Fully behind you there OP.
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I made a very conscious decision to follow my own path at a very early age. Perhaps 12 or so. I realised that it's ok not to "fit in". I didn't aspire to, nor want to. I was very happy for others to do so, as that suited them ; but it was not for me.
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By 14 I was studying psychology, sociology, and the peer groups I mixed in were considered non-mainstream. Actively non-mainstream, if that makes any sense.
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Has it been an easy ride ? Heck no. It's been hard at times, but for all the drawbacks, it's been exhilarating and liberating to forge a destiny based around my needs and wants, and not societal expectations or traditions.
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In as much as I feel women should not feel beholden to gender-based roles and expectations/traditions, I do not feel men should either. If they want to subscribe to them, that's fine. But I feel it should not be a given.
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We should both help each other to find our own personal places in the world. Places of our own choosing. Places of our own design. Aspirations for ourselves, not expectations or ideals of others weighted upon us.
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I spoke to a man many months ago. He presents as an "Alpha Male" but he's a submissive bi-curious male. He said to me, "I am dying inside. I am sick of the charade. And I stand to lose everything, my family, my children, everything, if I take a leap in to the unknown and "come out".
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I said, "You are not alone. There are many like you. What do we do when we are sick ? We seek healing. Please see a counsellor in private, and go from there. I wish your journey well, whatever you do. Good luck".
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As men particularly, we are taught to "Be strong. Endure". That's actually harmful, because it's without boundaries, making it suffering without guardrails. Who put that notion there ? Other men mostly. Gee thanks Patriarchy.
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I don't feel the Patriarchy has my best interests at heart, and I think as men we need to take a deeper look at both ourselves and this framework and assess if it's truly fit for purpose, or due a revamp.
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Because one day, your sons and daughters will be living within it. How does that make you feel ? |
