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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? " This is an interesting thought. I would say there’s a high probability of this. | |||
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"Reverse rejection... You mean acceptance?" No. I know the title isn't right | |||
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"Reverse rejection... You mean acceptance? No. I know the title isn't right " Are we talking 'left', like Jeremy Corbyn? | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? " I have reduced dramatically the amount of people I wink or message for exactly this reason. So manynpeoplexssy they want good conversation then send one line replies to your paragraph or more if message. I miss a good honest two way conversation without being g led on. | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? " Confidence is attractive to most women. A confident man is almost a necessity to me. Because of who I am, I discovered that I'm intimidating to men. The problem is that I can't mask who I am indefinitely. I never think about "good guys" or "nice guys". I never think of myself as a "nice girl" so men should never reject me. If a man decides that because he keep getting rejected that he is going to give up approaching women, that's his prerogative but it won't suddenly make me change who I am. I understand and radically accept that I'm not everyone's cup of tea so why should I stop living my life and withdraw from social life because of rejection? Honestly, if I had given up, I wouldn't have found out that I had a personality disorder and I am autistic which makes the average (neurotypical) person uncomfortable which is often a reason behind rejection. Engaging with people in real life, face to face not through a screen, helps me understand why rejection occurs. if I can mitigate and apologise for my discomforting behaviour, I do and I just leave it up to the person to accept the apology or disengage completely. There's a lot of "cutting off your nose to spite your face", especially with online biased/skewed perceptions of reality. I think social skills are something you have to practice or you just lose them. Unfortunately, a lot of introverts fall into this trap. | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? Confidence is attractive to most women. A confident man is almost a necessity to me. Because of who I am, I discovered that I'm intimidating to men. The problem is that I can't mask who I am indefinitely. I never think about "good guys" or "nice guys". I never think of myself as a "nice girl" so men should never reject me. If a man decides that because he keep getting rejected that he is going to give up approaching women, that's his prerogative but it won't suddenly make me change who I am. I understand and radically accept that I'm not everyone's cup of tea so why should I stop living my life and withdraw from social life because of rejection? Honestly, if I had given up, I wouldn't have found out that I had a personality disorder and I am autistic which makes the average (neurotypical) person uncomfortable which is often a reason behind rejection. Engaging with people in real life, face to face not through a screen, helps me understand why rejection occurs. if I can mitigate and apologise for my discomforting behaviour, I do and I just leave it up to the person to accept the apology or disengage completely. There's a lot of "cutting off your nose to spite your face", especially with online biased/skewed perceptions of reality. I think social skills are something you have to practice or you just lose them. Unfortunately, a lot of introverts fall into this trap." I have a question about this. If you received a message where the sender acknowledged that you might not be interested and thanked you for your time anyway, would you perceive that as a lack of confidence? | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? " I do not think women are missing out on the good guys. We're not daft most of us can tell the good from the bad. However where some men are becoming a bit mixed up is in thinking that being a good guy means women will want to have sex with them and are somehow missing out if they don't. Be a good guy because that's who you are. | |||
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"I know personally that there are a few I fancy but based on my fab experience I'm not going to contact them even if they do flirt with me " Why? What's the worst that could happen? | |||
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"I know personally that there are a few I fancy but based on my fab experience I'm not going to contact them even if they do flirt with me " I’d say go for it, take a chance. Don’t let past experiences taint your enjoyment of the present. | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? " Good guys ?  not sure anyone has a clear definition for that  .
To answer your question...I'm sure the theory holds some validity. I personally don't send messages anymore, if my profile is strong enough to capture the curiosity of a woman that is willing to make the first move, awsome...if not, that's cool as well.
After a few of my messages were replied weeks later with " OMG I don't know how I missed your message", I came to the realisation I do not have the time or patience to compete with the hundreds of dick pics messages most women receive daily or weekly.
Truth is that physical attraction is a component (probably the first component) in compatibility...so regardless if a man is a good guy and has a lovely personality, without that first visual reaction, there's no "spark" as they say.
And lastly for a woman to truly know if a man is a "good guy" it would take her weeks or months...I think if they would be willing to invest so much time in someone, they would probably want a relationship rather than just casual fun.
