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Post-meet drop. Asking for what you need

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
51 weeks ago

I was chatting to a friend yesterday and we had both experienced a drop recently. The difference was that they had met a partner, whereas I had met my FWB and I was uncomfortable with how needy I felt. I did speak up eventually, but I didn't like doing so. My friend pointed out that the friendship aspect of a FWB relationship means that it's still important to give and receive affection in such circumstances, even though there's no romantic attachment.

I'm still not completely comfortable with the fact I felt like that, but I can see the point my friend was making.

Does this ever happen to you, and are you comfortable with telling your sex partner how you feel and ask for some kind words and affection to ease you through it? Does the type of relationship you have with that person affect your willingness to be emotionally vulnerable with them?

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
51 weeks ago

North West

I think this is really interesting and I also know I'm going to struggle being fully honest on here. It's too close to home. Thank you for sharing Nell 😘

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By *eliWoman
51 weeks ago

.

The type of relationship I have with someone affects how likely I am to have a drop. How intense the connection is.

I don't like being too emotionally vulnerable, especially when I'm having a drop. I used to be fine with it, would tell a partner I was feeling a bit of a drop and they'd be incredibly sweet. Then I dated someone who "loved" me and gave no aftercare. Would tell me I'm needy because I didn't like the silence after dates. Even if the sex was very kinky and almost a sub drop? Nothing.

Over the months I learnt self care, how to navigate my feelings alone. Now I'd feel too much of a burden to admit a drop and want affection. Like I shouldn't. I'm slowly learning to undo that now.

But regarding others - I'd say of course if you're fwbs or you're dating them you should tell them. It's not a weakness to be emotionally vulnerable, I think it's a beautiful thing. They might have their own drop to navigate but you can talk about it. Together. Find out how they'd like to show care if they want to, what works for them.

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By *rHotNottsMan
51 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Yeah I get this not just with sex but all kinds of adventure, projects, road trips, achieving goals. I think it’s a normal response especially with BDSM, dom and sub drop, all the intensity and emotion of a project compressed into an evening. It would be odd not to experience it.

Just go with it , it’s normal. Plan some low activities , recovery food , and taxi a musical, conversations with friends, go for a swim, no need to for a manual on what to say to your lover. I’ve seen such handy manuals on bdsm sites with useful instructions like cuddle her, and ask her ‘would you like sone water’ I imagine they’re invaluable for some people.

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
51 weeks ago

North West


"no need to for a manual on what to say to your lover. I’ve seen such handy manuals on bdsm sites with useful instructions like cuddle her, and ask her ‘would you like sone water’ I imagine they’re invaluable for some people. "

Just because you don't need it doesn't mean you need the snarky snipe at those who do. Not everyone has even heard of drop and aftercare. It might not come intuitively to them. But a sense of superiority is invaluable for some people.

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago

Yeah. The low after seeing someone that means something to you. Sigh.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
51 weeks ago


"I think this is really interesting and I also know I'm going to struggle being fully honest on here. It's too close to home. Thank you for sharing Nell 😘"

No need to share anything, Julie. I hope you get something helpful from the thread x

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By *ea monkeyMan
51 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)

It’s not just seeing partners or friends, it’s after emotional highs of any kind.

In regards to seeing play partners or having meets, I think that if I couldn’t invest a level of intimacy with them, then I probably wouldn’t be meeting them. If they’re a friend then I would definitely share that with them.

I think that people often see being needy as a negative thing but we’re all emotional beings and feeling ‘needy’ is about having those emotions met and held on some level. Maybe not directly by that partner but definitely by someone close.

It’s ok to express emotions and feeling drop after an exciting time is normal. After care doesn’t just relate to kink play

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
51 weeks ago


"The type of relationship I have with someone affects how likely I am to have a drop. How intense the connection is.

I don't like being too emotionally vulnerable, especially when I'm having a drop. I used to be fine with it, would tell a partner I was feeling a bit of a drop and they'd be incredibly sweet. Then I dated someone who "loved" me and gave no aftercare. Would tell me I'm needy because I didn't like the silence after dates. Even if the sex was very kinky and almost a sub drop? Nothing.

Over the months I learnt self care, how to navigate my feelings alone. Now I'd feel too much of a burden to admit a drop and want affection. Like I shouldn't. I'm slowly learning to undo that now.

But regarding others - I'd say of course if you're fwbs or you're dating them you should tell them. It's not a weakness to be emotionally vulnerable, I think it's a beautiful thing. They might have their own drop to navigate but you can talk about it. Together. Find out how they'd like to show care if they want to, what works for them."

That's very interesting. I obviously know in theory that being emotionally vulnerable with someone isn't a weakness, but putting it into practice when you've been conditioned to suppress your needs in order to not be an annoyance is a challenge.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
51 weeks ago


"Yeah. The low after seeing someone that means something to you. Sigh. "

🫂

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
51 weeks ago

Brum

I just pretend it’s not there.

Then secretly cry myself to sleep.

Have you tried eating a snickers?

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By *ea monkeyMan
51 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I just pretend it’s not there.

Then secretly cry myself to sleep.

Have you tried eating a snickers?"

This works too

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By *he turned me GreyCouple
51 weeks ago

Warwick and Coventry


"I just pretend it’s not there.

Then secretly cry myself to sleep.

Have you tried eating a snickers?

This works too"

So does Meth 🤣🤣🤣

Mr

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By *viatrixWoman
51 weeks ago

Redhill

I am very much aware now that I really need aftercare, or in a less “caring” term, - a debrief at least of what happened, haha.

Not many people are willing to give it, which is why I haven’t met in a long while now.

If/When I get the rampant horn, I might pop to a Club, where I wouldn’t expect it anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago

I think I'm just emotionally dead as when I'm done I'm done. I usually have an overwhelming need to just leave.

I get a drop after holidays and days out with my kids and stuff though.

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
51 weeks ago

North West


"That's very interesting. I obviously know in theory that being emotionally vulnerable with someone isn't a weakness, but putting it into practice when you've been conditioned to suppress your needs in order to not be an annoyance is a challenge."

It's not a weakness but the keyword is vulnerable. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable and don't get what you need then it feels even worse. Sometimes it's easier and safer to try to manage it yourself. I think that the interactions with a partner/fwb/fb/one-off outside of the sexual situation give you a good idea of how responsive they are likely to be.

Ohhhhh. I think I've just had a new insight into my brain as I was writing. Shit! Don't mind me, I'll be in the corner trying to make sense of myself.

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By *ed OpiumWoman
51 weeks ago

Never Never Land

all liaisons with others are relationships, so it doesnt matter whether you call it a partnership or a FWB or a FB, you are relating with that person. We all have needs and emotions, we are emotional beings, if you start at the very beginning of life, babies thrive with holding and cuddling as well as having all their basic needs met.

Meeting with someone for whatever reason there will be some kind of attachment. You put boundries in to be able to manage that expectation. When your 'relationship' finishes there is bound to be some kind of fall out and how much is about you as a person and how you have managed your expectations.

Its not wrong to have feelings for other people. I had a female friend just buddies, and they decided to end or change our friendship and that was heart wrenching as i thought we were very very good friends.

I have had work clients that i have finished our working relationship with, and that has been really sad, especially if i have been seeing them for a couple of years.

Grieve your loss, accept how you feel and it will get better. I hope you find your peace soon.

My inbox is always open if anyone would like to chat at any time xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
51 weeks ago


"That's very interesting. I obviously know in theory that being emotionally vulnerable with someone isn't a weakness, but putting it into practice when you've been conditioned to suppress your needs in order to not be an annoyance is a challenge.

It's not a weakness but the keyword is vulnerable. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable and don't get what you need then it feels even worse. Sometimes it's easier and safer to try to manage it yourself. I think that the interactions with a partner/fwb/fb/one-off outside of the sexual situation give you a good idea of how responsive they are likely to be.

Ohhhhh. I think I've just had a new insight into my brain as I was writing. Shit! Don't mind me, I'll be in the corner trying to make sense of myself. "

Fortunately, the FWB in question was attentive and caring once I finally spoke up. But, yes. Asking for something and being rebuffed when in that fragile state can be devastating.

I'm normally great at self-care, identifying what I'm feeling, the reasons for it, knowing it'll pass. I'm generally too self-sufficient for this particular scenario to feel comfortable

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By *ea monkeyMan
51 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)


"all liaisons with others are relationships, so it doesnt matter whether you call it a partnership or a FWB or a FB, you are relating with that person. We all have needs and emotions, we are emotional beings, if you start at the very beginning of life, babies thrive with holding and cuddling as well as having all their basic needs met.

Meeting with someone for whatever reason there will be some kind of attachment. You put boundries in to be able to manage that expectation. When your 'relationship' finishes there is bound to be some kind of fall out and how much is about you as a person and how you have managed your expectations.

Its not wrong to have feelings for other people. I had a female friend just buddies, and they decided to end or change our friendship and that was heart wrenching as i thought we were very very good friends.

I have had work clients that i have finished our working relationship with, and that has been really sad, especially if i have been seeing them for a couple of years.

Grieve your loss, accept how you feel and it will get better. I hope you find your peace soon.

My inbox is always open if anyone would like to chat at any time xxx"

Very wise words

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By *ed OpiumWoman
51 weeks ago

Never Never Land


"It’s not just seeing partners or friends, it’s after emotional highs of any kind.

In regards to seeing play partners or having meets, I think that if I couldn’t invest a level of intimacy with them, then I probably wouldn’t be meeting them. If they’re a friend then I would definitely share that with them.

I think that people often see being needy as a negative thing but we’re all emotional beings and feeling ‘needy’ is about having those emotions met and held on some level. Maybe not directly by that partner but definitely by someone close.

It’s ok to express emotions and feeling drop after an exciting time is normal. After care doesn’t just relate to kink play"

I feel that it is about being congruent and honest not only with the person you are sharing with but with yourself. We all have moments of feeling exposed, but sharing those open moments is makes you stronger and stops internalising this stuff. We are not weak because we care, we are stronger for owning who we are

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
51 weeks ago


"I just pretend it’s not there.

Then secretly cry myself to sleep.

Have you tried eating a snickers?"

Fake Aldi Buenos. 4 of them in a row.

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By *ea monkeyMan
51 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)


"It’s not just seeing partners or friends, it’s after emotional highs of any kind.

In regards to seeing play partners or having meets, I think that if I couldn’t invest a level of intimacy with them, then I probably wouldn’t be meeting them. If they’re a friend then I would definitely share that with them.

I think that people often see being needy as a negative thing but we’re all emotional beings and feeling ‘needy’ is about having those emotions met and held on some level. Maybe not directly by that partner but definitely by someone close.

It’s ok to express emotions and feeling drop after an exciting time is normal. After care doesn’t just relate to kink play

I feel that it is about being congruent and honest not only with the person you are sharing with but with yourself. We all have moments of feeling exposed, but sharing those open moments is makes you stronger and stops internalising this stuff. We are not weak because we care, we are stronger for owning who we are "

I completely agree with you. I maintain though that emotions and feelings in regards to fab are very often seen as bad things.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
51 weeks ago

Thank you everyone for your replies. I feel a bit daft now because I actually apologised for being needy when I finally spoke up and asked that person for some affectionate words 😳

What I've taken from the thread is that it's perfectly reasonable, important even, to ask for what you need post-meet, even if that person is a friend rather than a romantic partner.

Unless they're an unfeeling and dismissive character, in which case you sort yourself out by eating snickers, taking meth, and crying yourself to sleep.

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago


"

Unless they're an unfeeling and dismissive character, in which case you sort yourself out by eating snickers, taking meth, and crying yourself to sleep."

I tend to grab a big mac on the way home.

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By *ed OpiumWoman
51 weeks ago

Never Never Land


"Thank you everyone for your replies. I feel a bit daft now because I actually apologised for being needy when I finally spoke up and asked that person for some affectionate words 😳

What I've taken from the thread is that it's perfectly reasonable, important even, to ask for what you need post-meet, even if that person is a friend rather than a romantic partner.

Unless they're an unfeeling and dismissive character, in which case you sort yourself out by eating snickers, taking meth, and crying yourself to sleep."

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By *ed OpiumWoman
51 weeks ago

Never Never Land


"It’s not just seeing partners or friends, it’s after emotional highs of any kind.

In regards to seeing play partners or having meets, I think that if I couldn’t invest a level of intimacy with them, then I probably wouldn’t be meeting them. If they’re a friend then I would definitely share that with them.

I think that people often see being needy as a negative thing but we’re all emotional beings and feeling ‘needy’ is about having those emotions met and held on some level. Maybe not directly by that partner but definitely by someone close.

It’s ok to express emotions and feeling drop after an exciting time is normal. After care doesn’t just relate to kink play

I feel that it is about being congruent and honest not only with the person you are sharing with but with yourself. We all have moments of feeling exposed, but sharing those open moments is makes you stronger and stops internalising this stuff. We are not weak because we care, we are stronger for owning who we are

I completely agree with you. I maintain though that emotions and feelings in regards to fab are very often seen as bad things.

"

yes and we should embrace our emotions, we are not clinical things. Its not just fab - its everywhere - your not allowed to show emotions

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago


"no need to for a manual on what to say to your lover. I’ve seen such handy manuals on bdsm sites with useful instructions like cuddle her, and ask her ‘would you like sone water’ I imagine they’re invaluable for some people.

Just because you don't need it doesn't mean you need the snarky snipe at those who do. Not everyone has even heard of drop and aftercare. It might not come intuitively to them. But a sense of superiority is invaluable for some people. "

I feel sure you've misread this

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago

The reason I don’t do some things with people I do t know or if it’s just a quick hook up is the need to be there physically with them afterwards. The quick ‘thanks, see ya later’ feels shit.

So I know I feel a come down. I know how I can manage my own

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
51 weeks ago

Reading

I have a horror of being seen as needy even with family. So I wouldn't show that side of me to a fwb.

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago

I came back to try and say something but I still dunno. But yeah. It’s true you have to just be open with communication.

I hate feeling needy. I hate feeling intense. And I’ve been described as these things. But yeah, I am who I am. I need what I need. Sometimes you’re gonna get hurt. You just have to charge it to the game. But can’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago

I'm having to learn how to renavigate this as the dynamic is no longer 1:1 for me, so it could be a potential minefield ahead and i want to ensure I don't overstep boundaries and am respectful to both parties

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
51 weeks ago

North West


"Yeah. The low after seeing someone that means something to you. Sigh. "

I get this. A lot.

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago


"I was chatting to a friend yesterday and we had both experienced a drop recently. The difference was that they had met a partner, whereas I had met my FWB and I was uncomfortable with how needy I felt. I did speak up eventually, but I didn't like doing so. My friend pointed out that the friendship aspect of a FWB relationship means that it's still important to give and receive affection in such circumstances, even though there's no romantic attachment.

I'm still not completely comfortable with the fact I felt like that, but I can see the point my friend was making.

Does this ever happen to you, and are you comfortable with telling your sex partner how you feel and ask for some kind words and affection to ease you through it? Does the type of relationship you have with that person affect your willingness to be emotionally vulnerable with them?

"

I'm extremely intuitive and observant and this really does affect my process in choosing fwb partners. There has to be an emotional maturity similar to my own. If my vulnerabilities are seen as weakness I wont be sticking around.

I'm well aware of feeling the drop, of which I'm more prone to if there's more intense types of play involved.

Communication is very important. Trust building is very important. Both can be lost in a blink of an eye.

I guess fucking and leaving is so much easier 🙂

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By *teveanddebsCouple
51 weeks ago

Norwich


"I am very much aware now that I really need aftercare, or in a less “caring” term, - a debrief at least of what happened, haha.

Not many people are willing to give it, which is why I haven’t met in a long while now.

If/When I get the rampant horn, I might pop to a Club, where I wouldn’t expect it anyway. "

Although you don't expect it after a club visit do you still want it?

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By *rHotNottsMan
51 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"no need to for a manual on what to say to your lover. I’ve seen such handy manuals on bdsm sites with useful instructions like cuddle her, and ask her ‘would you like sone water’ I imagine they’re invaluable for some people.

Just because you don't need it doesn't mean you need the snarky snipe at those who do. Not everyone has even heard of drop and aftercare. It might not come intuitively to them. But a sense of superiority is invaluable for some people. "

I don’t think anyone benefits from a manual to teach them how to ask their lover if they need a drink of water after beating the crap out of them.

If you don’t possess the skills or knowledge to identify when & understand that you should care for a human being , physically , emotionally and practically then something serious is missing. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with whether you have heard of the words drop or aftercare. I think they do more harm to be honest it’s kinda like fetishising the act of being needy after having your bum spanked a little.

There is a personal responsibility to take care of yourself and also to choose partners wisely based on their ability to take care of you when you allow things to get heavy. No need for a manual.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
51 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

It never does any harm to try to be considerate of others and how they may be feeling

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
51 weeks ago

North West


"no need to for a manual on what to say to your lover. I’ve seen such handy manuals on bdsm sites with useful instructions like cuddle her, and ask her ‘would you like sone water’ I imagine they’re invaluable for some people.

Just because you don't need it doesn't mean you need the snarky snipe at those who do. Not everyone has even heard of drop and aftercare. It might not come intuitively to them. But a sense of superiority is invaluable for some people.

I don’t think anyone benefits from a manual to teach them how to ask their lover if they need a drink of water after beating the crap out of them.

If you don’t possess the skills or knowledge to identify when & understand that you should care for a human being , physically , emotionally and practically then something serious is missing. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with whether you have heard of the words drop or aftercare. I think they do more harm to be honest it’s kinda like fetishising the act of being needy after having your bum spanked a little.

There is a personal responsibility to take care of yourself and also to choose partners wisely based on their ability to take care of you when you allow things to get heavy. No need for a manual."

Yes, I am very careful in how I choose my partners. It's based on all sorts of things including how they speak to other people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
51 weeks ago


"I'm having to learn how to renavigate this as the dynamic is no longer 1:1 for me, so it could be a potential minefield ahead and i want to ensure I don't overstep boundaries and am respectful to both parties "

That's a very good point regarding meeting a couple. Woukd getting aftercare from another person be possible in that case? A cuddle bud?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
51 weeks ago


"

Unless they're an unfeeling and dismissive character, in which case you sort yourself out by eating snickers, taking meth, and crying yourself to sleep.

I tend to grab a big mac on the way home.

"

What, no hash brown? Who even are you?

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago

This is the reason I won’t play with couples anymore

The dynamic of when you leave can be not very nice

After they have shared, and I totally understand, they needed their time for themselves to cuddle etc.

However I then became a bit of a spare part and just left as it was like I was dismissed

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By *eliWoman
51 weeks ago

.


"The type of relationship I have with someone affects how likely I am to have a drop. How intense the connection is.

I don't like being too emotionally vulnerable, especially when I'm having a drop. I used to be fine with it, would tell a partner I was feeling a bit of a drop and they'd be incredibly sweet. Then I dated someone who "loved" me and gave no aftercare. Would tell me I'm needy because I didn't like the silence after dates. Even if the sex was very kinky and almost a sub drop? Nothing.

Over the months I learnt self care, how to navigate my feelings alone. Now I'd feel too much of a burden to admit a drop and want affection. Like I shouldn't. I'm slowly learning to undo that now.

But regarding others - I'd say of course if you're fwbs or you're dating them you should tell them. It's not a weakness to be emotionally vulnerable, I think it's a beautiful thing. They might have their own drop to navigate but you can talk about it. Together. Find out how they'd like to show care if they want to, what works for them.

That's very interesting. I obviously know in theory that being emotionally vulnerable with someone isn't a weakness, but putting it into practice when you've been conditioned to suppress your needs in order to not be an annoyance is a challenge."

It is a challenge. I'm not going to minimise that because when you're conditioned/told that you're being needy because you hope for affection and care after the intimacy and intensity of being with another... well it can stick with you a little bit.

But I agree with Pickle. And whoever else posted about being needy. You can't let yourself not do things because you're worried. And sometimes it means taking a risk. Trusting that someone won't hurt you when you're emotionally vulnerable with them.

It's not about posting nice things on the forums, posturing about what you will do - whether that's giving aftercare or whatever else.

It's about actually doing it. And I guess that includes me actually admitting when I'm having a drop and hoping they don't run away. Time will tell. :D

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By *ea monkeyMan
51 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)


"no need to for a manual on what to say to your lover. I’ve seen such handy manuals on bdsm sites with useful instructions like cuddle her, and ask her ‘would you like sone water’ I imagine they’re invaluable for some people.

Just because you don't need it doesn't mean you need the snarky snipe at those who do. Not everyone has even heard of drop and aftercare. It might not come intuitively to them. But a sense of superiority is invaluable for some people.

I don’t think anyone benefits from a manual to teach them how to ask their lover if they need a drink of water after beating the crap out of them.

If you don’t possess the skills or knowledge to identify when & understand that you should care for a human being , physically , emotionally and practically then something serious is missing. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with whether you have heard of the words drop or aftercare. I think they do more harm to be honest it’s kinda like fetishising the act of being needy after having your bum spanked a little.

There is a personal responsibility to take care of yourself and also to choose partners wisely based on their ability to take care of you when you allow things to get heavy. No need for a manual."

Where do you expect that people learn or get this knowledge or experience?

I feel being supercilious and superior about learning and having basics pointed out is only going to cause harm to others. Surely the point is that people do get care, not where they get the knowledge from

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By *idden gemMan
51 weeks ago

sale

So coming from my point of view your both in a mutual agree ment and when pleasure is involved feelings will grow and become something you both never expected but fwb will have a closer attachment to each other so like having a relationship but without all the hard work and dedication it take so ione is feeling vulnerable then you should be able to talk to each other

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By *oodmessMan
51 weeks ago

yumsville

Honestly think it depends on the person. You can have sex with one and have messages of I love you, have sex with another and either have no or reg texts it was a good night. One might phone you crying, the other might be busy arranging a meet much to your disappointment. For me it's not a matter of age or experience, just circumstances. I've had people drop and there's very little talking you can do, it's an absolute spiral.

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By *viatrixWoman
51 weeks ago

Redhill


"I am very much aware now that I really need aftercare, or in a less “caring” term, - a debrief at least of what happened, haha.

Not many people are willing to give it, which is why I haven’t met in a long while now.

If/When I get the rampant horn, I might pop to a Club, where I wouldn’t expect it anyway.

Although you don't expect it after a club visit do you still want it?"

From a stranger? Don’t know! Because most of the time I go to Clubs I end up going back home/to my hotel by myself as I don’t fancy anyone enough- if I did I think I would want a lil cuddle afterwards… you’ve made me think there, haha!

I am not into the BDSM scene -at all- so that doesn’t apply to me.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
51 weeks ago

Lincs

I don’t think the level of contact should drop before and after meeting.

Whilst the needs may be different leading up to a meet and then dealing with the drop afterwards, we like to ensure the aftercare is provided too.

What happens afterwards is just as important, if not more at times, as what happens before meeting.

Also being open with your feelings brings a closer connection and that can only ever be good if you’re wanting long term FWB’s.

K

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
51 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I think, generally, many people are poor at asking to have their needs met by those they’re close to. Societal conditioning makes it hard to do so without feeling selfish or needy. It’s something I’m working on, trying not to apologise for showing my sometimes uncomfortable and unwanted emotions. I feel it’s going to be a lifelong work in progress.

Mrs TMN x

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
51 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly

Sorry slightly off topic OP x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
51 weeks ago


"Sorry slightly off topic OP x"

Not off topic at all. It was exactly what I was personally grappling with x

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago


"Sorry slightly off topic OP x"

What a fucking surprise

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
51 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Sorry slightly off topic OP x

What a fucking surprise "

SQUIRREL

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By *aizyWoman
51 weeks ago

west midlands

Hope you are feeling better now Nell, I get where you are coming from, the hardest thing for me is to tell someone how I am feeling, I build up the conversation in my head and think of all the worse case scenarios of how the conversation will go, it never goes as badly as I imagine but it doesn't stop me thinking that way, I'm glad you spoke to your fwb and let him know how you were feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago


"Sorry slightly off topic OP x

What a fucking surprise

SQUIRREL"

Lovely bit of squirrel Jackie

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By *uriousscouserWoman
51 weeks ago

Wirral


"This is the reason I won’t play with couples anymore

The dynamic of when you leave can be not very nice

After they have shared, and I totally understand, they needed their time for themselves to cuddle etc.

However I then became a bit of a spare part and just left as it was like I was dismissed "

Yes, I've had similar experiences.

It can be so awkward when I'm still having orgasm aftershocks but there are strong hints that they're done with me now and want alone time! An extreme example but it has happened.

If I meet a couple now I don't do much chatting in advance and try to keep an emotional distance - I don't tend to get any drop from the purely physical act of the sex so I try to keep my interactions based on that.

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago

This 'drop' thing is something I'd never thought about. I'm aware of aftercare, and I think I'm empathic and considerate enough to realise if someone wants or needs it. I'd never considered that that someone might be me?

Maybe explains why I've felt so unwanted and worthless for last few months (longer if I'm going to be honest with myself??)

If I just give up and take a Vulcan standpoint on emotions, maybe they'll just fade away into a distant vague memory?

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By *iddle ManMan
51 weeks ago

Walsall

There is nothing wrong with being kind, also it is very common that people in a fwb situation will at some point develop stronger feelings than the other.

It is how you both deal with it.

As for being needy, is depends how much. We all have friends and family that are more needy than others.

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago

My advice would be get another fuck buddy or two.

Try to keep your sex life separate from your private life. So there is no emotional romantic feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago


"My advice would be get another fuck buddy or two.

Try to keep your sex life separate from your private life. So there is no emotional romantic feelings. "

Some people want romantic feelings. After all, plenty of swingers are in love.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
51 weeks ago


"My advice would be get another fuck buddy or two.

Try to keep your sex life separate from your private life. So there is no emotional romantic feelings. "

It's not about having romantic feelings. Adrenaline, dopamine and endorphins plummet after being sky high during a meet, and it can leave you feeling sad and exhausted.

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By *eliWoman
51 weeks ago

.

^ denial. Obviously the only positive feelings with another you do the sex with are romantic.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
51 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

One of my partners I barely get to see. When I do it's barely a couple of hours at a time. And while we always have that post coital puddle of waffle and softness, I often feel dejected when he has to leave and I know it's gonna be a while before I get to see him again.

The situation is what it is, and I knew that going into it. Honestly, it's one of the few situations where I don't word vomit the feelings, because the options are those occasional short periods, or nothing. And I'd rather mourn the departure than mourn the entire connection.

My other partners are all solo like myself, and when I've felt that way I've been able to speak about it and negotiate ways to get everything I need from the situation.

This is why I prefer to avoid anyone who does the whole nesting thing to be fair.

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
51 weeks ago

North West


"And I'd rather mourn the departure than mourn the entire connection.

"

This is beautiful. ❤️💔

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By *entleman JayMan
51 weeks ago

Wakefield

If I don’t get cuddles and spooning from a FWB then I’m not interested.

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By *ansoffateMan
51 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

I guess it's quite subjective. Some people in my life have separated friendship from sex and prioritise the former.

For me there is no sexual desire without some degree of affection in the relationship too. It's the level of involvement in each others lives that tends to vary and can be a determining factor.

A FWB is a friend first and I tend to be affectionate with my friends, sometimes it's expressed physically, sometimes in other ways. We have just decided to bring sex into the relationship too.

Without that it's an FB I guess and that does nothing for me. Sexual experiences like that tend to be something I would do with a partner, a threesome, for example.

I'd definitely express it, I mean if they want sex and it's a requirement for me then the conversation is going to emerge and often does.

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By (user no longer on site)
51 weeks ago

There is no such thing as too needy. We have needs, and that’s ok. We’re allowed to have emotions and feelings, and ask for help. It’s seen as a weakness or a failing, but people generally want and like to help others.

If I’ve had drops I’ve always been able to tell the other person and they’ve helped.

Anyone telling you that you are too needy, or not being there needs to be kicked into touch.

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By *ellinever70Woman
51 weeks ago

Ayrshire

Hmm...I don't think I'd put that on someone I wasn't seeing regularly

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
51 weeks ago

your head

I've not asked or spoken up in the past and it's a horrible feeling then dealing with that myself. I've learnt that a drop can happen and to recognise what I may need when it does. I make it clear from the start, I'm tactile and affectionate and want the same in return, it's not bitten me on the arse yet. If I felt like I couldn't have that conversation, I'd question the relationship.

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By *illy IdolMan
51 weeks ago

Midlands


"Does this ever happen to you, and are you comfortable with telling your sex partner how you feel and ask for some kind words and affection to ease you through it? Does the type of relationship you have with that person affect your willingness to be emotionally vulnerable with them?

"

This doesn't really happen for me. However, I think it's important you're both vocal about what you both need for the relationship you have to work. You should never feel needy. If one of you is not getting what they want from the situation, then I guess it would be time to move on.

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