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Passive aggressive.......

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By *oveToPlay. OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

Yorkshire

After a recent passive aggressive, gatekeeping, entitled encounter with someone it got me thinking about other people's experiences with passive aggressive people.

Would you prefer people to just be upfront and honest rather than hurling insults sandwiched with compliments or niceness?

Does it piss you off when people say their negative comments but then back it up with woe is me types of comments, trying to make you some how feel sorry for them?

I find this kind of behaviour all so manipulative and underhand- just be honest and upfront- drop the falseness

Not much to ask is it ?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
24 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

I'm never a fan of the term passive aggressive.

Sometimes I get told I'm being it, when I don't think I am. I'm being openly verbally aggressive, or I'm being blatantly sarcastic. But there's nothing passive about any of it.

So I'd probably need more context to understand quite what is meant.

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By *wiss Army KnifeMan
24 weeks ago

Second star to the right…

Some post comments where the rest of the forum think, “that’s odd” but the person the intend it for knows exactly what they are talking about.

A bit sly in my opinion either ignore me or tell me what you think, you got to have more respect for that.

I think the passive aggressive you’re talking about is more tongue on check than the OPs issue. I could be wrong.

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By *ongAndThick123Man
24 weeks ago

Leeds

It depends on the type of passive aggression, but for the mos part yes it goes through me.

Obviously the worst type is when someone acts off with you (in person) and you ask what’s wrong and get the classic “nothing”. I’m too old to be dealing with mind games now. Just say what your issue is.

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By *ealitybitesMan
24 weeks ago

Belfast

We aren't allowed to name or shame on fab and rightfully so but I'll happily admit to being passively aggressive towards people I know to be professional manipulaters.

Even if no one else knows what's going on I'm comfortable making that person aware that I'm aware they aren't who they are pretending to be.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
24 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

I prefer upfront people. Always have , always will.

HOWEVERRRRRRRR...... there are dynamics and relationships and contexts etc that will FORCE a person into passive aggressive behaviour

Keep a check on your own approach to people in case it's your own fooking rudeness and bullying that stops others being open and honest

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
24 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross


"We aren't allowed to name or shame on fab and rightfully so but I'll happily admit to being passively aggressive towards people I know to be professional manipulaters.

Even if no one else knows what's going on I'm comfortable making that person aware that I'm aware they aren't who they are pretending to be. "

Perfect example.( if i've understood correctly )

You'd prefer to be open and honest but certain rules and the objectionable behaviour of others who attempt to victimise themselves and demonise you make that almost impossible..

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By *oveToPlay. OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

Yorkshire

Just to put perspective- this post isn't about my experience with anyone in the forums - it's actually my mum

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By *ealitybitesMan
24 weeks ago

Belfast


"We aren't allowed to name or shame on fab and rightfully so but I'll happily admit to being passively aggressive towards people I know to be professional manipulaters.

Even if no one else knows what's going on I'm comfortable making that person aware that I'm aware they aren't who they are pretending to be.

Perfect example.( if i've understood correctly )

You'd prefer to be open and honest but certain rules and the objectionable behaviour of others who attempt to victimise themselves and demonise you make that almost impossible.."

That's about it in a nutshell.

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By *parkle1974Woman
24 weeks ago

Leeds

Even worse when the said behaviour is put down as "banter"

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By *oveToPlay. OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

Yorkshire


"Even worse when the said behaviour is put down as "banter""

100%

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
24 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross


"Just to put perspective- this post isn't about my experience with anyone in the forums - it's actually my mum "

Oh ..... mum .... Well that's different. Your mother is right. Leave her nasty bitchy remarks alone

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By *oveToPlay. OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

Yorkshire


"Just to put perspective- this post isn't about my experience with anyone in the forums - it's actually my mum

Oh ..... mum .... Well that's different. Your mother is right. Leave her nasty bitchy remarks alone "

OK- sighs

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By *zeroMan
24 weeks ago

Glasgow


"Even worse when the said behaviour is put down as "banter"

100% "

Banter is such a catch all explanation for shitty behaviour in general.

Acting like a dick: Och it's just banter.

Being homophobic: Bantz innit?

Openly racist: Banter mate, no need to take offence.

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago


"Just to put perspective- this post isn't about my experience with anyone in the forums - it's actually my mum "

Phew….. maybe lead with this!!!

I don’t mind passive aggressive, I can play that game all day everyday if they want.

I don’t care for the forum doing it, I believe half af the side swipes are aimed at me anyway (and probably not) so I guess others think I’m posting about them too. Haha.

But I do prefer straight up confrontation, we know where we stand then, and shit can get sorted out.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
24 weeks ago

Leeds

You’re asking that here. Where it’s sly little comments from people who having got the bollocks to say it to people’s faces .

The mr

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
24 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

I agree Woody. It takes two to sort out a misunderstanding.

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By *oveToPlay. OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

Yorkshire


"Just to put perspective- this post isn't about my experience with anyone in the forums - it's actually my mum

Phew….. maybe lead with this!!!

I don’t mind passive aggressive, I can play that game all day everyday if they want.

I don’t care for the forum doing it, I believe half af the side swipes are aimed at me anyway (and probably not) so I guess others think I’m posting about them too. Haha.

But I do prefer straight up confrontation, we know where we stand then, and shit can get sorted out. "

Yep my mistake there - I didn't think , will know for next time

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
24 weeks ago

East Sussex

I'm not 100% sure what passive aggressive looks like.

Is an example when a friend I hadn't seen for a while messaged me to say "it's alright I know you don't want to see me anymore"?

(Not a fan friend)

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By *oveToPlay. OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

Yorkshire


"You’re asking that here. Where it’s sly little comments from people who having got the bollocks to say it to people’s faces .

The mr "

Yeah I am - its an open forum for all manner of topics.

Just wanted people's views or experiences in dealing woth this sort of thing

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
24 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross


"You’re asking that here. Where it’s sly little comments from people who having got the bollocks to say it to people’s faces .

The mr

Yeah I am - its an open forum for all manner of topics.

Just wanted people's views or experiences in dealing woth this sort of thing "

I ask outright usually. Calmly. I ask them what they meant and depending on who it is I choose how to do it but I always ask outright.

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By *rFoxAndXenoCouple
24 weeks ago

Weymouth

My dad has been passive aggressive since I formed connections, so I can detect it a mile off and will also run a mile from it. - Xeno

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
24 weeks ago

Leeds


"Just to put perspective- this post isn't about my experience with anyone in the forums - it's actually my mum "

I think we may have the same mum!

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago


"Just to put perspective- this post isn't about my experience with anyone in the forums - it's actually my mum

I think we may have the same mum!"

Mines aggressive aggressive

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
24 weeks ago

Reading

I let it go right over my head.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
24 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

And I use the word 'I' so it's not accusatory.

e.g. I wouldn't say to your mum. For FUCKS SAKE mum why don't you stop being passive aggressive all the fucking time.

I'd say....

I'm not clear what it is you want me to do ? Shall I do A or B

OR... Is something I am doing or not doing bothering you?

At least you've given them the opportunity without blaming them.

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By *oveToPlay. OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

Yorkshire


"And I use the word 'I' so it's not accusatory.

e.g. I wouldn't say to your mum. For FUCKS SAKE mum why don't you stop being passive aggressive all the fucking time.

I'd say....

I'm not clear what it is you want me to do ? Shall I do A or B

OR... Is something I am doing or not doing bothering you?

At least you've given them the opportunity without blaming them.

"

I like this approach

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By *oveToPlay. OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

Yorkshire


"Just to put perspective- this post isn't about my experience with anyone in the forums - it's actually my mum

I think we may have the same mum!"

Sorry you're having to deal with the same ball ache situation

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
24 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

Passive aggressive's tend to be emotionally blocked and 'scared' to voice their opinion , therefore the 'hints'

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By *ell GwynnWoman
24 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

My mum's the same, OP. And my brother

The most exasperating thing about them is when I tell them to be direct and stop playing silly games so we can sort it out, they'll get angry. I'm not supposed to have feelings in response to their bad behaviour and I'm certainly not supposed to express them. Being pulled up on twuntery is something that only other people should expect to do.

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By *oveToPlay. OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

Yorkshire


"My mum's the same, OP. And my brother

The most exasperating thing about them is when I tell them to be direct and stop playing silly games so we can sort it out, they'll get angry. I'm not supposed to have feelings in response to their bad behaviour and I'm certainly not supposed to express them. Being pulled up on twuntery is something that only other people should expect to do."

Exactly this - I've been upfront with her but she just goes off the rails then blames me etc etc - its a destructive cycle.

I'm at the point where it's not worth addressing it with her anymore as it's just not worth the hassle.

Shes bow starting to be the same with my kids - seriously think I need to cut ties with her

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
24 weeks ago

Staffordshire

I’m not entirely sure what it looks like.

For instance, I call someone out on their seemingly sly comments in a respectful manner and they tell me I’m very pretty when I’m angry?

Does that qualify?

I’m not one for being particularly bothered by other’s behaviour, I’m very capable of acting in this kind of way myself so it would be very hypocritical.

That’s why I enjoy it here in the hypocrisy Lounge.

The glass houses are my favourite target for stone throwing.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
24 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

She seems stressed and unable to voice it.

That doesn't make it any easier. Maybe she needs a good listening to. If ever she feels ready to speak.

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By *he turned me GreyCouple
24 weeks ago

Warwick and Coventry

Passive aggression stems from deep anger, hostility, and frustration that a person, for whatever reason, is not comfortable expressing directly. When dealing with passive-aggressive behavior, it’s important to understand that beneath all of those snide remarks lies a deep unhappiness and sadness.

Mr

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
24 weeks ago

Essex

Depends on my mood.

A) I’ll play dumb. Be nice and allow it to go over my head.

B) I’ll bite back and be aggressively aggressive.

C) if it’s someone I’d like to continue speaking with them, I’ll ask what the problem is.

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By *ell GwynnWoman
24 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

[Removed by poster at 09/06/24 17:09:00]

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
24 weeks ago

Essex


"My mum's the same, OP. And my brother

The most exasperating thing about them is when I tell them to be direct and stop playing silly games so we can sort it out, they'll get angry. I'm not supposed to have feelings in response to their bad behaviour and I'm certainly not supposed to express them. Being pulled up on twuntery is something that only other people should expect to do.

Exactly this - I've been upfront with her but she just goes off the rails then blames me etc etc - its a destructive cycle.

I'm at the point where it's not worth addressing it with her anymore as it's just not worth the hassle.

Shes bow starting to be the same with my kids - seriously think I need to cut ties with her "

I did that with my mom. For the same reasons.

It’s hard - I’ll warn you of that. But I am more at peace now.

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By *ell GwynnWoman
24 weeks ago

North Yorkshire


"My mum's the same, OP. And my brother

The most exasperating thing about them is when I tell them to be direct and stop playing silly games so we can sort it out, they'll get angry. I'm not supposed to have feelings in response to their bad behaviour and I'm certainly not supposed to express them. Being pulled up on twuntery is something that only other people should expect to do.

Exactly this - I've been upfront with her but she just goes off the rails then blames me etc etc - its a destructive cycle.

I'm at the point where it's not worth addressing it with her anymore as it's just not worth the hassle.

Shes bow starting to be the same with my kids - seriously think I need to cut ties with her "

That sounds so stressful and sad

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