Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to The Lounge |
| Jump to newest |  |
What am I doing wrong here?
(Yes, this post is in jest) | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"You need tape measure markings on your penis mate. It’s the future, I guarantee it. " This sounds a very good stratagem 
I’ll also be rather liberal in my measurement accuracy….12 inches of prime man fury coming up…  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Blame the woke agenda "The Wokerati conspiracy…. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you tried telling women you're nearby in a hotel & ask them to come to your hotel room?. " Or possibly the location of my car…. ‘I’m presently parked behind the bins in Asda…’ | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"You didn’t offer a room number and mention you and your colleague are in town for work, you’re plasterers, bored and offer two for one specials "  This sounds a brilliant idea; ‘Let us plaster you tonight…’ | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Did you mention you're a professional? " Damn! I admittedly forgot this prerequisite
All Sheila’s love a professional | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you tried being more needy? Perhaps beg? Cry? Stamp your feet? Are you clean and nice smelling? Are you respectful and normal? Make sure you only bite if asked …. Oh how that makes me lol." ‘Please….I beseech thee fair maiden! Open thy luscious thighs and grant me access to thy wonderment.’ | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you tried more dick picks in your profile? " I believe there may be a magic number of dick pic shots which when reached, will guarantee the sex to flow. It’s like a subliminal overload from the beholding lady’s point of view. Maybe 500 or more? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"It’s because you didn’t say “Meet now?”" I think you might have solved my dilemma! Overtly, the fact that I have not specified an exact time for the sex is portraying me as disorganised and flakey. I must rectify this at once | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you been respectful and polite? Always guarantees a response "…..Ermmmm…. 
Well, these terms are relative….  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Oh come on, you have to get offended and entitled and send unpleasant insulting messages, that'll get their knickers off guaranteed "Ah ha! Yes, I completely forgot to compose the obligatory, dejected, snarky and outright rude follow up replies to all my rejections. Also, I also forgot to send a disgruntled message whenever the lady takes more than about thirty seconds to reply to me… | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"What about dick pics next to the sky remote or can of lynx body spray? " Ladies may deny all they want it but we chaps all know that science is on our side as regards the incontrovertible sexual allure of such artistic shots of expedient measuring devices | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you tried buying your own strapon? The excitement of arranging a meet and not having to drag mine on the bus is always a winner. " I must try this one out. At least some form of penetration will transpire so I won’t be able to moan so much | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you tried being more needy? Perhaps beg? Cry? Stamp your feet? Are you clean and nice smelling? Are you respectful and normal? Make sure you only bite if asked …. Oh how that makes me lol. ‘Please….I beseech thee fair maiden! Open thy luscious thighs and grant me access to thy wonderment.’ "Oh FFS. I’d probably actually go for that one | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Don't forget to have that Sydney University disclaimer on your profile, the lack of legal protection can put people off replying " This is a solid and fine point
The Sheila’s all love a bit of legal authority and stuff which in turn will surely cause their knocker elastic to spontaneously loosen….. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you tried being more needy? Perhaps beg? Cry? Stamp your feet? Are you clean and nice smelling? Are you respectful and normal? Make sure you only bite if asked …. Oh how that makes me lol. ‘Please….I beseech thee fair maiden! Open thy luscious thighs and grant me access to thy wonderment.’
Oh FFS. I’d probably actually go for that one "William Shakespeare taught me that one when I visited him in my Tardis - no really. I tell you, the Bard was swimming in a veritable sea of fanny, he was | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Did you remember to tell everyone you’re not looking to shag the whole site?" A good point….but isn’t it immoral of me to tell lies?  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Did you remember to tell everyone you’re not looking to shag the whole site? A good point….but isn’t it immoral of me to tell lies? "If you hide some of your veris, how will they ever know?! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you been respectful and polite? Always guarantees a response
…..Ermmmm….
Well, these terms are relative…. "From a certain point of view? Maybe you should act more entitled like your doing then a favour, if you have tried the polite approach already | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Did you remember to tell everyone you’re not looking to shag the whole site? A good point….but isn’t it immoral of me to tell lies?
If you hide some of your veris, how will they ever know?!"Ah ha! True indeed! A tsunami of the sex - here I cum! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Perhaps OP the answer to your plea is your narrative! 100s of messages pictures of genitalia would suggest you are being persistent!" I should adopt the tried and tested, ‘Treat them mean, keep them keen’ type approach me thinks. Hmmmm….If I don’t contact them, they may flock to me with fannys beared…. (maybe) | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"You haven't said you can "breathe through your ears and lick for hours"........jeezz no wonder you are getting nowhere " You’re quite right; I really need to big up my claims of superhuman like sexual prowess.
