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"We think that we all want to be liked, to be wanted, to be found attractive by particular people. Fab offers that to a degree, there is a kind element of comfort that we have our pictures fabbed, kind personal messages of affection. In a world where you can be anything, be kind, even if they’re not your cup of tea. A simple response of Thankyou, but not for me, is far kinder than pure ignorance. Obviously if they persist, then block and move on! That’s just our little rant of the day. Happy Fabbing beautiful people. " The thing is, the not reading or responding to your message *is* the simple "Thank you, but not for me." It's like how with consent, anything but an enthusiastic yes is a no. In Fab, anything but a reply is a thanks but no thanks. Given the volume of messages women and couples generally have to deal with, it would be far more rude to mandate that they respond to everyone who tries to contact them. It should be on message senders to make sure they're not harassing, not on the recipients to manage blocking persistent people on top of curating the inbox they actually want to have in the first place. | |||
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Yes, I know I'm being "pedantic". I don't care. | |||
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"Would you like my password to respond to everyone who has messaged me, I just don’t have the time " Exactly this 100 per cent xx | |||
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"Would you like my password to respond to everyone who has messaged me, I just don’t have the time " This^ …. say 400 messages a day for a single woman, time to open message, read, look at profile, select reply to message, type out “no thank you, not for me” and send. 1 minute each message, 400 minutes, 6.7 hours PER DAY. Then… and this is the kicker… you’ve effectively ’engaged’ now…. Here come the vicious, vile, whining, spiteful responses, offers of money, derogatory comments about your body (despite being the sexiest thing ever in the first message)… It’s disgusting and I’ve witnessed it first hand with female friends. Follow site guidelines - no acknowledgment, delete or deleted without reading (he had a penis as his profile picture) is a ‘no thank you’ | |||
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"Ok, we hear you. Was just feeling a bit thoughtful this morning about how everyone might be feeling. Didn’t mean to ruffle so many feathers. Was just trying to think how we could all be that little bit kinder! " For what it's worth, I think your intention is a good one.   | |||
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"Ok, we hear you. Was just feeling a bit thoughtful this morning about how everyone might be feeling. Didn’t mean to ruffle so many feathers. Was just trying to think how we could all be that little bit kinder! " Inviting more kindness is never a bad thing; my intention with my reply was just to make the point that the behaviours you're talking about aren't necessarily *un*kind. Of course it would be absolutely brilliant if my every interaction received a response, but it just wouldn't be a viable thing to ask of someone who doesn't owe me their time or attention. | |||
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"No response has about a 90% success rate on not receiving another message from the person within at least a couple of weeks. No thank you is probably about 80% on receiving another message from them that day. Some acknowledging the No thanks, some questioning why, some getting abusive. Also, sending someone a reply then excludes them from filters if you decide to prevent their demographic from messaging at a later date. It just makes no sense to do it. Time should be spent on potentially viable connections, not wasted apologising to people who 80% of the time don't fit the stated preferences in your profile in the first place." Genuine question. Ok, ladies we get it. But how many DMs are we talking? We men simply have no perspective on this. 5 Re-messages in a single day is like Christmas in wonderland for a guy on Fab. And 99.99% of the time guys message first anyway. Genuinely not trolling, just asking. | |||
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"No response has about a 90% success rate on not receiving another message from the person within at least a couple of weeks. No thank you is probably about 80% on receiving another message from them that day. Some acknowledging the No thanks, some questioning why, some getting abusive. Also, sending someone a reply then excludes them from filters if you decide to prevent their demographic from messaging at a later date. It just makes no sense to do it. Time should be spent on potentially viable connections, not wasted apologising to people who 80% of the time don't fit the stated preferences in your profile in the first place. Genuine question. Ok, ladies we get it. But how many DMs are we talking? We men simply have no perspective on this. 5 Re-messages in a single day is like Christmas in wonderland for a guy on Fab. And 99.99% of the time guys message first anyway. Genuinely not trolling, just asking." My wife had over 100 messages within a day of us making our accounts a few weeks ago, and a lot of those were from before she even put photos up. | |||
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"The problem is, anyone you’ve messaged can get around filters if you later apply/change them. Plus if someone hasn’t taken the time to read my profile, or has ignored clear statements like pass me by if you’re not single or I don’t find submissive men attractive, why should I take the time to reply? " Yes! Forgot about this ‘quirk’ even if you’ve hidden your profile messages can go back and forth. | |||
