FabSwingers.com forum: not feeling confident

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I've recently had a few incidents where when not in my comfort zone I've had what can only be described as a strop.

Does anyone else get this where they just suddenly decide that they look terrible and shouldn't be somewhere.?

I tend to just go and find somewhere quiet to sit, but it's almost like a panic attack. I've had three since splitting up from my former master.

but does anyone else find they suddenly lose their confidence and become almost like a sullen little child.

Thanks.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

I refused to go out for a night out a few months back because everything I tried on looked awful or was too small. Threw my toys right out the pram! Lol.

Looking back its my own stupid fault for not eating well and putting on weight. The diet has started now so it's up to me to change! X

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

"I've recently had a few incidents where when not in my comfort zone I've had what can only be described as a strop.

Does anyone else get this where they just suddenly decide that they look terrible and shouldn't be somewhere.?

I tend to just go and find somewhere quiet to sit, but it's almost like a panic attack. I've had three since splitting up from my former master.

but does anyone else find they suddenly lose their confidence and become almost like a sullen little child.

Thanks. "

Yep. Had one on Monday at Kestrels when I refused point blank to go into the pool with zed as there were too many slim women in there and I couldn't face the potential for any 'nudge nudge wink wink - snigger' moments.

I ended up insisting he went in alone as I didn't want to be the cause of him missing out on a naked swim. I went and sulked alone indoors.

I went into the pool with zed later when it was empty but these lapses in confidence are to my detriment and spoiling my fun so I should really take control of my own issues over body image and lose weight - I know that. I can talk the talk - but walking the walk is a helluva lot harder!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The last time I felt unsure/bad about myself was in the maternity department of a department store, looking for something to wear to a wedding, as nothing "normal" would fit me, being short with a big waist, as in an apple-shaped.

The lady assistant kindly enquired when I was due, and I politely informed her I was not expecting, and I could feel her embarrassment.

Since then, I decided to have smart and formal clothes made for me, so that I know they would fit me.

I read up and sought advice on clothing styles that would flatter my shape, and seeked advice on colours that suited me, before I would have items made for me.

Wearing something that fits has made a huge difference in my self-confidence.

Discovering the wonders of steel boned corsets had boosted my confidence even more, as they can give me a decent shape instantly without having to diet or exercise.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

See I know I'm losing weight. And I know I get attention. Just sometimes when somewhere I am not familiar with I get very off.

It's really unlike me and makes me look a right Muppet. Worse so as from the outside I guess it looks like jealousy. Which it isn't.

Although I guess jealousy is born out of insecurities. Which this is. But thing is for me I can be okay. Then suddenly feel like everyone is looking at me in a bad way. It totally overwhelms me. And next day I know I've been a idiot. But.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I totally get that!!!! I've let myself go a bit and even though I've had some really good meets but still not confident xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thing is the last time was uncalled for. I had a good man with me. I just decided that I was better off going home. Not a nice or good thing to do.

It was all of my own doing too. Just decided I looked awful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This isn't something which just affects women.

Since last October I have been suffering an unusual drop in confidence in myself. There are a few key things which have happened in that period which I know have contributed to it, which are easy to identify, but not so easy to rationalise in my mind.

But I have to admit it's starting to make me hold back in looking for meets now, as I'm really questioning my own ability to hold it together sometimes.

Not good... and not sure how to get past it. And I am certainly NOT going to get prescription-based help for it.

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By *adu12Woman
over a year ago

Newton Abbot

We all feel the same way at times.

Try reading 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' Susan Jeffers.

It's a good book, bit psycho babble but if you can get past that it helps

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Think everyone has their low times, just hope you got great friends around to support you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It happens to be all the time, I've recently lost a sizeable amount of weight (still a lot to go) and at times rather then having more confidence, I get moments when I just want to go and hide.

I find it worse when I'm dressed, I'm a sexual confident goddess when naked or in sexy undies. I'm still wearing all my bigger clothes and they look like tents, it's like I want to hide my new shape.

Think it's a girl thing, we all have the "I look like a total mess" moments, I bet supermodels have em too x

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Since i gained my weight again due to hormone problem ive felt bad, well i felt a failure, i know its a hormone problem but others just think ive gained the weight through not sticking to the diet.

A very chance conversation the other day with someone whose partner suffers from the exact same condition as me made me feel better as i know im not alone. However, the medication im on is kicking in. But what i did do was give in and accept id gone up sizes in clothes and bought some that fitted me instead of feeling shit by squeazing into things that where too small.

