FabSwingers.com forum: Just a thought

By *andomname1 OP Man
over a year ago

manchester

As the title says really its just come to me that some people feel cheating isnt right yet are willing to swing with their partners. Both actions are against the traditional marrage vowes after all "foresaking all others unless my new partner joins in" wasnt part of any marrage i have ever come across. I understand cheating is going behind someones back, but then theres the "if they dont know it wont hurt them" reply as apposed to "they know so its ok" or even "they join in so its great" not really looking for answers as the title says its just a though not saying either is right or wrong, exceptance of either is the way forward.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

yes acceptance is the way forward.

Accept that you play your way and other people will play theirs.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever spin you try and put on it, swinging and cheating are not the same thing. End of.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"exceptance of either is the way forward."

Plenty do take exception

Who knows what vows people took? I can't even remember my own!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issBehavingxxWoman
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Whatever spin you try and put on it, swinging and cheating are not the same thing. End of."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I know its a mistake to say this but if you aren't looking for answers why did you post?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *uncpl2015Couple
over a year ago

Bridgend Area

"Whatever spin you try and put on it, swinging and cheating are not the same thing. End of."

Exactly.. We do not appreciate being put in the same bracket as a guy cheating on his wife for whatever reason he has for doing that. and that is his business. but with us as with alot if couples we play together only so no one is being told fibs or cheating.

Sorry not the same at all.. but the op is a married man lol. it is funny it is only ever the married men or women cheating that try to justify it by claiming its the same as a swinging couple. but there we go whatever makes you feel better i suppose.

Each to their own and if op is happy in what he is doing then thats up to him.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging and cheating are definitely not the same..

I guess some will stoop to all lengths to try and justify that they are not scheming, lying and doing the dirty behind their partners back!!

When they are clearly nothing but a cheat...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

forsaking all others is just one line from the vows..

the vows overall is committing to each other and becoming one, being a partnership and sharing your lives. If you swing as an activity together then thats what you are doing.

but even in swinging you must foresake all others and not fall in love and run off with another

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just two words sums it up for me " mutual consent" cheats don't have it, swinging couples do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im married and my husband doesnt know im on here or that I have met others. So I guess therefore I am cheating. I am not in this to deliberately hurt him and take great care to ensure that he doesnt find out - so far has worked out well. I do admit to blocking it in my mind that I am cheating otherwise Im not sure that I would be able to do this and as I am not getting fun at home why shouldnt I get it here? The poster is married so therefore he is cheating too?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ll-Knight-longMan
over a year ago

Derby/Notts(Long Eaton)

What the OP has not thought about are the "couples" like myself & C. that play that are NOT married so no vows have been exchanged.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

"Whatever spin you try and put on it, swinging and cheating are not the same thing. End of.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

Why do married men, and it's invariably the men, seek to justify their being on here and try to compare their duplicity with couples that play openly together.

I truly don't get it!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Im married and my husband doesnt know im on here or that I have met others. So I guess therefore I am cheating. I am not in this to deliberately hurt him and take great care to ensure that he doesnt find out - so far has worked out well. I do admit to blocking it in my mind that I am cheating otherwise Im not sure that I would be able to do this and as I am not getting fun at home why shouldnt I get it here? The poster is married so therefore he is cheating too?"

The difference is you're not trying to justify your selfishness or comparing your situation to a couple that play together: the op is!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's Easter Sunday folks !

Can we not have a day off from falling out about cheating ?

If you don't all behave I am gonna start a 'not all BBW's are beautiful' thread and then you really will have summat to fall out over

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich

"Why do married men, and it's invariably the men, seek to justify their being on here and try to compare their duplicity with couples that play openly together.

I truly don't get it!

Maybe they are getting an attack of the 'guilts' and want us to validate their actions. Women just seem to suck it up and deal with it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andomname1 OP Man
over a year ago

manchester

I am not trying to justify cheating mearly getting other people _iews on the matter. Playing together or alone isnt what marrage is about. Its a union of 2 people not 2 and their friends.

The fact the last time a friend knocked on ny door telling my wife i had been seeing her,,, my wife said sorry to her. just shows that my wife really isnt bothered what i do.my vowes didnt include forsaking all other. So i havnt swore to not do it and my wife was happy with the reasons for not including the line no one knows each others personal situations.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i know many couples who are swingers..and can honestly say they love each other, show respect,have trust,are open.honest, etc etc...I admire that anyday over someone who has a partner but sleeps around.

Yes Swinging isnt for everyone...but couples who do it..are not gonna hurt the one they love because they are doing it together.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am not trying to justify cheating mearly getting other people _iews on the matter. Playing together or alone isnt what marrage is about. Its a union of 2 people not 2 and their friends.

Spin spin spin.

Sorry pal but you are deluding yerself. Cheat, don't cheat, doesn't affect us. But don't try and make out its the same.

We have a saying in our marriage which has served is pretty well:

It's a share, not an affair.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you get married people trying too cheat behind their partners backs on here ? Oh wow,well I never. Nothing funnier than folk.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"I am not trying to justify cheating mearly getting other people _iews on the matter. Playing together or alone isnt what marrage is about. Its a union of 2 people not 2 and their friends.

So you get out on a technicality then??? Are you a lawyer in real life lol

I don't think you get around cheating just because you didn't have one line in your vows lol

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

The difference is you're not trying to justify your selfishness or comparing your situation to a couple that play together: the op is! "

I think the line 'I'm not getting any fum at home so why shouldn't I get it here' smacks a bit of seeking justification.

If sex is so important to you why not find out why you're not getting it from your husband? And just because you are clever at hiding it doesn't mean that you are bring nice to him

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"exceptance of either is the way forward.

Plenty do take exception

Who knows what vows people took? I can't even remember my own!"

Mine are in a brown envelope now

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whatever spin you try and put on it, swinging and cheating are not the same thing. End of."

Correct. Swinging is two people in a relationship deciding together what they want sexually whereas cheating involves deception. It's not the act of fucking behind your partner's back that hurts, it's the lies that need to be told to make it happen.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever people do, it is their own business. They have to live with their own conscience at the end of the day.

However, I have no time for those who try and justify their actions. Don't explain, don't complain, just JFDI.

I was a cheat, and am not proud of it. It was in the past, and I have moved on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Do you get married people trying too cheat behind their partners backs on here ? Oh wow,well I never. Nothing funnier than folk.

in fact I know someone who is not only cheating via the couple's profile he has but also has his own profile. What's not nice is that I have known this couple (not closely) for years since my kids and theirs went to the same school

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Realistically you are just trying to justify why you are cheating with your post. Couples who play with other couples or play as a single with OH's permission are not cheating, you are

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought it was bunnies at Easter not trolls...

The clue is in the word. Cheating by definition is about deceiving someone.

Swinging/swapping is consensual.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've said this before in many different ways but I just can't keep my typing fingers still on the subject.

Neither of is interested in judging someone else for their actions on here not our business and he who casts the first stone and all that. What really gets my goat are people who try to imply that it's us in the wrong because we choose not to meet them, people who mention the partner not involved and imply that it's their fault and people with a sense of entitlement. If you're married and here without your partners knowledge don't explain, don't justify, don't whine just get on with it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

both first timers and married we've talked grate lengths about this and have agreed that we both play together and not separate! No question about it.

As long as a couple married or not are happy for the other to play on there own then not considered cheating.

Do it behind your partner's back and hiding it cheating imo.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"It's Easter Sunday folks !

Can we not have a day off from falling out about cheating ?

If you don't all behave I am gonna start a 'not all BBW's are beautiful' thread and then you really will have summat to fall out over

Swiftly followed by bi men are diseased...that will overload the naughty step!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The difference is you're not trying to justify your selfishness or comparing your situation to a couple that play together: the op is!

I think the line 'I'm not getting any fum at home so why shouldn't I get it here' smacks a bit of seeking justification.

If sex is so important to you why not find out why you're not getting it from your husband? And just because you are clever at hiding it doesn't mean that you are bring nice to him

Im not justifying myself to anyone here just trying to answer the posters question. Nowhere did I say I was being nice to my husband. Im not going to say anymore about my life at home as I will be accused of justifying myself again!! I want sex, he doesnt - thats it in a nutshell

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"I've said this before in many different ways but I just can't keep my typing fingers still on the subject.

^^^This!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andomname1 OP Man
over a year ago

manchester

So my wife knows i have friends even opolgised to one of them when she went of the handle because i wouldnt go on holiday with her. The only thing my wife doesnt know who where and when i play i would see that as more hurtfull as she would be sat at home knowing what i was doing. I simply go out and come home later so theres isnt any lies. She doesnt want to know. Same as i dont want to know what she does all day while i am working . My profile actualy does say shes probably on here as well. Bottom line i could say she knows, but then does she? Have i got her blessing/consent ? No.... does she know where and when ? No...... is she bothered or intetested ? No...... Is it cheating ? Yes. Is she or myself or anyone bothered or hurt by it? No...... is she doing the same as me ? I dont know,probably...... do me and her have a sex life together ? No. Its not as simple as i sneak out lie about where i go then get in bed when i get home. Neither me or her pretend life is great and rosey, it is what it is.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

So why are you telling us? Also I don't understand why you keep telling us your wife said sorry to someone what's that got to do with any of this?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I think it's sadder that you would continue a life where neither of you are happy with each other and then come on here boasting about how one woman flew off the handle at your wife and she just took it on the chin.

Someone came into your life and tried to hurt your wife and you seem to not care

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"I am not trying to justify cheating mearly getting other people _iews on the matter. Playing together or alone isnt what marrage is about. Its a union of 2 people not 2 and their friends.

