FabSwingers.com forum: Does it matter how much your partner earns?

By *hagTonight OP Man
32 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

I watched a relationship program where they talked about what they want and there in the panel one woman said that "it doesnt matter if you are rich or poor, because I have money, you, just need to be a good man".

I thought that was very sweetly said, that makes me wonder, how much does it matter how much your partner or potential parner earns, is it important?

I am the same as her, it wouldnt matter how much my potential partner earns

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By *iss.ddWoman
32 weeks ago

Leeds + Newcastle

It doesn't bother me as long as contributions are fair and no one takes the piss.

We've both flip flopped over who earns most as we each run a business and things are cyclical but it's never been an issue.

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By *ellinever70Woman
32 weeks ago

Ayrshire

Yes, it would matter to me now

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
32 weeks ago

Leeds

It doesn't bother me I've been the higher and lower earlier, I can't say it's ever been something I've discussed prior to a relationship.

As long as they can look after themselves then I don't really care.

Mrs

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By *aui.Man
32 weeks ago

around here

In an ideal world it wouldn't matter. In reality it does matter a lot, particularly at the early stages of a relationship.

How are you supposed to date someone if you have totally different lives. If one person is constantly wanting to do things the other can afford, it just won't work.

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By *eliWoman
32 weeks ago

Up to a certain point no it doesn't. And then it does. I don't need anyone to provide for me, far from it. I also don't want to be a constant provider for another.

Life happens and earnings fluctuate, I know that. Money doesn't attract me to another but I'd still like to be able to do the things I like.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
32 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

The amount someone makes is generally irrelevant.

But I like things to equal, or at least equitable.

I'm not funding someone else's lifestyle. I don't want someone who tries to fund mine. I have no issue supporting a partner through short term unemployment and of things get tough I hope I have someone I can turn to myself. But if someone actively chooses to just not work or live beyond their means, I don't really want to get involved with that.

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By *eard and TattsCouple
32 weeks ago

Cwmbran

Yes id feel so threatened if my partner brought in more money than me and we could live comfortably

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By *eally_RosieWoman
32 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

No it doesn’t matter. My husband used to earn pretty crazy money but was away all the time. I quit working full time when our kids were born to be at home for them.

In 2015 his business went under and we had to start again, with nothing, and £55k in debt.

In 2022 he quit as a Director of another business to take a job doing something that he loves, that is 37 hours a week. I had to get a job too.

We don’t have much disposable income any more but we’re the happiest we’ve ever been in over 20 years.

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By *illingToHelpMan
32 weeks ago

Oldham or South Shore

I used to date a millionaire film producer… no joke. And our lives were so incredibly different that it made things really awkward. He’s be jetting off to film locations for weeks at a time, or award ceremonies like Cannes, etc. He had film star friends, would go drinking with some real British TV icons and legends, and I’d be sat there thinking; “This is not my life.”

I suppose if we dated at the start of his career, we could have both grown into it together, but I met him when things were going really well for him, so I just couldn’t keep up.

I also noticed that that kind of money and lifestyle makes a person think differently. I used to get embarrassed when I suggested doing something in my price range, which he’d do, but I couldn’t help but think that he was bored. Christmas and birthday presents were weird because of the money that was spent. Political views were vastly different.

I adored him! He was incredibly sexy, to me, but I do wish that he was just a normal bloke with a normal salary. Maybe we would have fitted together a bit better.

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By *929Man
32 weeks ago

bedlington

Not so much what they earn but if was going into a serious relationship now would expect the lass to have at least have her own place mortgaged and have achieved a moderate amount on her own, I’m very goal orientated and would like someone the same so not so much how much they earn but weather or not they put it too good use

Already lost out financially in separation which set me back a few years and the lass I dated after my ex was a truly lovely person but had no goals thought money was “evil” and just to be blown each week worked part time and had her rent paid by council (not a put down she had young kids and no options for childcare and done the best she could) and I just couldn’t see it working long term having two completely different approaches

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
32 weeks ago

East Sussex

Yes it matters. I'm too old to be with someone who is scratching a living and has no prospect of being able to do more than support himself badly. I like to be able to go out for coffee, occasionally eat out, go on holiday etc and I can't afford to pay for two people to do that.

Conversely I couldn't keep up with someone who had loads more money than me and that kind of imbalance causes problems

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By *esthetic21Man
32 weeks ago

Birmingham/Bristol

It's not about money but who wants a broke partner? Unless you're super rich

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
32 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

So many different scenarios that would cause me to answer differently.

It has to be taken on it's merits or in a given context.

There is no yes or no response.

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By *rHotNottsMan
32 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

All that really matters is you both agree to and can sustain the lifestyle you both want.

Like many I’ve had to start again a few times and you realise money and stuff and 5* holidays can be nice but the right people in your life are far more important than any of it

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By *ubmissiveman2uMan
32 weeks ago

Cheshire

My X used to constantly remind me she earned more then me belittling me hence the X , long as people are happy , money is the root to all evils.....

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By *avexxMan
32 weeks ago

cheshire

"My X used to constantly remind me she earned more then me belittling me hence the X , long as people are happy , money is the root to all evils....."
,,, i would have made an x too

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By *urry BlokeMan
32 weeks ago

Stalybridge

It wouldn't matter to me what they earned as long as what I earned wasn't an issue to them

My salary has always been OK and pretty consistent (I'm not wealthy, but I'm lucky to have had consistent employment)

I have been in relationships with people who out earned me five fold and with people who didn't have the proverbial pot to piss in

Both brought their own issues - for them, not me

Hence my opening line

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
32 weeks ago

somewhere

Doughnut has always earned more than me, there has been times he has been the "main bread winner" at times, when I haven't been able to contribute, now we are in a good place wages/salary wise, he still earns way more than I do but I'm positive if it was the other way round he wouldn't care, all we care about is the bills get paid and we have some left over to enjoy life, doesn't matter who made it.

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By *ee69Man
32 weeks ago

glasgow

Couldn’t give a shit this type of thing only applies to the money oriented

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
32 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Couldn’t give a shit this type of thing only applies to the money oriented "

Then I'm money oriented.

If I was 20 or even 40 I wouldn't care but at 67 I think it's only sensible to consider a partner's financial position.

I genuinely don't care if someone is a billionaire or a pauper but if I'm going to be living with them or otherwise in a long term partnership we'd need to be on a more or less equal financial footing

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By *ellinever70Woman
32 weeks ago

Ayrshire

"Couldn’t give a shit this type of thing only applies to the money oriented "

Or those who can be pragmatic about things that may cause an issue in relationships

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By *ools and the brainCouple
32 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

Have you ever seen a billionaire with an ugly partner

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By *TG3Man
32 weeks ago

Dorchester

"I watched a relationship program where they talked about what they want and there in the panel one woman said that "it doesnt matter if you are rich or poor, because I have money, you, just need to be a good man".

I thought that was very sweetly said, that makes me wonder, how much does it matter how much your partner or potential parner earns, is it important?

I am the same as her, it wouldnt matter how much my potential partner earns

"
Money is power and power goes to ones head

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By *eroLondonMan
32 weeks ago

Mayfair

Yes, it does matter.

Does it make a difference? No. She / They rarely go Dutch when out dining, let alone pay the bill.

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By *esthetic21Man
32 weeks ago

Birmingham/Bristol

"All that really matters is you both agree to and can sustain the lifestyle you both want.

Like many I’ve had to start again a few times and you realise money and stuff and 5* holidays can be nice but the right people in your life are far more important than any of it"
so true. The wrong people can cause alot more distress than not having money

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By *esthetic21Man
32 weeks ago

Birmingham/Bristol

"Have you ever seen a billionaire with an ugly partner

"
I know a millionaire who who cheated on his wife a with a woman who wasn't a patch on his wife and from I gathered she was a total bitch too and his wife was a lovely woman. Go figure

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By *amie HantsWoman
32 weeks ago

Atlantis

"Have you ever seen a billionaire with an ugly partner

Do you think they’re all shallow?

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By *hirleyMan
32 weeks ago

somewhere

"Have you ever seen a billionaire with an ugly partner

I don't think there's many "ugly" billionaires, they're just mostly old...

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By *hirleyMan
32 weeks ago

somewhere

"Not so much what they earn but if was going into a serious relationship now would expect the lass to have at least have her own place mortgaged and have achieved a moderate amount on her own, I’m very goal orientated and would like someone the same so not so much how much they earn but weather or not they put it too good use

Agree with all that

I too went out with someone who thought money was irrelevant though and that it was inherently evil

Best decision was getting away, not solely because of that but it was a factor, and I'm not sorry either

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
32 weeks ago

East Sussex

It's romantic keeping warm under a blanket with your partner because you can't afford the heating when you're 25. It's a news headline when you're 85.

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By *eroLondonMan
32 weeks ago

Mayfair

"It's romantic keeping warm under a blanket with your partner because you can't afford the heating when you're 25. It's a news headline when you're 85.

•

Happy birthday, you saucy minx!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
32 weeks ago

East Sussex

"It's romantic keeping warm under a blanket with your partner because you can't afford the heating when you're 25. It's a news headline when you're 85.

•

Happy birthday, you saucy minx! "

Thanks Nero. I think I'm wearing rather well

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By *uenevereWoman
32 weeks ago

Scunthorpe

No, it doesn't matter at all.

In the first few years of my relationship with Cal I was the main wage earner. He has been earning more than me over recent years and mine will probably be the higher one again in a couple of years or so.

If you can't make the differences work, it's not the right relationship for you.

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By *ikesEmBigMan
32 weeks ago

Herts

I thought that was very sweetly said, that makes me wonder, how much does it matter how much your partner or potential parner earns, is it important?

I am the same as her, it wouldnt matter how much my potential partner earns

I need constant spoiling

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By *luttyLaylaWoman
32 weeks ago

North West

It matters to me.

I like my lifestyle and want someone who can do / who’s used to the same.

