FabSwingers.com forum: Sex drive destroyed

By *ontforget OP Man
21 weeks ago

doncaster

My sex drive has been destroyed. Started swinging with my partner after lockdown and all was well until she wanted to “play” alone to experience the “Hotwife” scenario.

It’s like a dagger to the heart every time she does but I don’t want her to stop doing something she enjoys. Does anyone else feel like this?

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By *icolerobbieCouple
21 weeks ago

walsall

"My sex drive has been destroyed. Started swinging with my partner after lockdown and all was well until she wanted to “play” alone to experience the “Hotwife” scenario.

It’s like a dagger to the heart every time she does but I don’t want her to stop doing something she enjoys. Does anyone else feel like this?

You really need to have this conversation with her, as soon as possible.

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By *NGthe2ndWoman
21 weeks ago

Here and there

You need to sit down, when it is quiet and you won't get disturbed.

Then at that point, you need to tell her everything you said on here.

She may not know you feel that way and you can both come to some compromise where you both feel comfortable.

Communication is essential. Especially if one of you is as unhappy about this as you seem.

Good luck OP.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
21 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

Would she still enjoy it the same if she knew how it made you feel?

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By *usbandandktCouple
21 weeks ago

Basingstoke

You need to tell her this, she may only be enjoying it because she thinks you are and with that knowledge going solo may lose its lustre, keep going as you are and it will probably destroy you, it’s not for everyone and that’s ok with this lifestyle.

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By *eordieJeansCouple
21 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Setting boundaries is perfectly normal. If you’re not comfortable with her doing this then that is your right. If she continues when she knows how this makes you feel then you need to be considering breaking up.

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By *a LunaWoman
21 weeks ago

South Wales

You need to tell her.

Make her a cup of tea, give her a few biscuits (she can’t talk back if her mouth is full) and say “look babe, you shagging other folk is doing my nut in, can we discuss our options”

Talk it out. You won’t make her happy if you’re miserable. TALK!!!

Good luck x

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By *olfandtazCouple
21 weeks ago

Bristol

As everyone has said, you need to sit down and tell her how this makes you feel.

This lifestyle is a hard one to live and it's not for everyone

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By *erfHerder74Man
21 weeks ago

Inverclyde

That’s a shame the couple switched to solo play. Maybe you should say or maybe try solo play too and find someone to talk about it.

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By *ontforget OP Man
19 weeks ago

doncaster

"That’s a shame the couple switched to solo play. Maybe you should say or maybe try solo play too and find someone to talk about it."

I’ve thought about solo play myself but I just wouldn’t feel comfortable alone with another woman. Ideally someone to talk to would be great though.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
19 weeks ago

Leeds

You need to speak to her, would she be enjoying it knowing you aren't & how it's making you feel - probably not.

Part of the pleasure she gets I assume is because you like it too, it becomes a very slippery slope when you hide these kind of things, talk before it ends up breaking you.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

How would she feel if you did the same thing? Going out with sexy woman would she be ok ? Sit her down after a nice meal and drink and when both relaxed and chat to her be open about things .. its the only way . Good luck and i hope next post will be better and your happy .

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By *ontforget OP Man
19 weeks ago

doncaster

Thank you for all the replies. I know what I have to do but doing it isn’t easy. Bit like telling a child Christmas is cancelled.

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By *oubleswing2019Man
19 weeks ago

Colchester

As other have said above, you definitely need to talk.

I also think you need to look inward as well and understand what element(s) of her behaviour is causing you anguish.

If you can identify those elements, you not only have a list of discussion points, but you also have identified elements which you might find undesirable and might want to examine further.

For example, I used to suffer jealousy but I turned that around to compersion. I am actively happy for Mrs DS to pursue whatever makes her happy. In letting go of my own jealousy, I've freed not only myself from undesirable traits, but freed and empowered her as well.

I would also discuss her understanding of the "hot wife" situation. She may be acting out on a fantasy to please herself and be under the impression it is pleasing you. Perhaps it could please you, but you need to discuss terms that are comfortable to you both, not just 1 party.

I'd also discuss with her if there is an element of cuckolding at play here too.

I personally feel you would both benefit reading "The Ethical Slut" by Hardy & Easton, where complex human relationship in this lifestyle, warts and all, are examined very closely. It's a very informative and worthy read.

Good luck to you both.

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By *arlequin_tearsMan
19 weeks ago

Sheffield

"It’s like a dagger to the heart every time she does but I don’t want her to stop doing something she enjoys. Does anyone else feel like this?

Jealousy and fears of being abandoned aren't uncommon.

But you NEED to communicate and talk about this with your partner.

Your feelings are valid and boundaries are big and clever.

Contrary to what we're told, sex is not love.

Talk to your partner. Try and find out why you're having the feelings you do and if there is a compromise that can help.

eg reclaiming sex

But you need to talk about it or your relationship is going to implode

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
19 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

"My sex drive has been destroyed. Started swinging with my partner after lockdown and all was well until she wanted to “play” alone to experience the “Hotwife” scenario.

It’s like a dagger to the heart every time she does but I don’t want her to stop doing something she enjoys. Does anyone else feel like this?

You have a clear contradiction between what you SAY you are okay with and what you really feel.

You wish that your partner would not have sex with other males when you are not included in the scenario.

You were okay with your partner having sex with others when you were included so it seems very unlikely that you are jealous of her having sex with others now and more likely that you are uneasy about being left out.

You say you don't want her to stop but that is patently untrue given the feelings you've expressed.

If you were out having sex with other women, would you feel as pissed about it ?

Should one partner stop having sex with others because their partner isn't getting any when they both SAY they both hold liberal sexual boundaries?

If a decision is made that you are not as liberal as you thought or said then you do need to express your feelings to your partner and see what compromise you can come up with between the two of you.

I really do get what you are saying about the pain you are in..... your partner isn't responsible for that pain but the pain could lessen or end if she agrees to be put back in a box and live according to your needs.

Good luck to you both.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
19 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 06/09/24 05:56:12]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
19 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

"Thank you for all the replies. I know what I have to do but doing it isn’t easy. Bit like telling a child Christmas is cancelled. "

Not to my way of thinking.

There isn't a child in the scenario and adults should be discussing issues and working toward a yet unknown compromise.

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By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

"My sex drive has been destroyed. Started swinging with my partner after lockdown and all was well until she wanted to “play” alone to experience the “Hotwife” scenario.

It’s like a dagger to the heart every time she does but I don’t want her to stop doing something she enjoys. Does anyone else feel like this?

Ok , you feel the way you do as regards her wanting to experience her desire's , l wonder if she'd feel the same way should you decide to play alone ? 🤔🤔

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By *eard and TattsCouple
19 weeks ago

Cwmbran

"Thank you for all the replies. I know what I have to do but doing it isn’t easy. Bit like telling a child Christmas is cancelled. "

Um no it's not

She's a grown adult

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By *ell GwynnWoman
19 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

How are you with identifying, naming and communicating your feelings generally? It's hard to have a constructive discussion if you don't know exactly what's bothering you.

I had a swinging relationship, then started to meet solo occasionally. Every step of the way I was checking in with my partner, asking how he felt, what his boundaries were, listening without judgement or defensiveness when he expressed them. Once the relationship ended (for unrelated reasons) he revealed that he'd never been OK with me meeting solo. He just said what he thought I wanted to hear. I'm not even sure he knew what he felt or why.

Open and authentic communication of thoughts and feelings is essential to any relationship, but especially in swinging.

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