FabSwingers.com forum: Dad jokes

By *atted1913 OP Man
4 days ago

glasgow

Best dad joke wins a prize

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By *rcticFoxxxWoman
4 days ago

Hereabouts

What do eggs do for fun?

Crack.

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By *eebl6666Man
4 days ago

castlebar

What do you call a 2 legged cow

Lean beef

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By *atted1913 OP Man
4 days ago

glasgow

Eggscellent

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By *arkSovereignMan
4 days ago

Nunya

Someone threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me so I said “what the hellmann?”

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By *layfullsamMan
4 days ago

Solihull

Father’s Day is very special and an extremely sad day for my girlfriend who was adopted and doesn’t know who her dad is.

Fucking her doggy style while slapping her arse and pulling her hair and saying “who’s your daddy” on Father’s Day probably want wise

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By *layfullsamMan
4 days ago

Solihull

"What do you call a 2 legged cow

Lean beef "

Or a 3 legged donkey a wonky

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By *ickie76XXXMan
4 days ago

dartford

My mate who’s a plumber just left his wife Florence

He said its over flo.

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By *kphooeyMan
4 days ago

Finchley

I watched two films back to back with my wife last night. Luckily I was the one facing the screen.

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By *uzzBomb06Man
4 days ago

Notth Lanarkshire

Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window?

To see butter-fly.

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By *lue RascalMan
4 days ago

Cheshire

Having too much sex can cause memory loss.

I read it on page 14 in a medical journal on the 14th November 2019 at 3.19pm.

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By *ickie76XXXMan
4 days ago

dartford

What’s green and brown got six legs and if it fell out a tree and landed on you it would kill you ???!?

Snooker table

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By *uzzBomb06Man
4 days ago

Notth Lanarkshire

i shaved my pubes into a Hitler moustache

i call my penis the Dictator

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By *hamrock 1888Man
4 days ago

on tour

Why do divers fall backwards into the water

If they fell forward they would still be on the boat

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By *inkycoupleofscotsCouple
4 days ago

Stirling-ish

what do you call a deer with no eyes?

no eye deer

what do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs?

still not eye deer

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By *ickie76XXXMan
4 days ago

dartford

When I heard you could become a sperm donor by post.

I cum in a jiffy

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By *inkyRebelMan
4 days ago

Swindon

As a child my parents bathed me in cheap Australian larger.

Wasn't until I was 18 I realised I had been Fostered.

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By *ittlemissmistressKCouple
4 days ago

Southampton

"Having too much sex can cause memory loss.

I read it on page 14 in a medical journal on the 14th November 2019 at 3.19pm."

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By *ripfillMan
4 days ago

havant

… man walks into a bar … and knocks himself out !

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By *inkyRebelMan
4 days ago

Swindon

"what do you call a deer with no eyes?

no eye deer

what do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs?

still not eye deer"

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no cock.

Still no fucking eye deer

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
4 days ago

S. Herts

A man walks into a zoo but the only animal there is a dog.

It’s a shitzu.

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By *enegadeMMan
4 days ago

oxford

"A man walks into a zoo but the only animal there is a dog.

It’s a shitzu. "

This one made me actually lol so I think winter

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By *ubikslongswordMan
4 days ago

East Grinstead

I tried to set my password as fortnight but it said it was too week

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
4 days ago

somewhere

Me: Which generation is forest gump?

Husband: I don't know

Me: Gen A

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband, and says, "I shaved down there; you know what that means." The husband responds, "Yeah, the drain is clogged."

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

"Thanks for coming!"

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

What are the three shortest words in the English language?

"Is it in?"

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
4 days ago

S. Herts

What do you call a medieval spy?

Sir Veillance.

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

What's long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.

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By *ittlemissmistressKCouple
4 days ago

Southampton

"What do you call a medieval spy?

Sir Veillance. "

... brilliant

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By *ittlemissmistressKCouple
4 days ago

Southampton

"What's long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine."

Oh dear

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.

Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

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By *rKnowMan
4 days ago

Bristol & Exeter

What do you call a sexy flying monkey?

A hot air baboon

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
4 days ago

S. Herts

The Beach Boys walk into a pub..

Round

Get a round

I’ll get a round

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

What do you call cheese that’s not yours

Nacho cheese

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

A sandwich walks in to a pub

The barman says “we don’t serve food in here”

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By *p4funCouple
4 days ago

Plymouth

Someone threw a power tool at me ... "bosch "!

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

An invisible man married an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at

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By *buseme2000Man
4 days ago

Kettering

What's got 2 legs and bleeds?

Half a dog

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By *illan-KillashMan
4 days ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

"I tried to set my password as fortnight but it said it was too week"

I tried to set my password to Penis.

Apparently my password isn't long enough.

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.

Then it dawned on me.

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

Viagra - it won’t make you James Bond but it will make you Roger Moore

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By *arl192021Man
4 days ago

Northumberland

Such a sad day yesterday My obese parrot died!

I'll miss him.. But it's a weight of my shoulder

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By *.R.MMan
4 days ago

Norfolk

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "It's just ice cream."

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By *weet and SpiceCouple
4 days ago

Around the Midlands

We just found out that our grandfather is now addicted to Viagra. Nobody is taking it harder than our grandmother

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By *assy69Man
4 days ago

West Sussex and Powys

I know a girl that only eats plant based food …… you may have met herbivore

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By *illan-KillashMan
4 days ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

Windmills are my new favourite thing.

Big fan.......

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By *lue RascalMan
4 days ago

Cheshire

"A man walks into a zoo but the only animal there is a dog.

