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"Sounds like a load of old drama, the kind of which I actively try to avoid. So I’d be staying well out of it. Not my business, not my place to tell tales. " 
Don’t get involved in other peoples business - no good ever comes of it. | |||
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"A couple I know (knew him first) have many friends, some of which are mine too. One of his friends whom I'm not keen on has tried it on with my friend's wife. Info I got after is that she's not going to tell her chap. But she did tell a female friend and eventually some other woman told her husband and eventually I've found out too. At first I wanted to tell my friend because I felt he needed to know what his mate is really like but have decided to stay out of it. Doesn't sit right though as I hate people trying it on without consent on a friends partner. However, I'm interested to know if anyone thinks she should have told her chap. Anybody else been in my shoes or worse, been one of the other three people in the true story?" Not your monkey not your circus | |||
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"(I add those caveats because if there's the remotest possibility that he knew about it or that this was all a consensual thing, I'm not gonna be that idiot getting my wires crossed and causing a kerfuffle where one isn't needed)" He 100% would not want anyone trying it on with her. He's a one woman man. Known him since we were at school. I always thought that his mate wasn't genuine, thinks he's gods gift too. It really didn't surprise me when i found out tbh. | |||
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"(I add those caveats because if there's the remotest possibility that he knew about it or that this was all a consensual thing, I'm not gonna be that idiot getting my wires crossed and causing a kerfuffle where one isn't needed) He 100% would not want anyone trying it on with her. He's a one woman man. Known him since we were at school. I always thought that his mate wasn't genuine, thinks he's gods gift too. It really didn't surprise me when i found out tbh. " Hmm. It's a tough one, because he'd likely want to know, but at the same time if you were going down that route it would have to be with the full understanding that it might blow up in your face, especially if your friend doesn't believe you. | |||
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"(I add those caveats because if there's the remotest possibility that he knew about it or that this was all a consensual thing, I'm not gonna be that idiot getting my wires crossed and causing a kerfuffle where one isn't needed) He 100% would not want anyone trying it on with her. He's a one woman man. Known him since we were at school. I always thought that his mate wasn't genuine, thinks he's gods gift too. It really didn't surprise me when i found out tbh. " You have known him as a male friend. You've got zero knowledge of their private dynamic. | |||
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"my personal opinion would be stay out of it" I'm staying out of it. My question is should she have told him? | |||
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"my personal opinion would be stay out of it I'm staying out of it. My question is should she have told him?" You're not staying out of it because you've already discussed it with mutual friends. This kind of gossip is dangerous | |||
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"I've never been involved in anything like this. If one of our friends tried it on with me I'd deal with it at the time and within our relationship. No need for outside interference. " You're kind if answering the question, deal with it..... in what way. The woman in question had decided not to tell her chap so for her its dealt with. Should she have told him though? As for their dynamic, I just know he is very vanilla. He'd be very shocked to learn I was on here. | |||
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"It’s their business entirely. It’s also not your circus or monkeys OP "This ^ | |||
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"my personal opinion would be stay out of it I'm staying out of it. My question is should she have told him? You're not staying out of it because you've already discussed it with mutual friends. This kind of gossip is dangerous " I've not discussed it with anyone, hence why I'm on here asking questions to steangers. I was told by someone I know and trust explicitly. I've told nobody and he's told nobody else. I would hate for it to get out and he learned that I knew and didn't tell him. | |||
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"my personal opinion would be stay out of it I'm staying out of it. My question is should she have told him? You're not staying out of it because you've already discussed it with mutual friends. This kind of gossip is dangerous I've not discussed it with anyone, hence why I'm on here asking questions to steangers. I was told by someone I know and trust explicitly. I've told nobody and he's told nobody else. I would hate for it to get out and he learned that I knew and didn't tell him. " Messengers have a habit of getting shot. | |||
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"how do you know for sure that she hasnt told him?" I would know if she had. He'd have told me for a start. | |||
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"In my experience. In Domestic situations like that No body will thank you. All you can do is offer your friendship and support if they can’t rectify it themselves. " Yes I realise this which is why I haven't told him Would you tell your partner if their friend tried it on with you without partners consent? Hardly anybody is answering my question from thread title | |||
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"In my experience. In Domestic situations like that No body will thank you. All you can do is offer your friendship and support if they can’t rectify it themselves. Yes I realise this which is why I haven't told him Would you tell your partner if their friend tried it on with you without partners consent? Hardly anybody is answering my question from thread title " Yes, she should have told her partner | |||
