FabSwingers.com forum: Does mental health put you off someone

By (user no longer on site) OP
25 weeks ago

Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
25 weeks ago

East Sussex

Difficult question for me.

My mum had lengthy periods of mental ill health which impacted hugely on me (and my siblings). If I felt it might trigger me I'd stay away for mine and the person's sake be because it would be in both our best interests

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By *ellinever70Woman
25 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I wouldn't knowingly get involved with someone whose mental health caused them challenges

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
25 weeks ago

East Sussex

However if I was in a committed long term relationship I'd do my best to support and wouldn't stop seeing them

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
25 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

It depends how it manifests I suppose.

And the condition of the relationship when it reaches a certain point.

Just getting to know someone stages leave a lot less space for support and understanding than someone you already care deeply for hitting a rough patch.

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By *oodmessMan
25 weeks ago

yumsville

"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"

Everyone has some kind of anxiety over something, it's the extent it interferes with everyday life and those around that prevent any relationship.

At one end of the scale you could have something like antisocial personality disorder which would be a bit of a balancing act, if it's more an anxiety of crowds, that's probably a bit more manageable.

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

It would depend on many things, so there's not a one size fits all answer.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
25 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

No it doesn’t put me off anyone. But… if they’re very depressed I can find their messages incredibly draining and as someone who also has had tough MH issues in the past I find it better for me not to absorb their negative energy too much.

I love to help people as much as I can but I cannot do it for them

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By *agnar73Man
25 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

No we all have it.

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By *rsPricklePantsWoman
25 weeks ago

Room 237 at The Overlook Hotel, Suffolk

I think generally it would be more my mental health that would prevent me from meeting with someone, I've offered to meet people in the past that are dealing with bad mental health as sometimes it just takes talking to someone who's been there themselves to know your not the only one and to know others understand

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By *ripfillMan
25 weeks ago

havant

This is a tough one …

On one hand avoid and on the other my nature would be there to support somehow ( I am not trained to be professional) but it could open a can of worms but I would try to filter first

It’s awful saying typing that now but if I was into it I would definitely support - some way

Tough one …

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"

I think everyone I know has mental health issues - I seem to be the common denominator (but then apparently I have the emotional complexity of an amoeba and the emotional awareness of a porifera - so I just plod on with life leaving a trail of destruction in my wake)

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

It's a tough one to answer. The noble answer would be to say that you absolutely would and mental health doesn't matter as long as you're interested in them.

And that's true to an extent, but I worry there will come a time where dealing with certain issues they have becomes too overwhelming for me and I wouldn't want to be stepping on eggshells around them or changing so much of my own life to cater to their needs. It sounds very selfish, but it's all about how we manage it together rather than how I manage being around them if that makes any sense?

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
25 weeks ago

ashford

Honestly yes! Having lived with my first partner! X

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
25 weeks ago

Leeds

I'd like to say no, but it would be a yes - especially in the earlier stages.

If it's someone I know well and already have an established relationship with then I'm in a better place to support them.

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By *eally_RosieWoman
25 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

I’m committed to somebody who has had mental health issues. He’s supported me through mine. We support family and close friends through theirs.

I wouldn’t willingly take on a relationship with somebody I knew needed support I don’t have the capacity to give.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
25 weeks ago

"I’m committed to somebody who has had mental health issues. He’s supported me through mine. We support family and close friends through theirs.

I wouldn’t willingly take on a relationship with somebody I knew needed support I don’t have the capacity to give.

Capacity. Such an important factor.

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By *eroLondonMan
25 weeks ago

Covent Garden

Yes. To some extent. It wouldn't necessarily stop me from seeing them but I would consider my options with prudence on taking things further.

I would say that a 'certain proportion' of women that I've ·met· on Fab have been impacted by mental health in varying degrees. As delightful as they •all• have been it's been hard work and a detriment to my mental wellbeing.

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By *lueLotusWoman
25 weeks ago

the wilderness

No if they were aware enough to communicate about it and work on themselves/seek help.

Yes if they're just going around in circles and can't see it.

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By *idssissyTV/TS
25 weeks ago

Birmingham

I think being open about my issues has put people off getting to know me better and I can understand why. I have fallen out with people who said I shouldn't be friends with people who have their own mh issues. I take people as people.

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By *ickyKlungespeareMan
25 weeks ago

St Leonards

"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"

Definitely.

Absolutely.

Categorically.