I have a tongue like a Chameleon and eyes to match.
….maybe not the last part then | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you been respectful and polite? Always guarantees a response
…..Ermmmm….
Well, these terms are relative….
From a certain point of view?
Maybe you should act more entitled like your doing then a favour, if you have tried the polite approach already "This is a brilliant strategy for guaranteed fucky fucky | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"You haven't said you can "breathe through your ears and lick for hours"........jeezz no wonder you are getting nowhere
You’re quite right; I really need to big up my claims of superhuman like sexual prowess.
I have a tongue like a Chameleon and eyes to match.
….maybe not the last part then "You could say you have a tongue like a Cobra and a bite to match? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am not surprised you are struggling. You think that you have worked hard for a meet but you miss out the most important part of the 'dance' ..... You must look the silly bitches in the eye ( yes even the ones standing like Superman ) and say .... Hi gawj , I love and respect you chicks and you are the most beautiful woman on here and you've got brains too! Wet n Willing before you know it x" Wha…wha…what? You mean compliment them firstly?! For clarification purposes though; the compliments can be entirely insincere though, yes? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"You haven't said you can "breathe through your ears and lick for hours"........jeezz no wonder you are getting nowhere
You’re quite right; I really need to big up my claims of superhuman like sexual prowess.
I have a tongue like a Chameleon and eyes to match.
….maybe not the last part then
You could say you have a tongue like a Cobra and a bite to match?"That certainly sounds alluring; far better than a few of my somewhat poor ideas such as, ‘I have an arse like a baboon and the face of a naked mole rat.’ | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you tried being more needy? Perhaps beg? Cry? Stamp your feet? Are you clean and nice smelling? Are you respectful and normal? Make sure you only bite if asked …. Oh how that makes me lol. ‘Please….I beseech thee fair maiden! Open thy luscious thighs and grant me access to thy wonderment.’
Oh FFS. I’d probably actually go for that one
William Shakespeare taught me that one when I visited him in my Tardis - no really.
I tell you, the Bard was swimming in a veritable sea of fanny, he was "Well now you have mentioned the TARDIS as well. Dammit. Where do you want me? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
scintillating conversation is SO last year
And the ultimate in consideration: you have to call them rude for not replying to you, have no care that single Sheilas receive large volumes of messages and compare it to your 0 messages per week | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am not surprised you are struggling. You think that you have worked hard for a meet but you miss out the most important part of the 'dance' ..... You must look the silly bitches in the eye ( yes even the ones standing like Superman ) and say .... Hi gawj , I love and respect you chicks and you are the most beautiful woman on here and you've got brains too! Wet n Willing before you know it x Wha…wha…what? You mean compliment them firstly?! For clarification purposes though; the compliments can be entirely insincere though, yes? "Of course! They can't tell the difference and they LOVE it ! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you tried being more needy? Perhaps beg? Cry? Stamp your feet? Are you clean and nice smelling? Are you respectful and normal? Make sure you only bite if asked …. Oh how that makes me lol. ‘Please….I beseech thee fair maiden! Open thy luscious thighs and grant me access to thy wonderment.’
Oh FFS. I’d probably actually go for that one
William Shakespeare taught me that one when I visited him in my Tardis - no really.
I tell you, the Bard was swimming in a veritable sea of fanny, he was
Well now you have mentioned the TARDIS as well.
Dammit. Where do you want me?
"Come hither fine lady and allow me to stick my Dalek plunger into you… | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Wait wait there's more... You need to msg 'Hey' EVERY day ad nauseum...that'll keep them hooked scintillating conversation is SO last year
And the ultimate in consideration: you have to call them rude for not replying to you, have no care that single Sheilas receive large volumes of messages and compare it to your 0 messages per week "Yes indeed; There is surely a science at play here and I personally have always maintained that the phonetics of the word ‘Hey’ repeated ad infinitum in a Sheila’s general direction will ultimately have a mantric lulling effect upon her, causing her thighs to subsequently part like a lock gate (and similarly releasing the flowing deluge of juices) | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am not surprised you are struggling. You think that you have worked hard for a meet but you miss out the most important part of the 'dance' ..... You must look the silly bitches in the eye ( yes even the ones standing like Superman ) and say .... Hi gawj , I love and respect you chicks and you are the most beautiful woman on here and you've got brains too! Wet n Willing before you know it x Wha…wha…what? You mean compliment them firstly?! For clarification purposes though; the compliments can be entirely insincere though, yes?