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"Hardly anybody is answering my question from thread title " Probably because you only acknowledge the replies about telling him yourself. You don't know their dynamic. As an adult woman with an understanding of their dynamic, his likely reactions, and a myriad of other factors that have nothing to do with you, she chose not to. As I said, as a general rule, I prefer to share relevant information with my partners. But I know nothing of what goes on in their relationship. She made her choice based on a whole range of factors that both you and I know absolutely nothing about. | |||
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" Hardly anybody is answering my question from thread title " Thats her call to make, not yours or anyone else's on here... Mr | |||
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"my personal opinion would be stay out of it I'm staying out of it. My question is should she have told him? You're not staying out of it because you've already discussed it with mutual friends. This kind of gossip is dangerous I've not discussed it with anyone, hence why I'm on here asking questions to steangers. I was told by someone I know and trust explicitly. I've told nobody and he's told nobody else. I would hate for it to get out and he learned that I knew and didn't tell him. " I see. So when they told you with 100% concrete evidence their second or third hand version of events you didn't even ask a question? As I said before this kind of gossip is dangerous. Not for the people spreading it but for those at the heart of it I don't know if she should have told him or not. The main reason for that is I'm not in possession of verifiable facts. | |||
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"A couple I know (knew him first) have many friends, some of which are mine too. One of his friends whom I'm not keen on has tried it on with my friend's wife. Info I got after is that she's not going to tell her chap. But she did tell a female friend and eventually some other woman told her husband and eventually I've found out too. At first I wanted to tell my friend because I felt he needed to know what his mate is really like but have decided to stay out of it. Doesn't sit right though as I hate people trying it on without consent on a friends partner. However, I'm interested to know if anyone thinks she should have told her chap. Anybody else been in my shoes or worse, been one of the other three people in the true story?" 1. None of your business. Keep your opinions to yourself. 2. I note you are 'not keen' on his friend. Is this why you are okay with telling stories ? 3. How do you know he tried it on ? I've known people think they are getting a 'come on' if someone says hello. My bet is it's the woman who said he came on to her. He might say something different 4. She made a decision not to involve her husband for whatever reason. The tale tellers are the problem. 5. Why do you want to tell him 'what his mate is 'really' like ? You don't even know if it happened. What are you saving him from ? Nothing happened from what I can make out. 6. 'Trying it out without consent ?' Whose consent ? The partners ? yours ? No one needs consent to 'try it on' .... Is this a bromance or gangwarfare... headline 'bloke flirts' ... 7. She decided not too and no one else is the moral police. They should be thinking about what they'd tell their own partner. Yes I have had to make decisions in life and on a bit more serious issues I think a lot of today's culture ties into this stuff ....... all the faux shock and shit in soaps and love island etc . To me ... nothing happened - absolutely zilch | |||
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"Sounds like a load of old drama, the kind of which I actively try to avoid. So I’d be staying well out of it. Not my business, not my place to tell tales. " Yep. I despise drama and "he said, she said". Dull and tiresome. Some people thrive on it (not saying you do, OP). | |||
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"Sounds like a load of old drama, the kind of which I actively try to avoid. So I’d be staying well out of it. Not my business, not my place to tell tales. Yep. I despise drama and "he said, she said". Dull and tiresome. Some people thrive on it (not saying you do, OP)." This is how I feel. It's very boring and... Who cares | |||
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"I've never been involved in anything like this. If one of our friends tried it on with me I'd deal with it at the time and within our relationship. No need for outside interference. " Spoken like a grown up. And you a woman too .... | |||
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"In my experience. In Domestic situations like that No body will thank you. All you can do is offer your friendship and support if they can’t rectify it themselves. Yes I realise this which is why I haven't told him Would you tell your partner if their friend tried it on with you without partners consent? Hardly anybody is answering my question from thread title " Everyone has answered your question. Mind your own business. It's not YOUR relationship. She decided not to tell ? Why are YOU questioning her decision? You have said that if he finds out and finds out that you didn't tell him then ...... Is that your REAL worry ... what's going to happen to your friendship ? Just get your reason ready for when that happens | |||
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"In my experience. In Domestic situations like that No body will thank you. All you can do is offer your friendship and support if they can’t rectify it themselves. Yes I realise this which is why I haven't told him Would you tell your partner if their friend tried it on with you without partners consent? Hardly anybody is answering my question from thread title " That’s difficult to answer as wifey has permission to do certain things when she’s out “with the girls” | |||
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You don’t know anything what goes behind closed doors in any relationship.
