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Recovering From a Narcissist

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By *ringbackfingering OP   Man
34 weeks ago

Manchester

Strange one, to be asking on here, but I'm interested in chatting with others that have been victims of narcissistic behaviour in previous relationships.

Unable to really talk to anyone in my vanilla life about it.

Exs eh!

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By *ags73Man
34 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

I don’t think recovering is a thing, always a bit wary about people

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
34 weeks ago

somewhere

I'm currently in trauma focused CBT, not soley for that reason but it's one of the reasons. In the scheme of things, it wasn't as bad as some people I have encountered but everyones circumstances, trauma and experiences are different and while people are quick to say "it wasn't that bad", no it wasn't that bad but to me, it was, it changed the way I looked at people, changed how I am as a person, I don't really want to go into details about it but it definitely changed my life.

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By *ringbackfingering OP   Man
34 weeks ago

Manchester


"I'm currently in trauma focused CBT, not soley for that reason but it's one of the reasons. In the scheme of things, it wasn't as bad as some people I have encountered but everyones circumstances, trauma and experiences are different and while people are quick to say "it wasn't that bad", no it wasn't that bad but to me, it was, it changed the way I looked at people, changed how I am as a person, I don't really want to go into details about it but it definitely changed my life. "

Thank you.

My experience shaped a lot of qho I am today, the distinct lack of trust I have for humans as a whole, and also, how I feel about myself. It gets better, right?

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
34 weeks ago

somewhere


"I'm currently in trauma focused CBT, not soley for that reason but it's one of the reasons. In the scheme of things, it wasn't as bad as some people I have encountered but everyones circumstances, trauma and experiences are different and while people are quick to say "it wasn't that bad", no it wasn't that bad but to me, it was, it changed the way I looked at people, changed how I am as a person, I don't really want to go into details about it but it definitely changed my life.

Thank you.

My experience shaped a lot of qho I am today, the distinct lack of trust I have for humans as a whole, and also, how I feel about myself. It gets better, right?"

I'm still early days at the moment, ask me again in 6 months lol

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By *he_Secret_GardenWoman
34 weeks ago

Naughty Lane

It will take a good time...so be patient. Worse thing is .that you will miss at "abuse " for a food while.

But you will get there.

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By *oadsafun1960Man
34 weeks ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire


"I don’t think recovering is a thing, always a bit wary about people "

It's not something you get over easily if at all

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By *xmfrvnMan
34 weeks ago

Stoke-on-Trent

Oh my, yes. Still dealing with repercussions a year on from the break-up. Caused a lot of doubt, self-gaslighting, frequent reassessment of what happened during. Complicated by empathy for their struggles that led to all the bad. (Not to say I didn't play my part.)

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By *arlot o scaraWoman
34 weeks ago

Hell

I have cptsd from my marriage. I still have the occasional nightmare but I don’t suffer anywhere near as badly with flashbacks etc any more. I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to how I was but I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress towards it

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By *eltCuteMightDeleteWoman
34 weeks ago

Reading

Probably not what you're looking for but I was raised with a (possibly) narcissistic parent and that has left me with a lot of trauma that I've had to process throughout my life.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
34 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross


"Strange one, to be asking on here, but I'm interested in chatting with others that have been victims of narcissistic behaviour in previous relationships.

Unable to really talk to anyone in my vanilla life about it.

Exs eh! "

Glad you are out of an uneccesary situation.

Who diagnosed your ex ?

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By *reat me rightWoman
34 weeks ago

Rotherham

11 years free from the relationship but still dealing with as he's my child's dad. I'm lucky in that I saw through him and called him on it. He really didn't like that little nugget! However, I doubt I'll ever have a relationship again because of him

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By *arlot o scaraWoman
34 weeks ago

Hell


"Strange one, to be asking on here, but I'm interested in chatting with others that have been victims of narcissistic behaviour in previous relationships.

Unable to really talk to anyone in my vanilla life about it.

Exs eh!

Glad you are out of an uneccesary situation.

Who diagnosed your ex ? "

There are so few diagnosed narcissists, one reason being that they don’t think there is anything wrong with them. So why would they seek help?

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By *rHotNottsMan
34 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Strange one, to be asking on here, but I'm interested in chatting with others that have been victims of narcissistic behaviour in previous relationships.

Unable to really talk to anyone in my vanilla life about it.

Exs eh!

Glad you are out of an uneccesary situation.

Who diagnosed your ex ?

There are so few diagnosed narcissists, one reason being that they don’t think there is anything wrong with them. So why would they seek help?"

I went into business once with an introverted narcissist, I’m pretty strong willed but he still got to me, And one guy that worked with him for several years was absolutely ruined it was heartbreaking his confidence has completely gone and he had all these compensating personality traits. He’s out now, I keep in touch I don’t think he will ever recover.

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By *ot to giggleWoman
34 weeks ago

Coventry

you can get help - you can approach the organisations that help with DV - depending on availability they can help quite quickly with counselling etc.

people recover / get over to different degrees, and depends how much work they want to put in. Im smiling as i can see someone saying to me and meditate!!!

I feel i have worked a lot on my stuff, but occasionally something pops up and that triggers. I was having the conversation with someone about changing patterns of behaviours etc - and strangely enough i found a female that subsequently portrayed these behaviours - after the fact.

Knowing what you know and finding ways to change it . thats what works for me sometimes, but yea it takes work.

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By *inkycumsluttWoman
34 weeks ago

St Neots

Was with a narcissist for 8 years and also raised by one. Left with an insane amount of trauma from both. I've found the only people who truly get just what you've been through are the ones that have also been there themselves

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By *inkycumsluttWoman
34 weeks ago

St Neots


"I'm currently in trauma focused CBT, not soley for that reason but it's one of the reasons. In the scheme of things, it wasn't as bad as some people I have encountered but everyones circumstances, trauma and experiences are different and while people are quick to say "it wasn't that bad", no it wasn't that bad but to me, it was, it changed the way I looked at people, changed how I am as a person, I don't really want to go into details about it but it definitely changed my life. "

I feel like this too. Even years later I have to remind myself just because others had it worse doesn't mean what I went through wasn't horrific to me and that my trauma is valid

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
34 weeks ago

Markfield

Recovery isn’t something I seek out, more a case of adjustment and adapting. However they still creep into my world, I seem to be drawn to them or they to me! At least now I realise much more quickly and protect and deflect.

Good luck OP, your onward path will show you a new route which is far prettier than the one you would have taken. Don’t look back too much. Don’t build your defence walls too high but always have an escape plan x

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By *ags73Man
34 weeks ago

glasgow-ish


"I don’t think recovering is a thing, always a bit wary about people

It's not something you get over easily if at all"

I don’t know if it will, I hate that I’m so cautious but, can’t help it

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By *oadsafun1960Man
34 weeks ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire

It depends how far you fell, in my case I had a wonderful relationship with a beautiful woman, who I met away from Fab, though she was already on here. I guess I should have heeded her warnings, she regularly told me she could just walk away without a care if she got bored, I didn't believe her. She constantly pushed for me to commit to her fully, it took me time to make the biggest decision of my life, I gradually gave up more and more for her. Don't get me wrong we appeared to have a fabulous relationship, I would have and still would do anything for her, I never noticed the more I committed the more she moved away, isolating me from her friends, but when I made the decision and committed 100% she just gave up and walked away. She blamed me for taking too long and all sorts of excuses, then we went on holiday so I thought everything was working out, but then ghosted me within a week of returning.

She came back briefly over Christmas, after falling out with her latest fella, from Fab, giving me hope by saying take it slowly see how it goes, but then within weeks ran away again. I tried so hard to stay in touch, she's now blocked me everywhere, is telling lies about me to appear to be the victim which constantly hurts me. I lost my friends, destroyed my marriage and have ruined my life, I doubt I'll ever get back what I had. Don't underestimate the devastation of being hurt like that, I ended up needing the Samaritans!

