FabSwingers.com forum: After a berevment

By *untimes6969xxx OP Man
14 weeks ago

Staines

I dont know if it is normal or just me. I lost the best person ive ever known in my nan. She was the best. I feel uncomfortble saying this but when Your so sad does anyone just want to be close to someone. Like just falling asleep hugging knowing someone is there for you. I feel so alone even though i know i am not. This will proberly be deleted in the morning as i dont like to talk about these things. X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
14 weeks ago

East Sussex

So sorry that you've lost your nan

It's perfectly natural to want to be held and feel the comfort of being close to someone.

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By *reya73Woman
14 weeks ago

Whitley Bay

It's called co-regulation and it's very normal. Lots of us have that as an innate need. In fact, it's a great indicator that you are grieving well and know what you need, even though it's difficult times.

Also, please consider keeping your post here. Sometimes questions and sharing our experiences provide a space for others to process theirs too.

Sending wishes that you can find the support you need x

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By *untimes6969xxx OP Man
14 weeks ago

Staines

Thanks you. I know it seems strange on this website but the annonimity helps as from some private messages you realise its a community x

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By *ansoffateMan
14 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

My condolences. My grans were hugely influential figures in my childhood, they were both gone by the time I was 16. Their pearls of wisdom and loving eyes are fixed in my memory. Even when I was little they listened to me, guiding gently whilst encouraging me to think and explore. I carried that over I to parenting my own daughters.

Yes having someone to hold and hold me is a great comfort. Each to their own, but I think it's a beautiful thing. We are apes, a pro-social species. Although that's isn't always obvious. I think it's one of the most courageous things to be emotionally vulnerable with someone. Everything relationship I've had, which has carried that quality is cherished regardless of how it ended or whether they are still with us today.

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By *untimes6969xxx OP Man
14 weeks ago

Staines

Posts like yours make me appricate having the courage to post.

So thanks very much x

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By *ANDA!Man
14 weeks ago

DUMFRIES

I lost my grandfather back in April. He was a century old so had a good run. He was probably the best man I ever knew, patience of a saint, never heard him raise his voice once unless he was calling on his dogs. I was the complete opposite OP, I just wanted everyone to fuck the fuck off and leave me be

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By *untimes6969xxx OP Man
14 weeks ago

Staines

The people we look up to can never be matched in our own eyes. Im so glad that men can openly be sad and upset. My uncle was broken butnhad to stay so strong and inwish he didnt feel he needed to.

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By *ansoffateMan
14 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

"The people we look up to can never be matched in our own eyes. Im so glad that men can openly be sad and upset. My uncle was broken butnhad to stay so strong and inwish he didnt feel he needed to.

After my wife died. I got so sick of being told to 'stay strong'. I know people meant well and there's no words really, but it was so toxic for me - the pressure it put on me. I remember a friend came round my house at one point and saw the impact it was having on me. She just pushed passed everyone hugged me and I burst into tears. I don't know what I would have done without her. I needed that permission of someone to say it's ok you can be upset, you don't have to be strong.

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By *untimes6969xxx OP Man
14 weeks ago

Staines

Im so glad youbwere brave enough to accept that it was ok.

Im a very tough guy btw, very manly but i think thrre are times when its ok to be upset and need support. We all do at some point if we are truley honest

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By *untimes6969xxx OP Man
14 weeks ago

Staines

Plus i dont want this to be a sob story. Im very lucky. I have lots of peole around me who care for me. I can also go downstairs and get myslef an old fashioned and a bottle of beer. But it hurts, and it feels like actual pain which is wierd x good night all and thanks to everyone who gave kind words. It really helped. The one idiot on dm please hope we never meet

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By *cotsguyyMan
14 weeks ago

Belfast

Everyone needs help/support from time to time but not everyone knows how to reach out. Well done on your first post and reaching out. This is a swing/sex site but I think what makes the strong core of people is the connection. Open minded and hearted, empathy and consideration.

I've always believed since a teenager, those 'crazy' times, from having one on one chats with friends at the time who all thought they were going crazy, if only we all spoke out more. The more we all talked about our feelings the more we'd realise we aren't the only ones feeling it. The more everyone discussed how they feel we'd realise it's all normal. Talk is key.

Don't take the post down, it could help yourself but it could also help many others who read this thread but don't comment.

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By *midnight-Woman
14 weeks ago

...

So sorry to read your post, sending love snd virtual hugs

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
14 weeks ago

somewhere

I lost both sets of my grandparents by the I was 15, I don't really remember them on my mum's side and my dad's side (well either side really) was very loving, my grandad had a stroke when I was about 10 and was never the same man he was and I was a bit too young to really comprehend anything, especially when "no love" is installed in you, it almost becomes like you are numb.

But I always visit my dad's side grandparents (nan died 6 weeks after grandad) grave and I always chat to them for a while and tell them what I've been up too.

I hate the saying "be strong", I know it comes from a good place (most of the time) but sometimes you just want to cry, you don't want to be strong. When Rubik cousin died (it was horrific), his mum was in pieces inside but on the outside she never cried, on the day of his funeral she got up to talk, she was standing there and you could see she just wanted to crumble, her husband and other son got up to be with her and she just went back to "being strong", I really hope that when she got home, alone she got to cry, scream and sob.

It's your grief OP, you do whatever you need/want too do, I'm always here for anyone that needs to let off steam.

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By *ot to giggleWoman
14 weeks ago

Coventry

hey its ok not to be ok you know - its grief and its a process and its ok. Sorry you lost your Nan, take time to process this, talk to people if you need to - there are grief charities out there that can offer phone support or just to message if you need to.

Sending huge virtual hugs xxx

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By *toC Thats MeWoman
14 weeks ago

Sheffield

Can understand that OP. Hugs to you x

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By *angerouslemaisonsMan
14 weeks ago

Peterborough

Totally normal and good on you for sharing your feelings. I’ve grown up with no grandparents so to have one in your life into your 30‘s what a blessing that was 3 condolences to you and your family at this time x

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By *artfordBlokeMan
14 weeks ago

Dartford

Sorry to hear your sad news, I lost my nan a couple of years ago, it was in many ways a blessed relief, but that didn't stop the hurt. It gets better, it might not feel it, but you'll get there. You're not on your own as people have shown here, while you may not get real hugs etc from us all, I'm sure we are sending you positive vibes and our best wishes. Take care, try to stay positive and make her even prouder of you.

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By *rBobbMan
14 weeks ago

Birmingham

So sorry for your loss Op and I understand your feelings.

The third anniversary of my Dad passing is close approaching and in my eyes he was a great man.

Cherish and remember all the good times Op. Those memories will always be with you.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
14 weeks ago

Portsmouth

I had a complete meltdown when I lost my nan, she was the only grandparent I had. So I can understand how you're feeling.

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By *lakeyMan
14 weeks ago

Teesside

I lost my last grandparent (nanna) during Covid times she was 99 and it felt strange as we couldn’t see her beforehand so not seen her for a while then the family could only meet at the service and we all went our separate ways afterwards.

We did have a awesome day out for what would’ve been her 100 the year later when everything was back to normal

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By *untimes6969xxx OP Man
14 weeks ago

Staines

Thanks for the kind messages. It seems we all get a bit broken by these things and can relate. I am lucky to have known suchban amazing person. Wishing you all good luck and enjoy the sunshine x

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By *nnCeeWoman
14 weeks ago

East of Eden, West of Hell

Awww, bless you.

I absolutely get that. Sometimes, you just need the comfort being held offers.

Other times (or other people) you need the time alone to be with your thoughts and process.

Sending you a virtual hug, OP. I'm sure your Nan would be holding you if she could xx

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By *4bimMan
14 weeks ago

Farnborough Hampshire

I lost my partner to a brain tumour. We were planning on getting her to Germany for Pioneering treatment but then COVID came and lockdown prevented that.

It's not easy when a big part of your life leaves. Even worse as you see them declining and There is nothing you can do.

I consider myself lucky too of had a woman like her in my life.

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By *xmfrvnMan
14 weeks ago

Stoke-on-Trent

"I dont know if it is normal or just me. I lost the best person ive ever known in my nan. She was the best. I feel uncomfortble saying this but when Your so sad does anyone just want to be close to someone. Like just falling asleep hugging knowing someone is there for you. I feel so alone even though i know i am not. This will proberly be deleted in the morning as i dont like to talk about these things. X "

Sorry for your loss & thanks for sharing (+everyone else here). It's daunting to share these things but we'll all go through something similar at some point. Prioritise whatever comfort helps you. We need to be hugged as well as give hugs so in the absence of another person, try adding more pillows to your bed to give you a feeling of security & something to hug.

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