FabSwingers.com forum: Dad jokes

By (user no longer on site) OP
21 weeks ago

Best dad joke wins a prize

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By *rcticFoxxxWoman
21 weeks ago

Hereabouts

What do eggs do for fun?

Crack.

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By *eebl6666Man
21 weeks ago

castlebar

What do you call a 2 legged cow

Lean beef

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By (user no longer on site) OP
21 weeks ago

Eggscellent

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By *arkSovereignMan
21 weeks ago

Lancashire

Someone threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me so I said “what the hellmann?”

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By *layfullsamMan
21 weeks ago

Solihull

Father’s Day is very special and an extremely sad day for my girlfriend who was adopted and doesn’t know who her dad is.

Fucking her doggy style while slapping her arse and pulling her hair and saying “who’s your daddy” on Father’s Day probably want wise

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By *layfullsamMan
21 weeks ago

Solihull

"What do you call a 2 legged cow

Lean beef "

Or a 3 legged donkey a wonky

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By *ickie76XXXMan
21 weeks ago

dartford

My mate who’s a plumber just left his wife Florence

He said its over flo.

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By (user no longer on site)
21 weeks ago

I watched two films back to back with my wife last night. Luckily I was the one facing the screen.

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By *uzzBomb06Man
21 weeks ago

Notth Lanarkshire

Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window?

To see butter-fly.

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By *ascaIMan
21 weeks ago

Cheshire Liverpool Manchester

Having too much sex can cause memory loss.

I read it on page 14 in a medical journal on the 14th November 2019 at 3.19pm.

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By *ickie76XXXMan
21 weeks ago

dartford

What’s green and brown got six legs and if it fell out a tree and landed on you it would kill you ???!?

Snooker table

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By *uzzBomb06Man
21 weeks ago

Notth Lanarkshire

i shaved my pubes into a Hitler moustache

i call my penis the Dictator

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By *hamrock 1888Man
21 weeks ago

on tour

Why do divers fall backwards into the water

If they fell forward they would still be on the boat

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By *inkycoupleofscotsCouple
21 weeks ago

Stirling-ish

what do you call a deer with no eyes?

no eye deer

what do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs?

still not eye deer

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By *ickie76XXXMan
21 weeks ago

dartford

When I heard you could become a sperm donor by post.

I cum in a jiffy

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By *inkyRebelMan
21 weeks ago

Swindon

As a child my parents bathed me in cheap Australian larger.

Wasn't until I was 18 I realised I had been Fostered.

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
21 weeks ago

Southampton

"Having too much sex can cause memory loss.

I read it on page 14 in a medical journal on the 14th November 2019 at 3.19pm."

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By *ripfillMan
21 weeks ago

havant

… man walks into a bar … and knocks himself out !

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By *inkyRebelMan
21 weeks ago

Swindon

"what do you call a deer with no eyes?

no eye deer

what do you call a dear with no eyes and no legs?

still not eye deer"

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no cock.

Still no fucking eye deer

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
21 weeks ago

Herts

A man walks into a zoo but the only animal there is a dog.

It’s a shitzu.

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By *enegadeMMan
21 weeks ago

Oxfordshire

"A man walks into a zoo but the only animal there is a dog.

It’s a shitzu. "

This one made me actually lol so I think winter

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By *ubikslongswordMan
21 weeks ago

East Grinstead

I tried to set my password as fortnight but it said it was too week

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
21 weeks ago

somewhere

Me: Which generation is forest gump?

Husband: I don't know

Me: Gen A

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband, and says, "I shaved down there; you know what that means." The husband responds, "Yeah, the drain is clogged."

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

"Thanks for coming!"

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

What are the three shortest words in the English language?

"Is it in?"

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
21 weeks ago

Herts

What do you call a medieval spy?

Sir Veillance.

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

What's long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine.

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
21 weeks ago

Southampton

"What do you call a medieval spy?

Sir Veillance. "

... brilliant

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By *ittlemiss Hal O weenCouple
21 weeks ago

Southampton

"What's long and hard and full of semen?

A submarine."

Oh dear

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles.

Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

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By (user no longer on site)
21 weeks ago

What do you call a sexy flying monkey?

A hot air baboon

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
21 weeks ago

Herts

The Beach Boys walk into a pub..

Round

Get a round

I’ll get a round

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

What do you call cheese that’s not yours

Nacho cheese

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

A sandwich walks in to a pub

The barman says “we don’t serve food in here”

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By *p4funCouple
21 weeks ago

Plymouth

Someone threw a power tool at me ... "bosch "!

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

An invisible man married an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at

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By *buseme2000Man
21 weeks ago

Kettering

What's got 2 legs and bleeds?

Half a dog

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By *illan-KillashMan
21 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

"I tried to set my password as fortnight but it said it was too week"

I tried to set my password to Penis.

Apparently my password isn't long enough.

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.

Then it dawned on me.

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

Viagra - it won’t make you James Bond but it will make you Roger Moore

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By *arl192021Man
21 weeks ago

Northumberland

Such a sad day yesterday My obese parrot died!

I'll miss him.. But it's a weight of my shoulder

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By *.R.MMan
21 weeks ago

Norfolk

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "It's just ice cream."

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By *weet and SpiceCouple
21 weeks ago

Around the Midlands

We just found out that our grandfather is now addicted to Viagra. Nobody is taking it harder than our grandmother

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By *assy69Man
21 weeks ago

West Sussex and Wales

I know a girl that only eats plant based food …… you may have met herbivore

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By *illan-KillashMan
21 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

Windmills are my new favourite thing.

Big fan.......

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By *ascaIMan
21 weeks ago

Cheshire Liverpool Manchester

"A man walks into a zoo but the only animal there is a dog.

It’s a shitzu. "

My Shitzu declared this the winner. But it would in fact be the best zoo

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
21 weeks ago

Herts

"A man walks into a zoo but the only animal there is a dog.

It’s a shitzu.

My Shitzu declared this the winner. But it would in fact be the best zoo

Dogs make anywhere brilliant.

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By *rBobbMan
21 weeks ago

Birmingham

A man walks into a pet shop and asks "How much is the wasp in the window"?

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By *partharmonyCouple
21 weeks ago

Ruislip

What's ET short for?

Because he's only got little legs.

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By *ggdrasil66Man
21 weeks ago

Saltdean

A white horse walks into a pub. The landlord said, we have a whisky named after you. The white horse said, what Eric?

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By *buseme2000Man
21 weeks ago

Kettering

2 fish in a tank,1 says to the other, how the fuck do you drive this thing

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By *buseme2000Man
21 weeks ago

Kettering

2 snowmen in a field, 1 says to the other, can you smell carrots

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By *rBobbMan
21 weeks ago

Birmingham

A horse walks into a bar and the barman asked. "What's the long face for"?

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By *illan-KillashMan
21 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

Skeleton walks into a pub and the barman asks what he'd like.

Skeleton replies "a pint of lager and a mop please."

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By *aulhornyladMan
21 weeks ago

Sunderland

What's Brown and sticky? A stick

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By *rBobbMan
21 weeks ago

Birmingham

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

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By *ekked JackMan
21 weeks ago

South Lanarkshire

A name you don't hear men called these days is Lance.

In medieval times men were called Lancelot

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By *layfullsamMan
21 weeks ago

Solihull

[Removed by poster at 25/06/24 18:20:04]

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By *buseme2000Man
21 weeks ago

Kettering

My parents made me walk the plank

Couldn't afford a dog

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By *hubs101Man
21 weeks ago

West Midlands

Pedigree dog foods have gone bust....

Called in the retrievers

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By *layfullsamMan
21 weeks ago

Solihull

Why did god invent man first ?

Because he didn’t want any advice on how to do it

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By (user no longer on site)
21 weeks ago

Why are women like hurricanes?

When they come it’s wet and windy, and when they leave they take your house and car!

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By *oadsafun1960Man
21 weeks ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire

I only know twenty five letters of the alphabet.

I don't know 'Y'

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By *eyondVanillaCouple
21 weeks ago

Greater Manchester/ Cheshire

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

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By (user no longer on site)
21 weeks ago

My wife keeps telling me off for hanging the towels up incorrectly??

I’ve told her I’m going to report her for online abuse!!!

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By *ickie76XXXMan
21 weeks ago

dartford

What do you call a man rolling around in leaves ???

Russell

A boy sees his mum in the bath and he says “daddy what’s that between mummy’s legs?”

Dad says “err that’s where she got hit with an axe,”

Boys says “good shot got her right in the minge,”

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By *ll 4 herCouple
21 weeks ago

Bury/Bolton

Mickey Mouse is in court and the judge says to him "Mickey I'm sorry but you can't divorce Minnie because she has buck teeth"

To which Mickey replies "I didn't say she has buck teeth, I said she's fucking Goofy"

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By *andy CanesWoman
21 weeks ago

south

All the jokes are good

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By *quizzlyMan
21 weeks ago

Ryde

Someone threw a bottle of mayonnaise at me.

I said, "What the hellmann?"

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By *itenDaysCouple
21 weeks ago

Vale of Glamorgan

Can’t believe that Elvis’s mouse is dead, they got caught in a trap

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By (user no longer on site)
21 weeks ago

Two nuns were driving down the road when a vampire jumped in front of the car

Sister Margaret says "Sister Joan get out of the car and show him your cross"

Sister Joan gets out of the car and shouts "get out of the fucking way you cunt!!"

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
21 weeks ago

Horsham

A joke is not a dad joke, until its fully groan.

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By *rgasmatron1970Man
21 weeks ago

Bromley

Why is driving in thick fog like going down on a woman?

You can't see the cunt coming.

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By *un-sized 6.5Man
21 weeks ago

melton

I went to see a therapist & the first question she asked was " As a young boy was your mother very strict with you?" I replied " Id like to make this clear! My mother has never been a young boy!"?

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By *oadsafun1960Man
21 weeks ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire

I told my boss if he wanted to keep me I needed a pay rise as three companies were after me.

He asked which three companies.

I said Gas, Electric and Water.

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By *ink Panther 123Man
21 weeks ago

Colnbrook

What do you call a man with a seagull on his Head?

Cliff

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By *ob Carpe DiemMan
21 weeks ago

Torquay

Two dyslexic skiers on top of the piste, one says I'm going to Zagazig all the way down the other says don't you mean zigzag. They can't agree but a guy pulling a sledge comes past and they ask him, don't know he says I'm a tabogonist. Oh says one of the dyslexic guys, in that case can I have 20 Rothmans please

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By *illan-KillashMan
21 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

What's Forrest Gumps password for everything?

1forrest1

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By *oadsafun1960Man
21 weeks ago

Somerset & Hertfordshire

Why did the man fall down the well?

Because he couldn't see that well

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By *ragonbaitCouple
21 weeks ago

Reading and Aberdare

A cheese joke I’ve not heard!!!

Well done

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By *ragonbaitCouple
21 weeks ago

Reading and Aberdare

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

- Tequilla

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By *ascaIMan
21 weeks ago

Cheshire Liverpool Manchester

I just saw a real idiot at the gym.

He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill

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By *ark n kimCouple
21 weeks ago

Durham

What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce.

Chicken ceaser salad.

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By *empted23Couple
21 weeks ago

countryside

What do you call the security guards at the Samsung Factory

Guardians of the Galaxy

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