Do you not think she was saying sorry to the other person meaning something else.... that she felt sorry for the other woman seeing you. If someone came to me saying my husband was seeing her.. My response would be I'm sorry (meaning I feel sorry for her) and you can have him as I don't want him... just a thought!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andomname1 OP Man
over a year ago

manchester

The conversation afterwards was something along the lines of, had you been seeing her? yes i have , fine but why is she knocking on our door. The point i am making is unlike people who put on their profile "married" but he/she knows i play i was more honest and said it like it is which is technically she knows and isnt bothered. We dont talk about it i certainly dont say where or when and as for showing her pictures ( which i have read on some profiles) thats weird to me anyway. My wife usually finds out about my affairs after the fact not a one has bothered her.

To answer the question of why we stay together if were not happy,, we are happy just dont do anything sexual for each other any more. To me its simple if nsa sex is what you want and all parties are in agreement its no more diffrent than taking your car for a service. We did talk about prostitution at one point and she was only pissed of about the money aspect of it. If it was free she wouldnt bother.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As the title says really its just come to me that some people feel cheating isnt right yet are willing to swing with their partners. Both actions are against the traditional marrage vowes after all "foresaking all others unless my new partner joins in" wasnt part of any marrage i have ever come across. I understand cheating is going behind someones back, but then theres the "if they dont know it wont hurt them" reply as apposed to "they know so its ok" or even "they join in so its great" not really looking for answers as the title says its just a though not saying either is right or wrong,

exceptance of either is the way forward. "

Are you not married

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"The conversation afterwards was something along the lines of, had you been seeing her? yes i have , fine but why is she knocking on our door. The point i am making is unlike people who put on their profile "married" but he/she knows i play i was more honest and said it like it is which is technically she knows and isnt bothered. We dont talk about it i certainly dont say where or when and as for showing her pictures ( which i have read on some profiles) thats weird to me anyway. My wife usually finds out about my affairs after the fact not a one has bothered her.

There seems to be some deep seeded issues going on... Issues that a professional is better to advise on.. maybe contact relate... or leave the marriage.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Like I said earlier the spin you put on it is irrelevant. You are still cheating.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andomname1 OP Man
over a year ago

manchester

Deep seeded issues? My wife doesnt turn me on any more and after sitting down and talking to each other about it she said the same about me. We both do our own thing outside of the family unit and dont wish to know what it is the other does.

Whats deep seeded about that.

We have kids house cars holiday home, neither of us is unhappy so why split up. What would be the benefit? Neither of us can see one. So we choose to ignore parts of each others lives thats all.

Jeeess i started the thread to see peoples take on things it seem stone wall cheating is cheating in any shape or form even when its allowed.anything else is fair play and allowed. Now i know i can stop reading the thread and carry on. As the op says i wasnt looking for answers i certainly wasnt trying to justify anything or get guidence as i have said all the wsy through each person is diffrent

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

When a person expresses their inability to distinguish between a situation ‘with’ consent and a situation ‘without’, my right eyebrow twitches for a few seconds.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Deep seeded issues? My wife doesnt turn me on any more and after sitting down and talking to each other about it she said the same about me. We both do our own thing outside of the family unit and dont wish to know what it is the other does.

Whats deep seeded about that.

We have kids house cars holiday home, neither of us is unhappy so why split up. What would be the benefit? Neither of us can see one. So we choose to ignore parts of each others lives thats all.

Whatever makes you happy but your cheating whatever way you say it your still cheating, if you was swinging together then that's something you've decided together, this your doing alone without your wife knowing

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging to us is not cheating its having fun with each other. We have a meet and some good fun but its later when we are alone we can both lye together and smile at each other other knowing we both enjoyed it because we do it for each other because we love each other so much. Got a smile now thinking of past meets

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Whats deep seeded about that.

We have kids house cars holiday home, neither of us is unhappy so why split up. What would be the benefit? Neither of us can see one. So we choose to ignore parts of each others lives thats all.

My take on it is my take on it... Your take on it is your take... If you are happy then carry on.... I am not living in your shoes the same as you are not living in mine...My thought process is based on the information that you have supplied in the thread.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *radleyandRavenCouple
over a year ago

Herts

[Removed by poster at 31/03/13 15:55:13]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

Its not the "cheating" that people object to so much...

Its the doing it without his/her knowledge and behind their back.....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I am indifferent to the whole cheating thing, it is the bleating and huffy entitlement that makes me feel sadness, for the invisible partner.

do what you have to do...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

"I am indifferent to the whole cheating thing, it is the bleating and huffy entitlement that makes me feel sadness, for the invisible partner.

do what you have to do...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I am indifferent to the whole cheating thing, it is the bleating and huffy entitlement that makes me feel sadness, for the invisible partner.

do what you have to do...

while not exactly indifferent I wholeheartedly agree with the rest of this statement.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread