FabSwingers.com forum: Gatekeeping

By (user no longer on site) OP
30 weeks ago

Do you gatekeep the things you enjoy or are you happy to share it with others to get them involved too? Say it's a TV series, or a good little coffee shop or place to eat, or a band that you like.

And if you don't gatekeep, do you understand why people do?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
30 weeks ago

North West

Gatekeeper to me, is an annoying dude from Stratford

I've never even thought about this, Joe. I didn't know it was a thing. If I find something or somewhere nice and people ask about something or somewhere nice, I'll share my thing/idea.

The idea of not sharing a nice café or book or whatever seems bonkers to me so no, I wouldn't understand why people do. Unless it was for safety.

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By *emorefridaCouple
30 weeks ago

La la land

Occasionally yes I do, more for my own sanity. I have a friend who will literally do everything I do or turns it into a competition. They don't mean to do it and in general they are awesome. But sometimes I need to pull myself away from those kind of situations and I will.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
30 weeks ago

East Sussex

I don't gatekeep (is it a verb now?). I know people who do.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
30 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Nah.

I enjoy the things I enjoy.

If they bring other people joy too, that's amazing 💜

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
30 weeks ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"Nah.

I enjoy the things I enjoy.

If they bring other people joy too, that's amazing 💜"

This! I like to share the love. In fact, I love to share my enthusiasm about stuff I enjoy ❤️

Mrs TMN x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
30 weeks ago

"Gatekeeper to me, is an annoying dude from Stratford

I've never even thought about this, Joe. I didn't know it was a thing. If I find something or somewhere nice and people ask about something or somewhere nice, I'll share my thing/idea.

The idea of not sharing a nice café or book or whatever seems bonkers to me so no, I wouldn't understand why people do. Unless it was for safety. "

It's cool that you're willing to share those things and I guess people may just enjoy the feeling of finding something good that only they know about. Hypothetical situation, but say you know an amazing restaurant and your annoying work colleague asks for recommendations, would you tell them?

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By *nebworthMan
30 weeks ago

Knebworth

I was accused of gatekeeping a holiday destination. I was able to go by special permission on the visa. I will admit I was a little sad it was opened up to the world to visit, but when people came back telling me they agreed with my love of the place, I felt happier.

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By (user no longer on site)
30 weeks ago

I guess it depends what I’m sharing really but I love to share many things in life and if it brings a smile to someone then even better

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By (user no longer on site) OP
30 weeks ago

"Occasionally yes I do, more for my own sanity. I have a friend who will literally do everything I do or turns it into a competition. They don't mean to do it and in general they are awesome. But sometimes I need to pull myself away from those kind of situations and I will. "

That makes sense, sometimes we need something for ourselves to find comfort in and free from the opinions of others in our lives!

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By *ou only live onceMan
30 weeks ago

London

No, I'm an evangelist for the things/places I like!

I can see the 'but I don't want this quiet spot overrun by mass tourism' argument, but truth is you're never going to be the only person that knows about somewhere, so I don't get the point.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
30 weeks ago

"I don't gatekeep (is it a verb now?). I know people who do. "

It's a verb now! (

) If they don't tell you anything, how do you know they gatekeep?

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By *ora the explorerWoman
30 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

Never really thought about it. I’m not in general but only a couple of people know exactly what I do for a job as it’s very niche and I don’t want everyone doing it! Also I found a tiny beach near me in Spain about 10 years ago which not many seem to know about it and I keep it that way 🤣. Not sure if those things count or not.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
30 weeks ago

North West

"Gatekeeper to me, is an annoying dude from Stratford

I've never even thought about this, Joe. I didn't know it was a thing. If I find something or somewhere nice and people ask about something or somewhere nice, I'll share my thing/idea.

The idea of not sharing a nice café or book or whatever seems bonkers to me so no, I wouldn't understand why people do. Unless it was for safety.

I probably would, yes. Just try to avoid going at the same time!

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By *aizyWoman
30 weeks ago

west midlands

I'm an oversharer, if I love something I can bore myself going on about it!

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By *ayRyuMan
30 weeks ago

Harrogate

I thought Gatekeeper was someone from Ghostbusters!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
30 weeks ago

"Nah.

I enjoy the things I enjoy.

If they bring other people joy too, that's amazing 💜"

That's a good way to look at it and I quite enjoy that too because it just gives us another form of common ground

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By (user no longer on site)
30 weeks ago

"I thought Gatekeeper was someone from Ghostbusters!"

All I could think of was dont let them get near to the keymaster what ever you do!

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By *ayRyuMan
30 weeks ago

Harrogate

"I thought Gatekeeper was someone from Ghostbusters!

All I could think of was dont let them get near to the keymaster what ever you do!"

Exactly what was going through my head

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By (user no longer on site)
30 weeks ago

Found em...and fucked it...

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By *eliWoman
30 weeks ago

Not really. I get far too excitable and want to share it with people I like in an odd bonding sense.

Especially if it's an independent business, it's great to see them flourish.

I do gatekeep brilliant deals I find because I don't want the price to go up or orders to be cancelled. I feel no regrets about that.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
30 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

"Nah.

I enjoy the things I enjoy.

If they bring other people joy too, that's amazing 💜

This! I like to share the love. In fact, I love to share my enthusiasm about stuff I enjoy ❤️

Mrs TMN x"

All of this.

That overexcited babbling I can do about something that makes me happy. Feeling the quiet eye rolls from the person I'm talking to about it while they agree to come join me and see what all the fuss is about.

And those amazing moments when they join you and they get it. Fucking beautiful.

I mean sometimes they don't, and that's cool too, but I appreciate them trying out the things that make me bounce. And I'm happy to go find out if their things that don't yet make sense to me are also weirdly amazing in practice 💜

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By *ogerroger69Man
30 weeks ago

West Yorks

Surely the essence of swinging is Sharing?

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By *rHotNottsMan
30 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I never heard that phrase before. It’s not something I do , I like to share and experience the good things with others.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
30 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Surely the essence of swinging is Sharing?"

Never seen a verification that says 'hands off he/she's mine' ? Even in jest.

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By *asterMeliodasMan
30 weeks ago

Newmill

I spent far too much of my childhood being bullied for the things I enjoyed to prevent anyone else from enjoying their things. The more people are into the same stuff as me, the better!

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By *eliWoman
30 weeks ago

"Surely the essence of swinging is Sharing?

Never seen a verification that says 'hands off he/she's mine' ? Even in jest."

Is it about gatekeeping people lil' Joe? I think I might have misread it.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
30 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

"This! I like to share the love. In fact, I love to share my enthusiasm about stuff I enjoy ❤️ Mrs TMN x"

Aye, same here. People like us are the opposite of gatekeepers.

I think gatekeeping is usually something about ‘You don’t understand this thing enough to enjoy it properly like I do’ … there’s a protectiveness about it, an insecurity. I don’t like it.

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By *hil most chillMan
30 weeks ago

South East & Europe

Gatekeeping is for bellends, regardless of the subject matter

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
30 weeks ago

somewhere

Nope, if I find something I like, a place etc, I'll be the first one to rave about it, especially if a new venture for someone, I'll always champion it.

I think it's nice to spread joy to people x

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By *oubleswing2019Man
30 weeks ago

Colchester

Oh heck no, I don't gatekeep anything or anyone. Not even Mrs DS.

There is a certain compersion seeing others enjoy themselves based on recommendation.

Gatekeeping anything in my opinion creates tiered and/or restricted access. That is one of many factors which distorts an economic model, and allows some to prosper and others to languish.

But as well as an economic model, it's also applicable to social models as well.

So yes, that pleasure you initially obtained and then shared the thing with others, comes back to you again if they enjoy it too.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
30 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I don't gatekeep anything.

Or anybody.

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By *emorefridaCouple
30 weeks ago

La la land

That makes sense, sometimes we need something for ourselves to find comfort in and free from the opinions of others in our lives!"

Exactly sometimes you need to do things on your own. It's not something I do often but I'll do it for example a class I know I'm going to be rubbish at, and I don't want to make a tit of myself in front my dearest and nearest watching.

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By (user no longer on site)
30 weeks ago

Going against the grain here and YES, I do keep certain aspects, venues, activities to myself.

I like meeting new people and also not afraid of my own company. So, finding a spot, an activity that I don't have to share with someone familiar, suits me down to the ground.

Will I tell others about it, sometimes yes, mostly no.

I remember finding tonnes of different activities for the children and being open about it (go karting, ballet, gymnastics at the Y, indoor skiing, Saturday music school etc) and being 'followed' around each one by various other parents and their offspring. So I learnt to keep my mouth shut, so that my children would not live life in a vacuum but learn to mix and make new friends!

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
30 weeks ago

Den of Iniquity

Nah never .. Close friends know I'm annoying as fuck as I tell them where I'm going and what I'm doing every day ..

