FabSwingers.com forum: Should I tell him

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

How do u tell a male friend you've had for 10 years your crazy about him. Or do you tell him.? 🤔 I know he's very fond of me. Weve had that discussion and I know he can't handle me not being in his life. As we have been through thst.Do I tell him and risk losing our friendship? Or keep quiet 🤫 advise please 🙏

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

No one responded yet. Dont think that I am the person to give advice. If my best female friend at uni had told me that she wanted to go out with me things would have been very different now - though, she has since been twice divorced. She is still a really good friend and we both say we would have done things differently in our twenties, but I like her as a friend.

(no help whatsoever, but as I said, I dont think that i am the best to give advice on relationships - I have the emotional complexity of an amoeba!)

Good luck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lairephil89Couple
24 weeks ago

Warrington

Tell him absolutely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *erfHerder74Man
24 weeks ago

Inverclyde

Just say

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Depends, has he given any hint he feels the same?

Is he single? Does he see other women?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"No one responded yet. Dont think that I am the person to give advice. If my best female friend at uni had told me that she wanted to go out with me things would have been very different now - though, she has since been twice divorced. She is still a really good friend and we both say we would have done things differently in our twenties, but I like her as a friend.

(no help whatsoever, but as I said, I dont think that i am the best to give advice on relationships - I have the emotional complexity of an amoeba!)

Good luck."
thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"Tell him absolutely "

It could blow up in my face and I could lose what we have. That's the worry x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemealadybonerWoman
24 weeks ago

somewhere

Difficult one, if you tell him and he doesn't feel the same too, this could possibly change the friendship dynamic but it could also work the other way and he feels exactly the same way.

As a poster said, has he given any hints that he may feel the same way as you? It's such a hard thing to decide what to do, good luck OP xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"Depends, has he given any hint he feels the same?

Is he single? Does he see other women?

He's made it clear he's very fond of me and has feelings for me. But I don't know how deep those feelings are. He has seen a couple of women over the years but he's called it off after a while.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *outhsea1892Man
24 weeks ago

southsea

Tell him, he's probably sat in the same predicament. Don't let it be a 'what could have been' story, life's too short!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Keep quiet. Find someone else is my advice. If he wanted anything he would have tried? Men don't have that same 'we're friends mindset, if we like someone we're normally stupid enough to risk it. If he hasn't already, he probably prefers what yous have? I was in love with my best friends Mrs, who was one my best friends as well, have never told anyone, not worth the risk of losing everyone?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"Difficult one, if you tell him and he doesn't feel the same too, this could possibly change the friendship dynamic but it could also work the other way and he feels exactly the same way.

As a poster said, has he given any hints that he may feel the same way as you? It's such a hard thing to decide what to do, good luck OP xx"

Really hard decision as I couldn't bare to lose him completely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

Thank you I've often thought surely if he felt the same he would have said by now .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lirty_dirtyCouple
24 weeks ago

Lingfield

This life we have is so very short, don't waste your chance of happiness. Tell him! Be honest, if he doesn't feel the same then at least you tried.

It would be a little strained after but don't rush to get the relationship back to where it was, it will repair in time.

On the other hand you could be blissfully happy with him and enjoying your new life.

Go for it !

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee69Man
24 weeks ago

glasgow

You need to go for it life is too short , a don’t have female friends after a few experiences a refuse to live in the friend zone , if he your friend this long there must be something, good luck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ortyairCouple
24 weeks ago

Wallasey

Are your feelings for him stopping you moving on with your life?

If they are then you should tell him. Even if you lose him as a friend you cannot put off your happiness on the off chance he may take the next step with you.

10 years of unrequited love is more than enough for anyone.

Tell him, what's the worst that can happen, if he doesn't want to further the relationship then you've lost nothing, you can only win.

Losing a friend could be a possibility but you don't want him as just a friend anyway. And if this happens it will set you free so you can find the love of your life.

So go to your knicker draw, pull out your big girl pants, take a deep breath and call him.

Good luck,

Mrs x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemealadybonerWoman
24 weeks ago

somewhere

"Are your feelings for him stopping you moving on with your life?

If they are then you should tell him. Even if you lose him as a friend you cannot put off your happiness on the off chance he may take the next step with you.

10 years of unrequited love is more than enough for anyone.

Tell him, what's the worst that can happen, if he doesn't want to further the relationship then you've lost nothing, you can only win.

Losing a friend could be a possibility but you don't want him as just a friend anyway. And if this happens it will set you free so you can find the love of your life.

So go to your knicker draw, pull out your big girl pants, take a deep breath and call him.

