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Unlocking The Sex Stuff (Crap thread title alert!)

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Ey up good folks 👍🏻

According to the colloquialism, ‘Food is the language of love.’

Well….as a shitty cook, I am therefore rendered mute.

But it’s not too late for you!

Nay!

What dish/desert when prepared for you by a suitor, will instantly render thy trousers bulging or else thy knickers dropping?

Bonus Round: This is your chance for the sex good folks! - If you see a dish mentioned that you are adept at preparing, get in there by gum and woo the person with all thy might!

Make it so number one! 👍🏻

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By *elix SightedMan
25 weeks ago

Cloud 8

Toad in the hole

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By *ir tootMan
25 weeks ago

Burton-on-Trent

[Removed by poster at 08/08/24 19:46:48]

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By *indergirlWoman
25 weeks ago

somewhere, someplace

Biscoff cheesecake served with extra thick Madagascan vanilla cream

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By *eordieJeansCouple
25 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Nachos but I don’t really like sex after food. I feel lethargic and bloaty.

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
25 weeks ago

Essex

Garlic chilli prawns

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By *ell GwynnWoman
25 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

Literally anything. I dislike cooking, so if anyone is happy to take that responsibility from me I'm theirs forever.

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By *eliWoman
25 weeks ago

.

A really really good cheesecake. Not too thick a base. Perfectly whipped filling. Fresh dark berries. Homemade coulis.

Anything heavier and yeah... it's not happening.

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By *ell GwynnWoman
25 weeks ago

North Yorkshire


"A really really good cheesecake. Not too thick a base. Perfectly whipped filling. Fresh dark berries. Homemade coulis.

Anything heavier and yeah... it's not happening. "

Ooh! I made a really good pumpkin pie cheesecake once.

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By *parkle1974Woman
25 weeks ago

Leeds

Absolutely nothing, I prefer to devour him

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
25 weeks ago

Glasgow / London


"Garlic chilli prawns "

I seem to remember you getting a bit territorial over a plate of those.

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By *ffervescentMan
25 weeks ago

winfrith

Beans on toast.

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By *eliWoman
25 weeks ago

.


"A really really good cheesecake. Not too thick a base. Perfectly whipped filling. Fresh dark berries. Homemade coulis.

Anything heavier and yeah... it's not happening.

Ooh! I made a really good pumpkin pie cheesecake once."

If you were ten years older, two feet taller and a man? I'd be in love with you by now.

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
25 weeks ago

Essex


"Garlic chilli prawns

I seem to remember you getting a bit territorial over a plate of those."

You let me have the last one….

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By *ell GwynnWoman
25 weeks ago

North Yorkshire


"A really really good cheesecake. Not too thick a base. Perfectly whipped filling. Fresh dark berries. Homemade coulis.

Anything heavier and yeah... it's not happening.

Ooh! I made a really good pumpkin pie cheesecake once.

If you were ten years older, two feet taller and a man? I'd be in love with you by now."

I know

And I haven't even told you about my roast rhubarb and vanilla compote yet, served hot over ice cream...

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By *he KakapoMan
25 weeks ago

A nice rock

I make a decent Paella and a dark chocolate ganache cake for dessert.

I'm shit at sharing though so it's all mine

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By *ustMe0471Man
25 weeks ago

Crewe

Home made steak & kidney pie with plenty of filling and a not too thick crust. Followed by Lemon Meringue and a scoop of ice cream. Delish

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

Not so much cooked, but Oysters served well (see another thread)

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣

"

But my cock is poised and ready if anyone is desiring a cheese sandwich?

Yes?

Hello….?

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By *aizyWoman
25 weeks ago

west midlands


"You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣"

Egg and chips?

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣

Egg and chips?"

Yay! I can manage that (oven fries at least) 😇😇😜

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By *aizyWoman
25 weeks ago

west midlands


"You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣

Egg and chips?

Yay! I can manage that (oven fries at least) 😇😇😜"

You're on!! 😋

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
25 weeks ago

Essex


"You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣

But my cock is poised and ready if anyone is desiring a cheese sandwich?

Yes?

Hello….? "

What kind of cheese?

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣

Egg and chips?

Yay! I can manage that (oven fries at least) 😇😇😜

You're on!! 😋"

😍😍👹👹 The sex! 👹👹😍😍

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By *ittlebirdWoman
25 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

If they cook it I will cum…

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣

But my cock is poised and ready if anyone is desiring a cheese sandwich?

Yes?

Hello….?

What kind of cheese?"

I have some Cranberry and Wensleydale in my fridge at the moment 😍😍 How about that and salad cream between two slices of buttered bread?

(I’m really stretching my culinary capabilities to the max here) 😜

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"If they cook it I will cum…"

😂😂😂👍🏻

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By *aizyWoman
25 weeks ago

west midlands


"You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣

Egg and chips?

Yay! I can manage that (oven fries at least) 😇😇😜

You're on!! 😋

😍😍👹👹 The sex! 👹👹😍😍"

Before or after the egg and chips? 🤔

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By *ensuallover1000 OP   Man
25 weeks ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣

Egg and chips?

Yay! I can manage that (oven fries at least) 😇😇😜

You're on!! 😋

😍😍👹👹 The sex! 👹👹😍😍

Before or after the egg and chips? 🤔"

Sex first I think; It will build up our appetites and then supply energy for a second round 😍😍😍

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By *aizyWoman
25 weeks ago

west midlands


"You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣

Egg and chips?

Yay! I can manage that (oven fries at least) 😇😇😜

You're on!! 😋

😍😍👹👹 The sex! 👹👹😍😍

Before or after the egg and chips? 🤔

Sex first I think; It will build up our appetites and then supply energy for a second round 😍😍😍"

Perfect!! 😋🤤😍

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By *asterMeliodasMan
25 weeks ago

Newmill

I will absolutely ravish anyone for a good cheesecake.

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By *eliWoman
25 weeks ago

.


"A really really good cheesecake. Not too thick a base. Perfectly whipped filling. Fresh dark berries. Homemade coulis.

Anything heavier and yeah... it's not happening.

Ooh! I made a really good pumpkin pie cheesecake once.

If you were ten years older, two feet taller and a man? I'd be in love with you by now.

I know

And I haven't even told you about my roast rhubarb and vanilla compote yet, served hot over ice cream..."

You're wasted on men. Join the wet side.

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
25 weeks ago

Essex


"You fine folks never cease to impress me with your cultured culinary skills.

I really need to up my cooking game 😣😣

But my cock is poised and ready if anyone is desiring a cheese sandwich?

Yes?

Hello….?

What kind of cheese?

I have some Cranberry and Wensleydale in my fridge at the moment 😍😍 How about that and salad cream between two slices of buttered bread?

(I’m really stretching my culinary capabilities to the max here) 😜"

Salad cream?!?!?!

I’m out 🤣🤣🤣

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By *ickleTheWonderSchlongMan
25 weeks ago

Ends

I’ll be real, if they can make banging mac and cheese then I’m hard as rocks. I’ll be a really good boy.

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By *obilebottomMan
25 weeks ago

All over

A bit niche - bouillabaisse

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By *C44Man
25 weeks ago

Ipswich

In my youth I was a culturally misplaced cook in several Chinese restaurants. If its between numbers 1 and 145 on the menu I can do it. But my speciality is the food that the staff ate, which is not on the menu.

So either takeaway Chinese or actual food from Hong kong

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By *lynJMan
25 weeks ago

Morden

I can do a really good chicken kiev.

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By *rimal InstinctCouple
25 weeks ago

Carlisle

Elderflower posset

Gooseberry Fool

Yum!

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
25 weeks ago

Essex


"In my youth I was a culturally misplaced cook in several Chinese restaurants. If its between numbers 1 and 145 on the menu I can do it. But my speciality is the food that the staff ate, which is not on the menu.

So either takeaway Chinese or actual food from Hong kong"

Yep

I’m in.

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By *viatrixWoman
25 weeks ago

Redhill

Men who cook put me off! 😂😂😂

Having said that- if I am famished and he cooks a good chargrilled steak with a baked potato and a good salad, I’ll bite.

I am an extremely good cook though- so it takes quite a bit to impress me. Which is why I am not mentioning a fabulous pozole, some great enchiladas suizas or maybe some chiles en nogada.

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By *indergirlWoman
25 weeks ago

somewhere, someplace


"I’ll be real, if they can make banging mac and cheese then I’m hard as rocks. I’ll be a really good boy. "

Creamy four cheese sauce and topped with even more cheese and baked til crispy good enough for you?

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago


"Men who cook put me off! 😂😂😂

Having said that- if I am famished and he cooks a good chargrilled steak with a baked potato and a good salad, I’ll bite.

I am an extremely good cook though- so it takes quite a bit to impress me. Which is why I am not mentioning a fabulous pozole, some great enchiladas suizas or maybe some chiles en nogada. "

How do you like your steak? And which sauce? Asking for a friend!

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By *C44Man
25 weeks ago

Ipswich


"In my youth I was a culturally misplaced cook in several Chinese restaurants. If its between numbers 1 and 145 on the menu I can do it. But my speciality is the food that the staff ate, which is not on the menu.

So either takeaway Chinese or actual food from Hong kong

Yep

I’m in. "

Give me 3 numbers between 1 and 145 😂

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
25 weeks ago

Essex


"In my youth I was a culturally misplaced cook in several Chinese restaurants. If its between numbers 1 and 145 on the menu I can do it. But my speciality is the food that the staff ate, which is not on the menu.

So either takeaway Chinese or actual food from Hong kong

Yep

I’m in.

Give me 3 numbers between 1 and 145 😂"

8

73

28

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By *irty Boy-123Man
25 weeks ago

Merseyside

I can make a mean omelette for breakfast

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago


"Not so much cooked, but Oysters served well (see another thread)"

The key is in serving them well!

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By *C44Man
25 weeks ago

Ipswich


"In my youth I was a culturally misplaced cook in several Chinese restaurants. If its between numbers 1 and 145 on the menu I can do it. But my speciality is the food that the staff ate, which is not on the menu.

So either takeaway Chinese or actual food from Hong kong

Yep

I’m in.

Give me 3 numbers between 1 and 145 😂

8

73

28"

Chicken and prawn toast

Roast duck with cashew nuts

Fried squid with salt and chilli

And yes, I can recite the menu of the first takeaway I worked from memory 😂

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago


"Men who cook put me off! 😂😂😂

Having said that- if I am famished and he cooks a good chargrilled steak with a baked potato and a good salad, I’ll bite.

I am an extremely good cook though- so it takes quite a bit to impress me. Which is why I am not mentioning a fabulous pozole, some great enchiladas suizas or maybe some chiles en nogada. "

If you’d said sopes, my knickers would be flying off me. 🤣

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
25 weeks ago

Essex


"In my youth I was a culturally misplaced cook in several Chinese restaurants. If its between numbers 1 and 145 on the menu I can do it. But my speciality is the food that the staff ate, which is not on the menu.

So either takeaway Chinese or actual food from Hong kong

Yep

I’m in.

Give me 3 numbers between 1 and 145 😂

8

73

28

Chicken and prawn toast

Roast duck with cashew nuts

Fried squid with salt and chilli

And yes, I can recite the menu of the first takeaway I worked from memory 😂"

Ooh I’m happy with my choices

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By *oamingfree24Man
25 weeks ago

Bradford

Flight - Denzel Washington, what a movie!

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By *viatrixWoman
25 weeks ago

Redhill


"Men who cook put me off! 😂😂😂

Having said that- if I am famished and he cooks a good chargrilled steak with a baked potato and a good salad, I’ll bite.

I am an extremely good cook though- so it takes quite a bit to impress me. Which is why I am not mentioning a fabulous pozole, some great enchiladas suizas or maybe some chiles en nogada.

If you’d said sopes, my knickers would be flying off me. 🤣

"

Come to mine, I’ll make you some in all their variants- chalupas, picadas, sopecitos… rojos y verdes.

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

I make beautiful cakes. Bakery quality multi tiered cakes.

One of the favourites my friends, neighbours, and colleagues fancy is a chocolate explosion cake. Chocolate custard sponge, chocolate ganache, chocolate icing, chocolate curls, chocolate chunk cream. For a chocolate lover, it’s exquisite. Not for the faint of heart.

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By *C44Man
25 weeks ago

Ipswich


"In my youth I was a culturally misplaced cook in several Chinese restaurants. If its between numbers 1 and 145 on the menu I can do it. But my speciality is the food that the staff ate, which is not on the menu.

So either takeaway Chinese or actual food from Hong kong

Yep

I’m in.

Give me 3 numbers between 1 and 145 😂

8

73

28

Chicken and prawn toast

Roast duck with cashew nuts

Fried squid with salt and chilli

And yes, I can recite the menu of the first takeaway I worked from memory 😂

Ooh I’m happy with my choices

"

I'll fire up the wok.

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago


"Men who cook put me off! 😂😂😂

Having said that- if I am famished and he cooks a good chargrilled steak with a baked potato and a good salad, I’ll bite.

I am an extremely good cook though- so it takes quite a bit to impress me. Which is why I am not mentioning a fabulous pozole, some great enchiladas suizas or maybe some chiles en nogada.

If you’d said sopes, my knickers would be flying off me. 🤣

Come to mine, I’ll make you some in all their variants- chalupas, picadas, sopecitos… rojos y verdes. "

I’m a slut for really nice Mexican food. Be careful or not. 😈

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By *londebiguyMan
25 weeks ago

Southport

Love a Creme Brulée

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
25 weeks ago

Essex


"In my youth I was a culturally misplaced cook in several Chinese restaurants. If its between numbers 1 and 145 on the menu I can do it. But my speciality is the food that the staff ate, which is not on the menu.

So either takeaway Chinese or actual food from Hong kong

Yep

I’m in.

Give me 3 numbers between 1 and 145 😂

8

73

28

Chicken and prawn toast

Roast duck with cashew nuts

Fried squid with salt and chilli

And yes, I can recite the menu of the first takeaway I worked from memory 😂

Ooh I’m happy with my choices

I'll fire up the wok. "

I’ll fire up everything else

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