K | |||
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"In my experience. In Domestic situations like that No body will thank you. All you can do is offer your friendship and support if they can’t rectify it themselves. Yes I realise this which is why I haven't told him Would you tell your partner if their friend tried it on with you without partners consent? Hardly anybody is answering my question from thread title " Whatever reason she has for not telling him is her business and not yours. Have you tried asking her why? Maybe that's a good place to start, but be ready to be told to keep your nose out Doesn't matter what you or a bunch of strangers think her business shouldn't be up for discussion imho | |||
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"Okay, I think I misunderstood your initial question. In terms of whether *she* should have told him, it's still tricky. At a baseline, if you know that's the kind of thing your partner would want to know about, it's probably best to keep everything out in the open. But there are several reasons for not doing that which you might not be aware of due to having a different relationship with the people involved. If it were my wife and me, I'd absolutely tell her, because I have no reason not to. She'd do the same with me. But your friend may have a different situation to us." Thanks Keith. After some private messages I've received giving their opinion on it, it appears that the likely reason she hasn't told him is that the peer cycle would be compromised and it's not worth it the hassle. She has her reasons and that's that. It was just a topic and I was curious to know other people's views. Didn't realise I'd get stick for posting this of one or two. I might start another thread and ask if a female friend is more likely to tell their friend than a male. Only joking  | |||
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" I might start another thread and ask if a female friend is more likely to tell their friend than a male. Only joking "Please do this OP. My advice would always be exactly the same | |||
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" I might start another thread and ask if a female friend is more likely to tell their friend than a male. Only joking "Ask your friend if you should... Mr | |||
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"It’s a no-brainer for me. If he was my friend I’d tell him. I’d hope that I wouldn’t be the last to know if it happened to me. Don’t you know where your own loyalties are ? " Why would you tell him and not advise her that people are gossiping so she might need to mention it? | |||
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"Okay, I think I misunderstood your initial question. In terms of whether *she* should have told him, it's still tricky. At a baseline, if you know that's the kind of thing your partner would want to know about, it's probably best to keep everything out in the open. But there are several reasons for not doing that which you might not be aware of due to having a different relationship with the people involved. If it were my wife and me, I'd absolutely tell her, because I have no reason not to. She'd do the same with me. But your friend may have a different situation to us. Thanks Keith. After some private messages I've received giving their opinion on it, it appears that the likely reason she hasn't told him is that the peer cycle would be compromised and it's not worth it the hassle. She has her reasons and that's that. It was just a topic and I was curious to know other people's views. Didn't realise I'd get stick for posting this of one or two. I might start another thread and ask if a female friend is more likely to tell their friend than a male. Only joking " , Keith is the name of the place I live, not my name. XD I'm glad this helped, though.  | |||
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"It’s a no-brainer for me. If he was my friend I’d tell him. I’d hope that I wouldn’t be the last to know if it happened to me. Don’t you know where your own loyalties are ? Why would you tell him and not advise her that people are gossiping so she might need to mention it? " I wouldn’t be so disloyal as to have those kinds conversations with my friends partner | |||
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"It’s a no-brainer for me. If he was my friend I’d tell him. I’d hope that I wouldn’t be the last to know if it happened to me. Don’t you know where your own loyalties are ? Why would you tell him and not advise her that people are gossiping so she might need to mention it? I wouldn’t be so disloyal as to have those kinds conversations with my friends partner" You'd consider it disloyal to him to speak to her about something that directly involves her? It's not even established if it's true | |||
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"It’s a no-brainer for me. If he was my friend I’d tell him. I’d hope that I wouldn’t be the last to know if it happened to me. Don’t you know where your own loyalties are ? Why would you tell him and not advise her that people are gossiping so she might need to mention it? I wouldn’t be so disloyal as to have those kinds conversations with my friends partner You'd consider it disloyal to him to speak to her about something that directly involves her? It's not even established if it's true" Yes. Your loyalty is first to your friend not their partner. If he found out everyone knew including his own friend, and his own friend didn’t even tell him but was talking about it with his partner, then there’s not really a friend is he? Regardless, I would tell him. What he does is up to him, I’d expect the same from my friends, not joining in the gossip keeping me in the dark | |||