Anyone mentally healthy - far too one dimensional. They're hiding things

Give me the freaks and the weirdos. They're hiding things far more interesting x

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

Hmmm this is such a wide envelope.. The short answer is I'm not sure - I think you need a really strong network to support you

I think it also depends on whether the person is able to recognise and ask for help when sliding and talk openly

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By *bzy88Man
25 weeks ago

PLAISTOW

I wouldn't knowingly as you I have once unknowingly had someone who wanted more but when I said no all the signs showed and became very one sided and emotionally use me or they would do something apologise expect it to go back to normal

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By *allerthanaverage79Man
25 weeks ago

Ayrshire

"I wouldn't knowingly get involved with someone whose mental health caused them challenges "

So you don't do many meets in the west coast of Scotland then?!

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By *esi_maverickMan
25 weeks ago

Solihull

I’ve been suffering from MH for a couple of years now and I’ve tried taking my life many times even though I haven’t succeeded that thought always tends to cross my mind!!!

MH in men is very frowned upon as people always think they should MAN up

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By *emonbuttercreamWoman
25 weeks ago

Birmingham

Yes of course it would put me off. I am supportive but there does come a point with mental health where it just adds strain to relationships and it isn't healthy for anyone involved. But what might be a problem for me, might not be an issue to someone else. I don't think it's always a dick move to choose not to be involved with someone because of bad mental health.

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By *ellhungvweMan
25 weeks ago

Cheltenham

"Hmmm this is such a wide envelope.. The short answer is I'm not sure - I think you need a really strong network to support you

I think it also depends on whether the person is able to recognise and ask for help when sliding and talk openly "

This

If you fall in love with someone then you take the whole package but it can be difficult living with people who have issues. I am not sure I could do it now.

If it was a fab meet then I would be very wary.

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By *ansoffateMan
25 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

But if it turns out that their MH issues clash with mine and we can't resolve that then I have to protect my well-being.

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

For a relationship .... It really depends on the type of MH challenge, how that manifests in their behaviour and what they would need from me .... and what capacity to meet the needs of others.

If their MH challenges meant that they were unable to meet my own relationship needs longer term then I could not be in a relationship with them. At the end of the day as selfish as it sounds i refuse to sacrifice my own happiness and wellbeing for someone else (other than my children)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
25 weeks ago

"No

But if it turns out that their MH issues clash with mine and we can't resolve that then I have to protect my well-being."

That’s pretty much where I’m at I think. It wouldn’t bother me. How can it? I have MH issues myself. But I have to protect my own wellbeing. And I will if it comes to it.

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By *idssissyTV/TS
25 weeks ago

Birmingham

"I’ve been suffering from MH for a couple of years now and I’ve tried taking my life many times even though I haven’t succeeded that thought always tends to cross my mind!!!

MH in men is very frowned upon as people always think they should MAN up

For what's it worth and know I don't know you but glad you are still here

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

After being with someone who was mentally ill for almost 5 years it does put me off now. I just remember how miserable the whole thing made me, never want to go back to that. Not slagging off people who have mental illnesses btw, just rather not go back to that

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
25 weeks ago

Newcastle

"It depends how it manifests I suppose.

And the condition of the relationship when it reaches a certain point.

Just getting to know someone stages leave a lot less space for support and understanding than someone you already care deeply for hitting a rough patch."

Agreed

It depends on the impact of their MH on their day to day life and what stage the relationship is at. Severe MH issues would definitely put me off getting to know someone new but if I was already in a committed relationship with someone, I would support them as much as I possibly could.

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By *a LunaWoman
25 weeks ago

South Wales

This for me too. My kids dad suffers with depression and has attempted to take his own life a few times. As someone who suffers with anxiety and who has had depressive episodes in the past myself, it was overwhelming. And miserable. You feel helpless, on edge and alone. More so if they are not seeking help ( be that from medication, counselling or whatever).

It feels selfish, and maybe it is, but sometimes for self preservation, you have to make decisions that are right for you.

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By *esi_maverickMan
25 weeks ago

Solihull

I guess we have to appreciate that people on here won’t even come near a person whom is suffering from MH

Some of these comments are unbelievable I just hope that anyone nearest and dearest to ya’ll never feel that way so then you can meet them

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By *ealitybitesMan
25 weeks ago

Belfast

I know lots of people who have MH issues including myself so it isn't a deal-breaker.

I would however struggle to get to know someone new if it was the only thing they could talk about.

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By *ansoffateMan
25 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

"No

But if it turns out that their MH issues clash with mine and we can't resolve that then I have to protect my well-being.

That’s pretty much where I’m at I think. It wouldn’t bother me. How can it? I have MH issues myself. But I have to protect my own wellbeing. And I will if it comes to it. "

It sucks when that happens. I'd say charge it to the game, but sometimes it feels like the casino is rigged. Maybe one more roll of the dice, before I cash my chips in.

It's good to be able to trust that you can protect yourself, if you need to. If that starts slipping, I know I'm skating on thin ice.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
25 weeks ago

Wirral.

"I guess we have to appreciate that people on here won’t even come near a person whom is suffering from MH

Some of these comments are unbelievable I just hope that anyone nearest and dearest to ya’ll never feel that way so then you can meet them "

I think you're judging them too harshly.

Most folk have qualified their unwillingness to do it again due to previous experience, and also their own mental state, not because they're uncaring. Indeed, many sound like they've cared TOO much. As I have.

Sometimes you have to look after number 1.

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By *alandNitaCouple
25 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"

I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who I felt was "too fragile" emotionally. I would however be their friend.

Cal

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By *WB85Man
25 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Not at all, as long as they can communicate how they're feeling I feel it's OK.

If I thought they were I'm a bad place mentally, maybe it take things a little slower.

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

"I guess we have to appreciate that people on here won’t even come near a person whom is suffering from MH

Some of these comments are unbelievable I just hope that anyone nearest and dearest to ya’ll never feel that way so then you can meet them

I think you're judging them too harshly.

Sometimes you have to look after number 1.

Exactly this, I have cared very much to the detriment of my own mental health .... and I have been in relationships where none of my own needs were being met because the other person did not have the capacity due to their MH.

It left me broken .... and I can't be back in that place again.

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By *coobyBoobyDooWoman
25 weeks ago

Markfield

If they’re working on it or stabilised then I’m ok with it.

If they are refusing therapy, meds, support etc then I don’t generally cope well during episodes.

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By *alandNitaCouple
25 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone

I wouldn't start a relationship with someone who I felt was "too fragile" emotionally. I would however be their friend.

Cal"

To expand.

A new relationship always has the potential to breakdown quite quickly. There is a huge learning process at the beginning of any relationship, it takes dome time to figure out how compatible you might be.

For me, I would be concerned about exasperating their mental issues if we were not compatible.

Cal

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By *ad NannaWoman
25 weeks ago

East London

Mental health encompasses a whole range of issues. I have my own that interferes with relationships, so I'm understanding.

If the person has psychotic episodes, I would not want to be involved with them.

It would be sad for me if I were invested in someone who retreated from life and wasn't able to see me. That might possibly affect my own mental, and I have to put myself first.

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By *ad NannaWoman
25 weeks ago

East London

I'm pretty good at hiding my own issues.

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By *arla SwingerWoman
25 weeks ago

Somewhere

I think we all have 'stuff', it's part and parcel of life. For me it would depend on what 'stuff', and how that would impact on the relationship, and my own wellbeing though. I've only lived with someone who wasn't a family member once, and they used to play the 'I will go and harm myself, if I don't get my own way' game. Bugger that again for a laugh! So no, if it was something that was going to cause me emotional harm, I'd check out of the relationship sharpish this time round. If it's more something they just required some extra support around then I'd probably view it differently

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
25 weeks ago

Wirral.

"I guess we have to appreciate that people on here won’t even come near a person whom is suffering from MH

Some of these comments are unbelievable I just hope that anyone nearest and dearest to ya’ll never feel that way so then you can meet them

I think you're judging them too harshly.

Sometimes you have to look after number 1.

It left me broken .... and I can't be back in that place again. "

Aw, much love to you

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
25 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

It’s not a question that I could answer with a blanket yes, or no, I would have assess the situation on an individual basis.

That means the answer could be yes, or it could be no.

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

“We all go a little mad sometimes”

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By *idewillyMan
25 weeks ago

portsmouth

As a race id say everyone of us had issues no one is perfect shame that life can bring more of a struggle for many though wether mentally or physically

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By *ib.Man
25 weeks ago

Hampshire

It's complex and depends on severity.

It's never bothered me, but the relationships I had where the other party have very acute issues haven't gone well. It needs a deep bond, trust and understanding from both parties, and that isn't something that can be formed very quickly.

It wouldn't put me off though at all - honesty is probably the most important thing.

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By *essTTWoman
25 weeks ago

Birmingham

"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"

In all honestly it depends on the issue and how they deal with it

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By *urry BlokeMan
25 weeks ago

Stalybridge

It depends on the degree of it tbh

I firmly believe we all have mental health issues

A lot of people just live with them and an outsider would never spot them

I have my own battles (body dysmorphia runs much pretty off the scale most of the time) but I function daily with ease

I have a friend who needs definition for his struggles - accepting them isn't enough - they need a name and a name that gives them reason

He struggles daily (or weekly) but again is pretty high functioning

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By (user no longer on site)
25 weeks ago

"I think we all have 'stuff', it's part and parcel of life. For me it would depend on what 'stuff', and how that would impact on the relationship, and my own wellbeing though. I've only lived with someone who wasn't a family member once, and they used to play the 'I will go and harm myself, if I don't get my own way' game. Bugger that again for a laugh! So no, if it was something that was going to cause me emotional harm, I'd check out of the relationship sharpish this time round. If it's more something they just required some extra support around then I'd probably view it differently "

My ex used to threaten that when I said I was leaving. After years of pleading and begging him not to etc etc and staying ..... one day I said "myself and your child and parents would be devastated if you do that but it's your choice ... "

I rightly calculated that it was an empty threat said to control me ... once he realised I knew that he never threatened it again and went on to a new tactic till I threw him out...

