FabSwingers.com forum: Best friend/friends?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Not trying to put a downer on people just looking for advice.

Friends is what comes natural to most people.

Short version, bullied my entire life, have no friends, no close ones anyway, non that i can talk to, hang out, go cinema with etc.

I'm 31, how on earth do I make new friends, most people have their own groups of friends.

I don't drink and from experience going the pub/clubs has never worked.

My main interests are movies, tv series, gaming and bands that rarely tour the uk so clubs etc dont really have any round here.

I would say swinging but I've yet to actually meet anyone and don't exactly have the confidence to turn up somewhere alone.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Sound more like a confidence issue. You were bullied at school. That's a long time ago. Why are you allowing the bullies to still affect you?

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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Its not quantity of friends, its quality. I only have three friends (apart from FBs) and don't see them that often!

You say you're into gaming. Have you ever looked at LARP, or re-enactment groups?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be a positive, approachable person.

The last post i saw you comment on was a bit scary as well!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sound more like a confidence issue. You were bullied at school. That's a long time ago. Why are you allowing the bullies to still affect you? "

This.

The OP's problems seem more deep routed than a lack of friends and that is the issue that needs addressing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my husband was similar for a long time he had a couple of mates from school he saw occasionally but in the line of making new friend he wasnt the best. then we joined a social club (leisure centre) i joined the gym there and he met lots of new friends in the snooker hall and football team (in fact im sure they see him more than i do!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you work? Don't you have friends there? Or work related social functions that you can go to?

On the club front, I would if I were you try and pluck up the courage to go to one - you'll be surprised how quickly you feel at home and make new friends. Or try a house party - just as good.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Not trying to put a downer on people just looking for advice.

Friends is what comes natural to most people.

Short version, bullied my entire life, have no friends, no close ones anyway, non that i can talk to, hang out, go cinema with etc.

I'm 31, how on earth do I make new friends, most people have their own groups of friends.

I don't drink and from experience going the pub/clubs has never worked.

My main interests are movies, tv series, gaming and bands that rarely tour the uk so clubs etc dont really have any round here.

I would say swinging but I've yet to actually meet anyone and don't exactly have the confidence to turn up somewhere alone.

hello

Bullying can have a lasting effect I'm sorry to hear that you've been affected by it.

I know that this is an old chestnut but have you thought of volunteering for something? Loads of charities need help of some sort, you will be made very welcome and there is always a topic of conversation. You wont make friends straight away because although it might seem like it to you most people don't make friends easily.

I hope you find some useful advice among the replies you get

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Might be quality of friends but i don't even have anyone. My best friend the last 12yrs was my dog but she passed away in November.

Don't know why I still let the bullying effect me, still feel like it goes on if I ever go out

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

You can make friends in all sorts of situations. One of my friends is someone i used to pass every day on the way to taking my son to school we started by smiling and then chatting ect.

Just remember what ever kind of group you are going to join they might not automatically welcome you with open arms, you have to go a few times, get your face noticed. Join in. What about volunter work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Not trying to put a downer on people just looking for advice.

Friends is what comes natural to most people.

Short version, bullied my entire life, have no friends, no close ones anyway, non that i can talk to, hang out, go cinema with etc.

I'm 31, how on earth do I make new friends, most people have their own groups of friends.

I don't drink and from experience going the pub/clubs has never worked.

My main interests are movies, tv series, gaming and bands that rarely tour the uk so clubs etc dont really have any round here.

I would say swinging but I've yet to actually meet anyone and don't exactly have the confidence to turn up somewhere alone.

hello

Bullying can have a lasting effect I'm sorry to hear that you've been affected by it.

I hope you find some useful advice among the replies you get

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Might be quality of friends but i don't even have anyone. My best friend the last 12yrs was my dog but she passed away in November.

Don't know why I still let the bullying effect me, still feel like it goes on if I ever go out"

Now I'm not an expert on this by any stretch of the imagination but I think you might benefit from some counselling. I don't doubt that bullying goes on among adults I've had to step in at work where I've seen it taking place, so I believe what you are saying. However sometimes a change in your mindset can help you deal with and face up to anything you perceive to be bullying behaviour.

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Might be quality of friends but i don't even have anyone. My best friend the last 12yrs was my dog but she passed away in November.

Don't know why I still let the bullying effect me, still feel like it goes on if I ever go out"
Perhaps that's because you expect it to be that way? I'm so sorry for you but do try and think positively and that will be portrayed to others, making you more approachable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Might be quality of friends but i don't even have anyone. My best friend the last 12yrs was my dog but she passed away in November.

Don't know why I still let the bullying effect me, still feel like it goes on if I ever go out

Good luck!"

Loads of really good advice on here - good luck to you

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"Might be quality of friends but i don't even have anyone. My best friend the last 12yrs was my dog but she passed away in November.

Don't know why I still let the bullying effect me, still feel like it goes on if I ever go out"

Charlie Brown needed all the friends he could get. Try pretending to be confident, then at some point you will realise you're not pretending anymore. How does it feel like bullying if you go out? Adults in social situations dont usually bully people they don't know an although it happens in the workplace, reporting procedures can help.

Go in a chatroom on here and start chatting to people who like what you like.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Might be quality of friends but i don't even have anyone. My best friend the last 12yrs was my dog but she passed away in November.

Don't know why I still let the bullying effect me, still feel like it goes on if I ever go out

Go in a chatroom on here and start chatting to people who like what you like. "

Steve I have to disagree with you here. Some people are bullys in any situation and they have a way of picking up on insecurities. I see it often in social situations, the subtle put down, the "joke" made against someone and when they object they're told they have no sense of humour, the raised eyebrow or eye roll at comments....... if you don't have the emotional tools to deal with it it can be soul destroying.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Well, I'm no expert believe me!!!

If people try to put me down I always think they're insecure and can't cope socially with me.

Chatrooms on here at least then.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

@dptestshoot don't worry about it!

I was in the same situation as you up until the last year of high school yet the biggest bully in my life was my dad. he died a few years ago and you know what? It just made life quieter so I could fill it with a lot of suppressed anger.

But right after school I went to college and made friends there. We drank too much and smoked and did silly amazing things. Then a few years later they were gone.

I lived in London for a few months where I was invited to a hell of a lot of house parties but none of them were my friends.

And I came back home and moved onto this great job in 2001 where I made loads of friends and lived the popular life until the place closed and then they were gone.

I was in a band for a few years after that and had more friends than I knew what to do with them and then when had personal problems and thanked my friends for being there, they were gone.

After all of that, I don't stop making friends because you have to want them and you have to endure them coming and going. Just the best of them and then some of the ones that are around by convenience are still there for you and you're just grateful for the moment.

Moral of that story is to just be yourself and go explore what kind of people you attract without having to try so hard or worry that you don't try hard enough. You are missing out not just a big part of your past but the future as well.

Get out there, get a hobby or find an interest in the outside world where there are likeminded people and if you can't charm them, appreciate them and compare notes. Remember that people are not job interviews and try to be remembered as the guy somebody thought was nice enough to go talk back to when they see you next.

Just another word of advice, shit is gonna come out of the woodwork when you start to relax. Years of loneliness and insecurity can hurt when you reflect on them. Don't be scared. Learn to express yourself. Go see a counsellor. they can help you with that!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Well, I'm no expert believe me!!!

If people try to put me down I always think they're insecure and can't cope socially with me.

Chatrooms on here at least then....."

Yes I'm the same and I always think that a bully is actually the weak one picking on someone they perceive to be stronger than them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try "Meet Up" and see if there is anything that takes your fancy.

If your current interests do not provide much opportunities to meet people, and if that is what you are hoping to do, then perhaps it is time to explore other interests.

I am a loner by nature, and only have a small circle of friends.

I know of peeps via my hobbies and interests, however they are more acquaintances than friends.

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By *eady_eddyMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm reminded of a childhood friend of mine. Many years ago I got a job, where we worked together. One day, he confided how jealous of me and my family he used to be. He was an only child, and told me he used to sit at his window for hours to see if anyone was out playing. I have a large family including 5 brothers about the same age (within 10 yrs), I am in the middle. It was so surprising for me to understand that someone could be so lonely. He told me (and I remembered) that he always made sure he had a football, cricket equipment etc. so that people who wanted to play had to call on him. He said he was also jealous of the fact that I could afford to fall out of friends with someone because I was not short of friends (family) while he dreaded falling out with someone. My family has had many more additions and we all get along famously. As always there have been arguments but no falling out.Because of this, I do not need friends which makes it easier to find true friends. Besides family, I have 3 true friends and I haven't seen 2 of them for 3 years!

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

You have listed a few interests...

Why not try online forums with the same interests??

Gaming forums are huge...

Could be a start....

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"Not trying to put a downer on people just looking for advice.

Friends is what comes natural to most people.

Short version, bullied my entire life, have no friends, no close ones anyway, non that i can talk to, hang out, go cinema with etc.

I'm 31, how on earth do I make new friends, most people have their own groups of friends.

I don't drink and from experience going the pub/clubs has never worked.

My main interests are movies, tv series, gaming and bands that rarely tour the uk so clubs etc dont really have any round here.

I would say swinging but I've yet to actually meet anyone and don't exactly have the confidence to turn up somewhere alone.

I came out a long term relationship not so long ago where he did his best to damage my friendships. I have done a cookery class at the local college so far and am just about to sign up for a pottery class. something I have always wanted to do...I don't know if you work but there is even help available on my evening classes if you claim benefits. I have also just signed up for a choir. Rubbish at singing but I enjoy it and thought it was a brilliant way to meet people

You won't meet anyone sat inside behind a pc...You need to make the effort to get out and join in with things. Harsh to say but nobody will do it for you..xx

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