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"I don't really think about it, seems reasonable I guess it's possible. We probably pass people we would click with many times in our lives. Maybe we didn't even notice each other at all. Did you know that the average person eats 9 spiders... When I cook for them." Oh that made me chuckle | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? Confidence is attractive to most women. A confident man is almost a necessity to me. Because of who I am, I discovered that I'm intimidating to men. The problem is that I can't mask who I am indefinitely. I never think about "good guys" or "nice guys". I never think of myself as a "nice girl" so men should never reject me. If a man decides that because he keep getting rejected that he is going to give up approaching women, that's his prerogative but it won't suddenly make me change who I am. I understand and radically accept that I'm not everyone's cup of tea so why should I stop living my life and withdraw from social life because of rejection? Honestly, if I had given up, I wouldn't have found out that I had a personality disorder and I am autistic which makes the average (neurotypical) person uncomfortable which is often a reason behind rejection. Engaging with people in real life, face to face not through a screen, helps me understand why rejection occurs. if I can mitigate and apologise for my discomforting behaviour, I do and I just leave it up to the person to accept the apology or disengage completely. There's a lot of "cutting off your nose to spite your face", especially with online biased/skewed perceptions of reality. I think social skills are something you have to practice or you just lose them. Unfortunately, a lot of introverts fall into this trap. I have a question about this. If you received a message where the sender acknowledged that you might not be interested and thanked you for your time anyway, would you perceive that as a lack of confidence?" Yes I would perceive it as a lack of confidence. If I approach men/couples, I don't lead with " you might not be interested but I still wanted to message". For me it's better for me to lead my interactions with something positive as I know my mind..once you give it something negative to focus on it's like a damn runaway train with it!! However, just because I perceive it as a lack of confidence doesn't mean that I would never meet with this person. For me, I think it just lets me know now that I have to tread carefully with this person on an intimate level because there is a vulnerability there. I won't lie, some women are instantly turned off by the "self-deprecation" So you have to be aware of that as a man especially when you are involved in a situation/site/app that is skewed towards 5000 men to 100 women. The men I know who do well in these scenarios, put themselves out there online and in person and take the chance and handle the rejection. I handle being rejected with humour, reality check, distraction and my psychotherapist.
For example, reality check I'm not a supermodel so anyone who looks like a male model is not exactly a realistic partner for me on the balance of probabilities. Lol! I went out with some fitness-conscious people and ...they were pretty boring and anti-social. No alcohol and just wanted to go home and sleep after 3 hours in the gym/ in training. Lol! No. Give me a chubby bear man to enjoy life with. | |||
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"Yes I would perceive it as a lack of confidence. If I approach men/couples, I don't lead with " you might not be interested but I still wanted to message". For me it's better for me to lead my interactions with something positive as I know my mind..once you give it something negative to focus on it's like a damn runaway train with it!! However, just because I perceive it as a lack of confidence doesn't mean that I would never meet with this person. For me, I think it just lets me know now that I have to tread carefully with this person on an intimate level because there is a vulnerability there. I won't lie, some women are instantly turned off by the "self-deprecation" So you have to be aware of that as a man especially when you are involved in a situation/site/app that is skewed towards 5000 men to 100 women. The men I know who do well in these scenarios, put themselves out there online and in person and take the chance and handle the rejection. I handle being rejected with humour, reality check, distraction and my psychotherapist.
For example, reality check I'm not a supermodel so anyone who looks like a male model is not exactly a realistic partner for me on the balance of probabilities. Lol! I went out with some fitness-conscious people and ...they were pretty boring and anti-social. No alcohol and just wanted to go home and sleep after 3 hours in the gym/ in training. Lol! No. Give me a chubby bear man to enjoy life with."That's really interesting and something to think about. The intent of adding that has never been about not being confident that they'd be interested, it was meant to be a reassurance that their time in reading it was appreciated regardless, and that I wouldn't be messaging again or persistently, because I know the kind of harassment that gets dealt with here a lot of the time. But maybe I'm just shooting myself in the foot by implying that I'm nervous or unsure of myself. Thank you for the insight! | |||
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"Every message I've ever sent has been ignored.....it's definitely been their loss. However my opinion is biased. " Lol! Bro, you live in Staffordshire and you are married but don't want anything complicated. Lol! You don't see the um...irony in that? I play with men in committed relationships. It's complicated. I meet and have a conversation with both partners in the couple for a social even though I don't play with women. As a former wife and girlfriend, I respect wives and girlfriends and I would never encourage a man to do anything with me that I do not believe that his wife or girlfriend would not approve of. A large majority of swingers refuse to meet single men on their own even if they are in a couple and/or won't play with men solo. also if you have kids that makes availability even less. Hence the people who just ignore after viewing your profile. It's personal but it's a harsh reality. I grew up thinking men are logical....they are for the most part until their emotions and libidio get involved. Then all bets are off. 
