FabSwingers.com forum: How toxic is fab for guys

By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

Honestly curious about this for genuine single guys. Your thoughts on fab and swinging? You walk in and you’re automatically the lowest of lowest. Treated as the lowest of the lowest so jump through hoops to be treated as a normal human being, regardless of whether you are, your treated as nothing. That’s also just the beginning. It’s not a case of dear me I get endless attention I can ignore etc bs, but from the start, being treated as less than a human being that doesn’t get much better after. I genuinely wanted to explore and enjoy sex as I never did when I was younger as I was very shy and polite rather than confident. I genuinely had foolish hopes as a single male for swinging but it genuinely feels like it’s more a toxic niche environment than an open and accepting place for all to enjoy and embrace?

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By *eordieJeansCouple
12 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

It is what you make of it. If you think you’re treated badly have a look at a couple or single woman’s inbox after they’ve sent a few polite no thanks messages out.

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

You’re only treated as less than a human being if you allow yourself to be.

Have value in yourself, and no expectations. You won’t get a shag here. If you do. It’s a bonus.

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

How are you treated the lowest of the low?

And you've had meets so what is it you were expecting that you haven't got?

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By *ellhungvweMan
12 weeks ago

Cheltenham

OP if it isn’t work for you and causing you issues then I would genuinely suggest you do something else.

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By *itan MynutzMan
12 weeks ago

Taunton

You’re doing pretty good for a guy on here, several good verifications so you’re getting meets.

But we are not the draw on here, it’s the women and couples who are for the most part (obviously ripped guys with a 10 inch cock and a fabulous personality included).

Being relaxed, and honest about the whole fab experience has helped me. Being genuinely single has too.

If you haven’t been to clubs try that too.

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By *lfa RomeoMan
12 weeks ago

southeast , Herts, Beds

Op I found that first and foremost be true to yourself, unfortunately there are going to be negatives on here as there is in life,

I've found that it you just be yourself, be respectful and don't expect anything, you'll get a better response from others.

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By *ubikslongswordMan
12 weeks ago

East Grinstead

"How are you treated the lowest of the low?

And you've had meets so what is it you were expecting that you haven't got?

I think he was hoping for instashag

Unfortunately while single men are generally on the bottom rung on the fab ladder it is all about how you fab, the biggest piece of advice is get to socials.

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By *tYourPleasure_80Man
12 weeks ago

Newcastle

"It is what you make of it. If you think you’re treated badly have a look at a couple or single woman’s inbox after they’ve sent a few polite no thanks messages out."

This is why I rarely make the first contact with women or couples. They are inundated with the warped and weird messages. This makes it hard for the genuine few.

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By *lfa RomeoMan
12 weeks ago

southeast , Herts, Beds

Also being drop dead gorgeous and very funny, just like me

That also helps

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By *ouples_EroticaXXXCouple
12 weeks ago

manchester

As toxic as you make it for yourself

Read a profile

Don’t send unsolicited dick pics

Be respectful

Understand how attraction works

Don’t expect a meet

Learn to handle rejection and that no means no and doesn’t need a reason

And you’ll have a better experience.

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By *orthern BeardMan
12 weeks ago

Preston

It really isn’t that deep.

Fab is what you make it, nobody has a divine right to assume they’ll meet women here. Sometimes it’s perseverance, other times it’s a bit if luck thrown in

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By *urve_your_enthusiasmWoman
12 weeks ago

Manchester

"It is what you make of it. If you think you’re treated badly have a look at a couple or single woman’s inbox after they’ve sent a few polite no thanks messages out.

This is why I rarely make the first contact with women or couples. They are inundated with the warped and weird messages. This makes it hard for the genuine few."

But we need the same messages to stay on here!! Because they get the replies, not the crazy ones!

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By *ellinever70Woman
12 weeks ago

Ayrshire

"... to be treated as a normal human being...."

I think if men behave like this then they're treated as such

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By *eordieJeansCouple
12 weeks ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

"It is what you make of it. If you think you’re treated badly have a look at a couple or single woman’s inbox after they’ve sent a few polite no thanks messages out.

This is why I rarely make the first contact with women or couples. They are inundated with the warped and weird messages. This makes it hard for the genuine few."

It’s not all bad but I think SOME single men think that it’s only them that get shit on here. Anonymity gives people on the internet a chance to say things they wouldn’t dream of saying in real life.

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
12 weeks ago

Herts

You’ve got 3 verifications this year so I’m not sure I understand where you see this ‘toxicity’?

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"It is what you make of it. If you think you’re treated badly have a look at a couple or single woman’s inbox after they’ve sent a few polite no thanks messages out."

It is and is, this is more directed at single guys experiences and how it left them feeling after. If it full filed them. It does actually take into consideration the inbox’s of other demographics, who get plenty of coverage on the subject. The point of this page was for genuine guys that have to navigate this environment where couples and single woman inbox’s take president over treating others in a decent manner. My personal experience is irrelevant, this is a space for single guys to have voice against the noise sorry

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"You’re only treated as less than a human being if you allow yourself to be.

Have value in yourself, and no expectations. You won’t get a shag here. If you do. It’s a bonus. "

Very true, though the point is not about getting a shag, feelers owed or anything else. I genuinely feel sorry for any one that complete fullfillment comes sole from a shag! There is actually more to sex lol

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By *onnyJohnMan
12 weeks ago

Doncaster

"Honestly curious about this for genuine single guys. Your thoughts on fab and swinging? You walk in and you’re automatically the lowest of lowest. Treated as the lowest of the lowest so jump through hoops to be treated as a normal human being, regardless of whether you are, your treated as nothing. That’s also just the beginning. It’s not a case of dear me I get endless attention I can ignore etc bs, but from the start, being treated as less than a human being that doesn’t get much better after. I genuinely wanted to explore and enjoy sex as I never did when I was younger as I was very shy and polite rather than confident. I genuinely had foolish hopes as a single male for swinging but it genuinely feels like it’s more a toxic niche environment than an open and accepting place for all to enjoy and embrace? "

Welcome to Fab, guys need a thick skin and to not take thing's seriously, when you're in sweetshop do you worry about the ones you're not looking for or like, No, same here, the couples and ladies are massively spoilt for choice, yeah i know that doesn't excuse manners and such but the same can be said for guys not reading profiles and sending messages anyway and such, the truth of the matter is we are all our own worse enemies in here and that will never change. Best thing to do ive found is take everything with a pinch of salt and not get too bothered by it..