Of course! They can't tell the difference and they LOVE it !"These Sheila’s eh? Even easier to manipulate than a Rubik’s Cube | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Remember to confirm that you've never had any complaints, as some will be hesitating, without your words of guarantee" A great tip
From now on, the following amendment shall forever be added: ‘I give the best fucky fucky in the world and have literally thousands of witness signed statements from satisfied Sheila’s to back this up.’ | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"You did remember to have a one-sentence bio that says nothing about you as a person followed by the entire text of the publicly traded entity disclaimer, right? Them bitches go crazy for legalese." The air of mystery is indeed a puissant aphrodisiac to wimmin; it’s scientifically indisputable. I heard that a profile text of ‘Will fill this in later.’ renders all of them gushing like Niagra Falls in fact…. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you got a van or a truck? That's definitely a must. " This is indeed a valid point; Sheila’s love nothing more than doing the dirty deed on a dirty work van’s floor with the heady scent of petrol permeating the air and random work tools strewn around providing added visual sexual stimuli | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you got a van or a truck? That's definitely a must. " I've got a VOLVO estate, as room as a van or a truck but more comfy. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you tried a guy? " I think I may resort to this; Sheila’s know nothing about sport and I frequently like to chat about this subject during the sex. A Bruce could fulfil both my fucky and conversational requirements at once (providing he can multitask that is) | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If that's a consciously misused apostrophe in 'Sheila's' OP, I salute the attention to detail you have exercised in pursuit of your art.🫡" I love me apostrophe’s I does | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"You only have 47 verifications this year" These Sheila’s sure are picky… I had one the other day bemoaning the fact that there was thirty pics on me profile of my hanging unprotected out the back of a load of other random birds  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you got a van or a truck? That's definitely a must. This is indeed a valid point; Sheila’s love nothing more than doing the dirty deed on a dirty work van’s floor with the heady scent of petrol permeating the air and random work tools strewn around providing added visual sexual stimuli "I was offered a social in the back of a van yesterday and this morning someone asked me about having sex in his lorry... | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"If that's a consciously misused apostrophe in 'Sheila's' OP, I salute the attention to detail you have exercised in pursuit of your art.🫡 I love me apostrophe’s I does "Ouch my eyes | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"That you will only meet an exceptional woman" True indeed; These birds like to feel special apparently. Butter them up with a few choice words and get their box butter melting | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Have you got a van or a truck? That's definitely a must. This is indeed a valid point; Sheila’s love nothing more than doing the dirty deed on a dirty work van’s floor with the heady scent of petrol permeating the air and random work tools strewn around providing added visual sexual stimuli
I was offered a social in the back of a van yesterday and this morning someone asked me about having sex in his lorry..."See, romance ain’t dead, no matter what some might say…. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Make sure you send at least another 2 or 3 messages, all increasingly desperate if they so no or have deleted your message." 10.40 am: ‘FAF hun?’ 10.41 am: ‘You there?’ 10.42 am: ‘Meet now?’ 10.43 am: ‘You avoiding me?’ 10.44 am: ‘You stuck up cow!’ | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I’ve sent out literally hundreds of ‘FAF?’ messages. I’ve sent out scores of pics of my flaccid cock held artistically over an open toilet that hasn’t been flushed for a week. I’ve even sent out a plethora of copy and pasted messages detailing exactly how I’m going to make them orgasmically shake like a shitting dog but STILL the Sheila’s refuse to let me into their moist minges
What am I doing wrong here?
(Yes, this post is in jest)"Haha The fact you had to explain the post was in jest says more about the people on here than anything they themselves could ever write. We'd most definitely meet you. Any more top tips for meets. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Make sure you send at least another 2 or 3 messages, all increasingly desperate if they so no or have deleted your message. 10.40 am: ‘FAF hun?’ 10.41 am: ‘You there?’ 10.42 am: ‘Meet now?’ 10.43 am: ‘You avoiding me?’ 10.44 am: ‘You stuck up cow!’ "Or just send a friend request with no message. Success guaranteed | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I’ve sent out literally hundreds of ‘FAF?’ messages. I’ve sent out scores of pics of my flaccid cock held artistically over an open toilet that hasn’t been flushed for a week. I’ve even sent out a plethora of copy and pasted messages detailing exactly how I’m going to make them orgasmically shake like a shitting dog but STILL the Sheila’s refuse to let me into their moist minges
What am I doing wrong here?
