FabSwingers.com forum: Can a narcissist be defeated?

By *hagTonight OP Man
12 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

I read an interesting article about narcissists and if one can be defeated and the answer was yes, there are few points to think about and taking into consideration when trying to defeat on and those are:

1 Defect

When dealing with a narcissist, deflection is an important skill, it means redirecting their energy back to them instead of getting drawn into their manipulation.

2 Disengage

This is about stepping back and not getting pulled into the narcissists drama.

3 Decline

Narcissists will often try to pull you back into their influence, through things like fake apologies or charm offensives, when you decline their attempts, asserting your independence and showing that you see through their tactics.

4 Document

Narcissists are good at denying things and making you doubt your own memory.

5 Decide to be your best

Dont let the narcissists actions or words define who you are.

What is your view about it and do you also agree with the points listed whether one can defeat a narcissist, also have you been in a relationship where you have defeated a narcissist, how did it feel once you did it?

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
12 weeks ago

London

The way to handle a narcissist is to not be involved with them in anyway.

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By *imisugarWoman
12 weeks ago

Rugby

I don't think they can be defeated as such, they just move onto a new supply once you finally disengage from them.

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
12 weeks ago

Herts

To a narcissist you are not a person, you are a battery.

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By *aseylee324Couple
12 weeks ago

Valley of Squinting Windows

Attempting to "defeat" a narcissist would suggest to me that there's more than one of them in the situation

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
12 weeks ago

kent

I hired a lawyer, who hit them with a cease and desist order and threatened them court action over defamation of character. It worked.

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By *inda May SimmonsTV/TS
12 weeks ago

hexham

I have got a hammer! Narcissists do not like being hit with hammers!

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

Best to not engage or have any involvement as they will always want to be in the background if they think that they can get something out of you still . My ex was a total narcissist & lied & cheated on every guy she got involved with , using her body to get what she wanted

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By *edhead72Man
12 weeks ago

Cheltenham and Ashby

I found that giving less attention is giving less fuel. Over time and with a lack of fuel they slowly loose interest. But they might throw everything at you in the process in a search for attention

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
12 weeks ago

King's Crustacean

At the risk of sounding like my needle is stuck ........

Who is diagnosing the narcissism ?

Take a good look at yourself first and maybe read up on how this word has been appropriated by anyone who went through a relationship that didn't go their way.

A narcissist is a PERSON and they are not all out to do you harm.

We all have traits and tendencies.

If you find yourself in unhealthy company , narcissistic or not, make a move away.

Even people without personality disorders struggle to exhibit the kind of behaviour they want to..

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By *ot to giggleWoman
12 weeks ago

Coventry

"At the risk of sounding like my needle is stuck ........

Who is diagnosing the narcissism ?

Take a good look at yourself first and maybe read up on how this word has been appropriated by anyone who went through a relationship that didn't go their way.

A narcissist is a PERSON and they are not all out to do you harm.

We all have traits and tendencies.

If you find yourself in unhealthy company , narcissistic or not, make a move away.

Even people without personality disorders struggle to exhibit the kind of behaviour they want to..

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By *tlanshiaWoman
12 weeks ago

Chatham

It seems like to much effort. Where possible, I remove myself from there life.

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By *mf123Man
12 weeks ago

with one foot out the door

I saw lex luger defeated loads of times

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
12 weeks ago

London

Going to add, be self aware enough to understand why you feel you have to 'defeat' a narcissist. Is it a case of needing to reassure a damaged ego?

This is very much knife fight territory. No one wins, just takes longer for one of you to bleed to death.

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By *llblueMan
12 weeks ago

Irvine

They never learn.

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By *orny PTMan
12 weeks ago

Peterborough

"At the risk of sounding like my needle is stuck ........

If you find yourself in unhealthy company , narcissistic or not, make a move away.

Difficult to do as a child

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By *oldyoudown41Man
12 weeks ago

caledonian

Narcissists, if ignored could possibly self destruct.. they need feedback and if not engaged they are there own worst enemy.