It’s a shitzu. "

My Shitzu declared this the winner. But it would in fact be the best zoo

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
4 days ago

S. Herts

"A man walks into a zoo but the only animal there is a dog.

It’s a shitzu.

My Shitzu declared this the winner. But it would in fact be the best zoo

Dogs make anywhere brilliant.

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By *rbobbMan
4 days ago

Birmingham

A man walks into a pet shop and asks "How much is the wasp in the window"?

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By *partharmonyCouple
4 days ago

Ruislip

What's ET short for?

Because he's only got little legs.

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By *ggdrasil66Man
4 days ago

Saltdean

A white horse walks into a pub. The landlord said, we have a whisky named after you. The white horse said, what Eric?

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By *buseme2000Man
4 days ago

Kettering

2 fish in a tank,1 says to the other, how the fuck do you drive this thing

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By *buseme2000Man
4 days ago

Kettering

2 snowmen in a field, 1 says to the other, can you smell carrots

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By *rbobbMan
4 days ago

Birmingham

A horse walks into a bar and the barman asked. "What's the long face for"?

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By *illan-KillashMan
4 days ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

Skeleton walks into a pub and the barman asks what he'd like.

Skeleton replies "a pint of lager and a mop please."

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By *aulhornyladMan
4 days ago

Sunderland

What's Brown and sticky? A stick

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By *rbobbMan
4 days ago

Birmingham

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

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By *ekked JackMan
4 days ago

South Lanarkshire

A name you don't hear men called these days is Lance.

In medieval times men were called Lancelot

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By *layfullsamMan
4 days ago

Solihull

[Removed by poster at 25/06/24 18:20:04]

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By *buseme2000Man
4 days ago

Kettering

My parents made me walk the plank

Couldn't afford a dog

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By *hubs101Man
4 days ago

West Midlands

Pedigree dog foods have gone bust....

Called in the retrievers

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By *layfullsamMan
4 days ago

Solihull

Why did god invent man first ?

Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it

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By *unter_6969Man
4 days ago

Beverley

Why are women like hurricanes?

When they come it’s wet and windy, and when they leave they take your house and car!

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By *oadsafun1960Man
4 days ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire

I only know twenty five letters of the alphabet.

I don't know 'Y'

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By *eyondVanillaCouple
4 days ago

Stockport

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

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By *andman61Man
4 days ago

hereford

My wife keeps telling me off for hanging the towels up incorrectly??

I’ve told her I’m going to report her for online abuse!!!

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By *ickie76XXXMan
4 days ago

dartford

What do you call a man rolling around in leaves ???

Russell

A boy sees his mum in the bath and he says “daddy what’s that between mummy’s legs?”

Dad says “err that’s where she got hit with an axe,”

Boys says “good shot got her right in the minge,”

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By *ll 4 herCouple
4 days ago

Bury/Bolton

Mickey Mouse is in court and the judge says to him "Mickey I'm sorry but you can't divorce Minnie because she has buck teeth"

To which Mickey replies "I didn't say she has buck teeth, I said she's fucking Goofy"

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By *mber SkiesWoman
4 days ago

cwmderi

All the jokes are good

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By *quizzlyMan
4 days ago

Ryde

Someone threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me.

I said, "What the hellmann?"

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By *itenDaysCouple
4 days ago

Vale of Glamorgan

Can’t believe that Elvis’s mouse is dead, they got caught in a trap

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By *harlie RufusMan
4 days ago

Sloe Gin Lane Wiltshire

Two nuns were driving down the road when a vampire jumped in front of the car

Sister Margaret says "Sister Joan get out of the car and show him your cross"

Sister Joan gets out of the car and shouts "get out of the fucking way you cunt!!"

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
4 days ago

Horsham

A joke is not a dad joke, until its fully groan.

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By *rgasmatron1970Man
4 days ago

Bromley

Why is driving in thick fog like going down on a woman?

You can't see the cunt coming.

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By *un-sized 6.5Man
4 days ago

melton

I went to see a therapist & the first question she asked was " As a young boy was your mother very strict with you?" I replied " Id like to make this clear! My mother has never been a young boy!"?

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By *oadsafun1960Man
4 days ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire

I told my boss if he wanted to keep me I needed a pay rise as three companies were after me.

He asked which three companies.

I said Gas, Electric and Water.

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By *ink Panther 123Man
4 days ago

Slough

What do you call a man with a seagull on his Head?

Cliff

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
4 days ago

Torquay

Two dyslexic skiers on top of the piste, one says I'm going to Zagazig all the way down the other says don't you mean zigzag. They can't agree but a guy pulling a sledge comes past and they ask him, don't know he says I'm a tabogonist. Oh says one of the dyslexic guys, in that case can I have 20 Rothmans please

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By *illan-KillashMan
3 days ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

What's Forrest Gumps password for everything?

1forrest1

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By *oadsafun1960Man
3 days ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire

Why did the man fall down the well?

Because he couldn't see that well

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By *ragonbaitCouple
3 days ago

Reading and Aberdare

A cheese joke I’ve not heard!!!

Well done

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By *ragonbaitCouple
3 days ago

Reading and Aberdare

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

- Tequilla

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By *lue RascalMan
3 days ago

Cheshire

I just saw a real idiot at the gym.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill

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By *ark n kimCouple
3 days ago

durham

What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce.

Chicken ceaser salad.

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By *empted23Couple
3 days ago

countryside

What do you call the security guards at the Samsung Factory

Guardians of the Galaxy

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