FabSwingers.com forum: Can a narcissist be defeated?

By *hagTonight OP Man
19 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

I read an interesting article about narcissists and if one can be defeated and the answer was yes, there are few points to think about and taking into consideration when trying to defeat on and those are:

1 Defect

When dealing with a narcissist, deflection is an important skill, it means redirecting their energy back to them instead of getting drawn into their manipulation.

2 Disengage

This is about stepping back and not getting pulled into the narcissists drama.

3 Decline

Narcissists will often try to pull you back into their influence, through things like fake apologies or charm offensives, when you decline their attempts, asserting your independence and showing that you see through their tactics.

4 Document

Narcissists are good at denying things and making you doubt your own memory.

5 Decide to be your best

Dont let the narcissists actions or words define who you are.

What is your view about it and do you also agree with the points listed whether one can defeat a narcissist, also have you been in a relationship where you have defeated a narcissist, how did it feel once you did it?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *MisschiefxTV/TS
19 weeks ago

London

The way to handle a narcissist is to not be involved with them in anyway.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imisugarWoman
19 weeks ago

Rugby

I don't think they can be defeated as such, they just move onto a new supply once you finally disengage from them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lowupdollTV/TS
19 weeks ago

Herts

To a narcissist you are not a person, you are a battery.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aseylee324Couple
19 weeks ago

Valley of Squinting Windows

Attempting to "defeat" a narcissist would suggest to me that there's more than one of them in the situation

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
19 weeks ago

kent

I hired a lawyer, who hit them with a cease and desist order and threatened them court action over defamation of character. It worked.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inda May SimmonsTV/TS
19 weeks ago

hexham

I have got a hammer! Narcissists do not like being hit with hammers!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

Best to not engage or have any involvement as they will always want to be in the background if they think that they can get something out of you still . My ex was a total narcissist & lied & cheated on every guy she got involved with , using her body to get what she wanted

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *edhead72Man
19 weeks ago

Cheltenham and Ashby

I found that giving less attention is giving less fuel. Over time and with a lack of fuel they slowly loose interest. But they might throw everything at you in the process in a search for attention

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
19 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

At the risk of sounding like my needle is stuck ........

Who is diagnosing the narcissism ?

Take a good look at yourself first and maybe read up on how this word has been appropriated by anyone who went through a relationship that didn't go their way.

A narcissist is a PERSON and they are not all out to do you harm.

We all have traits and tendencies.

If you find yourself in unhealthy company , narcissistic or not, make a move away.

Even people without personality disorders struggle to exhibit the kind of behaviour they want to..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ot to giggleWoman
19 weeks ago

Coventry

"At the risk of sounding like my needle is stuck ........

Who is diagnosing the narcissism ?

Take a good look at yourself first and maybe read up on how this word has been appropriated by anyone who went through a relationship that didn't go their way.

A narcissist is a PERSON and they are not all out to do you harm.

We all have traits and tendencies.

If you find yourself in unhealthy company , narcissistic or not, make a move away.

Even people without personality disorders struggle to exhibit the kind of behaviour they want to..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tlanshiaWoman
19 weeks ago

Chatham

It seems like to much effort. Where possible, I remove myself from there life.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mf123Man
19 weeks ago

with one foot out the door

I saw lex luger defeated loads of times

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *MisschiefxTV/TS
19 weeks ago

London

Going to add, be self aware enough to understand why you feel you have to 'defeat' a narcissist. Is it a case of needing to reassure a damaged ego?

This is very much knife fight territory. No one wins, just takes longer for one of you to bleed to death.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *llblueMan
19 weeks ago

Irvine

They never learn.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orny PTMan
19 weeks ago

Peterborough

"At the risk of sounding like my needle is stuck ........

If you find yourself in unhealthy company , narcissistic or not, make a move away.

Difficult to do as a child

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oldyoudown41Man
19 weeks ago

caledonian

Narcissists, if ignored could possibly self destruct.. they need feedback and if not engaged they are there own worst enemy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hagTonight OP Man
19 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"The way to handle a narcissist is to not be involved with them in anyway. "
Yes, that is a way too, you should not to be involved with them

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlebirdWoman
19 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

I never feel the need to defeat them. Just erase them from my life completely

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ervent_fervourMan
19 weeks ago

Halifax

No they can't. They'll never admit anything, including being wrong/a twat or in amy way taking responsibility for their behaviour..

You can only win by walking away and saving yourself. But they will just move on to their next victim.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *igR93Man
19 weeks ago

Sarcasm City

No, they can never be defeated

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
19 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

I think the idea of defeating someone is toxic in itself. In my experience these kinds of tactical games are at best an attempt to re-assert some personal power, following a disempowering experience; often they slip into relational games. One upmanship; how do you like it, I've got you now etc. If that's the case then muddying the waters won't help, how can you know if someone's responses are not due to the game you are playing, rather than some inherent trait?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlebirdWoman
19 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

"I think the idea of defeating someone is toxic in itself. In my experience these kinds of tactical games are at best an attempt to re-assert some personal power, following a disempowering experience; often they slip into relational games. One upmanship; how do you like it, I've got you now etc. If that's the case then muddying the waters won't help, how can you know if someone's responses are not due to the game you are playing, rather than some inherent trait? "

100%

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkShyWoman
19 weeks ago

near Windsor

I was engaged to one. I defeated him in my own way by leaving him and not explaining other than a text saying "I'm done with you."

He didn't know I knew about his cheating, his lies, everything - and it absolutely done his head in because he couldn't manipulate or try and project onto me when he didn't know what to spin.

I did however eventually contact his mother and tell her everything her little angel had done, and sent her and his grown daughter all the evidence so they could finally see him for what he was.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
19 weeks ago

Reading

"At the risk of sounding like my needle is stuck ........

Who is diagnosing the narcissism ?

Take a good look at yourself first and maybe read up on how this word has been appropriated by anyone who went through a relationship that didn't go their way.

A narcissist is a PERSON and they are not all out to do you harm.

We all have traits and tendencies.

If you find yourself in unhealthy company , narcissistic or not, make a move away.

Even people without personality disorders struggle to exhibit the kind of behaviour they want to..

Great point well made. Regardless of any diagnosis if someone's behaviour is harmful, you have to disengage. I have done this several times with both partners and friends.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hagTonight OP Man
19 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"I don't think they can be defeated as such, they just move onto a new supply once you finally disengage from them. "
Yes, you are right there, they would just move onto a new supply once you have disengage from them too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *MisschiefxTV/TS
19 weeks ago

London

Fully agree, well said.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arko2020Man
19 weeks ago

Sale

I'm currently attempting to help someone I'm very close to try and put their life back together after being systematically mauled by a covert narcissist over the last 10 years.

I'm no trained psychologist, so I'm not qualified to give any kind of professional advice, but if you're currently involved with a narcissist then the only thing I can advise is simply get the hell away from them. Whatever it takes...do it.

Don't try and get revenge or get even with them for the appalling way they've treated you. Yes, it's frustrating that it feels like they're getting away with their abuse, their atrocious behaviour, for spreading countless lies about you, etc...just put as much distance as you possibly can between you and them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

I mean, if you know people, anyone can.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icolerobbieCouple
19 weeks ago

walsall

Narcissists are very easy to spot and identify. They are usually the ones accusing others of being narcissists.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ing00Man
19 weeks ago

Kettering Area

Was once in an rship with someone who, looking back, had many of these qualities. They're hard to spot without retrospect (in my experience anyway) as they're rather good at making their problems your fault, especially when there's anxiety in the mix as well.

Tricky stuff because the good days are great but aw man the down days are just hard work.

All I can say is was valuable experience, I learned a lot about what I can work with and what I really can't (or shouldn't).

I think one of the tricky elements to it was the self doubt (was it me? Did I get it wrong? Etc) but afterwards I suppose I came to accept that maybe some of it probably was, but oh boy there was a good chunk of it that very likely wasn't!

Anyway. Onwards and upwards, folks! Forwards!.. Ever forwards!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *entleman JayMan
19 weeks ago

Wakefield

I’m very good at ignoring people. I just don’t engage. They don’t like it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *luehairedcumslutCouple
19 weeks ago

St Neots

"Narcissists are very easy to spot and identify. They are usually the ones accusing others of being narcissists.

My ex used to call me one

I'm not though... I don't think

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hrista BellendWoman
19 weeks ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I don't try to defeat them Shag, I've got better things to do with my life, I just close all my doors to them and walk away

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inkycumsluttWoman
19 weeks ago

St Neots

You can't defeat them. The only thing you can do is find your inner strength, walk away and not let them have power over you anymore. It's a lot easier said than done (took me 8 years) but once they figure out they can't hurt/control you anymore they get bored and find a new supply

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *assageVirtuosoMan
19 weeks ago

SouthEast

Good article, Shag!

Common sense for those with life experiences and wisdom.

We all come across narcissist at times. It isn't always easy to avoid them or stay away from them. Perhaps we are narcissist ourselves at times.

Articles of this sort usually target close relationships where the victim has fallen under the influence of another,hence the need to first recognise the situation and take these suggested steps to "defeat" the other party.

It may seem easy from the outside but if you are trapped in a toxic relationship , it can be really hard to pull yourself out.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *4bimMan
19 weeks ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Defeat them with.

'whatever' and walk away

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arlot o scaraWoman
19 weeks ago

Hell

I think to ‘defeat’ a genuine narcissist would include having them look inwardly at their behaviour. They’re incapable of that.

They will punish you for a while after you leave. After that, they’ll just move on to the next person.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hagTonight OP Man
19 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"I found that giving less attention is giving less fuel. Over time and with a lack of fuel they slowly loose interest. But they might throw everything at you in the process in a search for attention "
Yes, giving them less attention is good too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

Narcissistic is mental health condition there people who have unreasonable high sense of there own importance.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *mf123Man
19 weeks ago

with one foot out the door

Dont think i actually know any

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eyond PurityCouple
19 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

None of those things actually defeat a narcissist. Defeat infers you broke them and they changed. Narcissists do or die; they don't get defeated.

If you survive, escape and move on with your life, well done.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oiluvfunMan
19 weeks ago

Penrith

It took me about 18 months to shake off a narcissistic schizophrenic psychobitch from here. Reading her ranting, threatening messages, but not replying, is how I managed to move on. If you engage with them in any way, it feeds them. They need the attention. Ignore them….

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
19 weeks ago

It’s possible they can be defeated it requires a lot effort and patience!

you can’t change them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ornucopiaMan
19 weeks ago

Bexley

"The way to handle a narcissist is to not be involved with them in anyway. "

I never follow their threads!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *enelope2UWoman
19 weeks ago

Fife

Those never work with a narcissist

Looks good on paper but doesn't work. They play the longer game. The only thing that works is yep your right I agree you're so right yep your ways the best I should have asked you instead..

You don't have to mean any of it that's all they care to hear or will hear.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *idddleWoman
19 weeks ago

southampton

I ahve a freid who has a kid with an undiagnosed but definite narc.

She feeds him, it seems the only way she can get peace- its basic manipulation and there are a few of us in on it hut it works.

She basically pretends shes still hurt by him at a very low level of interaction- it stops him escalating it.

Whenever we see him and he asks about her we tell him how mad she is at him about xxx that she says he's done but "we're sure he didnt" and "how worried we are about her. Then reiterate how much she is struggling financially - which ramps up his spending on the kids so he can be the hero.

Other's tell him how amazing his kids are and how its such a shame not having xxx is holding them back from greatness in sport or grades and he just parts with money so he can get supply through their greatness.

Its not bearing him but its saving some other poor soul from having to provide the supply. And actually as long as you know your feeding him and choose words carefully to not inflate ego further it kinda keeps things on a happy even keel.

It certainly feels closer to winning for all involved than hatching some plan that might result in backlashs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hagTonight OP Man
19 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"It seems like to much effort. Where possible, I remove myself from there life. "
Yes, removing oneself from their life, is a good way too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aytime78Man
19 weeks ago

daventry

"I read an interesting article about narcissists and if one can be defeated and the answer was yes, there are few points to think about and taking into consideration when trying to defeat on and those are:

1 Defect

When dealing with a narcissist, deflection is an important skill, it means redirecting their energy back to them instead of getting drawn into their manipulation.

2 Disengage

This is about stepping back and not getting pulled into the narcissists drama.

3 Decline

4 Document

Narcissists are good at denying things and making you doubt your own memory.

5 Decide to be your best

Dont let the narcissists actions or words define who you are.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aytime78Man
19 weeks ago

daventry

I'm curently out of a 13 year relationship to one been over two years kids involved but yes they do break eventually I go no contact and her final day will be when I get totally back on my feet deposit for a new house and take my son then her campain of control will be over no more csa the family home will be sold and ill have a lot of dosh in my bank also reason im looking on here because sex was used as one of her weapons to hurt me ie withheld love from me just trying to find a medium now im happyish and moving fwd they cause a lot of damage to your person and self worth good luck fella if you need to talk im here

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orny PTMan
19 weeks ago

Peterborough

"At the risk of sounding like my needle is stuck ........

Who is diagnosing the narcissism ?

Take a good look at yourself first and maybe read up on how this word has been appropriated by anyone who went through a relationship that didn't go their way.

A narcissist is a PERSON and they are not all out to do you harm.

We all have traits and tendencies.

If you find yourself in unhealthy company , narcissistic or not, make a move away.

Even people without personality disorders struggle to exhibit the kind of behaviour they want to..

Great point well made. Regardless of any diagnosis if someone's behaviour is harmful, you have to disengage. I have done this several times with both partners and friends."

Yes, that's a great point. (Metaphor coming up)

However if you'e in a war and you are getting shot at, whether it be a male, female or even a child soldier, that bullet still causes damage...so It's had to feel anything but animosity to that sniper. Sometimes you just can't escape.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *assageVirtuosoMan
19 weeks ago

SouthEast

"I'm curently out of a 13 year relationship to one been over two years kids involved but yes they do break eventually I go no contact and her final day will be when I get totally back on my feet deposit for a new house and take my son then her campain of control will be over no more csa the family home will be sold and ill have a lot of dosh in my bank also reason im looking on here because sex was used as one of her weapons to hurt me ie withheld love from me just trying to find a medium now im happyish and moving fwd they cause a lot of damage to your person and self worth good luck fella if you need to talk im here "

Never allow to be manipulated with sex. If she does this, you know how to get it. If she plays stupid games, you owe her no loyalty.