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By *hagTonight OP Man
12 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"The way to handle a narcissist is to not be involved with them in anyway. "
Yes, that is a way too, you should not to be involved with them

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By *ittlebirdWoman
12 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

I never feel the need to defeat them. Just erase them from my life completely

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By *ervent_fervourMan
12 weeks ago

Halifax

No they can't. They'll never admit anything, including being wrong/a twat or in amy way taking responsibility for their behaviour..

You can only win by walking away and saving yourself. But they will just move on to their next victim.

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By *igR93Man
12 weeks ago

Sarcasm City

No, they can never be defeated

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By *ansoffateMan
12 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

I think the idea of defeating someone is toxic in itself. In my experience these kinds of tactical games are at best an attempt to re-assert some personal power, following a disempowering experience; often they slip into relational games. One upmanship; how do you like it, I've got you now etc. If that's the case then muddying the waters won't help, how can you know if someone's responses are not due to the game you are playing, rather than some inherent trait?

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By *ittlebirdWoman
12 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

"I think the idea of defeating someone is toxic in itself. In my experience these kinds of tactical games are at best an attempt to re-assert some personal power, following a disempowering experience; often they slip into relational games. One upmanship; how do you like it, I've got you now etc. If that's the case then muddying the waters won't help, how can you know if someone's responses are not due to the game you are playing, rather than some inherent trait? "

100%

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By *inkShyWoman
12 weeks ago

near Windsor

I was engaged to one. I defeated him in my own way by leaving him and not explaining other than a text saying "I'm done with you."

He didn't know I knew about his cheating, his lies, everything - and it absolutely done his head in because he couldn't manipulate or try and project onto me when he didn't know what to spin.

I did however eventually contact his mother and tell her everything her little angel had done, and sent her and his grown daughter all the evidence so they could finally see him for what he was.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
12 weeks ago

Reading

"At the risk of sounding like my needle is stuck ........

Who is diagnosing the narcissism ?

Take a good look at yourself first and maybe read up on how this word has been appropriated by anyone who went through a relationship that didn't go their way.

A narcissist is a PERSON and they are not all out to do you harm.

We all have traits and tendencies.

If you find yourself in unhealthy company , narcissistic or not, make a move away.

Even people without personality disorders struggle to exhibit the kind of behaviour they want to..

Great point well made. Regardless of any diagnosis if someone's behaviour is harmful, you have to disengage. I have done this several times with both partners and friends.

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By *hagTonight OP Man
12 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"I don't think they can be defeated as such, they just move onto a new supply once you finally disengage from them. "
Yes, you are right there, they would just move onto a new supply once you have disengage from them too

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
12 weeks ago

London

Fully agree, well said.

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By *arko2020Man
12 weeks ago

Sale

I'm currently attempting to help someone I'm very close to try and put their life back together after being systematically mauled by a covert narcissist over the last 10 years.

I'm no trained psychologist, so I'm not qualified to give any kind of professional advice, but if you're currently involved with a narcissist then the only thing I can advise is simply get the hell away from them. Whatever it takes...do it.

Don't try and get revenge or get even with them for the appalling way they've treated you. Yes, it's frustrating that it feels like they're getting away with their abuse, their atrocious behaviour, for spreading countless lies about you, etc...just put as much distance as you possibly can between you and them.

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

I mean, if you know people, anyone can.

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By *icolerobbieCouple
12 weeks ago

walsall

Narcissists are very easy to spot and identify. They are usually the ones accusing others of being narcissists.

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By *ing00Man
12 weeks ago

Kettering Area

Was once in an rship with someone who, looking back, had many of these qualities. They're hard to spot without retrospect (in my experience anyway) as they're rather good at making their problems your fault, especially when there's anxiety in the mix as well.

Tricky stuff because the good days are great but aw man the down days are just hard work.

All I can say is was valuable experience, I learned a lot about what I can work with and what I really can't (or shouldn't).

I think one of the tricky elements to it was the self doubt (was it me? Did I get it wrong? Etc) but afterwards I suppose I came to accept that maybe some of it probably was, but oh boy there was a good chunk of it that very likely wasn't!

Anyway. Onwards and upwards, folks! Forwards!.. Ever forwards!

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By *entleman JayMan
12 weeks ago

Wakefield

I’m very good at ignoring people. I just don’t engage. They don’t like it.

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By *luehairedcumslutCouple
12 weeks ago

St Neots

"Narcissists are very easy to spot and identify. They are usually the ones accusing others of being narcissists.

My ex used to call me one

I'm not though... I don't think

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
12 weeks ago

In a town full of colours

I don't try to defeat them Shag, I've got better things to do with my life, I just close all my doors to them and walk away

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By *inkycumsluttWoman
12 weeks ago

St Neots

You can't defeat them. The only thing you can do is find your inner strength, walk away and not let them have power over you anymore. It's a lot easier said than done (took me 8 years) but once they figure out they can't hurt/control you anymore they get bored and find a new supply

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
12 weeks ago

SouthEast

Good article, Shag!

Common sense for those with life experiences and wisdom.

We all come across narcissist at times. It isn't always easy to avoid them or stay away from them. Perhaps we are narcissist ourselves at times.

Articles of this sort usually target close relationships where the victim has fallen under the influence of another,hence the need to first recognise the situation and take these suggested steps to "defeat" the other party.

It may seem easy from the outside but if you are trapped in a toxic relationship , it can be really hard to pull yourself out.

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By *4bimMan
12 weeks ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Defeat them with.

'whatever' and walk away

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By *arlot o scaraWoman
12 weeks ago

Hell

I think to ‘defeat’ a genuine narcissist would include having them look inwardly at their behaviour. They’re incapable of that.

They will punish you for a while after you leave. After that, they’ll just move on to the next person.

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By *hagTonight OP Man
12 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"I found that giving less attention is giving less fuel. Over time and with a lack of fuel they slowly loose interest. But they might throw everything at you in the process in a search for attention "
Yes, giving them less attention is good too

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

Narcissistic is mental health condition there people who have unreasonable high sense of there own importance.

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By *mf123Man
12 weeks ago

with one foot out the door

Dont think i actually know any

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By *eyond PurityCouple
12 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

None of those things actually defeat a narcissist. Defeat infers you broke them and they changed. Narcissists do or die; they don't get defeated.

If you survive, escape and move on with your life, well done.

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By *oiluvfunMan
12 weeks ago

Mauchline

It took me about 18 months to shake off a narcissistic schizophrenic psychobitch from here. Reading her ranting, threatening messages, but not replying, is how I managed to move on. If you engage with them in any way, it feeds them. They need the attention. Ignore them….

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

It’s possible they can be defeated it requires a lot effort and patience!

you can’t change them.

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By *ornucopiaMan
12 weeks ago

Bexley

"The way to handle a narcissist is to not be involved with them in anyway. "

I never follow their threads!

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By *enelope2UWoman
12 weeks ago

Fife

Those never work with a narcissist

Looks good on paper but doesn't work. They play the longer game. The only thing that works is yep your right I agree you're so right yep your ways the best I should have asked you instead..

You don't have to mean any of it that's all they care to hear or will hear.

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By *idddleWoman
12 weeks ago

southampton

I ahve a freid who has a kid with an undiagnosed but definite narc.

She feeds him, it seems the only way she can get peace- its basic manipulation and there are a few of us in on it hut it works.

She basically pretends shes still hurt by him at a very low level of interaction- it stops him escalating it.

Whenever we see him and he asks about her we tell him how mad she is at him about xxx that she says he's done but "we're sure he didnt" and "how worried we are about her. Then reiterate how much she is struggling financially - which ramps up his spending on the kids so he can be the hero.

Other's tell him how amazing his kids are and how its such a shame not having xxx is holding them back from greatness in sport or grades and he just parts with money so he can get supply through their greatness.

Its not bearing him but its saving some other poor soul from having to provide the supply. And actually as long as you know your feeding him and choose words carefully to not inflate ego further it kinda keeps things on a happy even keel.

It certainly feels closer to winning for all involved than hatching some plan that might result in backlashs

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By *hagTonight OP Man
12 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"It seems like to much effort. Where possible, I remove myself from there life. "
Yes, removing oneself from their life, is a good way too

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By *aytime78Man
12 weeks ago

west midlands

"I read an interesting article about narcissists and if one can be defeated and the answer was yes, there are few points to think about and taking into consideration when trying to defeat on and those are:

1 Defect

When dealing with a narcissist, deflection is an important skill, it means redirecting their energy back to them instead of getting drawn into their manipulation.

2 Disengage

This is about stepping back and not getting pulled into the narcissists drama.

3 Decline

4 Document

Narcissists are good at denying things and making you doubt your own memory.

5 Decide to be your best

Dont let the narcissists actions or words define who you are.

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By *aytime78Man
12 weeks ago

west midlands

I'm curently out of a 13 year relationship to one been over two years kids involved but yes they do break eventually I go no contact and her final day will be when I get totally back on my feet deposit for a new house and take my son then her campain of control will be over no more csa the family home will be sold and ill have a lot of dosh in my bank also reason im looking on here because sex was used as one of her weapons to hurt me ie withheld love from me just trying to find a medium now im happyish and moving fwd they cause a lot of damage to your person and self worth good luck fella if you need to talk im here

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By *orny PTMan
12 weeks ago

Peterborough

"At the risk of sounding like my needle is stuck ........

Who is diagnosing the narcissism ?

Take a good look at yourself first and maybe read up on how this word has been appropriated by anyone who went through a relationship that didn't go their way.

A narcissist is a PERSON and they are not all out to do you harm.

We all have traits and tendencies.

If you find yourself in unhealthy company , narcissistic or not, make a move away.

Even people without personality disorders struggle to exhibit the kind of behaviour they want to..

Great point well made. Regardless of any diagnosis if someone's behaviour is harmful, you have to disengage. I have done this several times with both partners and friends."

Yes, that's a great point. (Metaphor coming up)

However if you'e in a war and you are getting shot at, whether it be a male, female or even a child soldier, that bullet still causes damage...so It's had to feel anything but animosity to that sniper. Sometimes you just can't escape.

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By *assageVirtuosoMan
12 weeks ago

SouthEast

"I'm curently out of a 13 year relationship to one been over two years kids involved but yes they do break eventually I go no contact and her final day will be when I get totally back on my feet deposit for a new house and take my son then her campain of control will be over no more csa the family home will be sold and ill have a lot of dosh in my bank also reason im looking on here because sex was used as one of her weapons to hurt me ie withheld love from me just trying to find a medium now im happyish and moving fwd they cause a lot of damage to your person and self worth good luck fella if you need to talk im here "

Never allow to be manipulated with sex. If she does this, you know how to get it. If she plays stupid games, you owe her no loyalty.

Life is to be enjoyed!

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By *andynecklaceWoman
12 weeks ago

West Brom

Go no contact

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By *hagTonight OP Man
11 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

[Removed by poster at 15/07/24 22:45:52]

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By *hagTonight OP Man
11 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"I was engaged to one. I defeated him in my own way by leaving him and not explaining other than a text saying "I'm done with you."

He didn't know I knew about his cheating, his lies, everything - and it absolutely done his head in because he couldn't manipulate or try and project onto me when he didn't know what to spin.

I did however eventually contact his mother and tell her everything her little angel had done, and sent her and his grown daughter all the evidence so they could finally see him for what he was.

"
That is good you defeated him in your own way, by leaving him too

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