I can't say she's a narcissist, but she has some of the traits, of course she will never accept that, it's always someone elses fault. There's a beautiful side to her that I still miss and if that was the real her, I'd take her back tomorrow, but it was only one sided, I now sadly don't think she ever had any feelings for me, she was telling the truth she really doesn't care, she just appears to enjoy the challenge of meeting and controlling a new guy, then moving on without remorse.

So I can't answer about recovery I have lost the ability to trust anyone now, I'm still living a nightmare with hugely conflicting emotions every day.

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By *ellinever70Woman
34 weeks ago

Ayrshire


"It depends how far you fell, in my case I had a wonderful relationship with a beautiful woman, who I met away from Fab, though she was already on here. I guess I should have heeded her warnings, she regularly told me she could just walk away without a care if she got bored, I didn't believe her. She constantly pushed for me to commit to her fully, it took me time to make the biggest decision of my life, I gradually gave up more and more for her. Don't get me wrong we appeared to have a fabulous relationship, I would have and still would do anything for her, I never noticed the more I committed the more she moved away, isolating me from her friends, but when I made the decision and committed 100% she just gave up and walked away. She blamed me for taking too long and all sorts of excuses, then we went on holiday so I thought everything was working out, but then ghosted me within a week of returning.

She came back briefly over Christmas, after falling out with her latest fella, from Fab, giving me hope by saying take it slowly see how it goes, but then within weeks ran away again. I tried so hard to stay in touch, she's now blocked me everywhere, is telling lies about me to appear to be the victim which constantly hurts me. I lost my friends, destroyed my marriage and have ruined my life, I doubt I'll ever get back what I had. Don't underestimate the devastation of being hurt like that, I ended up needing the Samaritans!

I can't say she's a narcissist, but she has some of the traits, of course she will never accept that, it's always someone elses fault. There's a beautiful side to her that I still miss and if that was the real her, I'd take her back tomorrow, but it was only one sided, I now sadly don't think she ever had any feelings for me, she was telling the truth she really doesn't care, she just appears to enjoy the challenge of meeting and controlling a new guy, then moving on without remorse.

So I can't answer about recovery I have lost the ability to trust anyone now, I'm still living a nightmare with hugely conflicting emotions every day.

"

Was this a relationship that was additional to your marriage?

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By *oadsafun1960Man
34 weeks ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire


"It depends how far you fell, in my case I had a wonderful relationship with a beautiful woman, who I met away from Fab, though she was already on here. I guess I should have heeded her warnings, she regularly told me she could just walk away without a care if she got bored, I didn't believe her. She constantly pushed for me to commit to her fully, it took me time to make the biggest decision of my life, I gradually gave up more and more for her. Don't get me wrong we appeared to have a fabulous relationship, I would have and still would do anything for her, I never noticed the more I committed the more she moved away, isolating me from her friends, but when I made the decision and committed 100% she just gave up and walked away. She blamed me for taking too long and all sorts of excuses, then we went on holiday so I thought everything was working out, but then ghosted me within a week of returning.

She came back briefly over Christmas, after falling out with her latest fella, from Fab, giving me hope by saying take it slowly see how it goes, but then within weeks ran away again. I tried so hard to stay in touch, she's now blocked me everywhere, is telling lies about me to appear to be the victim which constantly hurts me. I lost my friends, destroyed my marriage and have ruined my life, I doubt I'll ever get back what I had. Don't underestimate the devastation of being hurt like that, I ended up needing the Samaritans!

I can't say she's a narcissist, but she has some of the traits, of course she will never accept that, it's always someone elses fault. There's a beautiful side to her that I still miss and if that was the real her, I'd take her back tomorrow, but it was only one sided, I now sadly don't think she ever had any feelings for me, she was telling the truth she really doesn't care, she just appears to enjoy the challenge of meeting and controlling a new guy, then moving on without remorse.

So I can't answer about recovery I have lost the ability to trust anyone now, I'm still living a nightmare with hugely conflicting emotions every day.

Was this a relationship that was additional to your marriage?"

Yes they were friends and I was her FWB so it gets complicated, plus that's why it took me a while to fully commit I had to be sure.

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