Life is to be enjoyed!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andynecklaceWoman
19 weeks ago

West Brom

Go no contact

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hagTonight OP Man
18 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

[Removed by poster at 15/07/24 22:45:52]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hagTonight OP Man
18 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"I was engaged to one. I defeated him in my own way by leaving him and not explaining other than a text saying "I'm done with you."

He didn't know I knew about his cheating, his lies, everything - and it absolutely done his head in because he couldn't manipulate or try and project onto me when he didn't know what to spin.

I did however eventually contact his mother and tell her everything her little angel had done, and sent her and his grown daughter all the evidence so they could finally see him for what he was.

"
That is good you defeated him in your own way, by leaving him too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *s.Scarlett-MWoman
4 weeks ago

Norfolk (She/Her)

I was no longer resourceful to the narcissist.

The narcissist will prey on the new and inexperienced as they will be the most resourceful.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *s.Scarlett-MWoman
4 weeks ago

Norfolk (She/Her)

If you survive, escape and move on with your life, well done.

Literally that.

That’s all any of us need to do.

Remember this lifestyle as I have learned over the course of time, isn’t just about the sexy times, it’s about the socialising too, on the scene friends, relaxing around others, being liberated, being free - in mind in body and soul.

Swing Happy

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uacksplat.Woman
4 weeks ago

Star Trekking Across The Universe

i was finally able to leave mine.

and it is soul destroying, but it does get better. Px

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *vonne5exMan
4 weeks ago

Doncaster

"The way to handle a narcissist is to not be involved with them in anyway. "
True,they soon keep clear once they realise you've sussed them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hagTonight OP Man
4 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"I was no longer resourceful to the narcissist.

The narcissist will prey on the new and inexperienced as they will be the most resourceful.

"
Hi msscarlettm, yes, you are right there, they will prey on the new and inexperienced too.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *orny PTMan
3 weeks ago

Peterborough

"The way to handle a narcissist is to not be involved with them in anyway. "

Bit difficult if it's an employer, parent or spouse and escape is not very easy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_Juicy79Woman
3 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Easier said than done when you're petrified that he's going to kill you!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ee-LiteWoman
3 weeks ago

northampton

Grey rock technique….

Disengage, deflect and give no reaction… it works!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andydan69Man
3 weeks ago

south west nr you mmm

Go grey rock give them nothing no supply & they will move on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *7VYMan
3 weeks ago

Orbit

The majority of people are narc, easy to deal with..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andydan69Man
3 weeks ago

south west nr you mmm

Trying to defeat them may suggest u are 1 too

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tokeLadJonMan
3 weeks ago

Stoke-on-Trent

You know they're defeated when they start pointing out flaws that can barely even be called a flaw, or at least a flaw that doesn't hurt anyone else.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
3 weeks ago

Southampton

Yes if you tell them to fuck off 🤣

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 28/10/24 17:53:53]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aybeLadyWoman
3 weeks ago

West Dublin

No or its a very very difficult road to do so.

My ex-husband is one 😒🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *esthetic21Man
3 weeks ago

Birmingham/Bristol

To kill something you stop feeding it. That simple

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aybeLadyWoman
3 weeks ago

West Dublin

"To kill something you stop feeding it. That simple"

Thats not possible if you have kids with them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *cott14Man
3 weeks ago

Essex & SW Exeter/Taunton

Indirectly yes if you simply don’t rise to their behaviours . Ideally remove yourself from

The situation completely .

It is clinical however one of the many traits is the lack of ability to self reflect or show empathy there it’s rare they will identify they need help

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *cott14Man
3 weeks ago

Essex & SW Exeter/Taunton

"To kill something you stop feeding it. That simple

Thats not possible if you have kids with them. "

This is true however you can disengage emotionally from any interaction with that person and treat your relationship purely as transactional

( almost business like )

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *cott14Man
3 weeks ago

Essex & SW Exeter/Taunton

Google “ grey rock method “ probably explains it far better than I am

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 28/10/24 20:13:43]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ora the explorerWoman
3 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

I don’t know much about it and don’t think I’ve ever met one but isn’t it a mental health condition?

If so why the compassion and understanding for some mental health issues but not this one?

Genuinely interested in why

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

Before a few yrs ago i had no idea what narcissist and bipolar meant. I still don't (even though it seems everyone is) and I don't care.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread