FabSwingers.com forum: selfish or not?

By (user no longer on site) OP
26 weeks ago

There’s a clear demarcation in terms of being a selfish and unselfish lover. Giver/Reciever… etc.

So three questions;

1) where are you on the selfish unselfish scale?

2) how do you identify your own personal needs and desires, then translate that in to an articulate request? Hints, lettters, interactive dance for your partner to enable?

3) Visa-versa; how do you extract your partners needs, or help them understand what they are? Do you just lead and hope they like the thing you’re about to do next? Use of porn, books, crayons?

🍻🥂

This post assumes active consent between two Individuals. Dont post pages on consent. Let’s assume it’s in place.

😈😈😈

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
26 weeks ago

Leeds

I'm both selfish and unselfish I love to receive & I love to give & please.

I say what I like, no dancing needed.

Again they say what they like/dislike, new things we figure out along the way.

Mrs

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
26 weeks ago

Essex

I’m probably faiy high on the selfish scale. I am definitely a hedonist. Pleasure junkie.

I enjoy giving pleasure too - but then I get turned on massively by the moans and twitches. The more I tease, the more they writhe - the hornier I get. So that’s not purely unselfish giving.

My communication tends to be kinetic. I’ll show you what I want. There’s zero chance of you getting words out of me once we’re naked.

Wow - so to answer the other thread on would I date myself…. Absolutely not!!! I’m a ginormous bellend 🤣🤣🤣

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
26 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

It's all about the feedback loop.

Sometimes, I just want to worship and exhaust and leave myself frustrated and untouched. Sometimes I want to be worshipped, by someone who is truly in that space.

Mostly, I like things to be reasonably equal and balanced. Not tit for tat, just a happy balance resting on that loop. But, different partners like different things, different moods and different contexts bring different wants. All is dependent on the chemistry of the moment.

I would never say I'm a pillow princess or selfish lover in general. But, once in a while, with someone that just wants that idolatry in that moment, I'm happy to indulge someone that excites me that way 💜

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By *ellinever70Woman
26 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I don't think it's selfish to receive more than give if the person you're with is a giver.

I don't like the idea of sex being pre agreed that if you do this, I'll do that

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By *asterMeliodasMan
26 weeks ago

Newmill

"There’s a clear demarcation in terms of being a selfish and unselfish lover. Giver/Reciever… etc.

So three questions;

1) where are you on the selfish unselfish scale?

2) how do you identify your own personal needs and desires, then translate that in to an articulate request? Hints, lettters, interactive dance for your partner to enable?

3) Visa-versa; how do you extract your partners needs, or help them understand what they are? Do you just lead and hope they like the thing you’re about to do next? Use of porn, books, crayons?

🍻🥂

This post assumes active consent between two Individuals. Dont post pages on consent. Let’s assume it’s in place.

😈😈😈"

I'm definitely more towards the unselfish end of the scale; I care far more about my partner's pleasure than my own, and giving someone else pleasure makes it way more fun for me.

I'm pretty transparent about what I need and want, and will outright say it.

Determining a partner's needs is usually a combination of regular check-ins, monitoring sounds and body language, and being open to correction and constructive criticism.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
26 weeks ago

North West

I communicate my desires through the medium of mime and interpretive dance

Occasionally, we use sexual semaphore too 🎌

Just a short while ago, I communicated through the use of my eyes and taps on his leg

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By *eliWoman
26 weeks ago

"There’s a clear demarcation in terms of being a selfish and unselfish lover. Giver/Reciever… etc."

Is there? Because as people have pointed out within the first post you can be both. You can also give but not unselfishly. Perhaps that line isn't quite as clearly drawn out...😉

"So three questions;

1) where are you on the selfish unselfish scale? "
I don't know, it doesn't work quite like that for me. It's a fluid thing, dynamic, chemistry, stage of my cycle, how we interact. I love the desire feedback loop and people who are responsive to responsiveness. I don't, much like Prey and I've said before, really care for the tit for tat notion. It doesn't make someone "selfish" if they're not going to do x to one because a partner has done it to them. It doesn't work like that, in my mind at least.

"2) how do you identify your own personal needs and desires, then translate that in to an articulate request? Hints, lettters, interactive dance for your partner to enable? "
I talk to people. Not specifically with that in mind but it comes up through conversation. I'm not one for scripted though - I much prefer it to be free flowing. My responses probably tell someone if I'm enjoying it or not (damn that lack of poker face).

"3) Visa-versa; how do you extract your partners needs, or help them understand what they are? Do you just lead and hope they like the thing you’re about to do next? Use of porn, books, crayons. "
It's similar to question two. I love learning another, understanding their body over time. Whilst I can enjoy the erm... smuttier conversations, I'd rather sex was more organic and with natural responses, not premeditated.

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By *lueeyedchapMan
26 weeks ago

Nottingham

Bit of a strange one for me. I used to think I was unselfish in that I liked to give, but then realised it’s the act of giving and making people spuzz that gets me off. So kinda selfish in a way but everyone wins so I’m not too arsed about it!

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By *anceAloneWoman
26 weeks ago

Adjacent to him

"There’s a clear demarcation in terms of being a selfish and unselfish lover. Giver/Reciever… etc.

So three questions;

1) where are you on the selfish unselfish scale?

2) how do you identify your own personal needs and desires, then translate that in to an articulate request? Hints, lettters, interactive dance for your partner to enable?

3) Visa-versa; how do you extract your partners needs, or help them understand what they are? Do you just lead and hope they like the thing you’re about to do next? Use of porn, books, crayons?

🍻🥂

This post assumes active consent between two Individuals. Dont post pages on consent. Let’s assume it’s in place.

😈😈😈"

Selfish is a loaded term. People this it's bad to be selfish but as there is a huge amount of pleasure to be gained from being the source of someone else's enjoyment is it selfish to participate equally in that?

Its not a quid pro quo, either or arrangement. Its trusting your partner to listen to your needs and to share theirs with you

And there's nothing wrong with an interactive dance 😈

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By *ittlebirdWoman
26 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

It’s a really difficult question for me to answer. I’m the receiver.. always. Does that make me selfish… not a chance.

Am I happy with the way things are? Absofuckinglutely 👍🏻

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