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Anticipatory Grief

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
34 weeks ago

But make it an absolute shitshow

I’m feeling anticipatory grief for a grandparent I don’t like. She doesn’t like me either. We haven’t spoken in several years apart from when I went to visit her at the hospital when she first got ill.

I wrote a “scathing” poem about her that was published and since then I’ve had very little contact with any of my family. (It was therapeutic to write it)

So why do I feel this grief? I’m indifferent to the whole situation; but all of a sudden I have this pit in my stomach.

I don’t want to make up with her and she doesn’t want to make up with me.

I think it’s just human nature at play. My life will always be a series of sadness, grief, anger, etc.

I just need to vent this out because life is awfully confusing.

I quote: John 16:22

“So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.”

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
34 weeks ago

East Sussex

It's probably grief for the grandparent she wasn't and that will now never have the chance to be

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By *lexm87Man
34 weeks ago

Various

You're only related to them, there's nothing you need from them.

If anyone says 'blood is thicker than water', just remind them that so too is custard.

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By *uri00620Woman
34 weeks ago

Croydon


"It's probably grief for the grandparent she wasn't and that will now never have the chance to be"

I think this. I don't remember my mum so I can't be sad about her dying. I am sad for the child I was without a mum though if that makes sense.

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By *ot to giggleWoman
34 weeks ago

Coventry

i can relate to this, written an epitaph for my mother so many times! - i think its more to do with what they are not, the loss of what you didnt have.

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By *xmfrvnMan
34 weeks ago

Stoke-on-Trent


"You're only related to them, there's nothing you need from them.

If anyone says 'blood is thicker than water', just remind them that so too is custard. "

'Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb'

You'll make your own family, OP.

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By *rHotNottsMan
34 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"You're only related to them, there's nothing you need from them.

If anyone says 'blood is thicker than water', just remind them that so too is custard. "

Most people completely miss understand this line. It means the blood of the battlefield is thicker than the water of the womb. It’s about friendship, through experiences, not family.

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By *lexm87Man
34 weeks ago

Various


"You're only related to them, there's nothing you need from them.

If anyone says 'blood is thicker than water', just remind them that so too is custard.

Most people completely miss understand this line. It means the blood of the battlefield is thicker than the water of the womb. It’s about friendship, through experiences, not family. "

A wander through wiki suggests this misunderstanding has been floating about since the twelfth century!

Many thanks for an unexpectedly educational rabbit hole to wander down.

OP - Another reply comments that you effectively build your own family as you become you (the process of individuation). Take these words to heart.

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By *ansoffateMan
34 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

Sometimes grief is about the loss of the idea or potential in a relationship or what that symbolises to us. The opportunity to resolve differences for example.

Anticipatory grief is common, especially when there is a certainty about someone's death. When my wife was severely ill with Anorexia there was a long period when several doctors where telling me she was going to die, they even tried to put her in a hospice.

The prolonged exposure to that distress led me to develop anticipatory grief and even after she survived and I got her into an eating disorder unit there were several months I questioned my perception of reality sometimes believing she had died and that I developed a delusion that she was still alive as a way to cope. It was a bit of a headfuck to put it mildly.

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