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"As a couple we average about 10 messages per day. Varies depending how much were online. So that’s why we go back to our original statement, if we’re happy to respond to 10 messages per day. 20-30secs per message response. So up to 10mins of our day acknowledging those who’ve taken the time to acknowledge us, even if they’re not for us. Just our personal thoughts and experiences. " It’s lovely of you both to try and be courteous - I’ve received polite replies saying thank you but no thanks but it’s really not necessary. Don’t feel shot down by the comments here xx | |||
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"No response has about a 90% success rate on not receiving another message from the person within at least a couple of weeks. No thank you is probably about 80% on receiving another message from them that day. Some acknowledging the No thanks, some questioning why, some getting abusive. Also, sending someone a reply then excludes them from filters if you decide to prevent their demographic from messaging at a later date. It just makes no sense to do it. Time should be spent on potentially viable connections, not wasted apologising to people who 80% of the time don't fit the stated preferences in your profile in the first place. Genuine question. Ok, ladies we get it. But how many DMs are we talking? We men simply have no perspective on this. 5 Re-messages in a single day is like Christmas in wonderland for a guy on Fab. And 99.99% of the time guys message first anyway. Genuinely not trolling, just asking." If I'm not online for the day, around 40 or so. If I'm online through peak times, over 100. If I upload new pictures or videos, more. | |||
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"As a couple we average about 10 messages per day. Varies depending how much were online. So that’s why we go back to our original statement, if we’re happy to respond to 10 messages per day. 20-30secs per message response. So up to 10mins of our day acknowledging those who’ve taken the time to acknowledge us, even if they’re not for us. Just our personal thoughts and experiences. " It’s nice of you. But I don’t feel it’s realistic. I’m running on 76 unread ant the moment and that’s with already deleting plenty that are obviously not for me (sorry  ) - they’re the “hi” type. | |||
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"We think that we all want to be liked, to be wanted, to be found attractive by particular people. Fab offers that to a degree, there is a kind element of comfort that we have our pictures fabbed, kind personal messages of affection. In a world where you can be anything, be kind, even if they’re not your cup of tea. A simple response of Thankyou, but not for me, is far kinder than pure ignorance. Obviously if they persist, then block and move on! That’s just our little rant of the day. Happy Fabbing beautiful people. " Sorry but this is utter bollocks Mr | |||
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"Perhaps Fab could introduce a "Thanks, but no thanks" button that replies for you and then automatically blocks the sender of the incoming message. "Now there's a good idea!! | |||
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"Perhaps Fab could introduce a "Thanks, but no thanks" button that replies for you and then automatically blocks the sender of the incoming message.
Now there's a good idea!!"It would work fantastically up until people started complaining that they were getting the standard templated rejection instead of a personalised one. :P | |||
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"No response has about a 90% success rate on not receiving another message from the person within at least a couple of weeks. No thank you is probably about 80% on receiving another message from them that day. Some acknowledging the No thanks, some questioning why, some getting abusive. Also, sending someone a reply then excludes them from filters if you decide to prevent their demographic from messaging at a later date. It just makes no sense to do it. Time should be spent on potentially viable connections, not wasted apologising to people who 80% of the time don't fit the stated preferences in your profile in the first place. Genuine question. Ok, ladies we get it. But how many DMs are we talking? We men simply have no perspective on this. 5 Re-messages in a single day is like Christmas in wonderland for a guy on Fab. And 99.99% of the time guys message first anyway. Genuinely not trolling, just asking." Someone I know joined up to see if her fella was on here... 657 messages she got and she wasn't even looking/engaging with people. | |||
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"Perhaps Fab could introduce a "Thanks, but no thanks" button that replies for you and then automatically blocks the sender of the incoming message.
Now there's a good idea!!
It would work fantastically up until people started complaining that they were getting the standard templated rejection instead of a personalised one. :P"I write the same thing every time, if I do politely decline so it wouldn't be any different. | |||
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"Perhaps Fab could introduce a "Thanks, but no thanks" button that replies for you and then automatically blocks the sender of the incoming message.
Now there's a good idea!!