I enjoy sharing my life with others and am an open book ..

Only with folk I trust though obvs

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By (user no longer on site)
30 weeks ago

"Nah never .. Close friends know I'm annoying as fuck as I tell them where I'm going and what I'm doing every day ..

I enjoy sharing my life with others and am an open book ..

Only with folk I trust though obvs

💯 you are annoying as fuck!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
30 weeks ago

"I was accused of gatekeeping a holiday destination. I was able to go by special permission on the visa. I will admit I was a little sad it was opened up to the world to visit, but when people came back telling me they agreed with my love of the place, I felt happier."

I'm glad it had a good outcome. I was actually talking to someone about places becoming more touristy and as people find new places to see, everyone else will flock there and the world inevitably becomes smaller as a result.

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By *heGateKeeperMan
30 weeks ago

Stratford

"Gatekeeper to me, is an annoying dude from Stratford

I've never even thought about this, Joe. I didn't know it was a thing. If I find something or somewhere nice and people ask about something or somewhere nice, I'll share my thing/idea.

The idea of not sharing a nice café or book or whatever seems bonkers to me so no, I wouldn't understand why people do. Unless it was for safety. "

I genuinely laughed out loud 😂

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By (user no longer on site) OP
30 weeks ago

"I guess it depends what I’m sharing really but I love to share many things in life and if it brings a smile to someone then even better

That makes a lot of sense! Sometimes you almost feel proud when you share something you like and they like it too. Like a form of vindication

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By *tephenAndHisPicklenicMan
30 weeks ago

Ends

I think some things should be protected to remain for specific groups of people.

Do I gatekeep? No I’m not a school receptionist. I don’t care enough

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
30 weeks ago

North West

"Gatekeeper to me, is an annoying dude from Stratford

I've never even thought about this, Joe. I didn't know it was a thing. If I find something or somewhere nice and people ask about something or somewhere nice, I'll share my thing/idea.

The idea of not sharing a nice café or book or whatever seems bonkers to me so no, I wouldn't understand why people do. Unless it was for safety.

I genuinely laughed out loud 😂"

Good

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
30 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

Not at all. If I found somewhere that, say, served amazing cherry pie, I'd let everyone know. 😂😇

Genuinely though, it makes me happy to make other people happy. And if I can help a small business, or a new band then I'm going to tell everyone.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
30 weeks ago

Glasgow / London

Mmm, cherry pie.

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By *lexMimikMan
30 weeks ago

Surbiton

It makes me so angry when people gatekeep the things I love, specially when it's sexist or homo/biphobic.

Like what do you mean that because someone is female they can't enjoy the same things I do and they have to be doing it just to call for attention??

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By *ansoffateMan
30 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

Certain things are just for me. Certain places, memories.

Certain things that have been shared with someone else, I hold to be sacred.

For me to share those things is quite a big deal. Other than that I usually want to share and can get quite excited at the prospect.

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By *naswingdressWoman
30 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

Over sharing my passions is one of my love languages. Whatever the negative opposite of gatekeeping is, that's me. (Info dumping is a term that sometimes gets thrown around)

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By *ansoffateMan
30 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

"Over sharing my passions is one of my love languages. Whatever the negative opposite of gatekeeping is, that's me. (Info dumping is a term that sometimes gets thrown around)"

I am very similar, I think. Do you find it bites you in the ass sometimes though?

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By *rimal InstinctCouple
29 weeks ago

Carlisle

"Do you gatekeep the things you enjoy or are you happy to share it with others to get them involved too? Say it's a TV series, or a good little coffee shop or place to eat, or a band that you like.

And if you don't gatekeep, do you understand why people do?"

Oh if I find something I like and someone is asking me and opinion, I'll tell them. If they try it and get it, great! If they try it and don't, then I appreciate the fact they listened to me and if they didn't try it then, it's a case of fair enough, my thing doesn't mean it's everyone's thing.

Ive found out loads of cool stuff from recommendations, be it cool Italian restaurant that's proper 'mama style' cooking, songs, TV shows (the detectors is one of those and it's so homely and wholesome) and films (try The Menu - it's one of those sixth sense ones as in there is a punch line type thing but you come out wondering what the fuck have I just watched, it is brilliant!)

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By *naswingdressWoman
29 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Over sharing my passions is one of my love languages. Whatever the negative opposite of gatekeeping is, that's me. (Info dumping is a term that sometimes gets thrown around)

I am very similar, I think. Do you find it bites you in the ass sometimes though?"

Yes, definitely 😅

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