Ive never thrown a strop when out though as i dont go out unless i feel the best i can make myself look. Ive never worried what other people think and im sure cali people werent looking at you. You just need to get out the mindset

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes, it nearly stopped me going to the party where I met J. I am more confident in cupids than anywhere else but even there I have days where all I can do is sit at the bar.

I was excited yesterday that I could shop in Matalan for clothes and not need the fat section! But today I feel lumpy again.

Confidence is a pain in the arse.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I have put on weight I know I have and gave myself a kick up the arse the other day so am eating really healthly... However I got to say that I have mor confidence than I ever had.... I know I am pretty just sometimes wish I was size 14 pretty...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Think everyone has their low times, just hope you got great friends around to support you.

my major thing is when I get like that I want to Go to my friend's but end up just hiding out the way.

it seems lots of us do it. And I just need to not run and hide. Think I find it hard because everyone always sees me as confident and life and soul.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

It's never wise to try to diagnose people you've never met re problems over the internet but it sounds like the OP might have mild depression.

A visit to the GP sounds a good first call.

Good luck.

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

"It's never wise to try to diagnose people you've never met re problems over the internet but it sounds like the OP might have mild depression.

A visit to the GP sounds a good first call.

Good luck."

Was anyone trying to diagnose the OP's problem? From what I've read (and posted) most people are merely empathising and showing support.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"It's never wise to try to diagnose people you've never met re problems over the internet but it sounds like the OP might have mild depression.

A visit to the GP sounds a good first call.

Good luck."

Nah its just part of being women...

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

[Removed by poster at 06/04/13 13:12:10]

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"It's never wise to try to diagnose people you've never met re problems over the internet but it sounds like the OP might have mild depression.

A visit to the GP sounds a good first call.

Good luck.

Was anyone trying to diagnose the OP's problem? From what I've read (and posted) most people are merely

empathising and showing support."

Yes. Me.

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By *ancs MinxWoman
over a year ago

Burnley

We all have times have a bout of loss of confidence no matter what size we are......its an awful feeling

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple
over a year ago

Fareham

"It's never wise to try to diagnose people you've never met re problems over the internet but it sounds like the OP might have mild depression.

A visit to the GP sounds a good first call.

Good luck.

Was anyone trying to diagnose the OP's problem? From what I've read (and posted) most people are merely

empathising and showing support.

Yes. Me."

But you didn't diagnose!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had similar things, and still would I guess. Used to go to clubs with a FB and we'd often end up arguing because I felt too fat and ugly to think the people he wanted to play with would ever want to play with me. He was very patient with me for a long time, but there's only so much any one person can take and we no longer see each other. It's a shame because I do miss playing with him, but it gave me a bit of a wake up call.

I know losing weight won't instantly cure my confidence issues, but that's my first step in the right direction. I'm trying to not do the whole thing of putting myself down before someone else does too because whilst I accept I'm not everyone's cup of tea there are people out there that do find me attractive. Think sometimes just trying to think a bit more positively does help you be more positive...never used to believe that before but starting to see the truth in it more and more!

I haven't got a magic cure for you as I still ain't brimming with confidence, but doing something to improve how I look to me and trying not too focus too much on my flaws is helping me x

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"It's never wise to try to diagnose people you've never met re problems over the internet but it sounds like the OP might have mild depression.

A visit to the GP sounds a good first call.

Good luck.

Was anyone trying to diagnose the OP's problem? From what I've read (and posted) most people are merely

empathising and showing support.

Yes. Me.

But you didn't diagnose!

I only said 'try'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm having one of those weeks!

Just wish I could transfer how I feel with my FB to the rest of my life.

Keep smiling all xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's never wise to try to diagnose people you've never met re problems over the internet but it sounds like the OP might have mild depression.

A visit to the GP sounds a good first call.

Good luck."

I don't need my gp. On top of that side of things. Although just changed my anti depressants recently for much lower dose.

In general though I am okay. I just have these moments where I don't feel confident and want to run away and hide. To be honest it's rather childish but I can recognize that. I just wondered how many others on here had similar issues.