It would work fantastically up until people started complaining that they were getting the standard templated rejection instead of a personalised one. :P
I write the same thing every time, if I do politely decline so it wouldn't be any different."Oh absolutely, but people will complain no matter how many improvements you give them, is my point. :P | |||
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"Have you read the site FAQs OP? " Yes! It says clearly and plainly that women can receive many messages (to the point of it being overwhelming) and cannot reply to everyone, so senders shouldn't consider them as rude | |||
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"We think that we all want to be liked, to be wanted, to be found attractive by particular people. Fab offers that to a degree, there is a kind element of comfort that we have our pictures fabbed, kind personal messages of affection. In a world where you can be anything, be kind, even if they’re not your cup of tea. A simple response of Thankyou, but not for me, is far kinder than pure ignorance. Obviously if they persist, then block and move on! That’s just our little rant of the day. Happy Fabbing beautiful people. " I respect your kind nature. Here in lies the crux of the problem though. The Internet has removed all humanity from people. Go on insta/facebook/dating apps and see for yourself. People behave in a way that I highly doubt they would behave in the real world. So maybe this might help put things in perspective: Ladies, how do you think it would affect you if you took time to introduce yourself, send some non nudes photos to be met with zero response the majority of times? Genuinely intrigued to know the answer to this. | |||
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"Ten messages per day? Lol no wonder you can't seem to understand why not everyone here replies to every message. I'm a single female and can receive hundreds in one day, plus friend requests, winks etc. One time I woke up to 1111 unread msgs, so add in the read ones and all other forms of contact as mentioned. I have care commitments, a life outside of fab So no, I cannot reply to every msg nor do I want to because you just get more demanding and even abusive responses back, by those who won't accept 'no thank you'..." Jeeeez, 1111 unread DMs,.. and yes ladies, I've seen your numbers above. This is nuts! I thought we're talking 10 or 20/day max. Ok, thanks I get it now. But what can we do collectively to normalise this. It's just simple ratio M:F=100:1. IRL it's 50:50, so what's up with Fab then? Women just don't like/want/need/crave sex? So, you Fab ladies are pure, rare dimonds from the world's view | |||
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"We think that we all want to be liked, to be wanted, to be found attractive by particular people. Fab offers that to a degree, there is a kind element of comfort that we have our pictures fabbed, kind personal messages of affection. In a world where you can be anything, be kind, even if they’re not your cup of tea. A simple response of Thankyou, but not for me, is far kinder than pure ignorance. Obviously if they persist, then block and move on! That’s just our little rant of the day. Happy Fabbing beautiful people. I respect your kind nature. Here in lies the crux of the problem though. The Internet has removed all humanity from people. Go on insta/facebook/dating apps and see for yourself. People behave in a way that I highly doubt they would behave in the real world. So maybe this might help put things in perspective: Ladies, how do you think it would affect you if you took time to introduce yourself, send some non nudes photos to be met with zero response the majority of times? Genuinely intrigued to know the answer to this. " I wonder the same. Good question! Reading profiles + good message actually takes a lot of time. So if a guy does this 100x and receives 0 responses... well, no wonder most just blanket fab ladies with generic "hi, ...". | |||
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"Ladies, how do you think it would affect you if you took time to introduce yourself, send some non nudes photos to be met with zero response the majority of times? Genuinely intrigued to know the answer to this." I'd probably make sure that I only bothered to reach out to people that I felt were genuinely compatible, with whatever was specific about them that drew my interest and the reasons why I think we should explore further. Theb delete it from my outbox so I didn't overthink it and crack on with checking the club events forum and checking out hot pics 
I see people say they've messaged 10-15 people every day for 7 months without response. I don't think I could ever find anything close to 2000 people I thought were actually attractive and interesting and actually compatible if I dedicated my entire life to it. | |||
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"I wonder the same. Good question! Reading profiles + good message actually takes a lot of time. So if a guy does this 100x and receives 0 responses... well, no wonder most just blanket fab ladies with generic "hi, ..."." As anecdotal as this'll be, and taking into account that while I have messaged people I'm interested in and I think would be interested in me it's not like I'm pursuing the entire female population of Scotland, the main contact I've been successful with so far got back to me because I sent a polite, respectful, well-thought-out message. Had I decided "fuck it, I'll just do a generic hi because what's the point?" I wouldn't have made that connection. | |||
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"I'm not here to spread kindness to people I don't know who could be dickheads/serial killers. It's a fine line." Plot twist what if your lack of response becomes the straw that broke the camals back and they become a serial killer/dickhead? Hahah I'm joking BTW mate | |||
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" I don't think I could ever find anything close to 2000 people I thought were actually attractive and interesting and actually compatible if I dedicated my entire life to it." And for those that follow this approach? | |||
