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Getting a conversation going for somebody else

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By *partharmony OP   Couple
22 weeks ago

Ruislip

We sometimes get messages from people who say they would like to chat but then they have nothing to say, no questions to ask, no points to make, and seem to expect us to get the conversation going for them.

Do you get this? How do you deal with it? I feel that if somebody wants to chat they have to bring something to the party. They have to say something we can respond to. I (Luke) refuse to do the work for somebody I didn't make initial contact with unless their profile is fascinating.

Am I being too harsh?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
22 weeks ago

East Sussex

After an initial message or two we don't engage further.

It's the same off fab, if I'm the 'entertainment' and they're the audience I don't bother

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By *layfullsamMan
22 weeks ago

Solihull

Not harsh at all

A good conversation should be exhilarating with questions asked and answers given, if it’s like pulling teeth I’d run Forrest run.

Although I did get blocked once last for “in there words talking to much” they just wanted sex without the chats

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
22 weeks ago

chichester

I just delete and forget

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By *issmorganWoman
22 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

I just stop chatting, if it's like pulling teeth..

Like you say, they have to contribute and have something of interest to talk about too.

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By *eroLondonMan
22 weeks ago

Covent Garden

If the conversation is non-reciprocal with terse responses then I get bored quite easily. I usually cull the conversation or just let it fizzle out naturally.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
22 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

I don't think it's too harsh.

I got a shouty one just yesterday about how I wasn't putting any effort into the conversation with him, that my generation only knows how to communicate on social media, that the youth cannot communicate. (I do think his profile may have been a little off in terms of apparently only being a couple of years older than me).

He approached me. With no profile, no pictures, and rarely more than 4 words to a message until the rant at the end. 3 of the messages from him were just a single symbol.

Why in Gods names would I be doing thr legwork on making it an interesting conversation with someone who initiated contact with me and failed to spark my interest?

It makes no sense

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By *oubleswing2019Man
22 weeks ago

Colchester

[Removed by poster at 23/06/24 10:01:00]

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By *oubleswing2019Man
22 weeks ago

Colchester

Having looked at the OP's original profile, I feel there is more than enough information across a wide range of interests to stimulate and provoke meaningful and reciprocated discussion.

It's clear to me they have a baseline that revolves around scintillating social engagement, common and shared mutual interests, organic development of a friendship ultimately leading to mutual satisfaction. They want to be appreciated, valued and nurtured. It's about longer-term flow.

.

And that is perfectly fine OP.

.

Unfortunately some folks are of the "Pump and Dump" variety, so I'd say whilst you do have frustrations about conversations drying up, it's nothing to do with your profile as mentioned above. If anything, your profile is actually doing a good job helping you pre-screen many unsuitables. Those that do get through might have potential, but then that's where the pruning can take place.

Chin up OP, it just takes time and effort and you're on the right track.

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By *ellhungvweMan
22 weeks ago

Cheltenham

If a conversation isn’t reciprocated then I just kill it. Life is too short to waste on people you have no interest in.

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By *ealitybitesMan
22 weeks ago

Belfast

I haven't sent a message in well over 4 years so every conversation since has been initiated by other people.

Some of those fizzle out over a period of time but some obviously haven't read my profile and especially the first line of it and don't seem to understand that there will only be conversation and nothing else.

I've had lots of messages over the years where it is obvious that they want me to chase them and when I don't they go off in a huff.

For some, a few grunts is regarded as a full on conversation.

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By *ograCouple
22 weeks ago

truro

Myself ....if they want chat ok I like a lot of banter with the chat ...I get easily bored otherwise lolgot to have something other than the usual pics ..think it’s called imagination lol xxxxxx

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
22 weeks ago

Newcastle

If the conversation feels dry or hard work after a couple of attempts, I wouldn’t bother continuing to chat with them.

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By *partharmony OP   Couple
22 weeks ago

Ruislip


"Having looked at the OP's original profile, I feel there is more than enough information across a wide range of interests to stimulate and provoke meaningful and reciprocated discussion.

It's clear to me they have a baseline that revolves around scintillating social engagement, common and shared mutual interests, organic development of a friendship ultimately leading to mutual satisfaction. They want to be appreciated, valued and nurtured. It's about longer-term flow.

.

And that is perfectly fine OP.

.

Unfortunately some folks are of the "Pump and Dump" variety, so I'd say whilst you do have frustrations about conversations drying up, it's nothing to do with your profile as mentioned above. If anything, your profile is actually doing a good job helping you pre-screen many unsuitables. Those that do get through might have potential, but then that's where the pruning can take place.

Chin up OP, it just takes time and effort and you're on the right track. "

Oh I don't have any frustration about conversations drying up. I'm just pointing out that it's an odd thing to do to say you want a conversation with somebody and then not engage in that conversation. I don't feel any loss that these conversations don't go anywhere.

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By *electableicecreamMan
22 weeks ago

The West

I suspect that people with such little bandwidth for real engagement are perhaps carrying on lots of low effort chats in parallel and just hoping for an easy win.

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By *oubleswing2019Man
22 weeks ago

Colchester


"

Oh I don't have any frustration about conversations drying up. I'm just pointing out that it's an odd thing to do to say you want a conversation with somebody and then not engage in that conversation. I don't feel any loss that these conversations don't go anywhere. "

Ah I see ! Thank you for the clarification. Agreed, it does seem somewhat perplexing for someone to contact you saying they'd like a conversation and then not having a conversation, especially if you reply to said initiator, which is typically how the ebb and flow of a conversation works.

Do you think by chance their cat sat on the keyboard and you are conversing with a feline intelligence ? I mean, this is FAB and stranger things have no doubt happened

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