Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to The Lounge |
| Jump to newest |  |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Think you've done the correct thing by giving her the appropriate numbers for help. Beyond that I don't think she should be bothering you each time they have a falling out. You're kind of being a security blanket for her which isn't really on, considering your history. Has she got a best friend you can tell her to talk to instead? " I said let me hand this off to one of her friends but I think she's ashamed of what's going on. She did tell one that I don't know and she had to run out of the house as he lost his shit about it | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Think you've done the correct thing by giving her the appropriate numbers for help. Beyond that I don't think she should be bothering you each time they have a falling out. You're kind of being a security blanket for her which isn't really on, considering your history. Has she got a best friend you can tell her to talk to instead? I said let me hand this off to one of her friends but I think she's ashamed of what's going on. She did tell one that I don't know and she had to run out of the house as he lost his shit about it" She's not too ashamed to tell you though. This is a tough one. Nobody wants to stop supporting someone who's in an abusive relationship. It might help you if you contact one of the numbers you've given her and ask them how best to help after explaining you were previously in a relationship. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Think you've done the correct thing by giving her the appropriate numbers for help. Beyond that I don't think she should be bothering you each time they have a falling out. You're kind of being a security blanket for her which isn't really on, considering your history. Has she got a best friend you can tell her to talk to instead? I said let me hand this off to one of her friends but I think she's ashamed of what's going on. She did tell one that I don't know and she had to run out of the house as he lost his shit about it" Just worth considering what would he do if he found out she was talking to you? I bet it would be a heck of a lot worse. So why is she risking it? Not saying she's lying but I would be dubious I were you. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Walk away. she only wants you when things go bad with him. " Yep. Who wants to hear from someone only when they're crying. She'll drag you down with worry OP. She was big enough to move on from you, she'll move on from him. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Your ex cheated on you and is now pulling you into her new relationship because it’s toxic. Newsflash: you are also in an abusive relationship. With her. You just can’t see it that you’re the one she is abusing in turn. She broke your trust. That should and can stop be the end of the matter. You’ve done more than you are morally obliged to. Walk away. Walk now. " I hadn't looked at it that way but I think you're right. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Your ex cheated on you and is now pulling you into her new relationship because it’s toxic. Newsflash: you are also in an abusive relationship. With her. You just can’t see it that you’re the one she is abusing in turn. She broke your trust. That should and can stop be the end of the matter. You’ve done more than you are morally obliged to. Walk away. Walk now. " This. I’d probably block her number and just move on at this point. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" If I tell her family because of her religion she'll be ostracised" Is she married to him ? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Your ex cheated on you and is now pulling you into her new relationship because it’s toxic. Newsflash: you are also in an abusive relationship. With her. You just can’t see it that you’re the one she is abusing in turn. She broke your trust. That should and can stop be the end of the matter. You’ve done more than you are morally obliged to. Walk away. Walk now. " This. You’ve done what you need to do, you need to escape the abuse yourself | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Your ex cheated on you and is now pulling you into her new relationship because it’s toxic. Newsflash: you are also in an abusive relationship. With her. You just can’t see it that you’re the one she is abusing in turn. She broke your trust. That should and can stop be the end of the matter. You’ve done more than you are morally obliged to. Walk away. Walk now. " Yes...this | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"My ex cheated on me and is now with the guy. She's now realised the grass definitely wasn't greener. She says he is extremely aggressive in his tone, and constantly insults her, she recently found out he is paying for services as she doesn't fulfill his desires. Despite all this she forgives him and takes him back. How di I know this? When she's gets scared she calls me . I told her it's only a matter of time before it gets physical but she says she always submits to him so it won't happen. If I tell her family because of her religion she'll be ostracised, so I can't let them support her as I am kinda getting fed up of her not listening. How do I help? Walk away she made her bed so.... I've given her domestic abuse numbers and links . Help or walk away?" None of your business. Stone wall her. No contact and the messages and calls stop. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" If I tell her family because of her religion she'll be ostracised Is she married to him ?" Planning the wedding | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I guess it's the guilt of knowing someone you cared about needed help and you couldn't do more. DV is such an ugly thing I grew up seeing it with my uncle and his wife and the memories stay with me from before I was 10. Probably this is why I want to do as much as I can to help her. " She's planning to marry him, what more can you do? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I wonder why she keeps you so close after what she did, only a woman will know that ? What I would would depend if I still Loved her and thought there was a chance or not plus if there were kids etc " Only that particular woman will know that. Not “a woman” 💯 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"she recently found out he is paying for services as she doesn't fulfill his desires. If I tell her family because of her religion she'll be ostracised" How would her religious family feel about her future husband if they knew this ? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Although her situation isn’t great and she needs to run a mile she’s keeping you as a backup. You’ve done all you can, if I was you I’d be blocking her and moving on." This | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"My ex cheated on me and is now with the guy. She's now realised the grass definitely wasn't greener. She says he is extremely aggressive in his tone, and constantly insults her, she recently found out he is paying for services as she doesn't fulfill his desires. Despite all this she forgives him and takes him back. How di I know this? When she's gets scared she calls me . I told her it's only a matter of time before it gets physical but she says she always submits to him so it won't happen. If I tell her family because of her religion she'll be ostracised, so I can't let them support her as I am kinda getting fed up of her not listening. How do I help? Walk away she made her bed so.... I've given her domestic abuse numbers and links . Help or walk away?" I situation I can identify with. It's fine to have compassion for the situation but not your problem. You need to have your own closer and space from her. I would advise you inform her it's not your job to support her or be her confidant but to also ask/sign post her to websites and organisations who can help. It's not about being mean or comeuppance it's simply about appropriate boundaries and you're own wellbeing going forward. She is not your job anymore and it's your future you need to look to. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Things like this are never black and white and being in similar situations has taught me that's its not so easy to walk away. My first wife and I were going through a bad patch which obviously led to a divorce. Ok I wasn't the best husband in the world but in the months leading up to it she was always goading me and putting me down. She was trying to get me to hit her, she was trying to get sympathy and had got was trying to get me arrested so and banned from her house. I put my hands behind my back everytime she was right up in my face and stayed calm. She eventually lost it and started punching me round the head so I grabbed her wrists in defence. Well it gave her a bruise and parading it round all our friends telling them I was knocking her around. Her friends didn't believe her and when she found out she was having an affair and spreading lies she lost all her friends. Now the affair was just that and never progressed but if it had of and she had of called me and told be he was aggressive etc I just would have hung up.and and not given it a 2nd thought. My second marriage my wife had an angry streak that came out when she was under a lot of stress and started drinking to cope, well then sometimes I became her punchbag (mostly verbally but on rare occasions physically. She had grown up in an abusive household were her dad was a d*unk and took his temper out on both her mum.and her. We had a daughter but that still didn't take away her darkside that was still there. She had a look in her eyes when I knew it was brewing so defused the situation even if it meant me apologising for something I hadn't done. I told her there the was no way our daughter was growing up in an abusive household and she agreed and promised to attend counselling. She never did and we split! Now I suspected she was seeing someone but never mentioned it until I received death threats from the guy I suspected she was seeing. I got straight on it and researched the guy, he had 3 convictions for ABH, had a restraining order from his ex partner and wasn't even given the location of her or his kids. Well she called me and said she had something to tell me Well I told her I knew and gave her all his precious. Turned out someone cut him up at traffic lights so he dragged the guy out of the car and beat him up in front of her and my daughter. Well obviously that was the end of it but he didn't take no for answer! Months of threats against her, me her family etc. She also told me he owned a handgun but it was licensed (she wasn't clued up on gun laws) well obviously I had to step in and help as I was concerned about my daughters safety otherwise I'd have told her to shove it. Thankfully that guy is back in prison and she hasn't moved to a different town but she is a bad judge of character and a dread the same thing happing again. Anyway you didn't ask for my life story but assuming you have no kids with her then just ignore her. However should file a police report telling them what you told us. The police won't do anything unless she contacts her himself but just cover your back in case something bad happens and it's on record that you tried to advise and help. Then draw a line and walk away!" Guys like that need more than putting in prison unfortunately | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Tell one of her friends, if he's that bad you'd never forgive yourself for walking away if anything happened to her. But she's not your responsibility. Or, if you know enough about him, request a Claire's Law on her behalf. If there's anything to disclose, the police will get in touch with her. " I don't think he should put it on her friend Or if he can request the Claire's law on her behalf | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Things like this are never black and white and being in similar situations has taught me that's its not so easy to walk away. My first wife and I were going through a bad patch which obviously led to a divorce. Ok I wasn't the best husband in the world but in the months leading up to it she was always goading me and putting me down. She was trying to get me to hit her, she was trying to get sympathy and had got was trying to get me arrested so and banned from her house. I put my hands behind my back everytime she was right up in my face and stayed calm. She eventually lost it and started punching me round the head so I grabbed her wrists in defence. Well it gave her a bruise and parading it round all our friends telling them I was knocking her around. Her friends didn't believe her and when she found out she was having an affair and spreading lies she lost all her friends. Now the affair was just that and never progressed but if it had of and she had of called me and told be he was aggressive etc I just would have hung up.and and not given it a 2nd thought. My second marriage my wife had an angry streak that came out when she was under a lot of stress and started drinking to cope, well then sometimes I became her punchbag (mostly verbally but on rare occasions physically. She had grown up in an abusive household were her dad was a d*unk and took his temper out on both her mum.and her. We had a daughter but that still didn't take away her darkside that was still there. She had a look in her eyes when I knew it was brewing so defused the situation even if it meant me apologising for something I hadn't done. I told her there the was no way our daughter was growing up in an abusive household and she agreed and promised to attend counselling. She never did and we split! Now I suspected she was seeing someone but never mentioned it until I received death threats from the guy I suspected she was seeing. I got straight on it and researched the guy, he had 3 convictions for ABH, had a restraining order from his ex partner and wasn't even given the location of her or his kids. Well she called me and said she had something to tell me Well I told her I knew and gave her all his precious. Turned out someone cut him up at traffic lights so he dragged the guy out of the car and beat him up in front of her and my daughter. Well obviously that was the end of it but he didn't take no for answer! Months of threats against her, me her family etc. She also told me he owned a handgun but it was licensed (she wasn't clued up on gun laws) well obviously I had to step in and help as I was concerned about my daughters safety otherwise I'd have told her to shove it. Thankfully that guy is back in prison and she hasn't moved to a different town but she is a bad judge of character and a dread the same thing happing again. Anyway you didn't ask for my life story but assuming you have no kids with her then just ignore her. However should file a police report telling them what you told us. The police won't do anything unless she contacts her himself but just cover your back in case something bad happens and it's on record that you tried to advise and help. Then draw a line and walk away! Guys like that need more than putting in prison unfortunately " The guy was crazy! Her num runs an ainimal sactuary and on christmas day he sent her a picture of a slaughtered goose and said Thanks for my dinner" obiously he was just an interent picture but still. He also said he was going to apply for access rights to see my daughter (their relationship was about 3 weeks) she blocked him from about 10 phones but just kept getting a new number. Then called up in tears one night and said he had been given 2 months to live. My ex wife just replied with "shame it isn't 2 weeks" So obviously the death threats then started immediatly. I could go on but I think you get the picture! Thing is he couldn't even use the "Iwas d*unk and wasn't thinking straight" excuse as he didn't drink at all | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" Or if he can request the Claire's law on her behalf " Whilst you can do that I highly recommend you don't! I would strongly recommend you follow my advice in the above post | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"My ex cheated on me and is now with the guy. She's now realised the grass definitely wasn't greener. She says he is extremely aggressive in his tone, and constantly insults her, she recently found out he is paying for services as she doesn't fulfill his desires. Despite all this she forgives him and takes him back. How di I know this? When she's gets scared she calls me . I told her it's only a matter of time before it gets physical but she says she always submits to him so it won't happen. If I tell her family because of her religion she'll be ostracised, so I can't let them support her as I am kinda getting fed up of her not listening. How do I help? Walk away she made her bed so.... I've given her domestic abuse numbers and links . Help or walk away?" . I think a lot depends in how strong your feelings are for her.Do you want her back , can you just be a friend or a shoulder to cry on.At the end of the day you have given her domestic abuse phone numbers and links.If she needed to go to councillor / meetings do you think you could go with her as a friend or would those old feelings you had resurface.You may want to think about yourself and your own mental health wellbeing.No one can tell you what is the right answer as we all have different tolerance levels and different personalities / characteristics.Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"My ex cheated on me and is now with the guy. She's now realised the grass definitely wasn't greener. She says he is extremely aggressive in his tone, and constantly insults her, she recently found out he is paying for services as she doesn't fulfill his desires. Despite all this she forgives him and takes him back. How di I know this? When she's gets scared she calls me . I told her it's only a matter of time before it gets physical but she says she always submits to him so it won't happen. If I tell her family because of her religion she'll be ostracised, so I can't let them support her as I am kinda getting fed up of her not listening. How do I help? Walk away she made her bed so.... I've given her domestic abuse numbers and links . Help or walk away?. I think a lot depends in how strong your feelings are for her.Do you want her back , can you just be a friend or a shoulder to cry on.At the end of the day you have given her domestic abuse phone numbers and links.If she needed to go to councillor / meetings do you think you could go with her as a friend or would those old feelings you had resurface.You may want to think about yourself and your own mental health wellbeing.No one can tell you what is the right answer as we all have different tolerance levels and different personalities / characteristics.Best of luck with whatever you decide to do." NO! A said her and this new guy are planning on getting married. If she leaves him and cuts ties well thats up to the OP but do not get anymore involved. If He finds out he'll blame her, it will be your fault as you have interfered and you could be seen as the bad guy. I have never met this guy but from experiece these people are Narcissists and will propably be the salt of the earth in their friends eyes and he's convinced them that she is the problem etc For now stay clear! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
