FabSwingers.com forum: Is it internalised fatphobia?

By (user no longer on site) OP
31 weeks ago

Do you believe that, even if you’re healthy, having a bit of pudge or a tum is unattractive or undesirable? Do you think fat is unattractive?

Why? Media? Family? Something else?

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
31 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon

I figure if people aren’t attracted they don’t contact me so I don’t think more about it than that.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
31 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Um.

I don't think so for me.

I find my heavier partners just as attractive as the skinny ones. People can be beautiful in many ways.

On me, I don't like how fat my thighs look in certain positions, but thoroughly appreciate my thicc thighs most of them time, and I'm definitely more bothered by things like the loose skin where I've lost weight and the occasional zits than I am by the chunky bits.

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By *ittle Miss TinkerbellWoman
31 weeks ago

your head

Not on other people, if I like someone something like that wouldn't bother me. On me it bothers me though.

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By *ellhungvweMan
31 weeks ago

Cheltenham

No.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
31 weeks ago

little house on the praire

Different people like different things.

If we all liked the same there would be a lot less couples

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By *rill PhilMan
31 weeks ago

Crediton

I think it varies. There are some gorgeous fat people and there are some repulsive ones.

Different people carry their weight differently.

I for example, am pretty skinny, except my gut which is kinda prominent. I think I look disgusting, apparently some people disagree.

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By *r Black 85Man
31 weeks ago

nottingham

I used to be bothered but for about the past 5 years or so, I haven't cared. My sparkling personality makes me irresistible

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By *issBellaWoman
31 weeks ago

Wales

I'm way more bothered about my own weight and the way I carry it than anyone else's. I'm the only person I'd call fat to be honest

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By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

Fat is physically unattractive. I say that as a tubby self-loathing nonlard-arse who loves his food and loathes exercise, healthy eating and effort.

But there are plenty of other redeeming qualities (and I'll quietly announce, plenty of people) that find attractiveness in non-physical ways that trumps my distorted notion of what's appealing to all. Won't change my views about myself though.

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By *rBobbMan
31 weeks ago

Birmingham

I never use the term fat. That's simply my choice.

I do find ladies with curves very attractive. But it's mainly about the person. If you both connect then it really doesn't matter what size either of you are.

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By *rHotNottsMan
31 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think the opposite , on a woman at least it’s natural & sexy & a sign of her liking food & not conforming to stereotypes. On me it bothers me, it’s a sign of being weak willed and a trigger to go for a run !

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
31 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon

Dammit this thread is making me think about it.

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By *929Man
31 weeks ago

newcastle

I wouldn’t go so far to say it’s unattractive as everyone is different but personally not my cup of tea but I’m probably at the extreme end being a gym rat I hold myself to a pretty strict standard and unless my arms and legs are squirming with veins I consider myself ower that

I do consider curvy (young Kelly Brook curvy not Gemma Collins curvy) to be probably the most attractive body type so a little bit fat in the right places looks amazing

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By *929Man
31 weeks ago

newcastle

Ower fat not ower that

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By *mf123Man
31 weeks ago

with one foot out the door

Fat is tasty fact

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By (user no longer on site) OP
31 weeks ago

"I figure if people aren’t attracted they don’t contact me so I don’t think more about it than that. "

I’m talking about you and your views on yourself and others.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
31 weeks ago

Reading

Totally and yes media influencing society too much.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
31 weeks ago

I’m more interested in how we view ourselves

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
31 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Do you believe that, even if you’re healthy, having a bit of pudge or a tum is unattractive or undesirable? Do you think fat is unattractive?

Why? Media? Family? Something else?"

Nope. I haven't been in a gym for decades.

I only realise I've been eating too much when my jeans are tighter than normal. It fluctuates.

Zero shits given.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
31 weeks ago

Reading

Wow some harsh self talk here.

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By *JcuriousCouple
31 weeks ago

Derby

Sometimes I feel insecure about it but sometimes I'm like meh fuck it. Mr J always hypes me up and tells me how much he loves my body

On others i like it, within reason.

Miss S x

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By *ambertMan
31 weeks ago

Cheltenham

I'm fat as shit but also hilarious so you know, it all balances out

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By *glyBettyTV/TS
31 weeks ago

About 3 feet away from the fence

I think a podgy belly is unattractive. Mine is bigger than I'd like it to be.

I want to get back to where I was in early 2020, when I had right balance of a flattish belly but my ass was still phat

The pics I uploaded on 21/9/21, 5/12/22, 22/1/23, 26/1/23 were all taken in 2020 & where I'd want to get back to.

I was slimmer in 2018 & 2019 but too slim for my liking.

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By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

It makes me feel unattractive sometimes. I know I’m not fat, but I have more pudge and wobbly bits than I used to and it’s not evenly distributed across my body.

Someone else’s weight doesn’t bother me and it doesn’t make them unattractive to me. If I fancy them, I don’t think about their weight.

I think social media plays a big roll in the insecurities I have and it distorts my view on the way I think my body should look.