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"I'm not here to spread kindness to people I don't know who could be dickheads/serial killers. It's a fine line. Plot twist what if your lack of response becomes the straw that broke the camals back and they become a serial killer/dickhead? Hahah I'm joking BTW mate" It's okay. Only 98 year old are able to message her anyway. They're well past their most lethal at that point. "And for those that follow this approach?" follow what approach? | |||
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"I'm not here to spread kindness to people I don't know who could be dickheads/serial killers. It's a fine line." I’d like to think I was a dickhead out of the two. | |||
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" Had I decided "fuck it, I'll just do a generic hi because what's the point?" I wouldn't have made that connection." I'm fully with you on this, Keith. Effort is always a must. Hence why I posed the question, as a lot of the time it seems to be assumed that men are putting zero effort into the message and have zero class with the photos they send. The men who post threads like this I mean. Searching for guidance and advice. Kind of jarring to see how many post up "your owed no response" or waffle of this nature. Like, are we actually assuming everyman on here is emotionally and socially retarded and doesn't understand boundaries and how fucking dare they express any kind of emotion or desire to change the game up and see success? Lol | |||
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" It's okay. Only 98 year old are able to message her anyway. They're well past their most lethal at that point. And for those that follow this approach? follow what approach? " I don't know, mate. The meds they'll be on that age are lethal for most, so I feel they could easily drug yiu to level the playing field. The selective approach you speak of is one that I follow. I grew up in brixton and I've always been more attracted to women that aren't white, so it's rare that I approach white women in life or on here. | |||
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"I'm not here to spread kindness to people I don't know who could be dickheads/serial killers. It's a fine line. Plot twist what if your lack of response becomes the straw that broke the camals back and they become a serial killer/dickhead? Hahah I'm joking BTW mate" I can live with it. | |||
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"The selective approach you speak of is one that I follow. I grew up in brixton and I've always been more attracted to women that aren't white, so it's rare that I approach white women in life or on here. " Then it is what it is. We don't always get what we want. There could be something off putting in your messages or profile for them, or they could simply not be interested. | |||
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"I'm not here to spread kindness to people I don't know who could be dickheads/serial killers. It's a fine line. Plot twist what if your lack of response becomes the straw that broke the camals back and they become a serial killer/dickhead? Hahah I'm joking BTW mate I can live with it." Spoken like a true sociopath. Good form, old girl.  | |||
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" I respect your kind nature. Here in lies the crux of the problem though. The Internet has removed all humanity from people. Go on insta/facebook/dating apps and see for yourself. People behave in a way that I highly doubt they would behave in the real world. So maybe this might help put things in perspective: Ladies, how do you think it would affect you if you took time to introduce yourself, send some non nudes photos to be met with zero response the majority of times? Genuinely intrigued to know the answer to this. " I have sent first messages. My best meets have been from making first contact. I have also being rejected on here by some men and it doesn't bother in the least. I have had messages left unanswered and it doesn't bother I just leave a note to say they didn't reply and I know not to message again. I also wouldn't send out a ton of messages and I certainly wouldn't include pics to try and entice someone. If someone says they want a face pic in a first message I don't message them. That's my choice. I read profiles and only have ever messaged someone that I found their profile to be intriguing. This whole scatter gun approach that some use on here is ridiculous and reeks of desperation. | |||
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"Perhaps Fab could introduce a "Thanks, but no thanks" button that replies for you and then automatically blocks the sender of the incoming message.
Now there's a good idea!!
It would work fantastically up until people started complaining that they were getting the standard templated rejection instead of a personalised one. :P
I write the same thing every time, if I do politely decline so it wouldn't be any different.
Oh absolutely, but people will complain no matter how many improvements you give them, is my point. :P"But they won't be able to complain at you in your inbox because they have been blocked. | |||
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"Well that was a tough rollercoaster of a read. Each to their own. We were not expecting everyone to follow what we do. Great to hear the extremes of how overwhelming some of your inboxes are. Ultimately we’re all on here for our own journey, not that to please anyone else’s. We shall carry on doing it the way we please, with peace in our minds, treating others how we would like to be treated. Doesn’t mean we will be treated with the same respect as how we treat others, but we’re happy enough with who we are, how we are and the way we behave, in person or behind a screen. Wishing everyone a happy Fabbing time ?? " I agree with you and was surprised at some of the responses. But sadly it's a sign of the times, if people are getting inundated with loads of messages, especially when those messages show someone hasn't read your profile, then why waste their time responding. However, as you say each to their own, I don't get hundreds of messages but do respond to all I get as that's how I'd like to be treated, a little gratitude goes a long way. | |||
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