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"It’s a no-brainer for me. If he was my friend I’d tell him. I’d hope that I wouldn’t be the last to know if it happened to me. Don’t you know where your own loyalties are ? Why would you tell him and not advise her that people are gossiping so she might need to mention it? I wouldn’t be so disloyal as to have those kinds conversations with my friends partner You'd consider it disloyal to him to speak to her about something that directly involves her? It's not even established if it's true Yes. Your loyalty is first to your friend not their partner. If he found out everyone knew including his own friend, and his own friend didn’t even tell him but was talking about it with his partner, then there’s not really a friend is he? Regardless, I would tell him. What he does is up to him, I’d expect the same from my friends, not joining in the gossip keeping me in the dark " Fair enough. What would you tell him, in this instance? | |||
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"It’s a no-brainer for me. If he was my friend I’d tell him. I’d hope that I wouldn’t be the last to know if it happened to me. Don’t you know where your own loyalties are ? Why would you tell him and not advise her that people are gossiping so she might need to mention it? I wouldn’t be so disloyal as to have those kinds conversations with my friends partner You'd consider it disloyal to him to speak to her about something that directly involves her? It's not even established if it's true Yes. Your loyalty is first to your friend not their partner. If he found out everyone knew including his own friend, and his own friend didn’t even tell him but was talking about it with his partner, then there’s not really a friend is he? Regardless, I would tell him. What he does is up to him, I’d expect the same from my friends, not joining in the gossip keeping me in the dark Fair enough. What would you tell him, in this instance?" I’d just tell him exactly what I’ve heard and from who. If it came from my own partner I will tell her first sorry but I have to tell him | |||
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"It’s a no-brainer for me. If he was my friend I’d tell him. I’d hope that I wouldn’t be the last to know if it happened to me. Don’t you know where your own loyalties are ? Why would you tell him and not advise her that people are gossiping so she might need to mention it? I wouldn’t be so disloyal as to have those kinds conversations with my friends partner You'd consider it disloyal to him to speak to her about something that directly involves her? It's not even established if it's true Yes. Your loyalty is first to your friend not their partner. If he found out everyone knew including his own friend, and his own friend didn’t even tell him but was talking about it with his partner, then there’s not really a friend is he? Regardless, I would tell him. What he does is up to him, I’d expect the same from my friends, not joining in the gossip keeping me in the dark Fair enough. What would you tell him, in this instance? I’d just tell him exactly what I’ve heard and from who. If it came from my own partner I will tell her first sorry but I have to tell him" Don't be sorry, I'm not. | |||
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" There was a reason she didn't say anything, and I'd respect that and not get involved. " But the thing is, he doesn’t know with certainty if she has or has not said anything. He’s assuming she hasn’t because his assumption is if she had, her partner would have shared that with him. What if they as a couple have decided their relationship business is no one else’s business? There are far too many variables at play here and it’s really none of OP’s business. Whether she should or should not have is really only her business. It seems OP is making it his business because he thinks it’s the thing a friend should do but it’s also laced in him not liking the friend putting it on, and wanting to out him for being a bad person. That’s more overtly the driver in all of this not so much the being a good friend but he’s trying to sell us. As it’s third hard information, at best, the wise decision is to avoid the he said she said bullshit and keep out. If no one else knows that OP knows then what’s the harm in him keeping it to himself? He was not there and didn’t see it with his own eyes. It’s been passed down by someone he deems reliable but what if the person they heard it from isn’t reliable? Seems the least destructive decision in all of this, is to keep quiet. | |||
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"It’s a no-brainer for me. If he was my friend I’d tell him. I’d hope that I wouldn’t be the last to know if it happened to me. Don’t you know where your own loyalties are ? Why would you tell him and not advise her that people are gossiping so she might need to mention it? I wouldn’t be so disloyal as to have those kinds conversations with my friends partner You'd consider it disloyal to him to speak to her about something that directly involves her? It's not even established if it's true Yes. Your loyalty is first to your friend not their partner. If he found out everyone knew including his own friend, and his own friend didn’t even tell him but was talking about it with his partner, then there’s not really a friend is he? Regardless, I would tell him. What he does is up to him, I’d expect the same from my friends, not joining in the gossip keeping me in the dark Fair enough. What would you tell him, in this instance? I’d just tell him exactly what I’ve heard and from who. If it came from my own partner I will tell her first sorry but I have to tell him Don't be sorry, I'm not. " I mean sorry if it puts her in an awkward position, but it’s hypothetical this would never happen. She would not join in the gossip by telling me and if she did she would know that I’d tell my friend ! | |||