Good luck,

Mrs x"

This is actually really good advice, 10 years is a very long time and maybe this is your "turn left" moment (any doctor who fans will get this). Maybe biting the bullet would be best and then if it doesn't work out, you can move on?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *loria JamesTV/TS
24 weeks ago

Durham

What if you never tell him but he wants to be with you?

I guess its risk and reward. You could tell him how important he is to you and you just wish it could be more. Tell him how you feel but say you know it won't be anymore than it is and you would never want to lose him as a friend.

He'll either say he agrees and doesn't want to spoil the friendship or he might say he wants more.

Problem comes if you get together then break up...as I said its balancing the risk with the reward x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *agic.MMan
24 weeks ago

Orpington

Is this a platonic friendship or a friendship with benefits? If it's a platonic friendship, than I believe the best approach is to tell him (otherwise you would just be pretending to be in a platonic friendship with him - which is dishonest). If it's a friendship with benefits...just let it unfold naturally. This is not high-school, and both of you are grown adults...it's not as difficult as people say it is...just be honest. It's better to regret the things we have done in life rather than regret the things we've never attempted. Good luck

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"Are your feelings for him stopping you moving on with your life?

If they are then you should tell him. Even if you lose him as a friend you cannot put off your happiness on the off chance he may take the next step with you.

10 years of unrequited love is more than enough for anyone.

Tell him, what's the worst that can happen, if he doesn't want to further the relationship then you've lost nothing, you can only win.

Losing a friend could be a possibility but you don't want him as just a friend anyway. And if this happens it will set you free so you can find the love of your life.

So go to your knicker draw, pull out your big girl pants, take a deep breath and call him.

Good luck,

Mrs x"

Yes it's stopping me from moving on.i go on dates and compare all the time. I don't seem to allow myself to get into a relationship cause I feel ill never feel how I feel about him. It's torture

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

It has been with benefits at times.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"What if you never tell him but he wants to be with you?

He'll either say he agrees and doesn't want to spoil the friendship or he might say he wants more.

Problem comes if you get together then break up...as I said its balancing the risk with the reward x"

Thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riar BelisseWoman
24 weeks ago

Delightful Bliss

I did it. We started a partnership from a 5 year friendship and as a friend he was awesome, as a romantic partner living together, he was very far from it.

Totally destroyed the friendship as our partnership soured it, my feelings of resentment to him, went very deep in the end.

This is why I stick to just long term close friends with benefits, I've no Intention of reliving the fallout, from a shared home splitting again.

Good luck OP

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ortyairCouple
24 weeks ago

Wallasey

"Are your feelings for him stopping you moving on with your life?

If they are then you should tell him. Even if you lose him as a friend you cannot put off your happiness on the off chance he may take the next step with you.

10 years of unrequited love is more than enough for anyone.

Tell him, what's the worst that can happen, if he doesn't want to further the relationship then you've lost nothing, you can only win.

Losing a friend could be a possibility but you don't want him as just a friend anyway. And if this happens it will set you free so you can find the love of your life.

So go to your knicker draw, pull out your big girl pants, take a deep breath and call him.

Good luck,

Mrs x

Yes it's stopping me from moving on.i go on dates and compare all the time. I don't seem to allow myself to get into a relationship cause I feel ill never feel how I feel about him. It's torture "
If you told him and he doesn't want to start a relationship, then he should, if he's a true friend, cut you free. He should realise the role he's playing in this 'torture' you describe and allow you to move on, actually want you to move on if he's such a good friend.

This won't get better for you over time, this will just fester for you until such time that finds the love of his life and you will be left alone, holding on to missed opportunities and unhappiness.

Pull the plaster off in one go, don't delay, you've had a decade of dreaming with no Prince Charming at the end of it.

It's going to hurt but you'll be better off in the end, either in a loving relationship with him or in one with 'The One' you just haven't found yet.

Mrs x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ravelling_WilburyMan
24 weeks ago

Beverley

If you know he is fond and you aren't too far apart, then go of it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
24 weeks ago

South Wales

Sounds like he already knows really.

I’d leave it.

I mean what would you gain if you told him? Is he free to take on board the news and if he feels likewise he can feel the feels back? Or is there someone he’s attached to where this sort of declaration would place him in an awkward position.

And how much do you value his friendship? What if he runs for the hills, would you kick yourself for losing him?

If it’s not possible for things to move forward then I don’t see the point in telling him.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hePleasurerMan
24 weeks ago

Cheshire

It all depends on his current situation. If he's already in a relationship, even a more casual one, you have to consider how your declaration will affect that.