(Yes, this post is in jest)
Haha
The fact you had to explain the post was in jest says more about the people on here than anything they themselves could ever write.
We'd most definitely meet you.
Any more top tips for meets. " Ladies love manly scents so I find it beneficial to get nice and sweaty prior to meets.
Give them a good whiff of my BO infused armpits; it drives them positively wild it does | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Make sure you send at least another 2 or 3 messages, all increasingly desperate if they so no or have deleted your message. 10.40 am: ‘FAF hun?’ 10.41 am: ‘You there?’ 10.42 am: ‘Meet now?’ 10.43 am: ‘You avoiding me?’ 10.44 am: ‘You stuck up cow!’
Or just send a friend request with no message. Success guaranteed "Ah ha! I have heard of this cunning stratagem. Sheila’s being the inherently nosey creatures that they are, canny resist the urge to view friends only photos and will especially get a pleasant surprise when they behold my gallery which consists of about seven hundred different angles of my cock | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Make sure you send at least another 2 or 3 messages, all increasingly desperate if they so no or have deleted your message. 10.40 am: ‘FAF hun?’ 10.41 am: ‘You there?’ 10.42 am: ‘Meet now?’ 10.43 am: ‘You avoiding me?’ 10.44 am: ‘You stuck up cow!’
Or just send a friend request with no message. Success guaranteed
Ah ha! I have heard of this cunning stratagem.
Sheila’s being the inherently nosey creatures that they are, canny resist the urge to view friends only photos and will especially get a pleasant surprise when they behold my gallery which consists of about seven hundred different angles of my cock "Different angles? No no must be the exact same one. Or have lots of pictures of close ups of random females without blurring their faces or with cum coming out of their pussy and facing holes. All winners | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I’ve sent out literally hundreds of ‘FAF?’ messages. I’ve sent out scores of pics of my flaccid cock held artistically over an open toilet that hasn’t been flushed for a week. I’ve even sent out a plethora of copy and pasted messages detailing exactly how I’m going to make them orgasmically shake like a shitting dog but STILL the Sheila’s refuse to let me into their moist minges
What am I doing wrong here?
"No idea, i do exactly what you have said above and its working for me. 😃 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Make sure you send at least another 2 or 3 messages, all increasingly desperate if they so no or have deleted your message. 10.40 am: ‘FAF hun?’ 10.41 am: ‘You there?’ 10.42 am: ‘Meet now?’ 10.43 am: ‘You avoiding me?’ 10.44 am: ‘You stuck up cow!’
Or just send a friend request with no message. Success guaranteed
Ah ha! I have heard of this cunning stratagem.
Sheila’s being the inherently nosey creatures that they are, canny resist the urge to view friends only photos and will especially get a pleasant surprise when they behold my gallery which consists of about seven hundred different angles of my cock
Different angles? No no must be the exact same one. Or have lots of pictures of close ups of random females without blurring their faces or with cum coming out of their pussy and facing holes.
All winners "*Taking keen notes. I’ll surely be swimming in a punani sea in no time | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I’ve sent out literally hundreds of ‘FAF?’ messages. I’ve sent out scores of pics of my flaccid cock held artistically over an open toilet that hasn’t been flushed for a week. I’ve even sent out a plethora of copy and pasted messages detailing exactly how I’m going to make them orgasmically shake like a shitting dog but STILL the Sheila’s refuse to let me into their moist minges
What am I doing wrong here?
No idea, i do exactly what you have said above and its working for me.
😃" Fancy passing some Sheila my way good sir? Sloppy seconds is fine by me | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Send them a sticky tribute that's sure to get them running... "Ah yes; Unsolicited tribute photos. The crème de la crème of fucky-fucky procurement tactics. I need to get my wanking hand warmed up…. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Bw sure to send a message saying you’ve read their verifications, and she should read yours because you’re clearly well suited for each other. Except, she doesn’t have any verifications showing. The obvious copy and paste does wonders to get you a meet. Also, send a message saying you need to be in a relationship with her. She’s the one for you. Not at all creepy! She will be gagging to be with you. " These are legitimate tactics; Indeed, I have sometimes just asked my intended Sheila to marry me (with an attached cock pic of course). They haven’t replied yet but clearly this is because they are presently frantically masturbating at my gentlemanly advances… | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Don't forget to explain that since your last restraining order you have behaved reasonably well "The skirts love manliness - it’s true. ‘I was released from jail two days ago….’ serves as a guaranteed juice inducer when employed as an introductory message | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
