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"Isn't it that kind of behaviour that, when we are exposed to it helps us define and shore up our boundaries in interpersonal relationships?" It's very difficult behaviour to live with as a child, when you cannot end it otherwise alter the behaviour. You can't walk away from a parent when you are a minor and they have responsibility for you. It's not character forming. It's just plain distressing. | |||
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"Isn't it that kind of behaviour that, when we are exposed to it helps us define and shore up our boundaries in interpersonal relationships? It's very difficult behaviour to live with as a child, when you cannot end it otherwise alter the behaviour. You can't walk away from a parent when you are a minor and they have responsibility for you. It's not character forming. It's just plain distressing. " You're no longer a child though | |||
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"Isn't it that kind of behaviour that, when we are exposed to it helps us define and shore up our boundaries in interpersonal relationships? It's very difficult behaviour to live with as a child, when you cannot end it otherwise alter the behaviour. You can't walk away from a parent when you are a minor and they have responsibility for you. It's not character forming. It's just plain distressing. You're no longer a child though " And you wonder why I've cut her off?? It's not very straightforward when she lived with my Grandad up until his death in 2021. The second I wasn't wanting and needing to visit Grandad, she was cut off. It's not stopping her bombarding me with attempts to contact, though, via the mail and all sorts. My brother still has contact and that's another issue. If I cut my brother off (which I don't want to do), my only remaining blood relatives are a man with dementia and my children. It's fucking lonely. | |||
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"Isn't it that kind of behaviour that, when we are exposed to it helps us define and shore up our boundaries in interpersonal relationships?" Bit like saying that bullying is good because it forms your personality. In case you didn’t understand, we are talking about abusive behaviour here | |||
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"Isn't it that kind of behaviour that, when we are exposed to it helps us define and shore up our boundaries in interpersonal relationships? It's very difficult behaviour to live with as a child, when you cannot end it otherwise alter the behaviour. You can't walk away from a parent when you are a minor and they have responsibility for you. It's not character forming. It's just plain distressing. You're no longer a child though " And to add, the 18yrs of enduring it did its damage!! It doesn't just stop and go away. I fucked off from "home" as quickly as I could, I was 18 in the Nov and out and living on my own by the Feb after. With my young child in tow. | |||
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"Isn't it that kind of behaviour that, when we are exposed to it helps us define and shore up our boundaries in interpersonal relationships? Bit like saying that bullying is good because it forms your personality. In case you didn’t understand, we are talking about abusive behaviour here " I understand | |||
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"Isn't it that kind of behaviour that, when we are exposed to it helps us define and shore up our boundaries in interpersonal relationships?" For me? Yes it was. I learnt a lot about what my boundaries are, to not ignore the doubts I have. To recognise patterns of behaviour, to understand they were to be repeated. I suppose in a way when I stopped discussing my personal life, stopped trusting them, it was a way of protecting myself. It was abusive, I'm not going to minimise that. They even asked at one point if they're emotionally abusive. Yes. People respond differently, for me as much as I'd never want to experience that sort of thing again, it did work as you said. | |||
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"This is a timely thread as I've just cut contact with someone who did this. I'm not qualified to say whether he's a narcissist or not, or if it was even deliberate behaviour. He'd blow hot and cold, tell little fibs that he'd later forget and inadvertently reveal, employ the charm offensive (and boy, was he charming!) following up with almost indifference etc. It was very confusing. It felt like he liked me enough to get a boost from my attention, but not enough to commit to a second meet. It transpired that he was RL dating and the charm offensive coincided with the times he had no dates planned. The fibs were ridiculous little things that I can only assume he thought I needed to hear in order for me to like him, such as "I'm not talking to any other women on fab". I'm ENM so wouldn't care either way! They were what prompted me to block him as it felt very manipulative, as though he was deliberately trying to engineer a situation in which I'd always be an available option, whether or not he wanted to take it. In short, yes I've experienced this and it's a headfuck." Hi nell. I see, that is good have you cut the contact, yes, they like to do that too. | |||
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"I've experienced this over the past year, I pulled away so many times but always found a way to get me back where he wanted me, using different techniques, couldn't see it at the time. " Hi giveme, that is good you pulled away from it, yes, they use different techniques too. | |||
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"I've experienced this over the past year, I pulled away so many times but always found a way to get me back where he wanted me, using different techniques, couldn't see it at the time. " The same thing has happened to me. After many, many years and probably just as many ons and affairs I finally got the strength to leave last year. She got her way back in slowly with love bombing, then started breaking me down again to a shell which made her stronger. Once she had broken down to the point I nearly wasn't here, she left for the guy I'm sure she was sleeping with the whole time we "were trying" I'm free again but this time it feels so different and such a relief. For the first time in years I'm waking up and looking forward to the day and people instead of feeling caged and isolated. If anyone is in these types of relationships please start trying to figure an exit plan before it destroys you. It's tough but worth it. | |||
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