If not, you should definitely tell him unless you think it might blow a big hole in your friendship. Maybe there's a friend of his you could sound out, see if s/he knows if your friend has feelings for you. Because he might!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"Are your feelings for him stopping you moving on with your life?

If they are then you should tell him. Even if you lose him as a friend you cannot put off your happiness on the off chance he may take the next step with you.

10 years of unrequited love is more than enough for anyone.

Tell him, what's the worst that can happen, if he doesn't want to further the relationship then you've lost nothing, you can only win.

Losing a friend could be a possibility but you don't want him as just a friend anyway. And if this happens it will set you free so you can find the love of your life.

So go to your knicker draw, pull out your big girl pants, take a deep breath and call him.

Good luck,

Mrs x

Yes it's stopping me from moving on.i go on dates and compare all the time. I don't seem to allow myself to get into a relationship cause I feel ill never feel how I feel about him. It's torture If you told him and he doesn't want to start a relationship, then he should, if he's a true friend, cut you free. He should realise the role he's playing in this 'torture' you describe and allow you to move on, actually want you to move on if he's such a good friend.

This won't get better for you over time, this will just fester for you until such time that finds the love of his life and you will be left alone, holding on to missed opportunities and unhappiness.

Pull the plaster off in one go, don't delay, you've had a decade of dreaming with no Prince Charming at the end of it.

It's going to hurt but you'll be better off in the end, either in a loving relationship with him or in one with 'The One' you just haven't found yet.

Mrs x"

🤎

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ripfillMan
24 weeks ago

Paris, New York, Hong Kong and Havant

Go for it OP if he is a true friend he will remain a true friend

How wonderful - we are a very long time dead don’t waste time x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"I did it. We started a partnership from a 5 year friendship and as a friend he was awesome, as a romantic partner living together, he was very far from it.

Totally destroyed the friendship as our partnership soured it, my feelings of resentment to him, went very deep in the end.

This is why I stick to just long term close friends with benefits, I've no Intention of reliving the fallout, from a shared home splitting again.

Good luck OP

"
❤️

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"It all depends on his current situation. If he's already in a relationship, even a more casual one, you have to consider how your declaration will affect that.

❤️

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"Sounds like he already knows really.

I’d leave it.

And how much do you value his friendship? What if he runs for the hills, would you kick yourself for losing him?

If it’s not possible for things to move forward then I don’t see the point in telling him.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"Sounds like he already knows really.

I’d leave it.

And how much do you value his friendship? What if he runs for the hills, would you kick yourself for losing him?

If it’s not possible for things to move forward then I don’t see the point in telling him.

"
❤️

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"Go for it OP if he is a true friend he will remain a true friend

How wonderful - we are a very long time dead don’t waste time x "

❤️

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *electableicecreamMan
24 weeks ago

The West

Tell him for him and out of respect for him. He's your friend and he would be gutted to learn you suffered half your life and didn't say anything.

Tell him for you. You need to move on whether it's together or apart.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *exyScientistsCouple
24 weeks ago

Castlebar

For me it would be easier not to say and to keep the person in my life rather than risk losing them forever and dealing with that heartbreak. I'm such a coward 🤣

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
24 weeks ago

East Sussex

Ten years and neither of you has moved this on to more than friendship. Why is that?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ortyairCouple
24 weeks ago

Wallasey

"For me it would be easier not to say and to keep the person in my life rather than risk losing them forever and dealing with that heartbreak. I'm such a coward 🤣"
But don't you deserve love and all that comes with it. Why would you want to keep anyone, particularly a so called friend in your life who would deny you this or desert you if you said you wanted to find this.

Everyone owes themselves the chance of finding love, friends, true friends would understand this,

Mrs x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ady LickWoman
24 weeks ago

Northampton Somewhere

I think you should tell him, if he feels the same great if not you can stop wondering 'what if' and move on knowing that you're not going to live in emotional torture! Life's too short for that.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ortyairCouple
24 weeks ago

Wallasey

"Ten years and neither of you has moved this on to more than friendship. Why is that?"
Because he wants his cake and likes to eat it too. He doesn't seem to want her enough to commit but doesn't want anyone else to have her.

Mrs x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
24 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Ten years and neither of you has moved this on to more than friendship. Why is that?Because he wants his cake and likes to eat it too. He doesn't seem to want her enough to commit but doesn't want anyone else to have her.

Mrs x"

I live by the Maya Angelou quote

'when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time'.

I think this is what the op should do.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ortyairCouple
24 weeks ago

Wallasey

Mrs x

I live by the Maya Angelou quote

'when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time'.

I think this is what the op should do. "
You said it much nicer than I did, Mrs x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

"No one responded yet. …."