I don’t expect my lifestyle to be funded, I know what I bring to the table. But expect the same from them x

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By *oodmessMan
32 weeks ago

yumsville

I'd say so... No one wants to carry someone or a relationship, I'd suspect too that no one wants to feel beholden in asking for or being reliant on someone for money. Much as opposites attract, an amount of equality in any relationship needs to exist. Someone living off the spoils of another I'd assume could only ever be one sided for each.

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By *hagTonight OP Man
32 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"It doesn't bother me as long as contributions are fair and no one takes the piss.

We've both flip flopped over who earns most as we each run a business and things are cyclical but it's never been an issue."
Hi miss, that is good it doesnt bother you and yes as long contributions are fair too

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By *hagTonight OP Man
32 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"It doesn't bother me I've been the higher and lower earlier, I can't say it's ever been something I've discussed prior to a relationship.

As long as they can look after themselves then I don't really care.

Mrs "
That is good it doesnt bother you and yes, as long as they can do that too

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By (user no longer on site)
32 weeks ago

Then I'm money oriented.

This is my view as well. I had a partner who had lofty dreams of what the next ten years would look like for them, but the money to support this wasn’t something they planned for or worked towards. It put me off them when looking at the relationship as a long term partnership.

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By *hagTonight OP Man
32 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

[Removed by poster at 27/05/24 20:05:02]

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By *hagTonight OP Man
32 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"Up to a certain point no it doesn't. And then it does. I don't need anyone to provide for me, far from it. I also don't want to be a constant provider for another.

Life happens and earnings fluctuate, I know that. Money doesn't attract me to another but I'd still like to be able to do the things I like."
Hi _eli, yes, you are right there, up to a certain point too

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By (user no longer on site)
32 weeks ago

It's doesn't matter to me what someone earns so long as they can support themselves and the lifestyle they want to live.

I am not into flashy expensive things ... live simply ... do like the odd treat or fancy hotel stay.

My ex husband sponged off me ... would periodically choose to not work .... expect expensive treats from me but complained if he had to buy me a bottle of cheap prosecco ... which he then drank anyway

So if you are with someone who expects a champagne lifestyle but would only has a lidl budget .... walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
32 weeks ago

Nope, my ex earned nearly double what I did and it did not bother me in the slightest.

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By (user no longer on site)
32 weeks ago

Being the higher wage earner in the past has meant that going out costs double. 2 meals, 2 tickets, 2 flights etc. I've also been in a position where I've had more financial responsibility so actual cash after bills is less than my partner and they had no concept that they had more than me if I earned more.

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By *ark n kimCouple
32 weeks ago

Durham

Our earnings have chopped and changed over the years,but as kim is a career woman her wages have gone up a lot quicker with promotions than mine.

But even before buying our first house 30 years ago we have never had separate money.

In the early years we had nothing and I would do a load of overtime just to keep our heads above water.

It's not about who makes more money it's all about being a partnership.

Hence now we have a very comfortable life but we have both worked really hard for it and yes kim makes more money than me and the only feelings I have towards that is I am very proud of her.

She new what she wanted out of a career and worked hard for it.

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By *ormerWelshcouple2020Man
32 weeks ago

Stourbridge

I’ve always been the higher earner, even before my wife was taken ill.

It was never raised as an issue.

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By *aitonelMan
32 weeks ago

Away for Christmas

Yes. It matters.

Collectively as a couple I don't want to be poor!

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By *TG3Man
32 weeks ago

Dorchester

"Nope, my ex earned nearly double what I did and it did not bother me in the slightest. "
did she share cos sharing is caring

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
32 weeks ago

East Sussex

"Yes. It matters.

Collectively as a couple I don't want to be poor! "

Agreed.

We've been poor as a couple and it's not nice

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By *issBellaWoman
32 weeks ago

Wales

Only in the sense that I don't want everything coming out of my pocket. Been there done that, still paying the overdraft off

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By *unlovin72Man
32 weeks ago

BARNSLEY

It doesn't bother us at all we both say it goes in the same pot I have earned more than her previously and now she out earns me still love each other no matter what

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By (user no longer on site)
32 weeks ago

Show me the money!

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By *hagTonight OP Man
32 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"All that really matters is you both agree to and can sustain the lifestyle you both want.

Like many I’ve had to start again a few times and you realise money and stuff and 5* holidays can be nice but the right people in your life are far more important than any of it"
Yes, that is what really matters, to sustain the lifestyle both want too

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
32 weeks ago

Reading

I think it works best if incomes are somewhat similar.

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By *hagTonight OP Man
32 weeks ago

From the land of haribos.

"No it doesn’t matter. My husband used to earn pretty crazy money but was away all the time. I quit working full time when our kids were born to be at home for them.

In 2015 his business went under and we had to start again, with nothing, and £55k in debt.

In 2022 he quit as a Director of another business to take a job doing something that he loves, that is 37 hours a week. I had to get a job too.

We don’t have much disposable income any more but we’re the happiest we’ve ever been in over 20 years."
Yes, that is a big change as you had to start over, that is good that you both are more happy now too

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By (user no longer on site)
32 weeks ago

My ex earned an average wage but not as much as I do. It didn't bother me at all, but I think it bothered him

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