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By *ansoffateMan
31 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

Having experienced loved ones who have gone through anorexia nervosa - I would say my phobia is on the other end of the spectrum.

Body shape rather than size seems to be my physical desire, if that makes sense?

I think body-shaming and in particular fat-shaming has been a major problem in this country for 20 years, by an over exuberant drive to fight obesity was implemented. And this has been linked to a rise in bullying, eating disorders amongst children and adult population. There was a government study on it and the findings where that there needed to be immediate action to rectify it, and increased funding for MH.

All I've seen so far is that they are now mounting and assault on MH and plan to employ MH professionals (which apparently there's a shortage of) in the process of removing their benefits.

The factor which seems to be consistent across these decisions is reducing cost.

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By *edeWoman
31 weeks ago

the abyss

On other people I wouldn't even notice size. On myself? I hate it

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman
31 weeks ago

Medway

I'm in the very curvy department and I love every inch of me.

I'm not everyone's idea of dessert and that's ok. We all have different tastes and there's nothing wrong with that. The media does a great job of making larger bodies feel awful and that we are all unhealthy. I drown that out and do the best to enjoy my life and be a good human being to others! Self love is super important

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By *rBobbMan
31 weeks ago

Birmingham

"I'm in the very curvy department and I love every inch of me.

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
31 weeks ago

Herts/Beds/Lomdon

"I figure if people aren’t attracted they don’t contact me so I don’t think more about it than that.

I’m talking about you and your views on yourself and others. "

But other peoples views are what form our own. None of us are immune to this.I get called fat, much more often I get called thicc. I could walk around hating myself or I can embrace my shape as something sone like some don’t. It confuses me when gym buffed guys are messaging me I think they’ve got the wrong profile. So I’m certainly not immune to questioning myself. But I won’t stand here and beat myself up. Not today or any day.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
31 weeks ago

Reading

"I'm in the very curvy department and I love every inch of me.

Love this and wish i could do the same.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
31 weeks ago

"I figure if people aren’t attracted they don’t contact me so I don’t think more about it than that.

I’m talking about you and your views on yourself and others.

Not today or any day

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By *piritualBlackBWW1979Woman
31 weeks ago

Medway

You can and it is possible - I promise

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
31 weeks ago

little house on the praire

I just think this is me. Completely sick of dieting and after the last three years, the last thing I'm going to worry about is my weight. Yes I could do with losing a lot but will only address it when I'm good and ready.

As for other people unless their very large I wouldn't notice as so many big people around

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
31 weeks ago

Basingstoke

So I lost 8 stone in weight (50kg), coming from a UK size 22 to a 10/12.

I did it for health reasons after a lifetime of being at least a size 16 (I hit size 16 at age 14), and it took me 18 months to do it in my late 40s. I had always thought I was happy as a large lady, but with hindsight I now realise that was me telling myself I was happy and masking my real feelings of absolute disgust with myself.

Over the past year my mobility was significantly compromised, meaning that I couldn't do the fitness activities that I'd grown to love, and depression set in. I started my unhealthy relationship with food again, and I put on 3 stone (19kg). I was still managing to fit into a size 14, so was nowhere near as large as I'd previously been. But every time I looked in the mirror I hated myself, hated how I looked in my clothes, and hated that I was no longer that athletic girl I'd become back in 2018.

Now that my mobility is almost back to normal, my depression is reducing and my confidence is rising. I'm actively addressing the weight gain and can't wait to get back to being able to wear my beautiful wardrobe full of clothes again. I worked bloody hard to achieve it and to buy those clothes, so no, I'm not going to be happy 'settling' in my skin again, and it doesn't matter what anyone else tells me, my opinion when I look in the mirror is the only one that really matters.

Does my view on weight impact how I see others? Honestly, yes. I know what my life was like when I was so heavy, and it was so unhealthy. I feel lucky to be alive, and I worry about people that are complacent about their health. Obviously I would never try to influence, but if they asked for help or guidance I'd happily give it. But, damn, I worked hard for my body, my health and my lifestyle, and I want to be surrounded by people who understand why I do what I do, and why I want to maintain it as long as I can to enjoy a healthy and active life.

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By *naswingdressWoman
31 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

The more I go on, the less I try to think about what I look like.

I used to worry about fitting in. I remember being very young and noticing that I had bigger legs than the other girls, and feeling ashamed (I probably weighed 25kg soaking wet at that point, and an internet search confirms that that was pretty normal).

Sometimes I play with my appearance, but that's about the combination of colours and effects and less about me - I'm just the canvas.

To the extent I worry about my appearance, it's either a) I have to look appropriate in this setting, or b) a subset of thinking about my health, including mental health.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
31 weeks ago

North West

"Do you believe that, even if you’re healthy, having a bit of pudge or a tum is unattractive or undesirable? Do you think fat is unattractive?

Why? Media? Family? Something else?"

Yeah. I don't like my fatness. I feel less attractive as a fat person, generally.

I feel society judges me negatively for being fat and even more so as a wheelchair user. Lots of people might assume my mobility impairment is because I am fat, but it's totally unrelated.

I mainly try to avoid thinking about my chub though, and plough on regardless. Clearly, some people (at least one person!) finds me attractive enough, so that's okay.

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By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

I see the beauty in all women. My preference is for women that are more curvier/bbw. I embrace it.

I’m content with my body. Not women I’ve interacted with like big men on here which is unfortunate

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
31 weeks ago

Leeds

Depends which fat you are.

Fat birds, I do find some attractive depends on the face.

Fat mess, not a fucking chance.

The mr

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
31 weeks ago

North West

"Depends which fat you are.

Fat birds, I do find some attractive depends on the face.

Fat mess, not a fucking chance.

The mr "

Is it possible to explain some of the difference between fat mess and not?

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By *stwo2023Couple
31 weeks ago

Worcester

"Fat is physically unattractive. I say that as a tubby self-loathing nonlard-arse who loves his food and loathes exercise, healthy eating and effort.

You can't state that first sentence as an outright fact. Fat isn't physically attractive to you is right for you but not for everyone and your second sentence implies you're projecting.

I'm fat, I am sure some have fucked me just to get their dick wet but hey....I was horny so a win for both of us.

I also know there is a huge number of people who find bigger bodies very attractive. I organised one of the most popular BBW nights on here for a number of years. They can't all have been thirsty or desperate.

Evie

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By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

Absolutely! My mum had an eating disorder and I have a fairly healthy relationship with my body, food and movement but I do see myself in certain photos or clothes and feel embarrassed about my little tummy. It's annoying because my body does amazing things but I can't shake off that shame about the mummy tummy.

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By *ildo_swagginsthe3rdWoman
31 weeks ago

Wales

Honestly, the appeal of a firm body v a squidgy one is because a firm body feels nicer to touch

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
31 weeks ago

I've never been attracted to a larger Woman but that doesn't mean they're not attractive, just not for me.

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By *ellinever70Woman
31 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I'm generally not attracted to people I deem to be fat.

I equate it with health and how they live their life.

I don't know for sure why

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By *ittlemissTinselTitsCouple
31 weeks ago

Southampton

"Depends which fat you are.

Fat birds, I do find some attractive depends on the face.

Fat mess, not a fucking chance.

The mr "

Hot damn... I'm a fat bird and a fat mess ...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
31 weeks ago

I should’ve kept this one in the drafts of my brain.

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By *immyinreadingMan
31 weeks ago

henley on thames

"Do you believe that, even if you’re healthy, having a bit of pudge or a tum is unattractive or undesirable? Do you think fat is unattractive?

Why? Media? Family? Something else?"

For me it’s a health thing. If I have a spare tyre, I know my body fat level is way too high and that exposes me to unnecessary risks. Losing a few lbs takes a bit of discipline, and I’m ok again.

Nothing to do with the media.

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By *emorefridaCouple
31 weeks ago

La la land

"I should’ve kept this one in the drafts of my brain. "

Nah it's a good question, and one I've been pondering most of the day. Just not put them into some form of order.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
31 weeks ago

"I should’ve kept this one in the drafts of my brain.

Nah it's a good question, and one I've been pondering most of the day. Just not put them into some form of order. "

It came into my head and I just thought I wonder what others think.

But I dunno

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By *emorefridaCouple
31 weeks ago

La la land

"I should’ve kept this one in the drafts of my brain.

Nah it's a good question, and one I've been pondering most of the day. Just not put them into some form of order.

It came into my head and I just thought I wonder what others think.

But I dunno"

It's frying my brain a smidgen, trying to unpick things. But I can't quite answer the OP, which is unusual for me

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By *otSoPetiteMortWoman
31 weeks ago

Hertfordshire

I don't associate fat and health. Me and Hubby both carry extra weight and have NEVER been slim or toned, but are healthier, eat better, work out more and have better stamina than many of our slim/toned acquaintances.

I find Hubby attractive and am not bothered by weight or squishiness of others, but I do quite aggressively HATE my own stomach which no amount of diet or exercise seems to shift.

I guess it comes from years of society and the media telling me from a young age it's not attractive for a Woman to be anything other than perfect.

I have tried to change the way I view myself, but just can't. x

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By *rozac_fairyCouple
31 weeks ago

Birmingham

For other people, nope.

For myself, I think I definitely suffer with a level of fatphobia, probably parents and work. Going from a size UK6-8 to a 14 has been horrific and I'm battling to get to what I deem acceptable for myself.

Silly really because I think bigger ladies are beautiful, I just don't like it on myself. Maybe more body dysmorphia than fatphobic?

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By *otSoPetiteMortWoman
31 weeks ago

Hertfordshire

"For other people, nope.

Silly really because I think bigger ladies are beautiful, I just don't like it on myself. Maybe more body dysmorphia than fatphobic? "

I think this too. I don't think I'm ever going to like what I see in the mirror because I think we see it worse than it actually is.

My first boyfriend used to make snide comments about my weight when I was already struggling with eating disorders and was sickeningly thin which is probably why, but even when I was skeletal everywhere else, my stomach was still squishy.

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