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Data Sheet!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Element: Woman

Symbol: WO2

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic mass: accepted as 55kg but known to vary from 45kg to 300kg.

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas with trace elements found in most others.

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1, Surface is usually covered in a powder or painted film.

2, Boils at nothing, freezes for no reason.

3, Melts if given special treatment.

4, Bitter if incorrectly used.

5, Found in various grades ranging from virginal material to common ore.

6, Yields to pressure applied gently to selected points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1, Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and most precious stones.

2, Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3, May explode spontaneously without warning or reason.

4, Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water.

5, Activity greatly increased with saturation in alcohol.

6, Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

1, Highly ornamental-especially in sports cars.

2, Can be a great aid to relaxation.

3, Reusable receptacle for protein.

TESTS:

1, Pure specimen turns bright pink when discovered in its natural state.

2, Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

1, Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2, Possession of more than one is considered illegal (or bloody lucky!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Legendary! No other way to describe that.

Just dropped brew laughing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

It's the only 'comedy' fax I've ever received. In fact I think its the first fax I've received in two years!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A fax? What the fook is a fax? sounds like something from the space age

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I shouldn't but I did laugh

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

absolutely brilliant!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

ELEMENT: MAN

SYMBOL: Ego

DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs.

OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars".

Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labour)

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1 - Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.

2 - Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense.

3 - Melts if treated like a God.

4 - Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.

5 - Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.

6 - Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1 - Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.

2 - May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.

3 - Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.

4 - When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.

5 - Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.

6 - Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.

7 - Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in 5 & 6.

8 - Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

9 - Is impervious to embarrassment.

10 - Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

not ALL are aggravating H.....xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"ELEMENT: MAN

SYMBOL: Ego

DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs.

OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars".

Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labour)

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1 - Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.

2 - Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense.

3 - Melts if treated like a God.

4 - Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.

5 - Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.

6 - Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1 - Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.

2 - May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.

3 - Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.

4 - When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.

5 - Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.

6 - Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.

7 - Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in 5 & 6.

8 - Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

9 - Is impervious to embarrassment.

10 - Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman."

Touche...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Made me chortle

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By *eryBigGirlWoman
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pure genius xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"not ALL are aggravating H.....xx"

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