Of course if I'd thought it was a genuine MH crisis I would have had a difference response but it wasn't... he didn't have MH problems he was just a c*nt.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
25 weeks ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

Yes. I have been burned a few times before, with "friends" who have deep set mental health problems. Until I found out that I was the only one In our friendship, after they ghosted me repeatedly. Now I'm extremely cautious on who I let In

Happily there are a few who are just on the borderline, who I can call a friend

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By *uga40Man
25 weeks ago

Hemel Hempstead

Shouldnt matter if they are honest about it straight off

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By *uga40Man
25 weeks ago

Hemel Hempstead

Still married wife

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
25 weeks ago

North West

I’m very lucky to not suffer with MH and don’t have anyone close to me who particularly suffers.

But I’m well aware it can happen to anyone at anytime.

I wouldn’t purposely put myself in a position to be with someone who severely suffers. It’s a lot of extra responsibility and I think I’d struggle with the guilt and always being on edge.

Think it’s more about how it manifests and how it’s controlled rather than a blanket yes or no answer.

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By *randMrsNorthernCouple
25 weeks ago

Cheshire

"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"

We all have mental health unless I am mistaken.

Now the pedantry is out of the way, mental health problems are common and most of us will statistically have experienced them at some point.

Providing the person/people we were meeting weren’t vulnerable as a consequence of their MH and in a “good place” it would be no issue and none of our business.

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By *naswingdressWoman
25 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

Yes and no. I can't be involved in being the only person to work towards someone healing, I've got my own shit to deal with.

But I'm also wary of people who claim to have never had mental health problems. Quite often that's a ticking time bomb of denial - and/ or someone who will have no empathy for me and my struggles.

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
25 weeks ago

North West

"Yes and no. I can't be involved in being the only person to work towards someone healing, I've got my own shit to deal with.

But I'm also wary of people who claim to have never had mental health problems. Quite often that's a ticking time bomb of denial - and/ or someone who will have no empathy for me and my struggles."

As someone who’s never really suffered with mental health problems, I’ve never seen it from this POV before.

Interesting take and something for me tk reflect on, empathy wise

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By *ensual_KarmaMan
25 weeks ago

London

I have dated a couple of people with mental health issues… it can be challenging… but depends how much you wish to invest in a relationship… if you want an easy ride… then you won’t go ahead

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By *eally_RosieWoman
25 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

"I’m committed to somebody who has had mental health issues. He’s supported me through mine. We support family and close friends through theirs.

I wouldn’t willingly take on a relationship with somebody I knew needed support I don’t have the capacity to give.

Capacity. Such an important factor. "

It’s often overlooked, but people who are in a bad place themselves can easily cause more harm than good, even with the best of intentions x

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By *ansoffateMan
25 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

"Yes and no. I can't be involved in being the only person to work towards someone healing, I've got my own shit to deal with.

But I'm also wary of people who claim to have never had mental health problems. Quite often that's a ticking time bomb of denial - and/ or someone who will have no empathy for me and my struggles."

Yeah my hackles respond to that one too. There tends to be a cycle of can't go there conversations that leave me feeling unheard. It's not healthy for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
25 weeks ago

Some interesting replies.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
25 weeks ago

chichester

yes it would , i have been involved before dating with someone that had bipolar and some other ones .. this was withheld at the start and manifest quite fast into it and well it was just wild .... not again for me ...

couldnt be dealing with the flip flop persona changes and aggressive/passive changes .. i had to sack the dating off quite fast as it was just going to be a problem .

For one off casual sex meets in clubs etc its prob not so much of a concern

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By *uenevereWoman
25 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

"Is it a reason you would stop seeing someone or wouldn’t get involved with someone"

I wouldn't choose to start a relationship with someone with serious mental health issues. It is emotionally draining.

My ex husband had mental health problems which I supported him with. It wasn't the reason we broke up but was challenging, and not something I would knowingly put myself through again.

Supporting a friend or family member is very different to living with someone with significant mental health problems.

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By *undee2Man
25 weeks ago

Dundee

Now it would put me off after being stalked by an ex who was bipolar. She teamed up with an ex soldier suffering from PTSD. I came back one day to find them in my living chatting to my partner and children.

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