FabSwingers.com forum: Sexless vs Sharing

By *njoyurlife OP Man
49 weeks ago

maldon

How does it feel seeing so many lovely couples here who are enjoying a fulfilled sex life that they are confident enough to invite others in, while you're in a sexless relationship genuinely love your partner but DYING from lack of sexual relief? Also, when you spent time to compose a message it's ignored but no one accepts winks? Asking for a friend,lol.

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

You haven't asked for profile advice so I won't say but the second part of your post and advice might go together....kinda thing...

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By *arden5Man
49 weeks ago

Woking

Crap just feel more rejected

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By *lexm87Man
49 weeks ago

Various

I know it sounds obvious, but have you spoken with your partner?

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By *arden5Man
49 weeks ago

Woking

Yes and not interested since the menopause and apparently too old for most on here

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By *he Silver FuxMan
49 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

Because even the ones we love and have a pair bond relationship with do not always have the same attitude or appetite for sex. This may also change over time and in some cases, as did my Ex, any sexual desire completely evaporated. It hurts bad and I sympathise OP

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By *ittlebirdWoman
49 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

"How does it feel seeing so many lovely couples here who are enjoying a fulfilled sex life that they are confident enough to invite others in, while you're in a sexless relationship genuinely love your partner but DYING from lack of sexual relief? Also, when you spent time to compose a message it's ignored but no one accepts winks? Asking for a friend,lol.

I think it comes down to asking yourself… and only yourself… what is important to you OP. If you’re unhappy and you want to be happy then make some changes. Only you can answer that

* based on my own personal experience and not a reflection of anyone else’s views

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By *arden5Man
49 weeks ago

Woking

Know exactly how you feel

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
49 weeks ago

East Sussex

Tell your friend he's not dying.

I don't know the answer to his problem I'm afraid.

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By *lexm87Man
49 weeks ago

Various

"Yes and not interested since the menopause and apparently too old for most on here "

Put yourself in her shoes, imagine your body had gone through such upheaval. And, as the age filters go to 99,you might be looking for the wrong perverts.

The right perverts are over there.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
49 weeks ago

East Sussex

What does your wife say when you tell her how you feel ? Do you cuddle, hold hands etc?

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By *rpeggioCouple
49 weeks ago

Baughurst

And this is why monogamy does not work when it's a 'no-gamy'.

Your question is strange. We do not feel one way or another about other people who live in a sexless monogamy. Guess you need to talk to your partner and explain that you are here in Fab for some months now because you want to get something you don't get at home, then see how the conversation goes.

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By *lexm87Man
49 weeks ago

Various

"What does your wife say when you tell her how you feel ? Do you cuddle, hold hands etc?"

Do you think you could build on this suggestion and both speak with a therapist?

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By *njoyurlife OP Man
49 weeks ago

maldon

[Removed by poster at 12/06/24 14:19:26]

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By *njoyurlife OP Man
49 weeks ago

maldon

"Tell your friend he's not dying.

I don't know the answer to his problem I'm afraid. "

I told him but he said he has tried communicating now he's suffering in silence. Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

The swingers on here sharing so it because they've been open and honest and had the conversation.

If you have to lie and decieve the one you love that's just being a dirty cheat it isn't swinging!

If your not happy with your sex life sort it out & come to a compromise.....or what mosten do flash their cock to anyone who'll look in the hope it'll get wet while hurting the one they supposedly love

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By *ellinever70Woman
49 weeks ago

Ayrshire

"The swingers on here sharing so it because they've been open and honest and had the conversation.

If you have to lie and decieve the one you love that's just being a dirty cheat it isn't swinging!

Have you ever considered that some people avoid the conversation to avoid causing hurt caused by saying they want to have their partners blessing to have sex with other people ?

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"The swingers on here sharing so it because they've been open and honest and had the conversation.

If you have to lie and decieve the one you love that's just being a dirty cheat it isn't swinging!

Have you ever considered that some people avoid the conversation to avoid causing hurt caused by saying they want to have their partners blessing to have sex with other people ?"

Avoid it to not cause hurt, but lie and cheat - causing more hurt, ok.

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By *ellinever70Woman
49 weeks ago

Ayrshire

"The swingers on here sharing so it because they've been open and honest and had the conversation.

If you have to lie and decieve the one you love that's just being a dirty cheat it isn't swinging!

Have you ever considered that some people avoid the conversation to avoid causing hurt caused by saying they want to have their partners blessing to have sex with other people ?

Avoid it to not cause hurt, but lie and cheat - causing more hurt, ok."

Technically, only if they get found out

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"The swingers on here sharing so it because they've been open and honest and had the conversation.

If you have to lie and decieve the one you love that's just being a dirty cheat it isn't swinging!

Have you ever considered that some people avoid the conversation to avoid causing hurt caused by saying they want to have their partners blessing to have sex with other people ?

Avoid it to not cause hurt, but lie and cheat - causing more hurt, ok.

Technically, only if they get found out "

The cowardly way, yeah that's great.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
49 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

"Tell your friend he's not dying.

I don't know the answer to his problem I'm afraid.

I told him but he said he has tried communicating now he's suffering in silence. Lol

I’m not sure Lol was appropriate there

Also. Your friend can change it himself. As per my previous post. If your friend wants a different outcome change something. It’s not suffering in silence. It’s ignoring the problem

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By *uckurcumMan
49 weeks ago

Bishop Auckland

I think if your in that situation you need an honest word,and if your bond with the other person transends having sex,the mature solution is to look for it outside of the marriage/relationship,but don't do it behind the other person's back ..

Sex is sex,but a person to person bond is often far stronger,hence people staying together ... Never stay together for convenience as it's just a waste of life !

My personal view only by the way ...

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By *tleystagMan
49 weeks ago

ilkley

"The swingers on here sharing so it because they've been open and honest and had the conversation.

If you have to lie and decieve the one you love that's just being a dirty cheat it isn't swinging!

Have you ever considered that some people avoid the conversation to avoid causing hurt caused by saying they want to have their partners blessing to have sex with other people ?

Avoid it to not cause hurt, but lie and cheat - causing more hurt, ok.

Technically, only if they get found out

The cowardly way, yeah that's great."

I take it you don't fancy a shag then?

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By *iberius61Man
49 weeks ago

Pontefract

Talk to your wife. If she's not supportive of you seeking sex elsewhere then that's a decision you have to take on whether the relationship is still working. If she is supportive, then welcome to our hobby. I'm 63, sure not everyone on here is interested in me, so what, enough are.

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By *heshire DilfMan
49 weeks ago

Cheshire

If you want a sex life and your partner doesnt, then you've got to male a decision. Clearly its important to you and you wpuld t wouldnt be here seeking advice of you didnt want it.

You only get one lap of the track and judging by your age, youll be a long time retired as it were. You cant spend your days on this planet unhappy and neither can your partner.

Have an honest conversation, see how the land lies, then make your choice accordingly. Cheating never wins out, do the right things keep everything above board, and ha e the courage to say and do what ypu need to do to be happy and dont blame others.

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"The swingers on here sharing so it because they've been open and honest and had the conversation.

If you have to lie and decieve the one you love that's just being a dirty cheat it isn't swinging!

Have you ever considered that some people avoid the conversation to avoid causing hurt caused by saying they want to have their partners blessing to have sex with other people ?

Avoid it to not cause hurt, but lie and cheat - causing more hurt, ok.

Technically, only if they get found out

The cowardly way, yeah that's great.

I take it you don't fancy a shag then? "

ERM what would make you think I would?

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"If you want a sex life and your partner doesnt, then you've got to male a decision. Clearly its important to you and you wpuld t wouldnt be here seeking advice of you didnt want it.

You only get one lap of the track and judging by your age, youll be a long time retired as it were. You cant spend your days on this planet unhappy and neither can your partner.

Exactly this

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By *ansoffateMan
49 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

I commend you OP for owning and focusing on your feelings rather than simply blaming a partner.

I don't think I have been there with a partner, not for any appreciable time other than through illness. I imagine it would be quite a bundle of conflicting emotions and it could be hard to know what the right decision is. Sex is just one aspect of a relationship, but that's not to say it's an important one. Often it's hard for couples to have those conversations, but they can be essential.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
49 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

How does the partner feel about them DYING from lack of sexual relief?

Have they had the conversation about what the options are moving forward to avoid death?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
49 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Tell your friend he's not dying.

I don't know the answer to his problem I'm afraid.

I told him but he said he has tried communicating now he's suffering in silence. Lol

He shouldn't suffer in silence if it's causing him problems

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By *ansoffateMan
49 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

"Tell your friend he's not dying.

I don't know the answer to his problem I'm afraid.

I told him but he said he has tried communicating now he's suffering in silence. Lol

He shouldn't suffer in silence if it's causing him problems "

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By *naswingdressWoman
49 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

He should talk to his partner some more and see if there's a compromise position. Failing that, speak to a therapist about managing feelings.

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By *lippy1Man
49 weeks ago

Fife

A sexless relationship presents 4 options

1 accept it will remain sexless (and value the other things the relationship give you both)

2 compromise - what intimacy might be acceptable to you both

3 find sexual expression elsewhere (which may or may not be agreed with your partner)

4 leave the relationship

To explore those 4 options requires honesty with yourself about what is truly important in your relationship and in your expression of your sexuality. It should also invoke honesty in conversation with your partner.

It will take time and will probably be hard work.

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By *parkle1974Woman
49 weeks ago

Leeds

Never known anyone to die through lack of sex and if that's what your "friend" calls love then I pity the wife.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
49 weeks ago

Holibobs

There are plenty of "FAB" couples on here, who are each one half of a sexless relationship. Sometimes when true feelings cannot be communicated in a real life relationship, "FAB" couples are born.

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

I am glad I didn't discover fab whilst in a 10yr marriage the last 7 years of which were entirely sexless. It would have led to some wrong choices.

Instead I ended the marriage so that by the time I joined fab I could enjoy myself on here with no negative feelings.

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By *lmost TouchingMan
49 weeks ago

Wherever I lay my hat.

"He should talk to his partner some more and see if there's a compromise position. Failing that, speak to a therapist about managing feelings."

And then get divorced and see the kids every second weekend.

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By *lmost TouchingMan
49 weeks ago

Wherever I lay my hat.

"There are plenty of "FAB" couples on here, who are each one half of a sexless relationship. Sometimes when true feelings cannot be communicated in a real life relationship, "FAB" couples are born."

Yep, I find those suggesting how awful these “cheating” people are so disingenuous as their own lifestyle choice is a similar sin in the eyes of the “righteous “

To me, your life is yours. I am not sanctimoniously sitting in judgement of you… if you are judging me… can we discuss it in front of your local PTA please.

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"He should talk to his partner some more and see if there's a compromise position. Failing that, speak to a therapist about managing feelings.

And then get divorced and see the kids every second weekend.

Or share 50/50 like I do with my ex and some of my male friends do with their ex's.

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By *AYENCouple
49 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

It sounds like you're sexually incompatible with your wife, so you have three ethical options:

Talk and find if some compatability can be developed.

Agree that compatibility isn't achievable and each of you can find sex outside of the marriage. This might have a surprisingly positive impact upon your marriage.

Get divorced.

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By *naswingdressWoman
49 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"He should talk to his partner some more and see if there's a compromise position. Failing that, speak to a therapist about managing feelings.

And then get divorced and see the kids every second weekend.

Yeah, that's one potential outcome. But right now he's being eaten up inside. It's clearly not sustainable.

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By *luehairedcumslutCouple
49 weeks ago

St Neots

This phrase might get bashed abit but you should MAN UP and talk to your wife how you're feeling.

The "spark" might be reignited if you discussed swinging

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

"He should talk to his partner some more and see if there's a compromise position. Failing that, speak to a therapist about managing feelings.

And then get divorced and see the kids every second weekend.

Or share 50/50 like I do with my ex and some of my male friends do with their ex's. "

That is unfortunately not the way most go. Both by financial atruggling and with a little help from the other side our 50-50 arrangement migrated rapidly into an every other weekend with one child and the other being nothing more than vile and nasty then ignoring me for two years.

I'm sure that there are examples of splits that have been magnanimous but there's so many more that are opposite enough to terrify people into tolerating the intolerable. In the end of mine I had to call time when she had an affair with a mutual co-worker and then blamed me for it. Wife gone, home gone, job gone and kids gone - hardly inspiring "that" conversation is it?

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By *uctifanoWoman
49 weeks ago

Glasgow

"A sexless relationship presents 4 options

1 accept it will remain sexless (and value the other things the relationship give you both)

2 compromise - what intimacy might be acceptable to you both

3 find sexual expression elsewhere (which may or may not be agreed with your partner)

4 leave the relationship

It will take time and will probably be hard work. "

Wise words

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By *andC1000Couple
49 weeks ago

Ashford

"The swingers on here sharing so it because they've been open and honest and had the conversation.

If you have to lie and decieve the one you love that's just being a dirty cheat it isn't swinging!

This

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By *0coupleCouple
24 weeks ago

Cornwall

Following.

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By *oodmessMan
24 weeks ago

yumsville

I suppose everyone is getting older so copy paste messages will help cut time in this case.

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By *uckslut and MCouple
23 weeks ago

Poole

Nothing kills the vibe more than a bloke complaining about not getting any at home. Many a time we've been in a club, or dogging. And they say 'I don't get any at home, that's why I'm here.

It will snap my legs shut, quicker than a snapping turtle. I'm not there to give a symperthy shag. End of play right there.

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By *vaRoseWoman
23 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

I’m not monogamous so I can’t really answer your question properly, however what worked for me was fully open, frank communication.

You have a right to set boundaries, so does your partner. If you can’t find a mutual resolution then you have some difficult decisions to make. Only you can make them though.

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By *AYENCouple
23 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

I don't understand how anyone could cheat on their partner if they truly love them - although I've never cheated or been (knowingly) cheated on - it probably ranks as the single biggest insult possible.

I also don't understand how such a 'what if' conversation hasn't happened with someone who (presumably) you've spent many close years with.

It's going to be difficult now, but an honest and open conversation has to happen in order to resolve your situation - and if it's really having the affect that you describe in your op, resolve it you must.

It seems you've been compromising for a good while, now it's for her to at least meet you half way. K.

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