FabSwingers.com forum: Message etiquette

By *laytonA OP Man
21 weeks ago

Newport

So not every msg is going to land or every recipient fancy you.

However sometimes you meet criteria, construct a message, which is received and read.

In some cases you get a reply and then chat just stops.

So my question is, is it ok to send a follow up? How long is a no reply meaning not interested?

Personally I only follow up if chatted a bit and usually delete no replies after a week or two. What do others do?

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By *allandathleticMan
21 weeks ago

Asgard

Personally I wouldn't send a follow up. It's a swinging site not my builder.

If they've read it and not got back. The general rule of thumb is it means. Thanks, but no thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
21 weeks ago

You have to let go of this idea that your message was so well constructed it must be answered to.

More simply, a lack of response is a lack of interest. Your delivery isn’t to blame. People will have their reasons.

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By *he KakapoMan
21 weeks ago

A nice rock

It depends on the context of the conversation and how I felt it was going.

Some people are worth a follow up message if there had been somewhat of a good vibe.

I get the argument against but sometimes life gets in the way and we forget to go back to a conversation that we had intended to.

If an initial approach goes unanswered then that's different.

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By *he KakapoMan
21 weeks ago

A nice rock

"You have to let go of this idea that your message was so well constructed it must be answered to.

. "

To be fair he didn't actually say that

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By *imandher3525Couple
21 weeks ago

Lincoln

People get busy and forget to reply, I know we do!

A follow up could be warranted if you’d been chatting and there was a bit of chemistry, maybe after a few days of no reply. It’s the ones the message and message and message when you don’t reply that get on my nerves!

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By *electableicecreamMan
21 weeks ago

The West

Nothing to lose with a follow up if you think it's worth it.

Surely anyone with their head screwed on can tell your difference between sincerity and harassment.

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By *elloWoman
21 weeks ago

alpha centauri

I do appreciate a follow up message from someone I had fun messaging previously, because often what happens is I get distracted and forget who I was talking to, their messages fall off the first page in the inbox so I miss messages, if someone messages when I don't want to continue chatting to them then I will block them, so if you message and you're not blocked then it's all good

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
21 weeks ago

East Sussex

It's ok to send a follow up I think. If you don't get a response make a note on the profile or block to prevent you messaging again.

Sometimes we just get so overwhelmed with life that answering messages on fab is waaaay down our list of priorities

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By *r John WickMan
21 weeks ago

The Continental

I tend to leave balls in their court, unless we’ve chatted extensively. Then I’ve no problem just dropping a message if we’ve not spoke for a bit.

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
21 weeks ago

Leeds

I'd only send a follow up if there was a couple of back and forth beforehand, if then there's nothing there not interested.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
21 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

"I'd only send a follow up if there was a couple of back and forth beforehand, if then there's nothing there not interested."

This

Just because you think you completely match someone, that doesn’t mean the recipient will think the same.

We get a lot of messages from people saying that after reading our profile and seeing our pics we are on the same page - we then check their profile, it’s got dick pics galore and action shots and two sentences

No mate, we are on different books

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By *ealitybitesMan
21 weeks ago

Belfast

I don't send messages at all and haven't done since before the first covid lockdown.

It wasn't a conscious decision at the time but I've had lots of conversations in the 4 years since with people who reached out to me.

When I did send messages my etiquette was to delete them as soon as I had sent them so I wouldn't have to option of checking to see if they had been read or not.

I've always stated on my profile that I'm only interested in mutual conversation and that includes mutual effort so if I feel I'm carrying the load then I'll quickly let it fizzle out.

If someone sends me a message and then doesn't reply to my response I won't follow up on that because they obviously aren't interested or are distracted.

If they are distracted it usually means they are juggling numerous chats and are finding others more interesting.

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By *allandathleticMan
21 weeks ago

Asgard

"I don't send messages at all and haven't done since before the first covid lockdown.

It wasn't a conscious decision at the time but I've had lots of conversations in the 4 years since with people who reached out to me.

When I did send messages my etiquette was to delete them as soon as I had sent them so I wouldn't have to option of checking to see if they had been read or not.

I've always stated on my profile that I'm only interested in mutual conversation and that includes mutual effort so if I feel I'm carrying the load then I'll quickly let it fizzle out.

If someone sends me a message and then doesn't reply to my response I won't follow up on that because they obviously aren't interested or are distracted.

If they are distracted it usually means they are juggling numerous chats and are finding others more interesting.

This ^^^

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By *allandathleticMan
21 weeks ago

Asgard

With the exception of games/threads.

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By *orbidden eastMan
21 weeks ago

london dodging electric scooters

[Removed by poster at 21/06/24 14:29:31]

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By *orbidden eastMan
21 weeks ago

london dodging electric scooters

"You have to let go of this idea that your message was so well constructed it must be answered to.

More simply, a lack of response is a lack of interest. Your delivery isn’t to blame. People will have their reasons. "

Simply as that I think

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By *ilfAndDilf24Couple
21 weeks ago

manchester

"People get busy and forget to reply, I know we do!

Agree with this. Read and no reply doesn’t always mean no, We sometimes get a hell of a lot of messages and as bad as it sounds people get forgotten. We wouldn’t be bothered by a follow up if we were hitting it off to start with

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By *umagain58Man
21 weeks ago

London

We are all different so some like it filthy and others will block you if filthy. I just go with the flow and try and respect what others like or not. Must of the times have to build relationships in message before might meet with some taking me a year before first meet. It was worthy the wait. I am open to any suggestions myself and messages and don’t judge. If not for me I will say politely. If we get on can be friends or more

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
21 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

You will always get the advice to NOT follow up - Isay different.

Certainly don't follow up where you had a NO as that is clear.

Where you chatted and haven't had a no send another message along the lines of .....

Hi, we exchanged messages a ....... back and i'm interested in meeting face to face. Hopefully you will get back to me so we can make arrangements or if you are unable to right now or don't want to at all ,you will let me know.

THEN - NEVER write back unless they respond to you as you put the ball politely but firmly in their court.

The end.

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By *umagain58Man
21 weeks ago

London

"You will always get the advice to NOT follow up - Isay different.

Certainly don't follow up where you had a NO as that is clear.

Where you chatted and haven't had a no send another message along the lines of .....

THEN - NEVER write back unless they respond to you as you put the ball politely but firmly in their court.

The end."

Wise words. One thing to add is women have the power here so lido read what they say

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By *eroLondonMan
21 weeks ago

Mayfair

If there's a compelling reason to do so I will send a follow up, certainly when they have messaged me in the first instance. It's about intuition and the general 'feel' of how the conversation is flowing: if the chat is one-way or 'non reciprocal' then I am less inclined to follow up or keep the momentum. However, if the general mood of the chat has been engaging, friendly and positive then a gentle nudge quite often reconvenes the chat. Sometimes the chat doesn't stop. It just pauses due to life, work, commitments...on both sides.

There are also two other reasons why I have sent a follow up message: women have often told me I'm not assertive enough. I have no idea what this actually means but they are inferring I shouldn't give up. It's a moot point because I rarely message women and I'm not a fan of chasing. The other is because they cannot find my message in amongst the 100s proliferating their InBoxes, and they were appreciative of the 'nudge'.

More recently, it's been the other way around: women have sent me follow up messages because I haven't replied in a timely fashion (I also have a life outside of Fab!).

Send a follow up. It's harmless. It's hardly a poisoned arrow, unless you make it so with endless pestering and goading.

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By *eroLondonMan
21 weeks ago

Mayfair

"...One thing to add is women have the power here so lido read what they say"

•

No they do not. And even if they did men are allowed to exercise their prerogative too.

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By *ealitybitesMan
21 weeks ago

Belfast

"You will always get the advice to NOT follow up - Isay different.

Certainly don't follow up where you had a NO as that is clear.

Where you chatted and haven't had a no send another message along the lines of .....

THEN - NEVER write back unless they respond to you as you put the ball politely but firmly in their court.

The end.

Wise words. One thing to add is women have the power here so lido read what they say"

I'm genuinely curious why you think women have the power here?

Power over who and what?

If you mean having the power to choose who they have sex with, does that not apply to everyone regardless of gender?

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By *umagain58Man
21 weeks ago

London

"...One thing to add is women have the power here so lido read what they say

•

No they do not. And even if they did men are allowed to exercise their prerogative too."

Yes of course both women and men decide. What I meant is there are far many more men on here and a lot of them will just do what women say.

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By (user no longer on site)
21 weeks ago

The max for me is 2 unread messages and that stands for any kind be it a work email a text to family or a fab message. If they haven't responded after two attempts they are either avoiding you at work and you need to escalate the issue, too busy to get around to it right now if family or were not interested enough in our drivel to respond on here

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By *aizyWoman
21 weeks ago

west midlands

It depends for me, on here if it is someone I have been chatting to for a while and we have been getting on, if I'm left on read I'll msg again, if it is someone I have just started chatting to I wouldn't msg again.

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