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By *he love catsCouple
12 weeks ago

South Wales

I wouldn't know what it felt like as I'm part of a couple, although I read through the forums of some of the single mens experiences on fab and it doesn't seem great to be fair, if I was to become single I would be looking elsewhere as there's so much competition and the odds of meeting for some single men are pretty slim or even non existent.

Saying that though I do think the social gatherings are the way forward for single men although this wouldn't be for me.

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By *tYourPleasure_80Man
12 weeks ago

Newcastle

"It is what you make of it. If you think you’re treated badly have a look at a couple or single woman’s inbox after they’ve sent a few polite no thanks messages out.

This is why I rarely make the first contact with women or couples. They are inundated with the warped and weird messages. This makes it hard for the genuine few.

Absolutely, think anonyminity brings out the true person and worst of people.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
12 weeks ago

King's Crustacean

Let's all CIS together

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"How are you treated the lowest of the low?

And you've had meets so what is it you were expecting that you haven't got?

General term tbh, not got the energy in me to list all of my experiences.

I have and appreciate you asking. Some have been and still are far more than I could hope while others have been ok but not great, while others that have dragged me into moral dilemmas that make you feel dishonest, cheap and partied to cheaters though you as yourself are single, open, honest and have no wish to be partied to adultery

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By *eandmrsjones69Couple
12 weeks ago

Middle England

OP what were you expecting?

We only attend clubs so can't speak about arranging meets.

What do you mean by the lowest of the low? We, like lots of couples, mainly only play with single guys; that works best for us. So we attend single men nights specifically for that reason.

Does it mean we play with every guy there? No. There still needs to be some 'connection'.

It sounds a bit like you're just another feeling sorry for yourself.

I look at swinging like going to a party; what do you bring to the party? Swinging, as we've discovered, means different things to different people.

If you feel that bad about it maybe you have the wrong perception or it's not the lifestyle for you.

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

True and don’t think it’s a question of thick skin or be a man about lol. Put simpler terms for you, imagine your sister being treated the same way and see if what you consider below or above the belt is still the same

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
12 weeks ago

Tamworth

If you’re jumping through hoops, remember it’s supposed to be about fun and ask yourself if it’s worth engaging with people who expect that if you.

But don’t get thinking it’s all fine and dandy for the rest of us. It can be toxic for anyone. In the last week I’ve had men message to tell me I’m fat, people who message repeatedly despite me deleting each one word message and someone I’ve blocked making digs on forum. It’s not just men on the receiving end.

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By *hyguy469Man
12 weeks ago

BROMSGROVE

I have found some amazing people on Fab who I call true friends now.

Don't take the site too seriously and use it in exactly the way you want to.

Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to get to know someone and really trust them...definitely worth it though.

I imagine many single guys are just lazy and expect women to fall at their feet despite zero effort.

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

Their sister would be degraded down to just a useable hole and told in every detail what a guy wants to do to her.

Men and women experience different kinds of been treated "lowest of the low" on here. I think if it genuinely bothered me i wouldn't be here.

Oh and to be told again and again and again you don't have manners or are rude or not a decent human being because you don't reply to every single message you receive. That's always nice.

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
12 weeks ago

Leeds

You say imagine your sister being treated the way single blokes are....but imagine your sister getting 100's of unsolicited cock in her face despite asking for none, image your sister getting abuse when she says a polite no thank you, imagine your sister getting the bruised ego torrent of messages again because she said no, imagine her being spoken to as nothing but an orifice to be used as one wishes, imagine all the disgusting messages from creeps describing in detail what "they want" to do with her............ Being a single man, single women or couple on fab is hard!

Your expectations, your effort and yourself makes the fab experience not everyone else.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
12 weeks ago

Tamworth

OP I’d also say join the face to face swinging world - it’s a damn sight harder for people to be ask rude and demanding in person than it is online.

Some people are still wary of single men in these environments but it’s a very different dynamic for a man who demonstrates social skills and respect.

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"It is what you make of it. If you think you’re treated badly have a look at a couple or single woman’s inbox after they’ve sent a few polite no thanks messages out.

This is why I rarely make the first contact with women or couples. They are inundated with the warped and weird messages. This makes it hard for the genuine few.

Absolutely, think anonyminity brings out the true person and worst of people. "

Not sure it means some men feel they get shit on by simply having a voice or by vocalising? Certainly doesn’t seem an issue for any other demographic? Yeah? No one is saying it only happens to one group, the question is does perception of a demographic preclude to it treatment on here, which you just kind of proven by devaluing one demographics right to look at how it’s valued compared to others

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By *hil most chillMan
12 weeks ago

London & Europe

As a single guy you just need patience, and not to take this place too seriously. Yes there are some toxic people here, but the forum is mostly friendly. If you come here expecting sex quickly you will probably be disappointed

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
12 weeks ago

Central

Your premise isn't actually the case though, is it! Most men won't get communication that indicates anything like that. Sure, many have unrealistic expectations as well as their own engagement strategy that's unlikely to reap much, if anything. It strikes me as odd that people get into swinging but don't really do anything but for writing a few words and having the odd cock pics.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
12 weeks ago

King's Crustacean

I always find that substance free days and a good night's sleep gives more balance to points of view

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"You say imagine your sister being treated the way single blokes are....but imagine your sister getting 100's of unsolicited cock in her face despite asking for none, image your sister getting abuse when she says a polite no thank you, imagine your sister getting the bruised ego torrent of messages again because she said no, imagine her being spoken to as nothing but an orifice to be used as one wishes, imagine all the disgusting messages from creeps describing in detail what "they want" to do with her............ Being a single man, single women or couple on fab is hard!

Your expectations, your effort and yourself makes the fab experience not everyone else."

I have a sister to be fair, believe me I’ve been through the lot and worst. As a year seven at high school I picked a fight with a year eleven for (same year as me sis). There not much I wouldn’t defend regarding her so I don’t need to imagine for want to deminish that. It just sad you think one person suffering is worse thank another and for me, that’s something I rather see stop sorry

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
12 weeks ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 07/07/24 08:05:40]

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
12 weeks ago

East Sussex

Toxicity exists on the net I'm afraid. Try to call it out if you can.

I don't want to make this a 'yeah but what about women ' post because I don't believe your experience should be minimised but it can be toxic for women too.

It's a discussion that would be useful but I'm afraid both men and women tend to dismiss the others experiences

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
12 weeks ago

King's Crustacean

Go to bed.

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"If you’re jumping through hoops, remember it’s supposed to be about fun and ask yourself if it’s worth engaging with people who expect that if you.

No I honestly know it’s not and don’t mean to deminsh that. This is just intended as a spay for single guys have a space to vocalise what’s going on with them but seems to have been shouted down before it got started lol

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
12 weeks ago

Leeds

Your expectations, your effort and yourself makes the fab experience not everyone else.

It's sad I think one person's suffering is worse - No I do not, you however do....as I stated " fab is hard for single men, single women & couples"

Not just men as you've stated.

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

Their sister would be degraded down to just a useable hole and told in every detail what a guy wants to do to her.

Men and women experience different kinds of been treated "lowest of the low" on here. I think if it genuinely bothered me i wouldn't be here.

Oh and to be told again and again and again you don't have manners or are rude or not a decent human being because you don't reply to every single message you receive. That's always nice."

Don’t worry about it I’ve been told worse and treated no better at times and it wrong to try and open a discussion about it because no one else can handle it

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

Your expectations, your effort and yourself makes the fab experience not everyone else.

It's sad I think one person's suffering is worse - No I do not, you however do....as I stated " fab is hard for single men, single women & couples"

Not just men as you've stated.

No I don’t so don’t try and speak for me!

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By *abioMan
12 weeks ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"You’re only treated as less than a human being if you allow yourself to be.

Have value in yourself, and no expectations. You won’t get a shag here. If you do. It’s a bonus. "

This….. this…

I very much believe it is a mindset thing… people come in with the wildest of expectations, and then are disappointed when reality comes along…

Again… it’s a big puzzle and fab is not the entire box! It’s just one piece .. I think the ones that solely rely on fab are the ones that get frustrated quickest!

Swinging in the end, even though its concentrates on sexual matters still comes down to its basics on human relationships! Work that out and you will have an absolute blast!

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
12 weeks ago

Leeds

Your expectations, your effort and yourself makes the fab experience not everyone else.

It's sad I think one person's suffering is worse - No I do not, you however do....as I stated " fab is hard for single men, single women & couples"

Not just men as you've stated.

No I don’t so don’t try and speak for me! "

Oh my apologies, you just speak for me than.....wow! Gotta love some double standards

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

Their sister would be degraded down to just a useable hole and told in every detail what a guy wants to do to her.

Men and women experience different kinds of been treated "lowest of the low" on here. I think if it genuinely bothered me i wouldn't be here.

Oh and to be told again and again and again you don't have manners or are rude or not a decent human being because you don't reply to every single message you receive. That's always nice.

Don’t worry about it I’ve been told worse and treated no better at times and it wrong to try and open a discussion about it because no one else can handle it

I asked you what you meant by lowest of the low and you said you didn't answer.

You want a space for single men to vocalise their experiences yet you haven't given any context.

As a female I know women have it easier on here in terms of getting replies or getting attention, but is not getting a replying mean you're treated the lowest of the low or is it something else?

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
12 weeks ago

Tamworth

"If you’re jumping through hoops, remember it’s supposed to be about fun and ask yourself if it’s worth engaging with people who expect that if you.

I think the point people are trying to make is that this is the nature of the internet no matter who you are. There’s not a lot you can do about stopping it but there are things you can do differently to access more positive experiences so focus on those.

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"Toxicity exists on the net I'm afraid. Try to call it out if you can.

I don't want to make this a 'yeah but what about women ' post because I don't believe your experience should be minimised but it can be toxic for women too.

It's a discussion that would be useful but I'm afraid both men and women tend to dismiss the others experiences "

Hay, thank you for your kind words and I do genuinely know. I’m not blind to the suffering of others and know all to well how shit is for ladies and couples on here. I have spent a lot of time listening and trying to support them and so the post is not meant as an attack on them or to minimise their problems either. I just wanted a safe space for single guys to be able to chat rather than the pile on and attack lol. Next time I’ll just title it “fuck safe spaces for single guys “ lol

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By *aTina HeadTurnerWoman
12 weeks ago

Newham

You’re not doing yourself any favours I’m afraid, reading your OP and your responses. Plenty of good advice above so either take it or leave it.

Good luck.

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"You’re only treated as less than a human being if you allow yourself to be.

Have value in yourself, and no expectations. You won’t get a shag here. If you do. It’s a bonus.

This….. this…

I very much believe it is a mindset thing… people come in with the wildest of expectations, and then are disappointed when reality comes along…

Again… it’s a big puzzle and fab is not the entire box! It’s just one piece .. I think the ones that solely rely on fab are the ones that get frustrated quickest!

Swinging in the end, even though its concentrates on sexual matters still comes down to its basics on human relationships! Work that out and you will have an absolute blast! "

Not really, been on here for a long while and not just talking about hooking up, getting a shag or any other five minute wander idea tbh

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By *inAndTonic21Couple
12 weeks ago

Merseyside

Being honest OP a guy said this ‘jump through hoops’ statement to us recently when we have given an honest reply, and it is not nice having it said to you. I always reply to every message as you don’t know what people are going through in life.