I get messages for the furthest north Scotland... the probability of me going there is 0.00001. lol! Most London women will ignore anyone who isn't on a tube line. Lol! | |||
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"Im awesome - if you don’t shag me - you’ll never forgive yourselves!! "I volunteer as special tester..but I ain't coming to Carlisle! | |||
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"In the real world I actually thought I was a winner but on here humbled me but I refuse to be a site supporter only takes few messages to see I’m real " Wait till you get my age, more humbling awaits in middle age. Lol! | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? Good guys ? not sure anyone has a clear definition for that .
To answer your question...I'm sure the theory holds some validity. I personally don't send messages anymore, if my profile is strong enough to capture the curiosity of a woman that is willing to make the first move, awsome...if not, that's cool as well.
After a few of my messages were replied weeks later with " OMG I don't know how I missed your message", I came to the realisation I do not have the time or patience to compete with the hundreds of dick pics messages most women receive daily or weekly.
Truth is that physical attraction is a component (probably the first component) in compatibility...so regardless if a man is a good guy and has a lovely personality, without that first visual reaction, there's no "spark" as they say.
And lastly for a woman to truly know if a man is a "good guy" it would take her weeks or months...I think if they would be willing to invest so much time in someone, they would probably want a relationship rather than just casual fun.
"I invest in people...but I'm autistic. It takes a lot of effort for me to trust and relax around people which translates to weeks and months and years. I can say a guy is attractive but if he rubs me the wrong way emotionally or makes me feel unsafe....I'm out of there!! But I do let people know upfront. I'm not casual for a fuck buddy but I don't want a committed life partnership either....I'm quite intense, especially for neurotypicals. Most neurodivergents get the intensity. Yup a lot of us are time poor. I am a ridiculously patient person....I've been in the same job at the same place for 10 years.....literally the last one of 2 standing after everyone else got too fed up, bored, ill, etc to carry on. It's because I value resilience, tenacity, grit, determination, perseverance, security and stability the most in my life. And also my autistic BPD brain is resistant to change. Lol!  | |||
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"Im awesome - if you don’t shag me - you’ll never forgive yourselves!!
I volunteer as special tester..but I ain't coming to Carlisle! " Wherever we met - you’d be coming!! Boosh #micdrop | |||
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"I don't really think about it, seems reasonable I guess it's possible. We probably pass people we would click with many times in our lives. Maybe we didn't even notice each other at all. Did you know that the average person eats 9 spiders... When I cook for them." I thought it happens when you are sleeping? 
I know I've swallowed my share of bugs in Richmond Park while walking/cycling with my mouth open. Lol! Yeah Midge season. | |||
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"Im awesome - if you don’t shag me - you’ll never forgive yourselves!!
I volunteer as special tester..but I ain't coming to Carlisle!
Wherever we met - you’d be coming!! Boosh #micdrop " | |||
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"Far too much overthinking. If I like someone I see I'll message them. Then promptly try and forget about it. If I get a reply that's awesome, if not, it's life. Nothing ventured nothing gained. But then again I'm quite thick skinned "I overthink..it's unfortunately I think a built-in trait at this point....So I've had to learn to overthink in a positive way...and switch off at certain times. that's what psychotherapy is for. Definitely not thick-skinned..the most ridiculous out-of-the-blue things will negatively trigger me. That said if my brain starts to go down the "omg rejection is the worst thing in the world" path, I can recognise it and get myself out of it fairly quickly and not descend into " the world is shit and none of the good people get anything they want/need" chronic existential depression of missing out unfairly and women/men/lack of intimacy are the source of all my problems. Lol! see overthinking again...but with humour. | |||
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"Wow quite suprised with some of these answers , I dont think there's such a thing as a league on here , we all on here for the same reason, if u never try you don't get , "It's unfairly skewed which is what drags a lot of men down. It's worse if you are introverted or have social anxiety. Living in London, I've got loads of opportunities to meet men...outside of London it seems to get a bit more spacey. Most of the complaints of lack of interaction are from people outside of London who do not go to clubs or socials in person. If you live in a tiny village and you are not going to travel your swinger pool is going to be very empty. Not to mention no-one really wants to have the "I'm a swinger" conversation with the local vicar and parish council in the church hall. | |||
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"Far too much overthinking. If I like someone I see I'll message them. Then promptly try and forget about it. If I get a reply that's awesome, if not, it's life. Nothing ventured nothing gained. But then again I'm quite thick skinned
I overthink..it's unfortunately I think a built-in trait at this point....So I've had to learn to overthink in a positive way...and switch off at certain times. that's what psychotherapy is for.
Definitely not thick-skinned..the most ridiculous out-of-the-blue things will negatively trigger me.
That said if my brain starts to go down the "omg rejection is the worst thing in the world" path, I can recognise it and get myself out of it fairly quickly and not descend into " the world is shit and none of the good people get anything they want/need" chronic existential depression of missing out unfairly and women/men/lack of intimacy are the source of all my problems. Lol!
see overthinking again...but with humour. "I'll accept that | |||
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"It's unfairly skewed which is what drags a lot of men down. It's worse if you are introverted or have social anxiety. Living in London, I've got loads of opportunities to meet men...outside of London it seems to get a bit more spacey. Most of the complaints of lack of interaction are from people outside of London who do not go to clubs or socials in person. If you live in a tiny village and you are not going to travel your swinger pool is going to be very empty. Not to mention no-one really wants to have the "I'm a swinger" conversation with the local vicar and parish council in the church hall." I'd say for sure living in a little town way up in northeast Scotland probably doesn't do me any favours there. XD | |||
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"In the real world I actually thought I was a winner but on here humbled me but I refuse to be a site supporter only takes few messages to see I’m real Wait till you get my age, more humbling awaits in middle age. Lol! "Hahaha I’ve already got that stage single full time parent 2 kids what’s next hafa | |||
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"I would say OP that I know my limits, so will not message anyone that I feel is out of my league, that said it had happened that one particular lady sent her a wink and she returned the favour, of course I followed it up with a message, and said to her thank you for wink back but I feel that I'm not in your league and I'm afraid I'd be a disappointment to you. She was quite shocked that I work put myself down like that told me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But I still struggle today . I know I'm not the best looking chap on here , far from it But you're right, some people on here are missing out , Unfortunately we only have a picture to go by and fab just like dating sites it makes us all slightly shallow " That happened with a guy I ended up in relationship with. Sadly it wasn't meant to be. Loved that man | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? " Nope. Being a 'good guy' and 'nice' should be the bare minimum any guy on fab aspires to. Accepting rejection, be that a 'no thanks' or just no reply, should also be something any adult can deal with no matter the frequency. Women aren't missing out if guys decide not to make the first move. The guys are. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The only people missing out are those (men and women) who sit back and expect things to fall at their feet. You'll only find out if you click with someone through engagement and if that doesn't happen you're 100% guaranteed not to click. Whether that's online or in person. A message is just the beginning. Maintaining interest is key. Fail to do that and it doesn't matter who makes the first move - it's destined to fail. | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? " I am not sure if missing out is a right word to use. But in a nutshell, I don’t message women first on this site because when I did 99% where no response and secondly numerous topics on the forum indicate women getting tons of messages to their in boxes so my decent one will drown there anyway. Yeah, ladies, you need to have a courage to say hi or at least wink a guy you fancy | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? " 100 percent. The perfect person will always be out there, but will never be allowed to get in touch | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? 