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Partners and Confidants

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Generally, we all have a confidant... someone to talk to about matters of the head and heart... but would it unease you to know your partner's confidant was one of your friends?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I think it would: especially if they were my confidant too!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I think it would. as mistress said. Especially if it was mine or even someone close to me!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

One of our friends or one of my friends? I think both would unease me a bit and it would depend on the sex of the confidante too. A joint friend might make things very awkward with the friend knowing more about one of you and a friend of mine would invoke feelings of disloyalty.

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

Yes, think it would....

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

Maybe not so much if it was a male friend....

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Maybe not so much if it was a male friend...."

Why do you think that would make a difference?

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I think it does bother people, which is why the "emotional affair" can feel worse than the sexual affair. I know it was the the thing that hurt most when a partner cheated on me. I found it easier to forgive the sex but not the confidences shared.

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814


"Maybe not so much if it was a male friend....

Why do you think that would make a difference?"

Maybe talking to a male makes it easier for him, if it was a female friend, I would be asking why he couldnt talk to me....

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Maybe not so much if it was a male friend....

Why do you think that would make a difference?

Maybe talking to a male makes it easier for him, if it was a female friend, I would be asking why he couldnt talk to me...."

May be he wants the female perspective on a situation involving you.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I would wonder why they couldnt talk to me.

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"I would wonder why they couldnt talk to me."

Don't think of it as 'couldn't'.... we can all choose to talk to someone else at some point or another for an outside perspective or just to rant one off.

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814


"Maybe not so much if it was a male friend....

Why do you think that would make a difference?

Maybe talking to a male makes it easier for him, if it was a female friend, I would be asking why he couldnt talk to me....

May be he wants the female perspective on a situation involving you."

I would still be pissed he didnt just talk to me....Especially if it involves me..

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire


"I would wonder why they couldnt talk to me.

Don't think of it as 'couldn't'.... we can all choose to talk to someone else at some point or another for an outside perspective or just to rant one off."
in that case it wouldnt matter if it was male or female im not the kind that would bother. but i would be upset if the reason they where doing it was because they didnt think id be understanding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My confidants are also my best friends and they just so happen to be a married couple. It's good to get both perspectives, and can speak to either just as easily it just depends on the situation in question. They both often confide in me about each other and in general. Neither to my knowledge have a problem with this. They always get an honest answer, and even tell them when they need to talk to each other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Generally, we all have a confidant... someone to talk to about matters of the head and heart... but would it unease you to know your partner's confidant was one of your friends?"

Been a while since I've had a 'proper' partner, but I think it would depend on what was being said and if I was in the loop at all. Think I'd be ok with them getting an outside opinion on something where I may be biased due to being too close to a situation, or just needing someone to have a rant to after a bad day, but if it was because they felt they couldn't confide in me then I think that would hurt. I'd like to think a partner could tell me there thoughts and feelings even if we may disagree on them...but wouldn't begrudge them a second set of ears to listen too if they needed it as I'd probably want to be able to do the same sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Generally, we all have a confidant... someone to talk to about matters of the head and heart... but would it unease you to know your partner's confidant was one of your friends?"

It's an issue of loyalty.

Having been badly burned once, I now make a point of telling my friends/partners NOT to tell me something, if I would feel guilty about having to keep it a secret. And I make a point of NOT sharing my thoughts or feelings with someone, if I would put them in the same painful position.

It means I sometimes miss out on the gossip, but at least my conscience is clear

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

No partner but I think I would find it uncomfortable, all being equal there should be nothing your partner may share that you wouldn't

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

You and your partner should be able to talk to each other openly about and problems you both may have....

The first thing I would say to anyone asking me is "Have you spoken to him/her about it"? If not, why not?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn


"You and your partner should be able to talk to each other openly about and problems you both may have....

The first thing I would say to anyone asking me is "Have you spoken to him/her about it"? If not, why not?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My confidant is a male friend at work I was there for him when his marriage broke down (she left him for another man)

I usually bottle all my problems up and write them in a diary

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