But I also agree fab is what you make it, we don’t have a lot of free time for meets so make connections - chatter keep that in place for a meet when time becomes available. Apparently that’s jumping through hoops. We are all different and it just depends on how fab works with your real life. I would say go to large socials and makes connections it’s a great way to weave your way through the fab world and have fun

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By *AYENCouple
12 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

It's up to you who you interact with on an individual basis. If you're being treated as the lowest of the low, you're clearly interacting with the wrong people. K.

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

Your expectations, your effort and yourself makes the fab experience not everyone else.

It's sad I think one person's suffering is worse - No I do not, you however do....as I stated " fab is hard for single men, single women & couples"

Not just men as you've stated.

No I don’t so don’t try and speak for me!

Oh my apologies, you just speak for me than.....wow! Gotta love some double standards

I’m not speaking for anyone, only myself. Anyone else can speak for their fucking self, if they can’t, sure I’ll translate but it do the only double standard is that which you bring sorry

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By *ustamanMan
12 weeks ago

weymouth

I wouldn't call it toxic, more a reflection on my own mental/self worth state. Some days weeks I'm Uber confident other times not so much, on lower confidence periods rejection hits the ego hard so if I find it's affecting me I'll either remove myself for a while or just stay quiet.

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By *orl1971Couple
12 weeks ago

Glasgow

It’s difficult for everyone on Fab. The OP has had more meets than we have in the last year. We can’t find another couple. It’s easier to find single guys as there are a huge number to choose from.

We’ve often wondered why single guys bother with Fab. If straightforward sex is what you’re looking for then there must be easier places to get it. If it’s not for you then look elsewhere.

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By *hilloutMan
12 weeks ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

As a single guy I always viewed this from a different perspective.

I found it was an advantage that a LARGE percentage of single men were either clueless, pushy, entitled, lazy and made no effort with messaging, interaction and their profile.

It makes the ones who DO make an effort stand out so much more. Always worked for me, even in the beginning

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"You’re not doing yourself any favours I’m afraid, reading your OP and your responses. Plenty of good advice above so either take it or leave it.

Good luck."

Don’t care, wasn’t after advice, wasn’t making a statement. Not trying to please or displease people. Don’t care if it off bud or if it doesn’t, it was a meant as a safe space for single guys to open up before people felt the overwhelming urge to crap all over it before anyone of them could vent. Fab let me know when you have the slow clap emoji

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By *agicM53XMan
12 weeks ago

Orpington

I feel many people who come on fab believe it's like Christmas morning, where everyone gets a gift...Similar to how many other people have said, you need to raise your standards...in your desperation to get a meet, you allow nasty people to treat you horrible. You cannot control other people's bad behaviour, you can only control yours. Change some things on your profile, add some things on your profile and stand out (it is the only solution). Good luck OP

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By *orthern BeardMan
12 weeks ago

Preston

I reckon years ago I’d get one reply for every 100 messages I’d send. Did it bother me? Absolutely not. Why? I didn’t let it bother me.

I’ve talked with people I’ve met on here who’ve told me some horrific experiences. Abuse in their mailbox, persistent people who don’t get the message.

I don’t have time for all this negativity myself.

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By *ornyCEngMan
12 weeks ago

Bury

Like dating sites Fab is toxic for single guys, it's just dialled to 11.

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By *onathan14Man
12 weeks ago

Liverpool

I've never been mistreated here by anyone, I've had great fun with couples, ladies and naughty wives cheating.

I've always answered rejection with a thank you.

If one is crude or insulting, I have to tell you, news travels fast here.

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

"You’re only treated as less than a human being if you allow yourself to be.

Have value in yourself, and no expectations. You won’t get a shag here. If you do. It’s a bonus.

‘Do unto other as you would have other do into you’ Luke 6:31

I have a feeling I understand why you don’t get treated brilliantly…..

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"I wouldn't call it toxic, more a reflection on my own mental/self worth state. Some days weeks I'm Uber confident other times not so much, on lower confidence periods rejection hits the ego hard so if I find it's affecting me I'll either remove myself for a while or just stay quiet."

That Kwl man, thanks for sharing. That part definitely isn’t great fun but your right, keep at it and your’ll meet some nice people

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By *infordMan
12 weeks ago

London

It depends how you use Fab. I use it as a tool to find out about parties and events where I can make a connection and community in person. I don't use it to try and garner attention from couples and females who are obviously inundated and then get disappointed when I'm not selected as the needle in the haystack.

Fab is no more toxic than any other social media platform, it's how you decide to interact with it that will determine your experience.

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By *entlemanrogueMan
12 weeks ago

Motherwell

I wouldnt say its that toxic, not a q0% as toxic as normal.life for many women

You say

"so jump through hoops to be treated as a normal human being" thays a choice You make, if it bothers you, dint do it, be yourself always.

regardless if you are your treated as nothing. (i dint find this at all, if q000 women you are not attracted to or not interested in messaged you wvery day, you would soon stop replying as well.

That’s also just the beginning. It’s not a case of dear me I get endless attention I can ignore etc bs, but from the start, being treated as less than a human being that doesn’t get much better after. I genuinely wanted to explore and enjoy sex as I never did when I was younger as I was very shy and polite rather than confident. I genuinely had foolish hopes as a single male for swinging but it genuinely feels like it’s more a toxic niche environment than an open and accepting place for all to enjoy and embrace (mate you have 6 verifictions, which manu other men dont have anywhere near tht number, yet, you go on this big rant, either you need a hug, to sober up or to leave this site (in my opinion)

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By *onnyJohnMan
12 weeks ago

Doncaster

The point is, its the same for everyone, the level of toxicity isn't a pissing contest, one group doesn't necessarily have bragging rights over another, if my sister was treated like a single guy on here yeah sure itd be shit, but then again the single ladies are also treated like shit by guys not respecting what their profiles say..

Irrespective of if your a guy, a couple or a woman, on here there will always be those who take the piss or are derogatory, or dismissive, ignorant of, or just blatantly vile to others.

Yes, "have a thick skin" is an oversimplification, but it is and remains the best defence against arseholes.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
12 weeks ago

King's Crustacean

[Removed by poster at 07/07/24 08:31:25]

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By *abioMan
12 weeks ago

Newcastle and Gateshead

"You’re only treated as less than a human being if you allow yourself to be.

Have value in yourself, and no expectations. You won’t get a shag here. If you do. It’s a bonus.

This….. this…

I very much believe it is a mindset thing… people come in with the wildest of expectations, and then are disappointed when reality comes along…

Again… it’s a big puzzle and fab is not the entire box! It’s just one piece .. I think the ones that solely rely on fab are the ones that get frustrated quickest!

Swinging in the end, even though its concentrates on sexual matters still comes down to its basics on human relationships! Work that out and you will have an absolute blast!

Not really, been on here for a long while and not just talking about hooking up, getting a shag or any other five minute wander idea tbh"

Okay… so from one person who claims to have been here for a long time.. to a person who has been here since “dot”… you have identified a problem, so what’s the solution!

If someone said to me they had to jump through hoops… I would tell them don’t! If others want to treat it as a competition, don’t make it easy by being a contestant!

If someone they were made like the lowest of the low, I would tell them to stand up for themselves and not take that shit!

Swinging isn’t instashags and it isn’t sympathy sex!

Sometimes people overlook one of the simplest things which is “basic common sense “

You said something.. you said it not about the 5 minute hookup! So how do you tell people how to build relationships?…. It’s the common sense lightbulb moments!!!

People like to overanalyse everything… when sometimes it’s comes down to “see an issue, fix an issue “ and then you move on!

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
12 weeks ago

Leeds

Your expectations, your effort and yourself makes the fab experience not everyone else.

It's sad I think one person's suffering is worse - No I do not, you however do....as I stated " fab is hard for single men, single women & couples"

Not just men as you've stated.

No I don’t so don’t try and speak for me!

Oh my apologies, you just speak for me than.....wow! Gotta love some double standards

I’m not speaking for anyone, only myself. Anyone else can speak for their fucking self, if they can’t, sure I’ll translate but it do the only double standard is that which you bring sorry "

No need to swear op but great to see your true colours - you did in fact speak for me I'll copy your statement to refresh your memory "it's sad to you think one person's suffering is worse" is what you stated to me - now I'd clearly written fab is hard for "single men, single women & couples" so clearly your statement is incorrect had you read my reply properly.

I'm not dismissive of the fact fab is hard for men, but it's hard for everyone else too..... In different ways.

Your replies on here speak volumes OP.

Have a lovely day, I've zero time to be told I've said something I haven't (it's in black & white) maybe go rest OP if fab is stressing you this much take a break.

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By *avexxMan
12 weeks ago

cheshire

if thats how you feel op. i would fuck this place right off its not difficult,,

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
12 weeks ago

Leeds

"if thats how you feel op. i would fuck this place right off its not difficult,,"

That would be too easy though.

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By *mmaleiaWoman
12 weeks ago

East Northamptonshire

"As toxic as you make it for yourself

Read a profile

Don’t send unsolicited dick pics

Be respectful

Understand how attraction works

Don’t expect a meet

Learn to handle rejection and that no means no and doesn’t need a reason

And you’ll have a better experience."

^ this totally

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"It’s difficult for everyone on Fab. The OP has had more meets than we have in the last year. We can’t find another couple. It’s easier to find single guys as there are a huge number to choose from.

We’ve often wondered why single guys bother with Fab. If straightforward sex is what you’re looking for then there must be easier places to get it. If it’s not for you then look elsewhere. "

Yeah definitely, it’s not just single guys. Far from it. I can’t speak for anyone else but for me. Why fab, the simple hope of sharing in something beyond just the physical and vanilla but that’s just me. I find mechanical sex with a stranger a turn off for me. While heartily admit though single guys aren’t the only ones but hoped as part of the ones the site would be mature enough to let them have a voice before Taring into them. Sucks to not be able to ask the question without the overwhelming negative response to them just being able to say what’s going on with them, their still people

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By *aTina HeadTurnerWoman
12 weeks ago

Newham

"You’re not doing yourself any favours I’m afraid, reading your OP and your responses. Plenty of good advice above so either take it or leave it.

Good luck.

Thank you for taking your time to respond to my comment, you just proved my point beautifully.

Hope your day gets better.

All the best!

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By *mber SkiesWoman
12 weeks ago

Cardiff-ish

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

"As toxic as you make it for yourself

Read a profile

Don’t send unsolicited dick pics

Be respectful

Understand how attraction works

Don’t expect a meet

Learn to handle rejection and that no means no and doesn’t need a reason

And you’ll have a better experience.

^ this totally"

Geez, no. Just no. Not talking about rejection. Is that honestly all any one can think about when it comes to single guys? That it must be about rejection and nothing deeper? Wow!

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By *hyguy469Man
12 weeks ago

BROMSGROVE

Fab is a great place for 'decent' single guys.

A respectful, non pushy, friendly guy will enjoy it on here.

Yes it takes a bit of time and effort but it's really not rocket science

I imagine for guys who make no effort and have no respect for the individuals they are talking to, then yes it could well be a toxic place.

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By *entlemanrogueMan
12 weeks ago

Motherwell

"As toxic as you make it for yourself

Read a profile

Don’t send unsolicited dick pics

Be respectful

Understand how attraction works

Don’t expect a meet

Learn to handle rejection and that no means no and doesn’t need a reason

And you’ll have a better experience.

^ this totally

Geez, no. Just no. Not talking about rejection. Is that honestly all any one can think about when it comes to single guys? That it must be about rejection and nothing deeper? Wow!"

if not rejection what is it?

you said you were made to feel like the lowest of the low? how?

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
12 weeks ago

Herts

"As toxic as you make it for yourself

Read a profile

Don’t send unsolicited dick pics

Be respectful

Understand how attraction works

Don’t expect a meet

Learn to handle rejection and that no means no and doesn’t need a reason

And you’ll have a better experience.

^ this totally

Geez, no. Just no. Not talking about rejection. Is that honestly all any one can think about when it comes to single guys? That it must be about rejection and nothing deeper? Wow!

if not rejection what is it?

you said you were made to feel like the lowest of the low? how?

I was also wondering this

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By *ames250122 OP Man
12 weeks ago

Worcester

Well besides this sadly making my point behind my reasoning for posting this hypothetical question to begin with based off the general views on fab towards single guys and them having a voice. I hope it helps others even if it didn’t get to be much use to those who may need a space to vent. Cos no one ever needs a place to vent, right? Especially without judgement

I’m out

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
12 weeks ago

in Lancashire

I don't get why anyone wants to stay in an environment where they believe they are treated as the 'lowest of the low' ?

What happened to a feeling of self respect and ones own worth?

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By *agerMorganMan
12 weeks ago

Canvey Island

As a single guy myself, I don’t find this place toxic to the genuinely decent single guys. But, and here’s the but;

Single guys do cop a bad rap on here for the simple reason that some of the messages being sent are downright rude, nasty, disgusting etc. On top of that, you only have to see some of the threads posted by single guys that, if it were said in public, would have them arrested and on the register.

Guys on here already outweigh the number of couples/women, the only thing you can do is be authentic, don’t be a colossal anus and people will find you.

But if this place is making you feel down etc, maybe it’s time to take a break and do something else? Fab isn’t the be all and end all

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By *ruceyyMan
12 weeks ago

London

We aren't lowest of the low, it's just supply and demand and the sad truth is there's a lot more men on here then women. Add into that many women use this for very specific kinks and not just general hot sex...it's gonna be trickier.

I've been here over 2 years now and have met 2 women in that time. That is terrible for me, as someone with chat and a presence here in the forum. But I will admit I've not made loads of effort either. It is what it is, don't get too in your head about it and just keep swimming

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By *he turned me GreyCouple
12 weeks ago

Warwick and Coventry

Your own narrative doesn't help matters, how your describing things, such as lowest as the low, will only facilitate how you feel...and is this actually true, or is it you feel rejected down to not getting the amount of attention you expected too?..

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By *eroLondonMan
12 weeks ago

Mayfair

OP, I won't pretend to know your pain or empathise but I can just imagine your excruciating frustration.

Build some carmarderie with the gentlemen on here; they will give you safe harbour.

The women, however, are a law unto themselves. They are not to be trusted, my young cavalier.

They are poison to the core and toxicity prevails within the very fabric of their souls. Despite their clandestine encounters they shriek their secrets from the rooftops and shame us amongst the Fab diaspora.

Just ask any other gentleman on here — we are battle hardened and battle weary to know better than to engage with them.

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By *ruceyyMan
12 weeks ago

London

I'll also add - dating apps can be easier so don't neglect those! Match with people who have seen your face already, and many of them in my case are a little kinky anyway once you get them to the comfort level of discussing it!

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By *ruceyyMan
12 weeks ago

London

"OP, I won't pretend to know your pain or empathise but I can just imagine your excruciating frustration.

Build some carmarderie with the gentlemen on here; they will give you safe harbour.

The women, however, are a law unto themselves. They are not to be trusted, my young cavalier.

Just ask any other gentleman on here — we are battle hardened and battle weary to know better than to engage with them."

Yeah bros before hos here. Just don't touch me

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By *hite pineappleCouple
12 weeks ago

leeds

It can't be easy for single guys, and in truth, we have been guilty of sending out unkind replies to people.

Sometimes, I get so sick of replying to 100's of messages from fake accounts or people that haven't read our profile or people who only want to meet me, or people being vulgar that unfortunately some of the genuine singles get caught in the cross fire.

I do however somewhat agree with you that, single woman and couples get way about themselves believing they are something special far above their actual level.

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By *onnyJohnMan
12 weeks ago

Doncaster

"We aren't lowest of the low, it's just supply and demand and the sad truth is there's a lot more men on here then women. Add into that many women use this for very specific kinks and not just general hot sex...it's gonna be trickier.

Blow ya own trumpet.. just kidding mate,

You make a excellent point

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By *entlemanrogueMan
12 weeks ago

Motherwell

It can't be easy for single guys, and in truth, we have been guilty of sending out unkind replies to people.

I do however somewhat agree with you that, single woman and couples get way about themselves believing they are something special far above their actual level.

This is partly because of stupid men being overly complimentary with praise, an ex play partner of mine had a profile with no public pics and still got loads of, oh my you are so beautiful messages, total joke some men are

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By *eyond PurityCouple
12 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

What is jumping through hoops to you OP?

We set out our profile hoping to attract the right type of people for us - so we’ve made it detailed and added enough pics to see us enough to have an idea of what we are about and look like.

Now if another profile messages us and has hardly any bio or photos and we ask for more, are we asking them to jump through hoops requesting for more?

We asked for a face pic yesterday and the gent sent us a pic with sun glasses on - are we asking him to jump through hoops by asking for a face pic without something covering half his face?

The hoop jumping you can ignore or play along. You have a choice so it can only be toxic if you choose to engage in it.

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By *till gameMan
12 weeks ago

two doors down

Sounds like you’re not in the right state of mind at the moment.

Take a break and reset

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By *etropolitainMan
12 weeks ago

Redworth Co Durham

take a break if I was you

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By *rHotNottsMan
12 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It’s not as bad as you suggest. There’s toxic people in all areas of society, sometimes they feel louder or post more but it’s probably your perception and frustration exaggerating. Be unconcerned.

If you want to do well on here just like other sex apps, sort you self out first , focus on you, not others, what you have, what you want , be very specific

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By *riveinsaturdayXXXMan
12 weeks ago

Bristol

As a single bisexual guy, the worst I’ve experienced with women Fanbers is a delete & block (utterly fair), or a polite no-thanks (again, utterly fair). So, no issues. However, a friend of mine (woman) who used to be on here (can’t imagine why she left…) showed me her messages once. Jeez! My jaw hit my chest. The spite and bile from guys she had either politely turned down, or simply hadn’t got back to quickly enough for their liking was off-the-chart. I’m going to lay a bet that women simply don’t do that shit.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
12 weeks ago

King's Crustacean

"Well besides this sadly making my point behind my reasoning for posting this hypothetical question to begin with based off the general views on fab towards single guys and them having a voice. I hope it helps others even if it didn’t get to be much use to those who may need a space to vent. Cos no one ever needs a place to vent, right? Especially without judgement

I’m out

Thank Christ for that

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By *rPunxMan
12 weeks ago

Hull

"It is what you make of it. If you think you’re treated badly have a look at a couple or single woman’s inbox after they’ve sent a few polite no thanks messages out.

This is why I rarely make the first contact with women or couples. They are inundated with the warped and weird messages. This makes it hard for the genuine few."
same here. I think we can all agree that its the bad ones that make it hard for the genuine people on here and its not just fab, I've encountered this on other sites/forums as well. We all get the toxicity just in different ways for different groups.

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By *scaMan
12 weeks ago

Herts / London / Beyond

Consider this your annual reminder that there is more to life than Fab. I repeat there is more to life than Fab.

You're welcome

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By *octor WhenMan
12 weeks ago

GLASGOW

So there's lots of parts to the answer to your question.

But to be quick, I think fab is a bit of a toxic place for lots of people.

The majority of people are very nice people but the minority cause the problems for everyone.

I would also say that fab isn't a great place for your mental health in general but especially if you but too much stock in it.

If its making you feel that badabout yourself, I would definitely take a break.

And to be honest I think I will be taking a break soon.

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By *ustBoWoman
12 weeks ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

People can only treat you badly if you allow it. Why would you want to engage with anyone who treats you like on dirt on here or in life outside of here.

On here just block and ignore them.

Yes people can ask you to jump through hoops it's also your choice if you want to do that. Personally I would and I have walked away from any conversation when someone tries that.

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By *urry BlokeMan
12 weeks ago

I think for some guys, the site provides plain sailing

For others, it is like navigating the Drake Passage

I do, however, think how you navigate the site remains the most important thing for a bloke on here

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By *hagTonightMan
12 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

[Removed by poster at 07/07/24 16:08:33]

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By *hagTonightMan
12 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

I think that many have unrealistic expectations, if anything happens, it is a bonus too

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By *naswingdressWoman
12 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

Why do you believe that men are treated as less than human?

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By *agneto.Man
12 weeks ago

Bham

Don't allow yourself to be treated badly. Don't go crawling to people. If profiles have stupidly ridiculous demands, block that profile so you don't see it again. Message only those you seem compatible with.

Get better at messaging. Not just how's you, wuu2 etc.

Make your corner of fab a fun and happy place to be. Go to socials, clubs and don't just rely on fab.

I hardly ever send unsolicited messages. I just use it as I want. My expectations are not unrealistic on here.

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By *he KakapoMan
12 weeks ago

A nice rock

You will be treated as you allow yourself to be treated.

There are definitely elements of fab that can be toxic but as a single guy (and person in general) I know my value and don't accept being treated as any less than that

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By *oiluvfunMan
12 weeks ago

Mauchline

"Consider this your annual reminder that there is more to life than Fab. I repeat there is more to life than Fab.

You're welcome

Absolutely this!

And to add; there is a block button on Fab. Use it! I promise it will make your Fab experience far more enjoyable

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By *layfullsamMan
12 weeks ago

Solihull

Only toxic if you allow yourself to let fab run your life and get involved with forum arguments and take no replies etc personally

Treating it for what it is and enjoying life outside of fab is so important to a healthy fab/life balance

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

"Why do you believe that men are treated as less than human?"
or more specifically how havw you been treated that makws you feel less than human ?

(I've skimmed the start of the thread and can't see anyone who has actually cared to understand. Apols if it has been asked later)

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By *andC1000Couple
12 weeks ago

Ashford

Trouble is too many so called single men on here aren’t so understandably many couples and women are wary which unfortunately ends up tarring many with the same brush.

That said there are also plenty of couples on here who’s partners still chose to play without permission and without a care in the world so it is a minefield knowing who to trust

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
12 weeks ago

A den in the Glen

I don't take myself or this site too seriously. I've had fun, continue to do so and my MH is fantastic

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By *8on33Man
12 weeks ago

winfrith

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By *rAndMrsRightCouple
12 weeks ago

newtownabbey

When I first joined as a single woman I always stood up for single guys, always preached that they're just normal people, who don't deserve to be treated badly, but over the years my opinion shifted a lot. I've come across so many arrogant, entitled and selfish men, who view women on fab as a free sex work service, nothing more than a set of holes to drain their balls into. The way they treat women is downright disguating. Now I would never go out of my way to upset anyone, but if one of those guys lands his entitled and arrogant "wanna fuck" bullshit in my PM's I've no issue at all putting him in his place. Then he's left asking why am I so rude to him, this is a seeeeexxxx site

Those who treat women and couples like normal human beings tend to be treated by women and couples as normal human beings.

Of course there's occasional assholes who are rude at people for no reason. They're just assholes regardless of their gender.

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By *he KakapoMan
12 weeks ago

A nice rock

The question I ask myself is why some guys demean themselves so much just for the chance of some sex.

I don't know maybe my sex drive isn't as high as others.

But I see profiles with just a list of demands I laugh and move on.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
12 weeks ago

Stockport

You think that you're on the lowest rung? Try being a trans woman. Especially a trans woman that is primarily attracted to women.

But though I do sometimes indulge in a bit of "oh woe is me", I don't blame "the swinging community" for it, and I mainly just get on with trying to make the most of myself that I can on here.

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By *entleman of FortuneMan
12 weeks ago

Hull

I don't think posts like this help single guys at all tbh. As I single guy I've never had a problem with Fab or women/couples of fab. It's as hard as you make it for yourself, I've never had a problem and I'll be honest I put in virtually no effort.

Three week ago I decided to make a decent effort, I sent 2 messages and attended one social, since then I've had 15 meets with 5 women and a couple.

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By *hastity_roseTV/TS
12 weeks ago

Nowhere

I've had some very very choice replies in the past

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
12 weeks ago

Manchester-ish

So as a woman who really likes having sex with men I don't treat single men as the lowest of the low. I do find that many treat me as a fantasy dispenser and I'm not here for that. There's a damn good reason we have 'looking for single men' switched off on our profile.

I do think this is a difficult place if you're relying solely on fab to find people. I find attraction face to face and in person so organised group socials are my priority. If I was a single guy I'd be making them my priority.

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
12 weeks ago

Leeds

"Why do you believe that men are treated as less than human?or more specifically how havw you been treated that makws you feel less than human ?

(I've skimmed the start of the thread and can't see anyone who has actually cared to understand. Apols if it has been asked later) "

It's been asked and ignored many times on the thread.

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By *naswingdressWoman
12 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

Those who treat women and couples like normal human beings tend to be treated by women and couples as normal human beings.

Of course there's occasional assholes who are rude at people for no reason. They're just assholes regardless of their gender. "

Yes.

I would rather be ignored than treated as convenient holes, my desires and even pulse being optional.

I'm not saying guys have it easy, I know they don't. I'm just saying the grass ain't greener.

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By *entleman of FortuneMan
12 weeks ago

Hull

"So as a woman who really likes having sex with men I don't treat single men as the lowest of the low. I do find that many treat me as a fantasy dispenser and I'm not here for that. There's a damn good reason we have 'looking for single men' switched off on our profile.

Agreed, you don't get lots of single guys at them, which is a plus - because they're usually only brave behind a keyboard it seems.

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By *ot to giggleWoman
12 weeks ago

Coventry

Agreed, you don't get lots of single guys at them, which is a plus - because they're usually only brave behind a keyboard it seems."

think there is a set amount of spaces for single guys - there needs to be a balance of people

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

No less toxic than tinder, bumble and hinge in my experience.

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By *atricia ParnelWoman
12 weeks ago

In a town full of colours

It is definitely not open for all to enjoy, fab is more niche. Lots of us are looking for something on here, we can grab any old fuck on the dating sites, but on here we have access to chat to kinks, adventures, experiences, fantasy's. I'll happily sift through 100 men to find the one I want to play with

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By *oiluvfunMan
12 weeks ago

Mauchline

Agreed, you don't get lots of single guys at them, which is a plus - because they're usually only brave behind a keyboard it seems."

I would only venture to a group social if I was looking for verifications. I’m not in a great location (for Fab) geographically, so group socials miles away are unlikely to yield me any contacts for regular meets locally.

I do appreciate the need for keeping ratios ‘good’, but hate the fact, as a single guy I would have to be ‘fastest finger first’ to make the guest list on a limited number of available spaces. That goes the same for clubs, a necessary ‘evil’, for the ratios, but does lead to some feelings of entitlement, and will explain why many guys can’t get a look in…..

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By *iker JackMan
12 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

Anything is only toxic if you allow it to be

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By *elvet RopeMan
12 weeks ago

by the big field

Fan has been a shit show for years, half the profiles are looking for a partner, the rest seem to be a mix of trolls, the lot with the impossibly long shopping list of attributes and a few others that are probably overloaded so no longer take messages. I just come here now for the witty posts from Tom and to spend some humour and sarcasm

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By *hampagne_Supernova_91Man
12 weeks ago

Manchester

Personal experience on here is you get out of it what you put in, also be polite and understanding whether on here or at Club events/meets.

Genuinely don't think Fab is toxic in the slightest though!

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By *electableicecreamMan
12 weeks ago

The West

Fab can be like a carnival mirror and it's quite easy to see a distorted image of yourself reflected from other people's responses or lack thereof.

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By *uenevereWoman
12 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

I think that Fab can feel toxic when men don't have the success they hope for on here.

Single men vastly outnumber single women and couples, yet many men expect regular sex via Fab.

It's all down to the midset and expectations of the individual.

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By (user no longer on site)
12 weeks ago

I think fab (and swinging) can be great or toxic for anyone. It can elevate whatever is going on, a bit like alcohol. If you're in a good space, it's great & makes things more fun. If your not, or your relationship isn't,it amplifies the issues to make things worse.

I'd advise anyone struggling to take time away & work on healing themselves.

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By *ealitybitesMan
12 weeks ago

Belfast

I have found it to be toxic at times but that had absolutely nothing to do with me being a man.

I had no expectations when I joined so therefore I've never been disappointed.

I'm as successful as I want to be and don't play other people's games or go along with opinions or actions just to remain relevant.

It's often hilarious because all the things I've been accused of over the years and told that I'm sad, boring or overly negative by certain individuals are exactly the same reasons that so many others are relaxed and comfortable getting in touch and are the traits they find most attractive about me.

It's all about perception and I've no time for anyone who is all things to all men and needs constant validation.

I'm not the lowest of the low on here.

There are many creatures much lower on the spectrum from all demographics.

Self respect is often lacking on fab but I've maintained mine and will continue to do so.

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
12 weeks ago

Beverley

Im Curious to know if anything happens when some of these outrageous, disgusting messages get reported. Do people get banned, as I assume there are a lot ornrepeat offenders, or are the powers that be happy to just keep the numbers up

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
12 weeks ago

Beverley

I'm talking inbox messages

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By *oydykeWoman
12 weeks ago

Southampton (they/them)

"Im Curious to know if anything happens when some of these outrageous, disgusting messages get reported. Do people get banned, as I assume there are a lot ornrepeat offenders, or are the powers that be happy to just keep the numbers up "

I reported an abusive message I received and the person got banned

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