I was going to wait to answer in another 10 yrs.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aizyWoman
24 weeks ago

west midlands

"I think you should tell him, if he feels the same great if not you can stop wondering 'what if' and move on knowing that you're not going to live in emotional torture! Life's too short for that."

Yes, this OP, if this is how you are feeling it is better just to tell him, it will just fester otherwise which really isn't good for you.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imples24Man
24 weeks ago

tamworth

Tell him life’s for living and only come round once. Worst case he says he’s not after the same and can still be friends I’m sure. Good look and keep us posted x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
24 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

My life felt like a stream of these dilemmas.

When I met my future wife, I had just started seeing someone else, that went down like a lead balloon.

Then someone I had been friends with for years and was crazy about, sent me a letter declaring her love for me and regrets at not telling me earlier. I had just moved in with my future wife.

Then another friend, I'd lived with for years turned up at our door needing somewhere to stay and she declared her love for me and asked me to move in with her instead.

And they say being poly is too complicated.

In my experience holding back on feelings is as much likely to damage a relationship as disclosing them. I would put it out there openly and be prepared to give them space to adjust and get their head around it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
24 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I have no idea what you should do, but Bambi says why don’t you just fuck him & get it out of your system?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

"Tell him for him and out of respect for him. He's your friend and he would be gutted to learn you suffered half your life and didn't say anything.

Tell him for you. You need to move on whether it's together or apart.

"
Thank you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atandjayCouple
24 weeks ago

Brighton

Tell him or you will never know and torture yourself

It could be wonderful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

Thanks everyone for your advice very much appreciated. I feel I've wasted enough of my life and if it all goes tits up by telling him.well at least I will know and can move on in some way. Rather than not moving on at all and keeping quiet. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
24 weeks ago

Markfield

"Thanks everyone for your advice very much appreciated. I feel I've wasted enough of my life and if it all goes tits up by telling him.well at least I will know and can move on in some way. Rather than not moving on at all and keeping quiet. Xx"

This sounds a very healthy approach x very best wishes for it all going beautifully x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urabriteMan
24 weeks ago

stafford

Copy and paste question and reply's.. and say you saw this article in a paper. what would he do!! (not knowing its you)

Good luck

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Only regret the things you have done and not the things you have not done

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inAndTonic21Couple
24 weeks ago

Merseyside

You should tell him and let him know whatever the outcome his friendship is the most important thing - up to him then xx good luck xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
24 weeks ago

Southampton

I'm no help unfortunately but I told my now ex fwb I loved him ... it wasn't reciprocated.. for what it's worth I think you need to tell him x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lynJMan
24 weeks ago

Morden

If it does go tits up, be prepared to feel like shit for a while. It will still be a relationship ending and you might grieve for it. Having said that, you will get through the sadness and have a better life.

Good luck OP.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ookie46Woman
24 weeks ago

Deepest darkest Peru

Go for it OP then you’ll know for sure

You don’t want to sit back and have what ifs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilkey69Man
24 weeks ago

Barnsley

Have you tried flirting massivley with him dropping the strongest hints.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ophieslutTV/TS
24 weeks ago

Central

You have got to share your truth with him if you are to move on, either with him or someone else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

I say be true to who you are as a person and if you feel the need too as driving you nuts tell him .... x Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
24 weeks ago

Thank you everyone x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ffervescentMan
24 weeks ago

winfrith

"How do u tell a male friend you've had for 10 years your crazy about him. Or do you tell him.? 🤔 I know he's very fond of me. Weve had that discussion and I know he can't handle me not being in his life. As we have been through thst.Do I tell him and risk losing our friendship? Or keep quiet 🤫 advise please 🙏 "
What you got to lose, a friend ,do you have sex with him now ,do you have a relationship with him now .I guess that's what you've got to weigh up is friendship worth more than sex ,in my book it is .

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ersona101Man
24 weeks ago

Letchworth

Thank you I've often thought surely if he felt the same he would have said by now ."

Or... Maybe he thinks and feels exactly the same as you?

It is so difficult. Do you take that chance or not? Life is short sometimes the risk is worth it.

Do you have a mutual friend that you can trust? Maybe sound them out about it.

I have a similar situation. I have been in love with a friend for over thirty years, but she is married. I was their best man! I have tried to bury my feelings so many times over the years, but I cannot let my feelings for her go. Even when I'm partnered up I long for her deep in my heart. It's probably why I spend so much time on here. I'm just distracting myself and probably kidding myself.

Too much time has passed now and it will be my regret till the end of my days.

So, be brave. Sometimes it can work out just right. Good luck x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread