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"Just to understand, you are looking to be more "dominant" with her ? If that is the case, then before either of you jump in with both feet, you need to discuss the whole framing of the affair. Who initiated the discussion and concept ? What is their understanding of dominance, and by virtue, submission ? What is the driving need and desire of the person who requested this ? Dig deep in to this one to understand the motivations for it. There are many. Discuss what you you'd both like to do, what you wouldn't like to do, and what your hard and soft limits are. Perhaps contact your local "scene", attend munches, get to know experienced folks in the scene, attend a few events and see what's what. There is no one size fits all, and you will evolve your own dynamic over time. The most important advice I can give it two-fold however. 1. Never play under the influence of anything which might cloud your mental judgement or affect theirs. 2. Be prepared to stop on a dime if something doesn't feel right or they are uncomfortable. Do not question the reason for the cessation there in the moment. Halt, pack up, have a cuddle, sleep on it. Discuss it the next day. Finally, do not compare your scene with others. Other people are different and their scenes are unique to them. You are creating a scene with your partner and their experience might be wildly different to what you have both seen on TV or other media. You are not aiming to replicate that. (Perhaps take some cues from it perhaps), but you should aim to evolve your own dynamic appropriate to the both of you." Spot on  | |||
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"Looking to move to a more dominant persona with the missus. Something she has expressed an interest in. Any advice welcome! Don’t want to get this wrong. I’ve done a bit with more experienced play mates but understand newbies will be totally different. So looking for advice and help. " Shadow a current Dom/me and learn from them. C | |||
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"Just to understand, you are looking to be more "dominant" with her ? If that is the case, then before either of you jump in with both feet, you need to discuss the whole framing of the affair. Who initiated the discussion and concept ? What is their understanding of dominance, and by virtue, submission ? What is the driving need and desire of the person who requested this ? Dig deep in to this one to understand the motivations for it. There are many. Discuss what you you'd both like to do, what you wouldn't like to do, and what your hard and soft limits are. Perhaps contact your local "scene", attend munches, get to know experienced folks in the scene, attend a few events and see what's what. There is no one size fits all, and you will evolve your own dynamic over time. The most important advice I can give it two-fold however. 1. Never play under the influence of anything which might cloud your mental judgement or affect theirs. 2. Be prepared to stop on a dime if something doesn't feel right or they are uncomfortable. Do not question the reason for the cessation there in the moment. Halt, pack up, have a cuddle, sleep on it. Discuss it the next day. Finally, do not compare your scene with others. Other people are different and their scenes are unique to them. You are creating a scene with your partner and their experience might be wildly different to what you have both seen on TV or other media. You are not aiming to replicate that. (Perhaps take some cues from it perhaps), but you should aim to evolve your own dynamic appropriate to the both of you." Sound advice!! Couldn’t have put it better.. V | |||
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"Vague but I do love this explanation of a Dom.. Perhaps it’s easier to say what a Dominant is NOT. A Dominant is not a self-annointed title we bestow upon ourselves. It is not an excuse to tie someone up, spank them, degrade them, or use them however you please. Just because you call yourself a Dom does not in fact make you one. Being called a Dominant is a gift your submissive or submissives give you based on the care, protection, guidance, and love you show for them. It is earned. A Dominant is a listener, a communicator, a care taker, a protector, a leader, an earner of trust. A Dominant is selfless and will always put the needs of their submissives before their own. It is a great deal of responsibility! You, as a Dominant, are responsible for someone’s happiness and satisfaction, for understanding their needs and making sure they are met. Whether you are a full time Dom or a play time Dom, all of these qualities hold true. Be sure you are up to the task and take it seriously. " Seriously good and on-point advice. | |||
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