100 percent. The perfect person will always be out there, but will never be allowed to get in touch" If someone has consciously excluded a certain section of people or type of person they are not the perfect person. I think we need to move away from the idea that men would be more successful if only women would change. | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? 100 percent. The perfect person will always be out there, but will never be allowed to get in touch If someone has consciously excluded a certain section of people or type of person they are not the perfect person. I think we need to move away from the idea that men would be more successful if only women would change. " "Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? 100 percent. The perfect person will always be out there, but will never be allowed to get in touch If someone has consciously excluded a certain section of people or type of person they are not the perfect person. I think we need to move away from the idea that men would be more successful if only women would change. " Ah, but have you considered that someone else is always the problem and I have no introspection to do whatsoever? [/sarcasm] | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? 100 percent. The perfect person will always be out there, but will never be allowed to get in touch If someone has consciously excluded a certain section of people or type of person they are not the perfect person. I think we need to move away from the idea that men would be more successful if only women would change. Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? 100 percent. The perfect person will always be out there, but will never be allowed to get in touch If someone has consciously excluded a certain section of people or type of person they are not the perfect person. I think we need to move away from the idea that men would be more successful if only women would change. Ah, but have you considered that someone else is always the problem and I have no introspection to do whatsoever? [/sarcasm]" Lol. I have considered that possibly everyone might try to move towards each others point of view with the aim of better understanding each other. But I dismissed that idea as being a bit silly. | |||
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"Lol. I have considered that possibly everyone might try to move towards each others point of view with the aim of better understanding each other. But I dismissed that idea as being a bit silly. "Yeah, that sounds like a ludicrous notion to me, tbh. Far more effective to completely misunderstand what you're standing against, misrepresent it in the worst possible ways, and get into no-holds-barred arguments about things you clearly don't know all the facts on. :P | |||
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"Lol. I have considered that possibly everyone might try to move towards each others point of view with the aim of better understanding each other. But I dismissed that idea as being a bit silly.
Yeah, that sounds like a ludicrous notion to me, tbh. Far more effective to completely misunderstand what you're standing against, misrepresent it in the worst possible ways, and get into no-holds-barred arguments about things you clearly don't know all the facts on. :P"That's my default move | |||
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"Lol. I have considered that possibly everyone might try to move towards each others point of view with the aim of better understanding each other. But I dismissed that idea as being a bit silly.
Yeah, that sounds like a ludicrous notion to me, tbh. Far more effective to completely misunderstand what you're standing against, misrepresent it in the worst possible ways, and get into no-holds-barred arguments about things you clearly don't know all the facts on. :P
That's my default move "That's why they pay you the big moderator bucks.  | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? " In my case, Absolutely this 100% | |||
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"I don't really think about it, seems reasonable I guess it's possible. We probably pass people we would click with many times in our lives. Maybe we didn't even notice each other at all. Did you know that the average person eats 9 spiders... When I cook for them. Oh that made me chuckle "It's the way you tell'em | |||
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"Thank you all for your replies " I like this new Wonko who starts actual threads as well as clickbait ones. | |||
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"Gents, women can send messages too. " There you go again with your crazy notions and lies. | |||
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"Gents, women can send messages too. There you go again with your crazy notions and lies." I'm sorry, I had a chocolate chip cookie earlier today and it seems to have affected my ability to see sense. It won't happen again | |||
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"Gents, women can send messages too. There you go again with your crazy notions and lies. I'm sorry, I had a chocolate chip cookie earlier today and it seems to have affected my ability to see sense. It won't happen again" You will be forgiven if you share your cookie stash with me. | |||
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"Gents, women can send messages too. There you go again with your crazy notions and lies. I'm sorry, I had a chocolate chip cookie earlier today and it seems to have affected my ability to see sense. It won't happen again" Old timers should stick to rich tea, dunked in their ovaltine.  | |||
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"Off the back of the other thread. Do you think women missing out now because the good guys have been rejected so much that they no longer make the first move so the person you may actually click with never gets in touch? " Some women are probably lucky to not make the first move. A more confident person who’s more forward and knows how this modern model of ‘saw you, like you, fancy a fuck’ way of messaging works, is probably more suited to get a reply from a first message. And I’m referring to 1st impressions, and that’s normaly an ‘image’ we see. Are they missing out? No, check out their verifications, they are meeting many guys who I can only assume are nice, because the assholes get called out often by - they time waste/don’t turn up and all the other stuff we read. | |||
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