As many seem to not realise that I can suffer from moments of nerves and not feeling confident. Xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 06/04/13 13:26:05]

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By *picenicelyCouple
over a year ago

third star on the right

I know what you mean. It hits and you kinda freeze and its like your body can't decide what to feel so you go on the defensive and throw a strop rather than deal with getting through the situations. I deal with it by thinking of a favourite song and sing it in my head especially if it is one I don't know the words perfectly. I end up focusing on the song and not the situations till Im ready and by then Im happy to have the song right and happy cause im in the situation.

You have to warn whoever your with that if you tell them your thinking of the words they should guide you through till your done whatever caused the fuss.

Hope this makes sense!

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

Think it fair to say everyone has days like that.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's never wise to try to diagnose people you've never met re problems over the internet but it sounds like the OP might have mild depression.

A visit to the GP sounds a good first call.

Good luck."

then two weeks...one month..etc..she feels better and wants to go shagging etc having fun in general..but no..she took the advice went to the docs and recieved some meds..YaY way to go..

its a definite problem in our society, jump to an illness label at slight normal changes in life

*from working experience

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

To all that have answered on here and I'm private I thank you.

Im my own worst enemy, as I always think I'm above things, because I can spot others issues. I'm the world's worst at accepting help. And normally advice.

Yet I'm getting better, it was a blip, I know the cause, I know the reasons, and I accept that I behaved appalling to those affected by it. But I can't change it, just change how I deal with it in the future.

Although I'm kinda hoping I have a handle on it now. although I feel properly ill today too and women's time too. So all contributing factors. Oh and tired and not eating much.

Although I could always just get put in a straight jacket for a week till I'm level headed again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To all that have answered on here and I'm private I thank you.

Im my own worst enemy, as I always think I'm above things, because I can spot others issues. I'm the world's worst at accepting help. And normally advice.

Although I'm kinda hoping I have a handle on it now. although I feel properly ill today too and women's time too. So all contributing factors. Oh and tired and not eating much.

Although I could always just get put in a straight jacket for a week till I'm level headed again.

as long as theres holes in it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To all that have answered on here and I'm private I thank you.

Im my own worst enemy, as I always think I'm above things, because I can spot others issues. I'm the world's worst at accepting help. And normally advice.

Although I'm kinda hoping I have a handle on it now. although I feel properly ill today too and women's time too. So all contributing factors. Oh and tired and not eating much.

Although I could always just get put in a straight jacket for a week till I'm level headed again.

as long as theres holes in it"

Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

SsI have times like this, I have a terrible self body image, which stops me feeliing sexy, I know im the only one who can change things, just need someone to kick me up the arse to start, exercise is my problem.

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By *nnyMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

"It's never wise to try to diagnose people you've never met re problems over the internet but it sounds like the OP might have mild depression.

A visit to the GP sounds a good first call.

Good luck.

then two weeks...one month..etc..she feels better and wants to go shagging etc having fun in general..but no..she took the advice went to the docs and recieved some meds..YaY way to go.. "

I didn't suggest medication - just a visit to the GP.

"its a definite problem in our society, jump to an illness label at slight normal changes in life"

It's quite a definite problem in our society, jump to the expectation of a prescription every time someone visits a GP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's never wise to try to diagnose people you've never met re problems over the internet but it sounds like the OP might have mild depression.

A visit to the GP sounds a good first call.

Good luck.

then two weeks...one month..etc..she feels better and wants to go shagging etc having fun in general..but no..she took the advice went to the docs and recieved some meds..YaY way to go..

I didn't suggest medication - just a visit to the GP.

its a definite problem in our society, jump to an illness label at slight normal changes in life

It's quite a definite problem in our society, jump to the expectation of a prescription every time someone visits a GP."

possibly not what U suggested _nny, just saying its possible the GP would

I have a cynical nature in prescribed drugs..something u learn from drugs reps etc lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've recently had a few incidents where when not in my comfort zone I've had what can only be described as a strop.

Does anyone else get this where they just suddenly decide that they look terrible and shouldn't be somewhere.?

I tend to just go and find somewhere quiet to sit, but it's almost like a panic attack. I've had three since splitting up from my former master.

but does anyone else find they suddenly lose their confidence and become almost like a sullen little child.

Thanks. "

I get like this too and I'm better off being avoided when I'm like that. I put mine down to my bipolar, those days I just want to sleep and let the whole world disappear

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By *hole Lotta RosieWoman
over a year ago

Deviant City

I struggle with my confidence and can totally relate to the 'sullen child' you feel. When i get this feeling, I totally withdraw from everything and hide from the world.

Hugs Cali xx

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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Would say that most of us have days like this...

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