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"how do you know for sure that she hasnt told him? I would know if she had. He'd have told me for a start. " This is all supposition and drama. Stay out of it! | |||
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"It’s a no-brainer for me. If he was my friend I’d tell him. I’d hope that I wouldn’t be the last to know if it happened to me. Don’t you know where your own loyalties are ? Why would you tell him and not advise her that people are gossiping so she might need to mention it? I wouldn’t be so disloyal as to have those kinds conversations with my friends partner You'd consider it disloyal to him to speak to her about something that directly involves her? It's not even established if it's true Yes. Your loyalty is first to your friend not their partner. If he found out everyone knew including his own friend, and his own friend didn’t even tell him but was talking about it with his partner, then there’s not really a friend is he? Regardless, I would tell him. What he does is up to him, I’d expect the same from my friends, not joining in the gossip keeping me in the dark Fair enough. What would you tell him, in this instance? I’d just tell him exactly what I’ve heard and from who. If it came from my own partner I will tell her first sorry but I have to tell him Don't be sorry, I'm not. I mean sorry if it puts her in an awkward position, but it’s hypothetical this would never happen. She would not join in the gossip by telling me and if she did she would know that I’d tell my friend ! " I think that's what would concern me in this situation, she hasn't told him anything. On the face of it woman 1 told woman 2 something. The next thing you know a drama unfolds based on hearsay. | |||
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"She should tell him. I would expect my wife to tell me. In fact she has told me when something similar happened but that was her decision and nothing to do with people outside of our relationship." I would have told my husband. He was my best friend after all. My husband would have told me. I was his best friend after all. This is where I differ somewhat...... Just because 'I' would tell MY husband doesn't mean that the woman in question should tell HER husband. This is how problems start..... people think that the morals or rules they apply to their own lives should apply to everyone's lives.... and they don't. ( not meaning you GJ in particular - I just linked on at the end ... ) | |||
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"A couple I know (knew him first) have many friends, some of which are mine too. One of his friends whom I'm not keen on has tried it on with my friend's wife. Info I got after is that she's not going to tell her chap. But she did tell a female friend and eventually some other woman told her husband and eventually I've found out too. At first I wanted to tell my friend because I felt he needed to know what his mate is really like but have decided to stay out of it. Doesn't sit right though as I hate people trying it on without consent on a friends partner. However, I'm interested to know if anyone thinks she should have told her chap. Anybody else been in my shoes or worse, been one of the other three people in the true story?" Personally it’s not your business so don’t make something your business that you are not directly involved in Things like this come out in their time. Stay away from drama is my view | |||
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"Not your monkey not your circus" Oh I love this, stealing this.  | |||
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"Not your monkey not your circus Oh I love this, stealing this. "One of my favourite sayings  x | |||
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"Does anyone think that the woman who was told by the woman who was a friend of the bloke who says he's a friend of the man who knows nothing about it and hasn't been told by his partner knows that if she says something to the man who was saying the things that someone else is going to say something to the woman who is married to the man who used to work with the woman who is the wife of the man who did the come on thing ?" I think 'what would the Queen Mum do?' and act accordingly. | |||
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"Does anyone think that the woman who was told by the woman who was a friend of the bloke who says he's a friend of the man who knows nothing about it and hasn't been told by his partner knows that if she says something to the man who was saying the things that someone else is going to say something to the woman who is married to the man who used to work with the woman who is the wife of the man who did the come on thing ? I think 'what would the Queen Mum do?' and act accordingly." I always think what would Tina Turner do? | |||
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"Does anyone think that the woman who was told by the woman who was a friend of the bloke who says he's a friend of the man who knows nothing about it and hasn't been told by his partner knows that if she says something to the man who was saying the things that someone else is going to say something to the woman who is married to the man who used to work with the woman who is the wife of the man who did the come on thing ? I think 'what would the Queen Mum do?' and act accordingly. I always think what would Tina Turner do?" She would tell you to steer clear because we don’t need another hero. She would also probably want to know what’s love got to do with it? | |||
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"Does anyone think that the woman who was told by the woman who was a friend of the bloke who says he's a friend of the man who knows nothing about it and hasn't been told by his partner knows that if she says something to the man who was saying the things that someone else is going to say something to the woman who is married to the man who used to work with the woman who is the wife of the man who did the come on thing ? I think 'what would the Queen Mum do?' and act accordingly. I always think what would Tina Turner do?" You know these late, esteemed women were never seen in the same room together. I reckon they were one and the same... | |||
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"Does anyone think that the woman who was told by the woman who was a friend of the bloke who says he's a friend of the man who knows nothing about it and hasn't been told by his partner knows that if she says something to the man who was saying the things that someone else is going to say something to the woman who is married to the man who used to work with the woman who is the wife of the man who did the come on thing ?" All together now... "Little does she know that I know that she knows That I know she's two-timin' me Little does she know that I know that she knows That I know she's cheatin' on me..." | |||
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"Does anyone think that the woman who was told by the woman who was a friend of the bloke who says he's a friend of the man who knows nothing about it and hasn't been told by his partner knows that if she says something to the man who was saying the things that someone else is going to say something to the woman who is married to the man who used to work with the woman who is the wife of the man who did the come on thing ? All together now... "Little does she know that I know that she knows That I know she's two-timin' me Little does she know that I know that she knows That I know she's cheatin' on me..." " now who sung that lol | |||
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"Does anyone think that the woman who was told by the woman who was a friend of the bloke who says he's a friend of the man who knows nothing about it and hasn't been told by his partner knows that if she says something to the man who was saying the things that someone else is going to say something to the woman who is married to the man who used to work with the woman who is the wife of the man who did the come on thing ? All together now... "Little does she know that I know that she knows That I know she's two-timin' me Little does she know that I know that she knows That I know she's cheatin' on me..."
now who sung that lol "I had to Google, but it's The Kursaal Flyers! | |||
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"Does anyone think that the woman who was told by the woman who was a friend of the bloke who says he's a friend of the man who knows nothing about it and hasn't been told by his partner knows that if she says something to the man who was saying the things that someone else is going to say something to the woman who is married to the man who used to work with the woman who is the wife of the man who did the come on thing ? All together now... "Little does she know that I know that she knows That I know she's two-timin' me Little does she know that I know that she knows That I know she's cheatin' on me..."
now who sung that lol
I had to Google, but it's The Kursaal Flyers!"I will Google too lol | |||
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"Does anyone think that the woman who was told by the woman who was a friend of the bloke who says he's a friend of the man who knows nothing about it and hasn't been told by his partner knows that if she says something to the man who was saying the things that someone else is going to say something to the woman who is married to the man who used to work with the woman who is the wife of the man who did the come on thing ? All together now... "Little does she know that I know that she knows That I know she's two-timin' me Little does she know that I know that she knows That I know she's cheatin' on me..."
now who sung that lol "Tina Turner backing vocals the queen mum...  | |||
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"nobody gave you 'stick' O.P. Some people gave their opinions on the situation which is what you asked for. " Funny how you are the only one who has responded to my stick comment. How do you know I wasn't referring to people who've PMd me? Plenty have tbh. Mostly really positive comments actually who've made me see a bigger picture with constructive comments. | |||
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