Because there’s a lot more to a person than abs "

And the fact that some genuinely aren’t attracted to it either.

It’s quite common to see Dad bod threads on here and when lots of women say they like a dad bod it just doesn’t seem to be believed.

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By (user no longer on site)
14 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 24/08/24 21:48:55]

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By *rivateparts!Man
14 weeks ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

My low self-esteem usually does it.

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By *acDreamyMan
14 weeks ago

Wirral

Constantly having the message ignored.

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By *KTim61Man
14 weeks ago

Tipton

I'm still waiting for a few replies. . . . Which I don't think I'd probably will get Now !!!

Reject !!!

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By *r Sprout OP Man
14 weeks ago

the middle

"I'm still waiting for a few replies. . . . Which I don't think I'd probably will get Now !!!

Reject !!!

Snap!

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By *appyhumper123Man
14 weeks ago

hull

No reply, even if it's just to chat

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By *oiluvfunMan
13 weeks ago

Penrith

"“Club meets only”

Preference for black guys

Geography

Veris from bi guys

Otherwise; if I feel we could be a potential match, I will say hello

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By *B69Woman
13 weeks ago

Wiltshire

Distance is usually the reason I won’t message

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
13 weeks ago

somewhere

Back in the day when I was meeting, there would be many folk I found attractive but always scared of rejection, so just looked from afar, waiting in hope one day a message would land in my inbox but sadly they never did. Aside from the husband of course 😂

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By *hrista BellendWoman
13 weeks ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Trust, I seem to be a cheating married man magnet. So I stopped messaging all together.

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